i have decided that the reason for my general unhappiness stems from things out of my control. i have also decided that a lot of life is about timing. and there's no sense in worrying about things that don't need to be worried about yet, because they might just work themselves out.

so, i'm going to stop trying to "fix" a million an one problems that haven't even materialized yet, and focus on one problem that is staring me right in the face: my fitness.

16:55, 15:31, 15:32=47:59, of which probably 6:00 was actual running. i know physically i could have pushed myself more, but mentally, i'm not all there. it takes a while for physically beating to feel good again, right?

my feet are happy, though, 'cause i traded in the bad ones for another pair of brooks adrenaline gts. i think those are the ones i ran my marathon with. why i ever abandoned them i'll never know. probably had something to do with a tall, dark, nubile shoe salesman.

and as an aside, while i was being fitted for my new shoes, i overhead the co-owner of the shop talking about her pending divorce from her husband who runs the shop with her. and for some reason i was really taken aback. normally, i find her very annoying. she has this high pitched voice and dry overprocessed blonde hair, (and is in enviably good shape, which is probably more the reason she annoys me. but whatever). even though she has 0% bodyfat, her marriage crumbled. and i felt bad for her. and i think i was just so shocked because you forget that bad things happen to even 0% body fat people. my body sure isn't perfect, but i'm glad my love is.

destination wedding

we're getting married here! summer 2011.

and finally after arguing about it for months, we have decided on our guest list. i am very happy to report that all the family i wanted included are invited. and it is a huge relief to me. it is the first time since the whole wedding talk that i've finally gotten excited about planning. we have gone to a couple family parties since our engagement and i just couldn't get excited about telling people our plans since 1. it excluded them and 2. i couldn't imagine my wedding without them. but we no longer have that problem!

so what happened? apparently, sg got to talking to a friend of his that also recently got engaged, and this friend of his (without me even saying anything to him) basically told sg that the wedding is and always has been about the bride. and that nothing is really worth forgoing my happiness on the one day that has meant everything to me since the day i was born, apparently. and while i don't necesarily agree with him 100%, i'll take it :)

the wedding is 2 years away, so there's not much to do now exactly. we're getting engagements photos done in sf this weekend and with those i'm hoping to send out save the dates. or more aptly, 'save the funds'. it may take some people 2 years to save up for a trip to the dominican republic. it sure as heck will take us 2 years to save up for the wedding.

it's been a busy summer and lately none of it has to do with running or working out. lots of family things, vacations, and mini-vacations. and i've been in a weird head-space lately as indicated by my last post. don't know when i'm gonna snap out of it. but for the most part, things are coming along.

stale

the title isn't very inviting, i'll admit. but it's kinda where my head's at. for a while now, i've been feeling so very uninspired. and restless.

i'm so sick of waiting to hear about what the hell is going to happen with patrick's job offer. until something does happen, we're stuck. in my parents' house. in my unfulfilling job. in this boring suburban town. it's driving me mad. i'm clawing at the walls trying to get out.

i'm ready to be making some real money, doing work i love, in a town with lots going on. i'm ready to make a home and start a future with my new sweetie.

i am so very sick of this place called limbo.

my life as an engaged blogger

it's been a whirlwind couple of weeks and i finally have a second to sit. but only because my sinuses are so full right now i feel like my head might pop. it's a strange feeling to have clear and open nostrils but have so much pressure behind your nose and eyes. oh and constant icky postnasal drainage. ick.

anyway, you didn't come here for my snot status. you want to know how he did it! if you're following me on facebook (where i have been spending more of my time lately) you know the story. so for those of you who aren't:

we had just finished dinner on our first night in vegas and he said "we just finished a great meal, we're going to the top of eiffel tower, what else could make this night perfect?"

being the brat i am, i pointed to my then bare ring finger and said "THIS!"

then he said, "so are you the kind of girl who expects a man to get down on his knee?" and i said, "of course that's how it's done."

then i see him fumble with his napkin and he gets down on his knee with the ring and asks simply, "will you?"

