day 3

i wasn't too sore when i started my run. and i was kinda bored running at the 14 minute mile my schedule had planned, so i kicked it up a little every quarter mile or so and finished my 2 miles in 26 minutes. my upper body hurt more than anything...stupid pushups.

but now an hour and a half later, the soreness has settled into my bottom half. and the only time i don't feel any discomfort is when i sit in the recliner. so i guess that's just what i'll have to do all day :)

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i just finished watching matchpoint. that movie is seriously some effed up shit.

*grumble*grumble*

stupid total body conditioning.

stupid pushups. stupid crunches. stupid lunges. stupid squats. stupid hurty triceps. and biceps. and shoulders. stupid muscles i forgot i had. stupid scale saying i weigh 2 pounds more than i did yesterday.

stupid instructor and her stupid long legs. stupid hour long torture turning my body into jelly.

i get to do this again on tuesday, right? cool.

coming out of hibernation

i've run all of 4 times in the month of december. which is about the number of times i got off my duff to run in november. and probably october. it's been a stellar quarter indeed.

but last night i officially mapped out a 6 week training program for a 10k on 2/10. and today i finally joined a gym. yup, yup, my friends, i'm comin' outta hibernation.

i almost laughed when i saw that i had two 14 minute miles scheduled, but it was a relief. with my "long run" at only 3 miles, the transition back to the world of running should be pretty smooth and i can build my base again no problem.

so 2 miles today in 28 minutes. it's amazing that at one point i could run 13 no problem, and i'm back at a point where i'm looking at the clock praying and wishing the miles could somehow tick off faster without my heart pounding out of my chest. it didn't feel THAT hard, but it didn't feel THAT fun either. but it will. soon.

pandora's box of mp3s

my friend's husband turned me onto an awesome music site: pandora internet radio

you type in either a song or an artist you like and it searches through a directory of music and finds songs that are similar in taste. it hones its selections even more based on whether you give a song and thumbs up or down. it tells you why it chose a certain song, gives you artist and album info and includes a link to iTunes and amazon. you can save up to 100 channels so you can create stations of a variety of genres, moods, etc.

it's a great way to get exposure to a lot more music than you do if you just listen to your ipod or the radio all day. and for someone like me who gets bored of her running playlists within like 3 workouts, i see this website being a great help in broadening my horizons!

it's free, if you don't mind ads, which to be honest aren't really annoying on this site. but you can buy a subscription if that kind of thing bugs you.

@%#&!!!!!

watch deal or no deal while on the treadmill and i guarantee you'll sweat just a little more than usual. that and bite off half your fingernails. and no it's not because i think howie mandel is hot. **shudder** holy mary mother of bob, there isn't an hour of television that i don't scream at the television more. and it's an hour long, so it guarantees you're sweating for a full hour. luckily i was at home and could curse freely and loudly without anyone thinking i have torrets.

no running...

just knitting...my fingers have been feverishly trying to get every hat and scarf done before our family party on saturday. tonight i finished a hat and a scarf while watching 40 year old virgin and the sound of music. and i've been put in charge of present wrapping because i love it so darned much. so my hands have been pretty busy.

but i guess it keeps me out of trouble. :)

and now, a gratuitious nephew picture: from this weekend:

where have all the runners gone?

my hometown is officially the worst running town ever. i just spent the last hour and a half driving around to various parks and "trails" only to be sorely dissapointed by their conditions or their level of safety. even my old high school track ended up being a bust as there was some game going on rendering the track occupied. i even drove a ways to the community college track only to find it so deserted on a saturday i felt too afraid to be out there myself.

i guess i was just spoiled. living in dc afforded me plenty of trail options within walking distance from my house, office, and metro. tomorrow i'm driving up to sacramento where there seems to be more of a gold mine of running hot spots. at some point today i'm making it to the running store in the next town over from me. i'm sure they MUST have the inside scoop. sometimes word of mouht is a much better resource than the internet, which shows no local running groups in a 10 mile radius of my town.

but i'm determined to find something. i'm not content to just run on the treadmill at home or the gym or on the streets of my neighborhood. i will find a trail, a running space to call home.
------------
UPDATE!
the local fleet feet ended up being a great resource! got flyers for their half marathon training program and a 10K in february. they also pointed me in the direction of a park with lots of trails. i checked it out on the way home and it looks promising. they also have groups that run every night of the week, though there are only 2 that are geared for me. but i think i might have to check them out at some point. though it's always intimidating because everyone that worked at the store was like 1% body fat.

i know i sound really angsty lately but i'm in a HUGE adjustment period and i always find change painful. even when it is welcome.

what i miss

"This trip should be even better than the last one as this time I’m bringing comfortable shoes and my best friend." this was the last line in dooce's post yesterday about her upcoming trip to NYC.

i can't tell you how much this line made me ache. ache for the love and companionship that only your lover can give. the love that is different from friendship and family. the kind of love that i believe only a few successful couples on this earth have. the kind of couples you want to hate but can't because you're too in awe of the love they're blessed with.

as a single woman you are faced with two very conflicting beliefs: 1. that you'll be ok if you're single forever and 2. that the love of your life is out there. everyone knows half of all marriages end in divorce. and we all know the couples who stay married but probably shouldn't, or are so abysmally unhappy and/or dysfunctional it makes you glad you're single. the statistics are very much stacked against happy, healthy coupledom. but even knowing all this, you still have to hope, you can't help but hope. i don't know one single woman of ANY age, no matter what her resume, stock portfolio, or passport says, who doesn't have that hope. it's that bittersweetness of empowered singlehood.

i have no doubt in my mind that my singlehood is very much what i need right now. but i'd be lying if i said part of me didn't want santa to bring me the love of my life for christmas. yes i'm ok by myself but part of the reason i moved home was because i missed the value my family added to my life. so it stands to reason that the value of "your ultimate best friend" is something really worth wanting.

it's almost like if i hadn't loved my ex boyfriend as much as i did, i wouldn't have that to miss now. but i did. and i do. and not so much him, but the IDEA of that love. i miss believing in that love and the idea that it was real. it's much harder to believe in that kind of love with a faceless, nameless person you hope exists and who you hope you run into at the grocery store or something.

not to say my life can't and won't be full without a partner. but knowing what that kind of love feels like, tastes like, and smells like, i know deep down that life isn't the same without it.

utterly random and totally unrelated

1. my nephew waited until after his mom came home to poop a nice, big, messy, wet one, thereby saving me from cleaning up doo doo stew. i knew i loved that kid for a reason.

2. i took my dad out to lunch for his birthday today and he asked me what kind of guy i was looking to marry. when i asked for his recommendation he said, "well, you know, you're kinda...easily excitable...kinda jumpy, so you need someone understanding. you need someone mellow." of all my fabulous characteristics, that's what my dad brings up. i just had to laugh. but he does have a point.

3. at around 8:30 i decided i was finally hungry for dinner, so i crept downstairs to find something to eat. i flipped the switch in the kitchen and before the light even came on, my mom magically appeared from the other room. "you hungry now? you want some shrimp? some steak? a burger? it's really easy, i can make it quick for you." seriously, easier than rubbing a magic lamp and having a genie appear. all i really was expecting to eat was some cereal, salami, and an avocado. which would have been WAY more food than i kept in my fridge when i lived alone. but i could not pursuade my mom that what i had in mind for dinner was nutritious enough and she insisted on making me a burger. so ya know, i let her :) but i washed all the dishes.

4. i was having major angst bc the station i used to listen to in DC no longer comes in over the internet for some dumb reason. but i found the BEST radio station ever: "MOVIN' 99.7 FM" in SF. it's FREAKING awesome, playing everything i could ever want in my itunes collection. top 40 hits from the 80s, 90s, 00s, and today. they play every top 40 hit from my whole life! songs i listened to on TAPE in my walkman! songs i used to record off the radio then make into mix tapes for my friends! i've been listening to it for the past 3 hours and NOT A SINGLE SONG has repeated.

the only problem is i fear my generation may be just a decade away from "the oldies". i mean my friends and i always joked that we'd be "old" one day and "baby got back" would come on the oldies station and we would get up off our rockers and start shaking our asses totally embarrassing our kids. but that day may be closer than i thought.

the station says they play music that "makes you feel good". for pete's sake they're called movin' 99.7. how dorky IS that? they say they play music "from today and back in the day, when you were in school." so yeah, i'm officially getting old.

unconventional crosstraining

i'm babysitting my 15 month old nephew who for the past few days has suffered explosive diarrhea. so far no poops yet and i'm praying that he's on the mend today so i don't have to suffer from it as well. i hear it can be QUITE a spectacle.

the lil monkey is down for a nap only because we danced the entire morning to the backyardigans. swirling and tossing a 20 pound bebe can work up quite a sweat...i might just snuggle up next to him and get a nap in myself. who knows WHAT the afternoon will hold!

making friends with the ghetto treadmill

40 minutes on the ghetto treadmill. i can't figure out if 4.5 mph feels hard because i'm out of shape again or if the ghetto treadmill is calibrated wrong. or perhaps a combo of the 2. i'm trying not to be hard on myself because it's been well over a month since i've run with any regularity. probably closer to 2 and a half months. egad! but if that's the truth, it's a miracle i can even run at all for any length of time.

true to my non-mathematical precise training, i'm starting off just keeping track of time. keeping track of miles is pathetic at my pace and really only disheartens me. i'm hoping santa will bring me a nike+. that way i can be a little more precise without having to wear a watch. i don't even wear a watch when i'm not running, i don't know how you people do it while sweating. and don't get me started on how uncomfortable those heart rate monitors look. but i guess that's what separates me from the big boys. honestly, that is fine by me. just don't take away my vaseline.

you mean you can run outside in this weather?!

with the temps at 44 degrees, winds at 10 mph, and partly cloudy conditions, runner's world suggested i wear shorts, a long sleeve tech shirt, a vest, gloves, and a hat. which ended up being the perfect get-up to keep me at JUST the right temperature throughout my first outdoor winter run. some highlights:

1. it always takes me awhile to get used to not being on the treadmill. not having something to constantly remind me how fast i'm running, how many calories i've burned and how much time i have left, leaves me wondering whether i'm running too slow, or too fast, or feeling like i've only been running for 5 minutes how can i feel so tired already!!?

