can i get an amen?

this time tomorrow, pattycakes and i will be on the road to las vegas. i have a job interview on friday afternoon. i have a good feeling about this one. send us happy thoughts, yeah? thanks :)

boost

so i fully admit i do not have the healthiest habits in the world. or even on the block. i kept telling myself i should take a multivitamin or something. but i am so adverse to popping any kind of pill. it's hard enough for me to remember to take the meds i have to take.

but one day i was bored and i went to target and i remembered that my 4 year old nephew loves to take his gummy vitamins. and i thought, hey, i like candy! i'll take candy vitamins too! i thought i would have to double dose on a kids vitamin, but they have gummy vitamins for adults too! yay!

they even have OMEGA 3s in gummies! hurrah! no nasty huge ass fish oil pill to take. i heard you burp up fish oil all day. groddy to the max. so i bought a bottle of target brand berry gummy multis for adults and a lil critters omega 3 gummies.

and being the kid that i am i look forward to taking my vitamins. i usually have them after lunch as my 'dessert'. it's like eating a pack of fruit snacks or something. i've found that in the month i've been using them i'm a lot more, ahem, regular, if you know what i mean. and my nails and hair have grown a lot faster.

i have since done some online research and found that there is an adult gummy version of the omega 3s, but i think i'll stick to the kids one since it seems to be working well for me. i know that taking vitamins isn't a novel idea, but still i thought i'd share anyway. the gummy verisons rock!

can't get this outta my head.

i want her trainer.

a new season

they say that most new years resolutions have fizzled by valentines day. a mere 45 days into the year! but today provides another opportunity for renewed resolve: ash wednesday the beginning of lent. 40 days and 40 nights of reflection and repentance.

now i understand not everyone is catholic, and many catholics just use this time as a social exercise to gripe about giving up chocolate or soda or facebook. but regardless of your faith or practice, it's never a bad idea to focus inwardly and build yourself up for the new season of spring.

my lenten practice this year will be about being more mindful of my body: what i put into it, how i treat it, take care of it, and appreciate it.

thanks

thanks for all of your responses. ya'll made it quite clear to me that this is not my responsibility (even though it has been my stress for the last year) and it just took a HUGE load off of my shoulders. not that i don't have my own shiz to take care of. but trying to carry it all just about did me in. but now, i feel lighter. and stronger. to carry out my end of the bargain and take of business.

and not that i want to dwell, but more as a note to myself, i have this habit of wanting to take care of other people. and i'm not even saying it to try to make myself look good. it's just that when someone i care about, or even just know says they're upset, or hungry or whatever, my brain and heart automatically go to 'what can i do to help?' and i don't feel better until i can contribute something. it's weird. i could go into all the psychobabble as to why i do it and blah blah. but it's pointless. the point is, i'm very empathetic. but i don't have to save the friggin' world to be a good person.

moving on. we spent very little at the cuzzo's birthday bc we avoided dinner out with them entirely, though i found out later dinner was on the hostess. but still, i can't go assuming that every family outing i go on will be funded by my aunts or uncles. it was a good exercise in restraint for us. the whole gang went bowling afterward which was also funded by the hostess. my uncle even bought me and patrick a pitcher of beer. my family is usually generous in this manner, but i like to not assume. and well i don't like spending their money willynilly either. so all in all a fun night on very little cash.

i realize this blog has been mainly about my finances and personal life. i'm just not feeling the whole running thing as much. and i'm not gonna beat myself up about it. i think i'm starting to get a handle on other things in life and i just can't handle trying to tackle everything at once. my brain can only handle one thing at a time i guess. so ONE: get spending under control. working on it. TWO: find a new job/get more income. working on it. (i've been getting some responses back, even if to say they aren't hiring, but it makes me feel better that my emails aren't just disappearing into space. and i have a couple prospects going) THREE: working out. will have to wait. FOUR: eating healthy. will have to wait.

i know it IS technically possible to work on all 4 at once. but yeah, not my brain. but i will keep on keeping on.

