tafetta, organza, and spandex

if i'm not working, i'm trying on wedding dresses. or working out. or cooking because healthy eating requires real food not passed through a drive-thru window. and have i mentioned all the driving? commuting. and getting lost trying to find god forsaken bridal shops. and back to the grocery store because we're going through grapes like they're going out of style. 'cause healthy food has a shelf life.

whew!

the good news is, i'm doing well and feeling well! i'm not getting cravings and it's getting easier to turn down invitations to lunch or sweets that make their way into the office. the scale is agreeing with me and i no longer ever feel bloated or slovenly during the day.

and today i zumba-ed! if that doesn't get me ready for my weddingmoon in st. lucia, i don't know what will! :)

such is life

pattycakes and i did an hour long walk in the neighborhood this am, logging about 3.2 miles, if gmaps pedometer is correct. it felt pretty good and it was nice to spend some time with him like that. it's been pretty busy around here, and with our conflicting work and therefore conflicting sleep schedules, qt with the honey has been sparse.

i also got some grocery shopping done and our fridge is stocked with all kinds of healthy goodies. i literally did avoid the inner aisles of the store and bought only produce, deli, meat, dairy, and frozen foods. i did make one detour into the inner aisles for some nail polish. but hopefully that doesn't contribute to weight gain :)

i spent the morning relaxing, which i haven't done in forever. i actually read a magazine, took a nap, and made lunch. without feeling harried or stressed.

until i got a call from the vw dealership about the status of my car. my check engine light has been on for some time now. last week, i got the code for the error, had the light cleared and tried to get my car smogged before my registration is due in dec. and i failed! apparently, when they clear the light, they clear the memory on the computer which results in an automatic fail, despite my emissions being perfect.

oh and did i tell you last week my car also died and i had to get a new battery? fun.

so to fix my check engine light issues, i have to fork over upwards of $400, then get the damned thing smogged so i can pay my registration before it expires. gah!

AND he tells me i need to replace the rotors on my brakes for both the front and back. and that will cost about $800! and should get done asap.



the good news is we do have the money to pay for all of this, and our wedding, and everything that goes with it. but just barely. i had to run the numbers again, jiggle our xmas budget a little, but we'll make it by the skin of our teeth. while i'm grateful that the numbers add up, i suffer great discomfort being so close to the edge.

i keep telling myself that i need to relax. that worrying solves nothing. so i came on to blog about it. maybe i also need to take another walk!

lacy underwear

i got to work early just so i could leave at a decent hour to get to the gym and run several other errands. but after lunch i made an executive decision that the gym was not in the cards today. and i had my underwear to blame. during my 30-ish minute walk at lunch, i got some, ahem, chafing, down there. not cool, dude. not cool. way painful. stupid frilly lace.

it's sad that i've outgrown my britches. a true sign that this exercise is desperately needed.

so instead, i opted to work late to get some projects finished to hopefully clear up some time i might have spent working this weekend. so far the only day i've gotten some real exercise was the 'mental health day' i took off on monday. the upside is that i've stuck to my eating plan save tuesday night after my car battery died. i even turned down a free pecan pie dessert. that has to count for something!

wherein i bitxh

so i took a 'mental health day' yesterday to do some errands and just relax. so of course when i get to work today everyone thinks i have cooties and treats me like i have the plague. the sympathy is nice, but not the 'ew you're dirty' vibes.

as for exercise all i could manage was a 35 minute walk at lunch. i was way too frickin' tired to get up this morning to get it done. prolly not a wise idea to start a new regimen the week we turn the clocks back.

the day at work drags by because i always feel like i have to act sorta sick on the the day back from a not-sick sick day. which has the effect of actually making me feel kinda sick. so the day just drags and drags. finally the clock turns 5:00 and i head home.

except my car won't start. gah!

i get it jumped and i'm on my way in the dark. in the rain. and in the traffic. boo. but i do make it home in one piece. i turned off my car and turned it back on again to see if it would work. no go. looks like i'm getting a new battery tomorrow morning. ugh!

so i actually get inside my apartment and start to put things away when i see them. a damned bag of oreos sitting right on the counter. i honestly want nothing more than to tear the bag open and scarf them all down.

but i don't. but i don't eat an entirely healthy dinner either. i had some leftover meatballs in sauce and some butternut squash. right now in the oven i have some sweet potato fries baking, which is sorta kinda breaking the rules. and i have no excuses. could be worse. could be better.

at least glee is on tonight!

i remember this feeling!

19:12 to the park, 15:45 back, 8:15 to our mailbox and back to cool off. for a total of 2.17 miles according to gmaps pedometer. i kinda like this strategy of walking out and walk/running back. it practically assures victory. and assures i don't get lazy towards the end.

i have to admit that even after my woo-rah post last night, i was really not feeling the idea of going out. i don't know exactly why. in my mind i had a good handful of reasons not to: i need to do laundry, i need to organize the office, i need to go to the bookstore etc. but ultimately i could not let sunshine go to waste and i got my arse out. and thank god i did.

i was sort of bitching and moaning on the way out, but by the end i felt pretty good. i definitely felt heavier and clunkier and my chest definitely did not feel as free and open as when i was in shape, but overall it felt good.

as for diet, i've decided that the plan that gets me the best results overall is protein+veggies+fruits. ixnay on the sugar, bread, potatoes, rice etc. i figure i will eat like a good girl until thanksgiving where i will let myself enjoy dinner, then will climb back up on the saddle until christmas. i won't be running so much that i'll 'need' the easy carbs in the next few weeks. hopefully i can drop about 10 lbs by the end of the year and i can reassess my plan then.

on another note, my passport came in the mail today! 116 days until we leave for st. lucia! and 122 days til mspetiteamerica becomes a mrs!

sick and tired

dudes. i just signed up for my first race in far too long. i'm 'doing' a 5k turkey trot this year. yes i'm going to walk it, but damnit isn't that where we all start?

'cause i'm tired of feeling fat. i'm tired of feeling lazy. and i'm tired of talking about the days i used to run.

also, that saturday, i'm trying on wedding dresses.

because i'm getting married on a tropical island in 4 months.

i seriously need to get my ass in gear.

i'm tired of excuses. i'm tired of being tired. i'm tired of feeling out of control and depressed and angry.

i spent some time rereading some entries on my blog and i just wanna do it already. find myself through running again.

i am under no delusions of trying to be what i was in my 20s. i want my 30s to feel much more awesome. because i am a different person now. in a lot of ways i feel better and stronger than i have before. but in a lot of ways i feel more beat down and weighed down.

but no more. no more. i'm doing this.