2. running hills sucks when you don't know how fast, how far, or how long you've been running.

3. just as i was running the steepest hill, i swear to bob the wind picked up and sure enough it was AGAINST me.

4. i thought for sure i was only out for like 30 minutes, when in fact, i was running for an hour!

5. i did feel tired and defeated because it really didn't FEEL like that long and i had thought for sure i had lost my touch. plus i started to get some faint pain in my right leg in the hip and definitely in the ankle area. it was that growing pain in that area that finally led me back towards the house. i can't determine whether it's from running on the roads or not running in my new-ish orthotics enough. only time will tell.

6. i really have missed the scenery...the hills and mountains EVERYWHERE, the stucco spanish style homes, palm trees.

7. what i didn't drip in sweat, i dripped in snot. barf-ola. my new running gloves not only made a handy hanky, but had a little pocket in the palms for keys!

the concept of time

i am still on eastern time. since nothing here has acclamated me to pacific time, aka a 9-5 job, i'm still on the eastern clock, getting up at 6 here, 9 there to check in with the office. my computer is still set to eastern time, and i'm much more conscious of the c.o.b. hours on the east than i am here. added to the fact that my parents work non-normal hours, my mind and body are utterly confused. it's no wonder i don't even know what the date is much less the day of the week.

it's odd how routine and schedule can be such comforts. i always thought that having a treadmill at home meant i would just run all day long. but alas, i too even miss driving to the the gym at a routine hour to get my routine workout in. once my car gets here (i shipped it) and my out of state check clears in my new bank account, i'll feel more like myself. but this inbetween? blech.

though on a high note, i had in-n-out burger today. oh you luscious burgers how i've missed you!

being home: the short version

if you want to read my lengthy post about coming home, grab a bag of chips and a diet coke and read my previous post. if you want the short version, you've come to the right place:

1. my family is as crazy and rambunctious as ever. and even larger!
2. the cousins who have graduated and have real jobs have no problem paying for drinks and concert tickets for the likes of the pseduo unemployed like me.
3. 30 degrees no longer feels deathly cold to me anymore.
4. it's easier to unpack 30 boxes than it is to pack them.
5. my parents have the most ghetto treadmill ever! you can't input specific inclines or speeds. you have to turn the dial from "fat burn mode" to "aerobic" to "performance" slowly increasing the speed. my training is about as imprecise (numberwise) as a person can get, but i don't think i'm going to resort to using a treadmill with a dial instead of digital output. the info on the display toggles between speed, distance, time, calories burned meaning you can't view all the information all at once!! hopefully my brother's girlfriend can get me a good deal at the 24 hour fitness. i've heard even arnold has worked out there before! how long before a real live honest to goodness arnold sighting?!?!

10 years in training

last night on nip/tuck, sean saidsomething to christian that got me thinking.

he said, "i've been your friend and your partner for so long, that i've forgotten who i am."

in a lot of ways, your identity can be somewhat relative. coming back to my family, ALL of my family, i realized again why i had left 10 years ago. to find myself. to find my identity besides what i was in this group of people.

i didn't really know at the time what "finding yourself" meant. i think i even scoffed at the idea. how can you not know where or who you are, i thought. but going away to college, being on my own for the first time, being 3,000 miles away, not any closer than an email, a call, or an 8 hour plane ride away, left me to be me, relative to the entire world. well, at least the entire campus.

first semester, i remember my neighbor from texas and i counted the days until we could go home for christmas break...starting at something ridiculous like 100. we had just gotten there yet couldn't wait to get back. and once i did get home, something strange happened. home wasn't home. or maybe i wasn't me. somehow time had changed the 2 things i always thought i could count on. i remember crying the first night home. what had happened?!

by the end of winter, i had broken things off with my hometown boyfriend and was forced to make college home. i realized there was no home to come back to and that i had to create it for myself with my friends. i remember that going home always meant boredom, meant missing my flourishing life back in dc. and when graduation came, it was only natural that my best friends and i would get an apartment together and i would find a job in dc.

the transition from school to work was actually a little easier than the inital break from california to dc. i can't even recall anything momentous, except for racking up credit card debt. even with getting a second job, hosting, waiting tables, and bartending. in a way the first couple years were a weird hybrid of the college/adult years, where we went to work for 8 hours, but still had the energy and the inclination to party.

but as the years passed, our nights out during the week dwindled, and slowly but surely, one by one, my friends starting coupling off. even the gay ones. in a way, i felt abandoned. even though i didn't blame my friends. there as no one to blame. but here i had left my family to make a new one, and now this one was slowly breaking up. now what?!

i wasn't quite ready to move back home yet, even though eventually i knew i would have to. whether it came to me having to take care of my parents or me deciding i wanted to have a family, i knew at either of those points, we would need each other. but at that point, those things weren't happening and i was staying in dc because i had a relationship of my own that i was working on.

this relationship lasted nearly 6 years. and like any relationship that lasts that long, it went through lots of ups and downs. in summation, i can safely say this: it should NEVER have happened. but it did. but now, 6 months after i ended things, i know why it did. i know why even though he had a live-in girlfriend at the time, why i gave into his pursuit. why i was weak to his charm. why i forgave the many, many times he disappointed me, lied to me, hurt me, betrayed me. why i tried so hard to make it work. why i could have hope when no one else did. why i lit up everytime he walked in a room. why i will still cherish our good times, even though now i know he is a con-artist, pathological liar, drunk and possible sex addict. i now know what liars say when they're trying to manipulate you. what it feels like when your intution tells you something's not right. what it feels like to ache for someone who you know is NOT good for you. what it feels like to have your spirit so beaten up you look in the mirror and don't know who you are anymore and how you got there.

at this point in my life, who i am is still in a lot of ways in direct relation to him. i used to look at my relationship with him as my greatest shame, but now i see it as my greatest triumph.
at my lowest point, my moment of greatest weakness, somehow i was able to dig deep and find the strength that was always there. through it all, i still had fight left and i clawed my way out. and even though on some days, or even weeks, i could barely see through my pain, i trudged on. one foot in front of the other.

in the past 6 months, i feel like i've aged 6 years. finally accepting the ugly ugly truth about someone i loved with all of my being and using all of my strengths and resources to find ways to heal takes a lot out of a person. even a strong woman. about 2 months ago, i decided it was finally, FINALLY time for me to go home.

part of me was just tired. emotionally and physically. and i needed the only support i knew only family could give. but at some point during my packing, what i had realized was that home was within me. my identity wasn't defined by my role in my family, or my friends, or my relationship. it wasn't defined by my age or my profession. the last 6 months have shown me that my core, my being, my sense of self, is strong enough to withstand outside forces. is stronger, more solid, more real than i ever gave myself credit for.

so i was ready for california and my family to feel and be different. i was ready to leave my friends of 10 years. because finally i knew no matter what or where, i would be okay. i would always have me.

at some point in the last 6 months, as cheesy as it sounds, i feel like i took the leap from being a girl to a woman. and not just oh, i became an adult because i feel like being a woman is distinctly different. my intuition was right about a lot of things in the past, and now i have the wisdom listen to it. i felt so vulnerable and lonely at times, but now i know how to truly be a friend to myself. i was so angry and hurt i could barely see straight, but i somehow channeled that energy into forgiving myself. i could have buried myself in work, drinking, or eating, to soothe the pain, but somehow i let all those temptations go by the wayside to do some real soul searching instead.

it's honestly a lot like distance running. about 9 months ago i decided i would run a half marathon when i couldn't even run 1 mile. but it's amazing what your body can do when you challenge it, when you push it farther than comfortable, farther than you thought you could go. suddenly the word "can't" escapes your vocabulary. and even though your body can endure a lot of pain throughout the training, it teaches you a lot about what is right for you. and it teaches you that you can endure the pain today to reach your dream, even when it feels very far off. and there are no shortcuts. either you put in the time and training or you miss out. but once you get there, you know deep in your bones you have what it takes to do anything.