oh and p.s. you know what habit i did manage to break? like just cold turkey? out of the blue and totally suddenly? my nail biting habit. going on over 2 months now. FINALLY.

i need your advice

if you've read my blog for any length of time you know that

1. my fiance is unemployed and has been for exactly a year now.
2. i am experiencing furloughs at my job.
3. i have credit card debt and student loans.

we just got a notice that pattycake is not eligible for the last extension of unemployment like we thought. we're appealing it, but we're uncertain how they will rule. i'm preparing for the worst.

right now we have about $8k saved in the bank which can cover his expenses for about 5 months. if i help pay his bills, our savings could float us for 8 months total. longer if he can find something, anything part-time. i'm considering getting a second job. just so we can keep saving something every month.

his parents, after hearing our predicament offered to send us money from an account they set up a long time ago to help patrick buy his first house (once he finally found a wife). they would rather i put my extra money towards my debt than use it to help pay patrick's bills.

i'm a little speechless.

i'm resistant to just take money. i feel like we're old enough that running to our parents is unacceptable. it's bad enough we have to live with mine, but now his parents' are paying our bills? it's not exactly pride, but the idea of 'no, i have to do this alone.'

part of me also feels like, 'no, i have to struggle.' i got myself into this mess, we got ourselves into this mess we have to feel the pain and dig ourselves out. i feel like we really have to feel and earn this lesson.

part of me feels overwhelmed and overloved that we have people in our lives who have the means to help us in such a big way. but part of me feels like that money should wait to be used for what it was meant for, especially if we really can find a way to float this ourselves. even though i understand that this money is a gift they had always intended on giving us, it's just too much for me to take.

i don't think it's the kind of thing that will have strings attached, but you also never know. am i going to feel in debt to them?

but if we do take help from them, and i can start knocking out my debt like a super champ, and i don't have to get a second job, i can spend my time taking some classes i've been meaning and needing to take. i will have the time to do a lot of the professional development i haven't been doing. it does make me feel like i could breathe a little easier.

obviously i won't really be able to sleep at night until he is gainfully employed and we can support ourselves, which is something his parents can't help us with.

so what do you think peeps? should we consider this magic parent fund an extension of our savings so i can start attacking my debt? or should we act like we don't even know it's there and fight it out on our own?

when you live with a picky eater and more budget rambling

so far, the no-spending rule has been working, with one minor hiccup. there was one night that my parents were annoying us more than usual and we had to escape the blare of fox news on the tv. my dad listens to it at an uncomfortably high volume because he's losing his hearing. i actually got up in the middle of eating a chicken wing at dinner because i just couldn't stand the noise and negativity. don't get me wrong i love my parents, and i don't care that politically our ideologies are different, but after a long day at work with constant noise and interruptions, the LAST thing i want to hear at home is more debbie downer (and innacurate) talk about politics and the economy. and since it's their house, i let them have their space. patty cakes and i had got the hell outta there. i found $30 in my pocket earlier that week and figured it wasn't too naughty of us to spend 'found' money at in-n-out burger to save our sanity. afterward we spent the evening at the library magazine section of barnes and noble. a cheap but fun accidental date.

we bought groceries last week and they should last us well into next week. i/we have cooked a good number of meals for ourselves this week, but we also rely heavily on packaged and frozen food, which i don't like from a nutritional standpoint. most of my meals come from stuff my parents make or stuff i make for myself (patrick hates vegetables and i just don't have the energy sometimes to eat only the few he does like or come up with ways he will like new stuff). for me the packaged food comes into play for about 50% of the meals i share with patrick. because patrick doesn't like to or doesn't want to cook, he relies much more heavily on the packaged food or leftovers from meals i make for both of us. i'm hoping to make changes to healthier grocery shopping, but i didn't want to take way all of the boy's fast food and grocery indulgences at one time. right now the focus is getting our spending down as low as possible and once we get that habit going, i can focus on substituting our crappy food with healthier alternatives.

but i'm sure i'm not alone in having to deal with their family's different eating habits and preferences. i would have infinitely less stress about meal preparation if patrick ate even half the things i eat (namely vegetables). So what do you all do about the picky eaters in your house? How do you trick get the junk-food junkies to eat healthy?