for once, i was speechless. it all happened so fast! all i could do was nod as he slipped the ring on my finger. it took quite a while for it to finally feel real and at that point i couldn't stop kissing him. like i have never wanted to kiss someone as much in my entire life. there were no words, just kissing. and smiling. and tearing up. but lots of kissing.

the backstory to this:

we have been talking about getting married practically since we met. and he's asked me to marry him practically every day for the last 9 months. we started shopping for rings before christmas and after visiting several stores and trying on dozens of rings, we finally found one. things were dicey with his job, as you all know, so i didn't pressure him to buy it then. we just hoped it would still be there when he was ready. at that point, my job was done, and it was in his hands to decide when he would buy it and how he would propose. he said he has had a date in mind for a long time and that i had to wait.

then, around mother's day weekend, i get a call at work saying he needs me to go with him to the jewelry store after work. they sold the first ring we saw, but there were others he was contemplating and he wanted me to choose one. do you know how disappointing it is to wait 5 months, then have to go in select a new (better!) ring and not be able to WEAR it out of the store!!!!

grrrr...

several date possibilities went through my mind and when i asked if it would be on our anniversary he said, "no". and i said, "good because that would be totally cheesy"

but really, i was right. and he was mad that i had guessed correctly (even though i didn't know it)

so then he scrambled to think of another time, another way. especially after the whole 'i should have done it at the race' epiphany. though this part i didn't know, so i was very surprised he chose his birthday weekend because i thought for sure i'd have to hold out until july 5.

apparently, he had several ideas of how he wanted to propose while in vegas and all throughout the day he kept needing to find some way to slip away, whether it was he forgot something in the room, or in the car, or something or other. it was irritating the crap out of me but little did i know, he was just being OCD about making sure he still had the ring.

he thought he had finally settled on waiting til after dinner when we reached the eiffel tower, but i think the stress and excitement of it all just got to him and he couldn't contain himself any longer! so he kinda fumbled, stumbled, and just got it over with at dinner.

i will say that with all of my waiting i was expecting something a little more dramatic. only because he was so insistent on waiting for 'the right time'. initially, i think that's part of the reason i was so stunned when he asked. it was so non-chalant. my brain was probably thinking, 'this is what i was waiting for?'

this is not to say i'm disappointed. it was a little anti-climatic, but not in a bad way. because he definitely surprised me. and he rarely does. most of the time i can read him like a book, so i give him big props for pulling a fast one on me :) i thought for sure i'd be able to sense his nervousness or his anxiety. but i guess i was too wrapped up in being on vacation and planning stuff for his birthday that my radar on him wasn't as finely tuned.

as you all know, we've been doing some initial wedding planning already. i lobbied long and hard for waiting until 2011. there is no way on god green's earth i am committing to a wedding without both of us having jobs, no matter how much he's saved up. and no matter how sure he is he's gonna get this cap police job. i'm not counting my chickens before they hatch. we're gonna wait and do this right.

unless, of course, we elope. which is not entirely off the table. i think my family half expects us to. he was even willing to do it in vegas. all i had to do was say the word.

so who knows? my next post could be all about how i became mrs. sg one random summer weekend in tahoe. all i know is, i'm the luckiest woman in the whole wide world! i have never felt more wholly and completely loved.

a las vegas engagement

15:43
14:26
14:15
T: 44:24

i think i need to switch out my new shoes. my feet are killing me. even after a long walking warmup. grrr. might be time to switch to men's shoes.

the one where balls come flying at your face

day 3 of cross fit: run 400 meters, do 30 wall balls. repeat 2 more times.

i heard this was intense. i heard it would HURT like hell. sg didn't even finish his when he went last week.

everything i heard was true. running is hard enough. running after doing 30 squats and throwing a medicine ball up above your head at a wall is harder. doing it three times in a row? BAH!

it's a tough 15 minutes. and ugh, stupid "lara croft" had the camera on me while i ran in my second lap and i didn't know it til i got close. b!tch!

i work tonight and hope to crank out my final 2 introductory workouts in the next two days. thankfully i have the next two days off and while i'll punish my body for an hour each day, we have nothing but relaxation planned for the rest of our hours this weekend.

sg and i went on a mini vacay the last two days and i have plenty of pictures and stories to share. but like i said, i'm relaxing :)