i have my first marathon scheduled for fall of next year. i'm excited about mapping out the races and training before then. and as for the rest of my life, i'll take it all in the same way. set out goals and the baby steps to get there. and the thing about being a "back-of-packer" is that you don't worry about making it there fast. you're proud and happy enough to just be going at it.

home

i've thought of and written a bunch of versions of this post...of how i've been feeling about returning home and starting over...and i don't think i have quite processed it enough to put it into words. but as the minute draws ever nearer, my emotions are flooding, brimming, swelling. i've sometimes had to stuff them back in because i'm at work, or in public, or whatever. but soon, i will finally have the peace and privacy to just let everything out. and i will have time to properly reflect on the 10 year chapter of my life that has brought me to a whole new awareness and appreciation of myself as a woman.

but all the heavy stuff aside, i'm excited. and confident that i'm doing exactly the right thing. and THAT feels good.

my fellow californians

doesn't ah-nold look so statesmanly?

even though i know he's the governator of my new homestate (my dad actually voted for him!), i was still shocked (and a little tickled) to see his face in the california driver's handbook.

in his letter, he urges his fellow californians to wear their seat belts and to not drink or do drugs and drive. (yeah, tell that to mel gibson!) but it was written so...normally...so generically...so unlike what i know his voice and accent really sound like...i mean really, can you really imagine the terminator talking about the civic responsibility of using your turn signal?

i heart drugs

i somehow managed to get strep throat, which is apparently very rare for adults. considering i haven't kissed anyone, i can only deduce that i somehow licked something offensive. scary thought.

but thanks to tylenol and penecillin, i am on my way to recovery. no more chills and fever. my throat still hurts, but it's a little more bearable. with about 8 hours of rest i felt better enough to get some of my errands done. and in roughly 12 hours, i will no longer be contagious.

the human body is such a strange and delicate thing. one minute i was feeling fine but by the afternoon i could barely swallow without wincing in pain, and by the next morning i felt so weak and crappy i could barely get up to pee. all because a strain of bacteria, invisible to the human eye, has been coursing through my body attacking my throat. and now a medicine borne from mold is fighting the good fight to bring me back to normal. all this going on inside my body, while it tries to do the normal everyday stuff too. no wonder i need rest!

you would think that since my body is acting in overdrive to kill the offensive bacteria that maybe, just maybe, i could be burning more calories than normal. and perhaps i could be losing weight! but even if that theory were true, i've eaten too much ice cream today. a girl's gotta soothe her sore throat SOMEHOW :)

BAH!

i'm sick and i got a speeding ticket yesterday that will cost me $147. i was on 66 at 7am going 72 in a 55 mph zone. but i wasn't the ONLY one going that fast! i know i know, i was still speeding. but seriously, getting my FIRST ever speeding ticket after having my license for 12 years, 5 days before i move out of the state!!! can i please rack up more unnecesary expenses before christmas?

not to mention the fact that my laptop died last week! and oh yeah, i'm MOVING and my job situation is a little rickety considering i will only be freelancing, instead of having a steady income.

and now, after i finally got all my packing and shipping done, I GET SICK!

i still have to take care of some last minute errands before my car gets shipped, tie up all my projects at work and have a packed social calendar trying to say good bye to everyone!

BUT I FEEL LIKE SHIZ! achy, fevery, and my throat is on fire! i'm just waiting for the minute clinic to open since it's sunday and i don't want to have to go to urgent care for something like this. but i can't afford to be sick these last few days and i sure as heck don't want to be sick on an airplane that has to travel the length of the country.

this is when being single S.U.C.K.S! damnit i swear i can take care of a lot of stuff by myself, but when i get sick and feel like crap, but still have stuff to do, it makes me wish i had an s.o. to help me out and take care of me. or at least a cabana boy. making your own chicken soup when you're sick is the WORST thing about being single.

so that's the whiniest thanksgiving post ever, huh? honestly, i had a fabulous thanksgiving with some really great friends and the best organic homemade meal ever. and my move hasn't really been as stressful as i've whined about (up until now when my body just wants to hide under the covers after i cut out my throat).

i am most thankful for my family waiting for me back in california and the attention and love (and copious amounts of food) they will shower on me upon my return. nothing cures germs and stress better than that!

happy turkey trot

this will be my 10th, but final, thanksgiving away from my family. and even better, this year i'll be home for christmas. but as for tomorrow, safe travels and happy eating everyone! while my family feasts on crab and prime rib on the west coast (we're not really big turkey and cranberry people), i'll be spending time with my favorite floridian sisters in the nation's capital, probably imbibing more than eating. and definitely not running :)

good for what ails ya V2

who people magazine missed in their tribute to the sexiest men alive,in no particular order:

steve young (in the uniform and out)
mike rowe (yes the dirty jobs guy)
hugh laurie (i NEVER miss an episode of house)
david beckham (i can't even put it into words)
gilbert arenas (have you SEEN him play basketball?)
the rock (he makes tattoos look hot)
mos def (ooof!)
jack johnson (will you marry me?)

good for what ails ya

i'm tense, she said.

ya think?!

according to my masseuse on saturday, i had a lot of lactic acid built up around my upperback, shoulders and neck. she used all her force to massage and dissipate the stubborn bubbles of acid. it was actually kinda painful. very therapeutic, but painful. she slathered on the biofreeze and rested a warm towel on my back. then she stretched me out in other areas, aligning my limbs back to their proper position. but my favorite part of all was the scalp massage. i swear to bob nothing feels better than that.

so she sent me home with orders to drink tons of water to help get rid of all that newly dissapaited lactic acid. and 6 samples of biofreeze. and i have to say, they've been working like a charm on the random aches i've been getting lately. and i smell de-lish, let me tell ya. hey maybe that's why that 60 year old man complimented my outfit in the elevator. makes sense now.

bizarro-world

i've been living in bizarro-world the last few weeks. between packing up boxes, selling all my furniture and most of my worldly possessions, slowly saying goodbye to my friends, winding things down at work, living in a world between here and there has taken its toll on me mentally and physically. hence my lack luster running and my sleeping-on-the-couch-back-achiness.

i'm not really stressed about it, except for maybe the 3 pounds i keep gaining and losing. . so i told myself i would be better about my eating habits. but then the day goes by and i eat a doughnut or a piece of cake, or i order pizza and then i'm like DOH! i keep forgetting i'm on a diet.

i can't wait til i move, just so i'm not in-between anymore, and i can firmly plant my roots down and get to some serious training

i ain't no swiss miss

45 minutes on the "alpine" setting on level 8.

UGH!

it's amazing how slow you can still "run" when the incline level is set to 10. this particular "alpine" setting is horrendous because it has you literally climing for what seems like forever, unlike the other machine where it's 3 minutes at 1 then 3 minutes at 5 then 3 minutes at 1 then three minutes at 8. this was getting steeper, then steeper, then steeper, then ok time to go back down but slowly, slowly, slowly.

i don't know how those von trap family children did it.

oof

i didn't get up this morning to run like i had planned. i was just too cranky. i've had to sleep on my couch since i sold my bed but the couch was hurting my back so i moved to the floor, but then in the middle of the night the floor started to hurt my hips so i moved back on the couch. so i cut myself some slack for not wanting to run first thing in the morning, if i resolved to do it after work.

which i totaly intended on doing. until now. 4 hours after my nacho chili burrito bowl, which i ate only half of, i am still burping up burrito. oh and my belly is still all round and hard.

oooof.

i think i'll stick to walking. that is if i can even bend over to tie my shoes.

who does that?!

i'm not a strict follower of any religion, but i know that when i die, there is a place in hell reserved just for me. well me and the other thousands of catty people on earth. cojo, joan rivers, all my friends, and those chicks at gofugyourself. and really i'm fine with it. cattines is part of my charm people :) and has probably gained me more friends than enemies. i think.

anyway...this morning i took my place on a treadmill as far away from anyone as posssible. which wasn't really that far, but i like to leave a good distance between me and the person next to me, unlike the weirdos who like to run right next to you even though there are like 6 open machines. so while i can seclude myself left and right, i can't help that there's a row of machines in front of me. and right in front of me are chatty mcchatters and her friend non-descript blonde, chatting away wildly like they haven't seen each other in years. only there's a treadmill between then, so i can only imagine they're to some degree yelling. luckily i had my headphones on otherwise i would have thrown something at them. their guestures and carrying on were enough to annoy me.

then chatty mcchatters, who was also wearing an annoying gym outfit(who wears camisoles to work out in? camisoles with a broken strap!?), busts out a newspaper. and i'm not talking neatly folded, flat newspaper. i'm talking 2 armed, double spread, i'm taking up all the horizontal space i possibly can kind of newspaper. wtf? i can't even read a magazine when propped on one of those special treadmill holders and chick is exercising while reading a billboard of news?

i'm baffled and still annoyed but before i can mentally bore a hole through her head, the newspapers in her hands flies up in the air, and the other sections go flapping and tumbling down onto the belt in a huge mess and she's flailing and tripping and gripping to hang on and not die.

and me, the catty chick that i am, just snort. really loudly. i wanted to erupt into cackles of laughter, but that would have crossed the line from catty to bitchy. and i'm at least not that.

but yes, i'm still going to hell.