as for other spending, the only thing i've bought in the last week is gas and turbo tax. my only other non-regularly-monthly-scheduled expenses this month are an oil change (which i might try to get my brother to do so all i have to spend money on is an new oil filter and the actual oil) and a doctor's visit. i got my gym to reduce my membership fees by 30% by threatening to cancel. patrick got them down to $7/month for his membership by explaining his current unemployment situation. i even went back to return a few things i purchased at the end of january WITHOUT picking up anything extra. it was all about having tunnel vision and walking straight to the customer service counter which was thankfully at the front of the store.

it's amazing how much the impulse to buy is so strong. new things at the store are so shiny and new and i don't know what it is but i've just been so conditioned to put pretty things in my cart because because oooooh that's cool and i want. i need. it's an interesting feeling for me to feel that physical and emotional rush of wanting to buy something because it's new and shiny and pretty and whatever be aware of it and have to calm that impulse. put the stuff back on the shelf and walk run out.

i had the biggest problem when it came to my little nephew. resisting the urge to spoil the most adorable creature on earth who you love with all of your heart has been a very tough lesson for me to learn. but ultimately it came down to the fact that 1. i don't have the money to do that like i used to 2. i am now a part of a couple and i have to put our needs and goals ahead of my own and 3. i don't want to teach my nephew that money grows on trees and spoil him like veruca salt. i find he loves me just as much without all the treats i used to give him because of all the fun and time we share together. and it makes the gifts i do give him for christmas and his birthday all the more special and meaningful.

it's a little sickening for me to think i'm that consumer driven. i mean it's kind of a joke that women find shopping to be a hobby, so i can't be the only one. i'm not used to spending a lot of time at home. whenever i get bored or restless my brain automatically thinks of all the things i could do out. i enjoy the stimulation and energy of going and being out. i mean i'm the kind of girl who enjoys spending an hour just getting ready to go out. but now i have to retrain my brain to think of all the things i could do at home. not nearly as glamorous but infinitely more economical. i also find i'm cleaning more and getting more stuff done around the house. and working a lot more on personal and professional development. it's amazing how much more efficient you can be when you spend less time going out to buy stuff. i know i know, not a revolutionary idea, but it's definitely a new habit for me.

the smallest month of the year

pattycakes and i have declared february 'eat at home' month. we are challenging ourselves NOT to eat out all month. (besides the commitment we already made for my cousin's birthday)

our budget is pretty lean yet i still find it ridiculous how much money we spend on eating out. mainly because we eat out when we're lazy and/or bored. i would estimate that only 25% of the time that we eat out is 'quality time' spent having a 'quality dining experience', where we're actually relaxed, taking our time, enjoying each other's company, trying something new. and not just eating for the sake of eating. ya know? and that bothers me. i may as well eat a frozen meal or whip something easy up at home and spend a few dollars than spend like $16 for us to eat fast food. or worse $40 to sit down at our local casual brewery (even if their french onion soup is FRICKIN' AWESOME) ya dig?

though i wish patrick enjoyed cooking more because i think that is a great way to spend some quality couple time. most of the time it's me alone in the kitchen, which is also sometimes nice. because most of the time when it's the two of us i'm frustrated at him being slow or asking too many questions. hmmm...

i've also imposed a no-buy for non-essentials on myself. i think i wanna see just how little i can spend in a month. while i've been good at staying within my budget every month, i still think i'm spending money on things i don't necessarily need. like the, 8 or so, tubes of lipstick i've acquired in the last 2 months or so. and don't even get me started on eye makeup. the post xmas sales were too great for this makeup junkie to resist. i have MORE than enough to last me forever.

i'm definitely one of those people who can't resist a deal. shopping itself gives me a high, but getting good shiz at a discount sends me over the edge. i think i've been buying pretty, pretty makeup to make up for my mood lately.

if all goes well, we're looking at more than doubling what we normally put into savings. which is a big deal for the smallest month of the year.