TENTATIVE 2007 RACE SCHEDULE

kaiser sf half marathon: feb 4

bay to breakers 12k: may 20

nike women's marathon: oct 21

still looking for either a 10 miler or another half mary before the marathon. oh and did i mention that this marathon will be my FIRST EVER!!

a trail relay might also be fun! i've been finding a TON of trail races through the redwoods and one on angel island. they all involve hills and trails though. which excite this treadmill runner, but also makes me nervous...about mud, ticks, uneven terrain (read: sprained ankles) oh yeah and HILLS...like real ones. not just simulated ones or the gently rolling ones in my neighborhood here. we're talking san francisco hills. i'm also not one to run outside in inclement weather, though i do enjoy a run in the rain every now and then. just not cold rain, with wind, on a dark morning or evening.

but we'll see...it's good to have races to look forward to because as of late my training has gone to pot and i've resorted to blogging about hot men and food on tv.

giving in to desires

as the rain poured and poured outside, i settled in on the couch, cocooning myself within a mountain of blankets. properly snuggled, i flipped on the tv and settled in to watch a good 2 hours of porn. food porn that is.

the barefoot contessa. nigella feasts. easy entertaining with michael chiarello. mounds of butter melting everywhere. turkeys and hams roasting in their own sweet juices.... and there's just something about that michael chiarello: a hot, well groomed man who can prepare succelent meals? and well nigella lawson is a vision herself. her love of food makes me think she could make me bat for the other team sometimes.

my secret weapon

yippee skippee!! the orthotics are in!!

i'm truly embarassed to admit that i thought these orthotics would make me feel like braces would to a teenager. or training wheels to a 10 year old. the fact that i needed orthotics made me feel totally dorky.

but they make me feel the total opposite. they make me feel like i have some secret weapon! some special power.

i'm just happy that now all my foot worries can be put to rest and that i don't screw up the alignment of anything else higher up. i can finally run pain and injury free!

(*knock on wood*)

speed, schmeed

on any given day, i'd rather run hills than run speed intervals. i've actually formed a sort of love affair with running hills. but running hills doesn't make you faster. only running faster makes you faster. speed workouts make you think too much. it's a series of running at one pace for x amount of time, then running at another pace for y amount of time, and i have to be careful not to run too fast for too long because i could poop out. it all requires too much precision and time keeping for my feeble brain. the hill interval on the treadmill does all the work for me, breaking my run up into three minute increments, varying the grade of the hill throughout my run.

so to my surprise, i noticed a speed interval button on the treadmill! jigga what?! you enter a jog speed and you enter a run speed and by pressing the speed interval button, it toggles back and forth between the two speeds. not too impressive of a feature. i still have to keep track of time myself. it would be better if you could program the length of time or distance of your jogs and runs. it took a lot of discipline to MAKE myself run faster than was comfortable, even at three minutes at a time. and at least on the hill interval, it gave you a nice graph of the hills and valleys you ran. on the speed interval, the graph never changed. all i had was the slowly clicking clock and the even slower clicking odometer.

the only good thing about speed workouts is that they don't have to last long to feel like you got in a good workout. 45 minutes and i was done and spent. i'll be a faster runner, yet. just you wait and see. i just have to get used to the discomfort of being so out of breath you want to puke your guts out .

eff you PAYDAY!

the 3:00 hour cravings came early today, and at 2:30 i hoofed it to the 7-11 for a treat. i came back with TWO treats! a payday and a box o junior mints. since i had junior mints this weekend at the movies, i decided to enjoy the payday first. mmm mmm sweet, salty, crunchy, chewy. i love foods that give you a full range of textures and tastes all at once. if only there were different temperatures involved as well. (for this reason, the taco is one of the most perfect foods: warm, savory meat and cheese, cool, sour sour cream, crunchy cool lettuce, cool tomaotes, hot crunchy shell)

anyway, i finished up my payday and saw writing on the inside of my wrapper. thinking maybe i had won something, what i don't know since i was too exctied to eat my payday that i didn't really examine the wrapper, i peered in for a closer look before tossing it in the trash. and on the inside wrapper read:

"candy is a treat. please consume in moderation.""

WHAT!!!?! sweet jesus even my candy bar wrapper is telling me not to eat like a fat cow.. for some reason, i was insulted that my candy bar was telling me to slow it down with the sweets. i mean really, it's one thing for cookie monster to change his stance on cookies, saying they're a "sometimes" food, but a candy company telling me to consume in moderation.

EFF YOU!

so now my box o junior mints just sits on my desk, sadly wondering why i'm neglecting it.

brit n whit

i am a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge britney spears fan. HUGE! and i was ELATED that she finally FINALLY kicked that loser husband to the curb. ELATED! i swear to bob a bad man is like a cancer to a great woman. and this after whitney divorced bobby. halleluia praise jebus! i cannot WAIT for the comebacks. CANNOT WAIT!!

but in the meantime, i made a brit n whit playlist to keep me going on the treadmill.. and oh boy did it work! an hour never flew so fast. i was actually kinda upset that i had to get off the treadmill and get ready for work. hopefully this will keep me entertained for at least another week and a half before i get bored and need to make a new playlist. i've figured out that's a big thing that keeps me from the gym: when i'm bored with my music. so i either have to dredge up old stuff i haven't listened to in a long time or find new music. it's actually a lot of work to keep my brain entertained and inspired, especially when i'm at the whim of my moods!

on the boot front, i found a pair this week! i knew if i bitched enough, i'd find 'em just to prove myself wrong and to stop whining already. not only did i find a pair, they were HALF OFF! at jc penney. i know laugh, but they're cute and they fit and they only cost me $50. here they are: i was temped to also buy the black pair, since my older black pair has seen better days and they WERE half off, but i resisted.. i'm due for another pair of running shoes soon.

in any case, all seems right with the universe the past week. i wonder what the weekend will bring.....

stupid calves

there is only ONE benefit to being short, or more specifically for having short legs. . that one benefit is the advantage you get in limbo contests. i know this because i've actually won a good number of them, some even when i've been older than the age of 21. but the most you really win in a limbo contest is a tshirt or a free drink. and you can get those by just being female.

so really, there is no advantage for having short legs. especially when it comes to boot shopping. no bootmaker on earth makes a "tall" boot for a short woman, especially a short woman with "athletic" calves. two seasons ago, i did manage to find a pair of "tallish" boots of the pull on variety that was stretchy without looking cheap. i found them at marshalls, and i've already checked ebay and the like, this specific boot is no longer in existance!

i subjected myself to boot trying-on torture this weekend. if i found one that was the right length, it didn't fit over my calf. if it fit over my calf, it was too tall, or the ankles were too baggy. and to make matters worse, i am really picky about finding the right shade of brown, or the right kind of material that doesn't look cheesy .

now i've somewhat gotten over clothes never fitting me right off the rack. thank god for tailors. but the boot situation isn't one that is easily remedied unless i befriend, and possibly bed, a bootmaker. having short legs is one thing and having big calves is another, but being blessed with both? what was god thinking?!

sleep running

from the time i stepped on the treadmill to the time i stepped off 30 minutes later, i was yawning. i thought exercise was supposed to invigorate you?!

but now i'm on the couch eating an apple and cheese and don't feel the least bit sleepy. wait, i guess it DOES invigorate you. it's too bad i felt so sleep WHILE i was doing it.

it's gotta be the pheremones

my 45 minute hill workout on the treadmill was fab-u-lous. even better, the guy next to me who got on the treadmill after me, got off before me. granted he was running faster, but i was climbing higher. it's the stupid stuff like that that make my day :)

as i did a lap around the indoor track to cool down and stopped to stretch, i noticed that the late night hour meant the gym was crawling with guys. i didn't really stop to assess their cuteness, as i hate making eye contact with guys at the gym. mainly because i'm sweaty and don't want to give anyone any reason to think i am checking them out. plus i know they're checking me out and in the context of me being at the gym, it grosses me out. i felt like a sitting duck in my short spandex shorts and sweaty wifebeater tank, bending my lower limbs every which way to get in a good stretch. you know when you can feel someone looking at you? yeah, that's what i was feeling and when i looked up the guy on the military press machine caught my gaze. gross gross gross. he tried to say something, but i just put on my jacket and left.

i stopped by the bookstore on the way home, still in my shorts and jacket, still sweaty and no doubt stinky. i sat and leafed through some books in the career and writing sections when an older man (probably 20 years my senior) approached me to ask what kind of job i was looking for, what i did for a living, what would i want to be doing? am i am entreprenuer etc. etc...he told me i looked "industrious" or something like that...i'm giving him polite but very short answers hoping he just leaves. all the while i'm thinking, "seriously? i'm fresh from my workout and he's trying to impress me by telling me i'm "industrious?" he's clearly not getting the hint and extends his hand out to shake my hand! i'm thinking, sir do you not notice the sweaty strands of hair plastered to my face and the white salty residue on my shorts?!! my hand is probably not the cleanest hand you could be shaking right now...a little more small talk and then he finally says goodbye and leaves.

perhaps my runs leave me with an irresistable glow that men flock to. maybe i should be hitting the bars after a run. not that i want to meet men there...i mean i guess the bookstore is as good as any place to meet a man. at least you know he's literate. maybe next time i'll wander into the sport and health section...or the magazine section and find the one reading money or fortune...or runner's world...

if it's good enough for jody watley

i decided i would take a step aerobics class tonight to change things up and work my leg muscles in a different way. but i got to the gym and found the class had been cancelled! i couldn't in good conscience just leave. i mean i had gotten dressed, drove to the gym, walked up the stairs and walked past the entire cardio area AND weights area. i couldn't just walk past all those people 2 seconds later, without a bead of sweat.

because i intended on taking a class, i didn't bring my ipod. but i thought i would suck it up anyway and try to run without it. then i remembered an episode of WORKOUT i saw last season. doug, meathead trainer, was getting his client, jody watley, in shape for her comeback album. he had her walk sideways on the treadmill, while it was set to a steep incline.

so i set the puppy to its steepest and got to work. for 2 minutes i'd face right, and lead with my left leg @ 2.2mph, then i'd turn so i was facing forward and ran for a minute at 3.6mph, then i'd turn and face left and lead with my right leg for 2 minutes. at an incline set at 15, i was sweating in no time. and huffing and puffing the entire 35 minutes.

this workout is great for your hips, inner thighs, and glutes; areas that don't get nearly enough exercise when i run on flat land. i did get a few weird looks but it sure beat trying to run for the same amount of time without music!

step one

i did it. went to bed by 10 last night so i could get to the gym by 630. the first thing i did was get on the mother effing scale. sure enough, i was a pound and a half heavier than i was a little over month ago.

so yeah, gotta nip that in the bud. i already scheduled a 5 mile race the saturday after thanksgiving. and i'm stealing jess' idea over at 21 days...i'm giving myself 21 days to get back in the habit of running again.. it's easily digestable, a good small short term goal. and no extraneous goals about number of miles, or delusions of ripped abs or even eating well.

and at the end of the 21 days, i have a sweeeet reward waiting for me....a massage.... a free one, even.

so i'm one day in. go me.

aussie eye candy

as i approach 30, i find the strangest things sexy in a man: crow's feet, a bald or shaved head, nice calves. my taste in men has changed drastically through the years, from blonde hair/blue eyed to ebony/dark as night. unbeknownst to me, australia has been breeding its own crop of hot men! why didn't anyone tell me!? (just to preface, russell crowe and heath ledger do NOTHING for me) but...man, oh man, these two aussies really do: julian mcmahon (dr. troy is so deliciously devilish on nip/tuck!) and eric bana (WAAAAAAAAY hotter than orlando in troy_)

it's gotta be something in their water. or maybe it's the vegemite. perhaps there is an untapped resource of hot men on antartica and that's where i should be looking for a man. but in all seriousness, i bring this up mainly to distract from the fact that i didn't go to the gym last night or this morning! .

shifting my inertia

so one of the big reasons people keep a running blog is so that they do in fact run. like you know, consistently.

consistent hasn't really been in my vocabulary because of my injury. and i'm using my injury as a scapegoat because i still could have been consistent about going to the gym to do something. instead i consistently did diddly and can feel the poundage adding up. more importantly, i can feel my inertia shifting over to the "eats crap, sits on ass and does no exercise" camp. which is a nice place to visit every once in awhile, but not a nice place to call home.

so since i got the ball rolling with a 5 mile run on saturday, i'm shifting my inertia closer to the "gets her ass running, no matter what it takes" camp. because that camp makes me feel better. and that camp fits into size 4 jeans.

my plan tonight is to do a nice easy workout on the elliptical so i don't go crazy on my newly healed parts. then get up the next morning and do an easy run. which i plan to be the first of a whole new slew of morning workouts. falling off the am workout wagon is easy. but getting back on? oof! oh so hard. but doing the pm workouts, even harder.

so as blogger as my witness, this chick is going to the gym tonight. i might even have the courage to get on the scale and check out the damage.

her first 5 miles!

a friend of mine has been DYING to go running with me and the opportunities for her to join me dwindle as my moving date approaches. i'm no running snob, i just enjoy the rare time in my day and in my life that i don't have to care about anyone else. i choose the distance, the time, and go at my own speed.

but she's been such a great support in recent events and has been doing so well in starting her own diet and exercise regimen, even claiming that i've been an inspiration in her efforts. so figured i'd suck up my own pride and fear of looking like a retard and run with the girl.

i sometimes get worried that if i invite people to races or to run with me, somehow that "aura" or great achievement that comes with my running will be demystified. or more simply, people will see how slowly i run or see how hard it can be for me and not think it's that big of a deal after all. maybe it has more to do with my little confidence as a "back of packer". and in running circles, while there are the speedy snobs, i think for the most part, people who run get it. and those who do not, to some extent don't.

it just occured to me that maybe it has to do with feeling that my "achievement" as a runner makes me feel better than the non-runners, and if they saw how even a person as slow as myself can do it, anyone can. and then really, if anyone can do it, what's so special about me doing it? especially as "poorly" as i do?

and now that i see all of that in black and white, it sounds so ludicrous. it's just as ludicrous as the people who say "ordinary" people who run 6 hours marathons just to cross them off their to do lists ruin the sport of running.

anyway, i've severely digressed from the beginning of my story. my friend was just happy to have the company and i was happy to share with her a new trail and an experience she's never had. i took her 5 miles, a distance she's never ever run. i had a huge ass grin on my face the entire time because it was one of those fall days just made for running. i'm really really proud of her.

this was the first quality run in a month. and if i could, i would have run for hours. it just felt soooo good. of course without the orthotics, my feet now hurt. but i had healed up enough to make it 5 miles, whereas a few weeks ago, i could barely walk. the orthotics come in this week...i am seriously going to have to restrain myself from bounding on the trails for hours, since i'm supposed to break them in. but it's nice to see the end of my convalencense and be on the road again...i've got a lot more trails to share with this girl before i go...

from one running chick to another

running chick's post about her triumphant hartford maration summed up PERFECTLY why i love running and why it is my metaphor for life. in her words:

I am keenly aware of the fact that my race day was the stuff that dreams are made of. I recognize that everything fell in to place perfectly, and that I am very, very lucky to have had it all come together. While running the race, I did remark, more than once, that I felt that the universe owed me this day..that I had earned it. Last year's marathon was a rain-soaked, menstrual challenge. Then I spent the winter working on my ITB issues. When I tried to run the San Diego marathon in June, I picked up a bacterial Ick-Fest which resulted in a 'Did Not Start' that broke my heart.

I kept working hard on my training. No matter what else life threw at me, I made sure to protect my training time. It wasn't always easy, and there were days when I wasn't sure I could pull it all off. I sacrificed time with family and friends, the cleanliness of my house, and a great deal of sleep. But I had faith in my Coach and more importantly, faith in myself and I wasn't going to give up or give in. I had a bone to pick with the Hartford Marathon, and I wasn't going to lose this time.

On race day, all we can do is run the race that is placed before us to the best of our abilities. Sometimes, we are handed a pile of crap. Other times, we are handed a gift.

I took my gift and ran all the way to the finish line with it. I hope you get a gift for your next race too.

i'm not gonna lie, i got all emotional reading it. it's like she was in my head, in my shoes. my non-runner friends always wonder why in the world i choose running, of all things, for exercise. but it's more than just exercise. and when you come down to it, it's more than just running too. it's about pushing your mortality. pushing your puny, yet powerful human body and spirit. and in a world where things are so convenient and impersonal and techonological (for lack of a better word), running just gets at the heart of what is basic and true about human nature: taking the gift of life with all it's crap and splendor and celebrating the journey day after day, mile after mile.

it's been a month since i've run and i miss it so much. i can tell the tendon is getting better and being busy with moving and packing has helped keep my mind off the asics gathering dust in the closet. but this time off has taught me a lesson in patience that i hope sticks with me.

i look like mariah carey?!

myheritage.com has a fun (read: fabulous time waster at work) feature where you upload your image, or any image for that matter, and it scans through celebrity pics to find the ones that match your face!

the mishmosh of celebrities i "look" like is crazy. i don't even know who some of those "celebrities" are and i don't think i look like any of them. i tried using other pics and came up with "no match" and one that said i looked like jessica simpson, dakota fanning, paula abdul, and courteney cox!

i did the whole office and my sibs. theirs were more accurate. my co-worker was even lucky enough to get vanessa marcil, kristin davis, marcia cross, and linsay lohan among her celebrity look-a-likes!

perceptions of beauty

the following video was made by dove for their campaign for real beauty. it takes an average woman through makeup, photoshoot, photoshop, to billboard.

behold! the power of denim!

premium denim that is. every designer out there has a line of premium denim to make you feel like spending a million bucks makes you look like a million bucks.

and of course i've fallen for it. for some reason the premium denim really does fit better. and finding jeans that actually fit MY proportions is no short of a miracle. i got suckered into a pair at GUESS because they magically thinned my thighs and made my ass look totally cute. BUT i got the last laugh because they were originally something like $120 and i got them on clearance/sale for $75!! and now that i've had them and totally love them, i can't find them anywhere. not even ebay.

but today while i was at target to get packing tape i saw that lo and behold target's mossimo brand has a line of premium denim! a quick detour into the dressing room had me jumping for joy for 2 reasons: the size 6 was TOO BIG!! and they were on sale for $24! i walked outta target with two pairs of size 4 jeans for less than 50 bucks!

i did manage to keep my head about me and remember to pick up the packing tape.

a more complete athlete

"In some crazy way this injury has made me a more complete athlete and a better person. I've learned that with a lot of hard work, a little bit of pain, and a good sense of humor, there's really nothing I can't accomplish."

i don't remember now where i found this quote, but the idea of "a more complete athlete" really struck me. because this injury was caused by my natural biomechanics sometimes makes me feel like i shouldn't be a runner. that i'm probably meant to do something else, and i'm probably doing more harm than good. being injured makes me feel like i was doing something wrong. it makes me feel like i'm not really an athlete at all.

but really that's silly. everyone gets injured. even jerry rice. and a real athlete, a more complete athlete, knows how to rest, knows how to rehabilitate, knows how to heal. she knows how to tough it out and think of alternatives. she knows that her life is a series of trials and errors until she finds the delicate combination that makes everything right.

peroneus longus

that's the tendon causing me pain.

that's what the smart, young, cute, female podiatrist told me today. and while i gave her big ups for being a young female doctor, chick had some ugly ass shoes. but she's a podiatrist, what can you expect? i thought she might have some insider info on the comfortable but cute shoes, but it looks like i'm not going to get any sympathy from her on that.

so this lovely tendon runs along the outside of your calf, down to your ankle, along the outside of your foot, then makes a sharp turn at your metatarsals and ends at your big toe joint. this tendon is responsible for pronating your foot. and since i am an OVERpronater, i've used the hell out of this tendon and now it screams with pain. that's why the bottom of my foot hurts.

i knew i had a pronation problem that had started a very mild case of bunions (she kept saying bunion deformity! i was like ack! quit with the word deformity!) i thought i could correct it with an insert and new shoes. but it looks like my biomechanics need more help. as the pain is not longer just at my big toe joint but has now involved this tendon as i've increased the miles.

so my pretty feet (really, i do have pretty feet. deformity, my ass) were cast in a mold for some fancy orthotics. special running orthotics, not just sport orthotics. ooooooooooooh. and normal shoe orthotics. my fabulous health insurance pays for one pair and i had to pay for the second ($480!!!!) but she said they last about 8-10 years. the health insurance would have paid for one every six months, but i'm moving and changing jobs in 2, so i figured i'd reap the benefits now while i could.

it's finally good to be back on track, even if i'm still sidelined. by the time my new orthotics come in, i'll hopefully be healed up and i can start to break those puppies in and FINALLY be on the path to better running!

in the meantime, i'm gonna look into those dorking running belts you wear in the pool to run. and get a pedicure :)

just because

just because i can't run, doesn't mean i can't do ab work. or upper body work. or swim. or in my case, kick and flail my arms in the water without drowning.

just because i can't run, doesn't mean i should stuff my face with sugar and fried potato products. though i forgive myself for the beer.

i'm over being a brat about it, especially since my podiatrist appointment is only 4 days away and i'm trying very hard not to freak out about my 10 mile race that i so so so with all my heart want to run. i'm hoping that icing and stretching and resting will yield me a green light on race day. and if not, at least my friends already have that morning free for brunch.

i should have been a podiatrist

if i would have known that my feet be causing me this much trouble, i would have gone into podiatry!!!!

i actually got my butt out of bed this morning, before the sun rose, and assumed my spot on the treadmill. and oh man it felt so good. i started off walking, then eased into a slow jog, and then i finally broke a sweat. it was like my body was singing. oh running, how i have missed you! i could feel the toxins and stress slowly escaping with each step, with each bead of sweat. i wasn't even a mile into it and i was freaking giddy.

then the stupid effing pain in my right foot came back. and finally at 2 miles i had to stop. i couldn't limp on any longer. even as stubborn as i am, i knew it would be dumb to carry on.

so i cut my run short, and hobbled over to the bikes. poop on bikes! i hate bikes! i get so bored!! and i don't sweat nearly as much. poop on bikes!

and now i'm whining. but I HATE NOT RUNNING!

i did make an appointment with a podiatrist, but the earliest they could see me was next friday. a whole week from now, and only 2 days before my 10 mile race.

i got home from the gym and iced the foot, but it really didn't help. the only thing that does help is to wear heels, because it gets the weight off of the foot. the pain isn't in the heel or the arch. it's more like the side of my foot, creeping into the arch. i have effed up feet as it is. high arches and i over pronate. and i already have teeny bunions and bunionettes forming. so the heels don't help that situation. but it at least means i'm not wincing in pain with every other step.

i've been on webmd all day trying to figure out what my problem is and what i can do before i see the podiatrist. duh on the no running, but i can't NOT walk, so what the hell am i supposed to do?

ugh, i hate whining.

the green light

after nearly two weeks of slovenly living, i'm giving myself the green light to run tomorrow morning. i'm done with my antibiotics, my sinuses are happy and functioning, my foot pain is gone. i'm finally healthy.

well not really. i'm bloated and crabby from eating my weight in refined carbs, as i've worked through every bad food group known to man: pancakes, kettle chips, stella doro cookies, ramen noodles, and finally pop rocks. i've resorted to eating sugar mixed with food coloring and carbon dioxide, people!

the past 2 weeks are living proof that i can only remain sane and healthy if i run regularly. my running makes me eat healthy. when i don't run, i literally stuff anything and everything associated with lard or red #40 in my mouth. i also attribute my lack of concentration at work to my lack of running. because feeling bloated and fat does not make me a productive employee. and racing home to nap after an 8 hour carb-fest at my desk does not make me a productive or happy chick.

so the running starts again tomorrow. i'm laying out my clothes tonight, waking up before the sun rises, and claiming my spot on the treadmill where i belong. hopefully a few miles tomorrow morning will bring me closer to sanity!

spinning my wheels

i'm so antsy and a.d.d. and i sure as hell haven't been able to concentrate worth shit at work. i have too much on my mind, too much planning and dreaming going on. and my impatience is gonna kill me!!!

plus! i. havent. been. able. to. run.

do you understand how hard that is?! how freaking frustrating that is?! all the energy i usually get out of my system during a run just keeps recirculating through my body with no constructive outlet.

because i still have my sinus infection, i've been told to relax and not stress my body until i'm well. and because i have a new pain in my foot, i can't even freaking walk. for exercise anyway. and it's driving me freaking crazy!!

the good news is my new allergy meds are working like a dream, so any recurring sinus issues are unlikely. i just need to be a good little patient and spend the next couple of days that i have left of my antibiotics to stretch. and maybe i can start off the month of october with a nice, refreshing run!!

i have a ten mile race on the 8th, and i'm concerned i've been out of commission for too long to run it well. i swear to bob the running gods don't want me to race. i mean it's 11 days til the race and i've run only 4-5 miles since my horrible half over a week ago! argh!

but i can't help but get excited!! like i just want to jump out of my skin! race expo! fried rice the night before! cool new race shirt! being among THOUSANDS to race through the city! running in front of my friends!!! i can't wait!

i just so, so hope my body can keep up with my heart this time!

break a leg??

so in show business, it's bad luck to say "good luck". you're supposed to say "break a leg".

but i don't like wishing other runners "good luck" for races, because running isn't about luck. and it would be downright wrong to say to a runner "break a leg!" though i would totally laugh if someone said it to me. but then if i had a bad race i'd be like, "crap, that stupid a-hole jinxed me!"

i think i'd prefer something like "run smart" or "happy running". those are really the only two things you can hope for in a race. and if anyone ever told me "run fast", i would just have to laugh.

New Kids On The Block - Step by step

this cracks my ever loving shit up!

i came across this via random websurfing at work (it's friday! seriosuly, people what do you want from me?)

besides the countless hearty chuckles it gave me, i will admit the little dance they do on the stairs is pseduo kinda running related...think of what great exercise that must be for your legs. that is if you don't trip and fall and die trying. i think the pointing hand motion is just for flair though.

me thinks i should add this song to my ipod.

and how did i ever think jordan knight was the end all be all of men? it must have been the boston accent. gets me every time!

the dishes can wait

i knew that if i talked about running enough, i'd finally actually get to running. and i did. i tidied up a ltitle, but left the laundry, left the dishes. the weather was too sweet NOT to run and daylight was burning! i even brought my camera because i knew soon the leaves would be bright orange and yellow until they finally all fall to the ground, posing a slipping hazard.

but i shouldn't be allowed to clean because now i can't find the cord to hook up my camera. it'll turn up at some point when i'm looking for my eyelash curler or something. besides the one nice highlight i have to report i didn't catch in pixels anyway: all the runner boys on the trail. the runner boys and their fabulous flexing calves. mmmm mmmm. thankfully, we all zoom by each other fast enough that we don't catch sight of each other's faces. i'd hate to ruin such beautiful calves with ugly faces.

i was out for about 45 minutes, so i clocked in between 3-4 miles. my legs were a little tight and i had weird pains in the ligaments behind my knees, but after a while i started to get loose. i actually started to get into the groove late into my run. but it grew darker and darker so i picked up the pace to get home before the boogeyman got me. in the dark in a wooded area is NOT where a single girl wants to be, even with lovely calved men on the loose. especially with lovely calved men on the loose :)

one hit wonder

my schedule has been totally out of whack. i was sick, i was tapering, then i was racing, then i was in the er, then i wasn't in the mood. and now that i don't have a race to train for, i've let excuses come between me and my runs.

i was welcoming "getting back to normal" after "the race" and i wondered what would get me out the door and on the trail. i thought i would need a full week to recover physically, but honestly, besides the er trip i feel totally 100% fine. what i have needed this week for was getting my other crap together: unpacking, cleaning, getting a haircut, grocery shopping, planning.

so while i've been of able mind and body, i've been feeling guilty that i haven't run at all this week. i've been feeling kind of like a one hit wonder. or a one race wonder. what i sometimes forget is what makes you a runner isn't your speed, your trails, or your races. what makes you a runner is that you run! it's consistency.

so i'm gonna get my other shit under control so i can enjoy my "off season" running already. the guilt is building up too quickly. i need to run it off already. but it's so much nicer coming home to a clean house after a run. so that is the scheduled cross training for tonight.

race report: with more perspective

i was too crushed and concerned with my health that i didn't get to write about anything else about the race.

the day was PERFECT for running and it was very well organized. plenty of clean portopotties (well clean for portopotties), lots of shady and sunny areas for runners to stretch and relax. i was just super super excited about starting and being "in it". i got so antsy in my corral, impatience, excitement, pride, joy all swelling up inside me. i just couldn't believe that 6 months had finally flown by and it was time to race.

i thought about how i had started, back in the winter, trudging out of my house after work in the dark and cold to get on a treadmill, only to have it defeat me after half a mile. i thought about where my head and heart was at the time. i thought about how difficult it was to get me to the gym to run, for even half an hour. and here i was about to run for over 2 hours!

i thought about all that had happened in my personal life in the past 6 months. how far i thought i had slipped back, but really how far i had come. i thought about how strong running had made me. i thought about how much it taught me, about taking things one day at a time. about celebrating the small victories. about how far one can go with just some training and some time.

and during my race there were so many times i just thought i would burst into tears, not just from pain, but in the beginning from the sheer joy and pride of running, with sooo many other people. so many others had stories behind the race. some proudly displayed who they were running in memory of, what school or charity they were running for. to me it's just so inspiring to see so many others inspired to lace up.

and while this race was "the" race, what running has taught me is that there is no finish line. enjoy each run, enjoy each race. there is no destination but today. and for someone as future and goal oriented as i am, that's a hard but refreshing lesson to learn.

i'm surprised i wasn't more crushed than i was. it helped that my friends were impressed that i finished. and after thinking about it, i finished only 20 minutes later than my expected time, even with my body crapping out on me. and the fact that i finished at all, especially considering how much pain i was in, is seriously a testament to the size of my cajones. i not only finished a hard race, i finished it under very adverse conditions. go me. :)

there will be plenty of races in my future. and i think i got everything i wanted and more from training for this one.

on a health note, i went to the ER monday night after work because i still had a terrible headache, a little dizziness and i wasn't peeing nearly as much as i thought i should, even though when i did it was clear.

i was in the ER the entire night! from around 6 to 11:30! in that time, i was given 2L of iv fluids, peed in a cup, got a cat scan, listened to a belligerent old man in the room next to me complain about a pain in his back and a softball sized growth on his stomach, was attended to by a cute male nurse with a nice butt and got about 70 pages into my new book.

all they could conclude was that i had sinusitus. which explained the headache etc, but not my body failure during the race. there was no evidence of dehydration or renal failure. i'm chalking my body ills on race day up to the extreme amounts of loratadine, pseudoephedrine, and naisds i had the week and day before. the week leading up to the race was honestly abysmal, but i had no choice to run because well the race was scheduled. but i'm looking for new allergy options and in the meantime have 10 days of antibiotics to get through.

i'm not sore at all, which is surprising, but nice. so a short run tonight is in order.

my heart and head wanted to race, but not my kidneys

with all my training, 13.1 miles was not supposed to be hard. i was ready, mentally and physically. i'd run the distance more than once, and i had my best long distance run only 2 weeks ago. this race was supposed to be mine.

but my kidneys felt otherwise.

at mile 3, i noticed i was getting waves of chills. and i was shivering. despite the fact that it was sunny and perfect out. my goosebumps would not go away, yet my face and my skin felt normal, if not warm. at mile 5, my breaths became shallow. like i was breathing with only the top part of my chest and not all of my lungs. between mile 5 and 8, i became nauseous. i felt so dizzy and lightheaded. i started seeing spots. at this point, i'm freaking out. my body has NEVER felt this way before, especially at such an early distance. i can run 5-8 miles in my sleep. and even when i tire, it never felt like this. this felt different. this felt very scary. my mind is doing everything it can to not puke, pass out, or burst into tears. the chills wouldn't stop. something very serious and very strange was happening to my body. i felt like i was gonna collapse at any second.

so i slowed to walk. and try to catch my breath. but i couldn't. then a very strong urge to pee came. so i stopped at the portopotty and had to wait. and wait. and just as it thought my bladder was going to explode, one became available and i tore down my shorts. and nothing. NOTHING! i felt like my bladder was howling but i couldn't pee.

that's when i remembered another runner i knew who had the same symptoms. that's when i remembered an article i had read about NAISDS. that's when i knew. it had to be my kidneys. it had to be the pain reliever i took before the race. it had to be the allergy medicine i've been downing like candy the last week. my system was so effed up and out of equilibrium. it was shutting down.

at this point, i weighed whether to finish or stop at a medical tent. i told myself i would walk and calm myself down. catch my breath and see how i felt. the walking helped. i was still miserable, but the feeling of collapsing wasn't as imminent.

the last part of the race was utter agony. i can't even describe how it feels to have your body break down like that. but my heart and my head just wanted to finish so badly. so i walked. and walked. and ran. and ran. and walked. and ran. i drank more water. and more. i finished half of another gu but it nearly made me want to hurl. the race was just utter pain, my mind and mental fortitude the ONLY thing that got my feeble body over the finish line. 2 hours and 50 minutes. so so freaking sad. i wanted to finish in 2 hours and 30 minutes.

honestly, at that point i was relieved to just have it over, so i could begin recovery. i showered and finally ate breakfast and i felt a little better and not so dizzy. and i was able to pee a little bit and it was at least clear. but it's been a while since then, so i'm upping the fruit and water intake. if i don't feel better at the end of work tomorrow, i'm going to the emergency room.

i'm upset that the race i've been waiting for and training for for 6 months had to be so excruciating. but sometimes that happens. my terrible, horrible very bad run just happened to coincide with a race. as long as i live to run another day, i will. i have a ten miler in 3 weeks. which will be the perfect place to redeem myself.

oops indeed!

so that accidental 6 mile hilly run i had yesterday felt great. yesterday. but today, it's kicking my ass. and my hamstrings. my quads. my hip flexors. even my arms hurt.

or maybe it was the game of football i played earlier that same day that kicked my ass. or maybe it was trying to do both. on a week i'm supposed to taper. i forget how elderly i am, sometimes.

i'm curious to try these ice bath thingees, but i don't have a bathtub. i'm seriously tempted to fill a kiddie pool out on the back porch and soak my achy limbs. the mental image is so ridiculous i might just do it for the funny picture opportunities.

oops!

i accidentally ran too much. how the heck does THAT happen?!

i ran on a part of a trail i've never run before and i just got caught up. in the view, in the weather, in the rolling hills. i didn't even hear my alarm go off to turn around, so i ended up tacking on an extra half hour and running for 90 minutes. oops! :)

blogger love

it's official. i'm one of the cool kids. amy, the peach that she is, gave me some linkage love on her blog and even said i was funny! hahahaha!

sadly, i don't have any running to report because i was at a frat party last night. (see, i told you i was cool) more accurately, it was a frat party for the elderly, as we were celebrating some friends' birthdays who are closer to 30 than to 20. but we figured while we still had our livers, we should put them to good use and make sure our peer pong and flip cup skills don't get rusty.

so in my convalescence, aka dehydration and hangover, i am drinking water straight from the brita and downloading more tunes for my healthier running days. last week, i downloaded a scary amount of disco. this week, i'm drawn to some country. among some of my favorite running tunes are:

suddenly i see : k.t. tunstall (from watching too much so you think you can dance)
lala : ashlee simpson (makes me want to put on a french maid costume and be dirty)
bad girls : donna summer (you can't tell me that this song doesn't make you want to get your ass in gear)
september : earth, wind, and fire (i listened to them on 8 track with my parents!)
paradise city : guns and roses (this always makes me want to run fast!)
london bridge : fergie (yes she has a butter face, but girl's got sass)
run it : chris brown (in case i forget what i'm doing)
we run this : missy elliot (great motivation for hills)
sexy back : justin timberlake (appropro for all the hot shirtless men on the trails)
hawaiian rollercoaster ride : from the lilo and stitch soundtrack (makes me feel like i am riding the waves instead of pounding the pavement)
fantasy (the odb remix) : mariah carey (good beats for a slower runner like me)
holiday : madonna (i liked her better when she was catholic, i guess)
breathe : michelle branch (DUH!)
breathe, stretch, shake : mase (reminds me to relax and check that my form is nice and loose)
milkshake : kelis (that's right boys, go ahead and drool)
come clean : hilary duff (from watching too much laguna beach)
he's going the distance : cake (obvious. and it gets me thinking about cake)
last resort : papa roach (helps me grit it out when i'm tired)
cruel summer : bananarama (reminds me of karate kid and daniel-san kicking johnny's ass)
get right : jennifer lopez (it's not a run unless j.lo is involved)
used to love you : john legend (it makes me want to open up my lungs and sing out loud!)
rub you the right way : johnny gil (old skool!)
give me novacaine : green day (when i'm feeling angsty)
hypnotize : notorious b.i.g. (when i wanna feel like a bad-ass thug runner)
don't stop til you get enough : michael jackson (i can listen to old-skool michael for an entire run)

there are so many more, but i'm sure you've had enough. and my cool kid status will probably be revoked now that i've revealed my love for cheesy top 40 music. just think of all the britney, christina, kelly, and countless boy bands i didn't publicly list! oh the horror!

so please, i deplore you, broaden my horizons and let me know what you love listening to :)

FALL-ing off the treadmill

fall is here. i know because 1. there is NO humidity. YEAH! 2. there is LOTS of pollen. BOO! but the weather was too divine to spend my run on a treadmill. especially after being in the office all day.

i have no idea how far i ran because the trail i was on didn't have mile markers. but i did run for an hour, so i'm guessing i ran somewhere between 4-5 miles. i'm sure you garmin/gps people must think i'm crazy for not being geared up, but what can i say? i'm old school :)

running outside felt really, really nice. it was refreshing to hear the birds and cicadas and the crunch of my own feet on the ground. it was fun to pass people and to smile at cyclists and other runners as they approached me from the other direction. i felt strong as i surged up hills, unwilling to stop and walk. there was something empowering about putting one foot in front of the other to propel myself forward, instead of having a moving belt do that for me. my mind wandered all over the place, from my family, to work, to money, to friends, to the future, to my past. and when the hour was up, i didn't want to stop.

the fall season is gonna be great, i can already tell. the pressures of training for the half will be gone. and i already have a fun fall lineup of 10 milers, 10ks, and 5 ks. the air and the temperatures will be more runner friendly. this fall, i just might have to abandon my long time friend, the treadmill, and explore the great outdoors.

my balls hurt

i overpronate. got new running shoes.
am forming small bunions. got new everyday shoes.

but now, my balls hurt. it's a new pain. well actually not so new, but before not related to running. after my long runs, be it on the treadmill or outside, i have a soreness in the balls of my feet, akin to when i used to dance all night in high heeled shoes. except that now when i dance all night, i take my shoes off. so it's not the dancing.

when i used to get this pain during non-running related activities, i didn't think anything of it. now that it IS running related, of course it freaks me out. i want a name for my condition and i want a remedy. preferably something cheap, easy, and fast. rest usually makes it better, but we're talking days of rest here. the next day my balls are oh so tender and walking really is painful. if i try to run within 2 days, the pain just persists.

the most logical thing i can think of is that i need more cushioning. but i don't wanna go messin' with all that crap down in my shoe for fear of it taking everything out of alignment. and with my half in just 2 weeks, i'm scared to try anything new. i'm already going to be starting my period the day of my race, i don't need to add shoe experiments to exacerbate the situation.

maybe i can suck it up for now, knowing i'll be tapering soon anyway. i'll keep my balls nice and fresh and once i'm done with my race hobble to the running store to ask their advice. but if any of y'all have any advice, i'm open. perhaps i should revisit my good ol' friend, ice. she's always been good to me in the past.

today's 12 miles was brought to you by SPAM, lite

as i wok-ed up my fried rice yesterday, i thought to myself, how did i NOT think of this as a pre-long run meal before?! screw the pasta. true greatness lies in thousands of grains of rice. and eggs. a little garlic, and of course, spam.

when i was a wee child of single digit age, as soon as i learned to make rice and scramble eggs, i learned to make fried rice. back then in my mom's kitchen and now in my own, it's the breakfast of champions, and one of the things i use to comfort myself when i'm homesick. now i know it can also fuel a pretty bad ass run.

last week, 13.5 miles literally kicked my ass. i finished it though and on that day that's all that mattered. today i set out on the same trail, not knowing what the heck was gonna happen. the plan was 12 miles. i had 3 flasks of water, 2 gus and a whole lotta time.

i hit play on my nano and got work. the plan was to run 4 miles, slow down to gu, run another 2 miles, turn around and run 2 more, slow down to gu, and run the last 4. i would tackle the hills as they came and worry about the slow descent uphill on the last 6 miles back when i got there.

from the very beginning i knew this run would be different. the first mile just felt better. better than any first mile i have ever run. by mile 4 i still had lots of energy but i gued anyway and polished off one flask of water.

by the second time i gued, i was still feeling good, but by mile 9.5 i could fel my legs start to tire. that's when my body ran on auto pilot. ran just by sheer inertia. and when the hills called my name, i concentrated on my arms to pump me up over the top. and they did. it's amazing what your body can do when you pay attention to good form.

this was by far the smartest run i think i've done. the perfect mix of rest, nutrition, form, and mental fortitude. i ran up every goddamned hill that last week had me panting, had me walking. my spirits were up the entire time beating out any doubt my brain tried to creep in.

my brain let out a great sigh when i saw i had but 2 miles left and after the last hill, i had one mile to go. i slowed down to catch my breath and on the last half mile, i just kicked it. i ran faster and faster, fueled by the adrenaline and the guy next to me racing to the end of the trail as well.

i finished in 137 minutes, my fastest long run pace yet.

when i got home, i collapsed on the floor to stretch. and on tv i found a special on krispy kreme donuts. mmmmm. i even found the energy to do my 8 minute abs DVD, while watching a segment on pork rinds. but i didn't venture anywhere near those delectable treats for my post run snack. cold cold canteloupe fit the bill better. besides i'll be having barbecue and smores tonight.

those who say they don't run to eat are lying. or totally missing out.

the starting line

i began running sometime in march. i can't say i know the exact day and most likely it didn't start off as running, exactly. more like pseduo-running/not-falling-off-the-treadmill.

six months later, i'm not much speedier, but i can at least call it running. losing 30 pounds helps. as does doing it at least 3 days a week. 4 is usually my goal, but sleep and/or beer sometimes get in the way.

i've started this blog to better track my running experience. i'd like to say i'd keep stats and what not, but really, i'm not a number person. i don't even wear a watch when i run (GASP! i KNOW!) and i run most of my miles on a treadmill (DOUBLE GASP!) the numbers that REALLY matter to me are calories burned and total miles.

i will also try to be conscientious about typos, but as you can tell i don't particularly care for capitalization. i do, however, have a fondness for commas. maybe i should also embrace the semi-colon, but she's just a little too fancy for me.

i can at least proudly start this blog with a run to report. 5 miles in 57 minutes. it was part easy run with some speedwork to get the in the mileage in the time i had before margarita-fest. plus i had some new disco tunes and my feet couldn't HELP but move faster.

also, for the sake of measuring progress, i will report my height and weight. (TRIPLE GASP!) i'm 5'3" and 138 pounds. i'm a size 6/8 in pants depending on the ass/thigh/waist ratio, size 4 in skirts, and a size small in tops.

i'm hoping to lose another 10-15 and know it will only come from lifting weights. barf. but once i get into it, i'll like it again. hopefully. i have a 10 year high school reunion looming, so i better learn to like it again.

in terms of actual running goals, i'd really like to improve my 5k and 10k times. start running some hills, (with the added benefit gaining a booty lift) and i'd like to run another half. an actual full-fledged 26.2 will have to wait once i get other personal business taken care of. plus i haven't even been running a year yet. but just you wait. a marathon is in the cards.

but really, i'm not a runner for the competition or bragging rights. i run because i can. i run because it's hard. and i'm addicted to the endorphins! :)