i should have been a podiatrist

if i would have known that my feet be causing me this much trouble, i would have gone into podiatry!!!!

i actually got my butt out of bed this morning, before the sun rose, and assumed my spot on the treadmill. and oh man it felt so good. i started off walking, then eased into a slow jog, and then i finally broke a sweat. it was like my body was singing. oh running, how i have missed you! i could feel the toxins and stress slowly escaping with each step, with each bead of sweat. i wasn't even a mile into it and i was freaking giddy.

then the stupid effing pain in my right foot came back. and finally at 2 miles i had to stop. i couldn't limp on any longer. even as stubborn as i am, i knew it would be dumb to carry on.

so i cut my run short, and hobbled over to the bikes. poop on bikes! i hate bikes! i get so bored!! and i don't sweat nearly as much. poop on bikes!

and now i'm whining. but I HATE NOT RUNNING!

i did make an appointment with a podiatrist, but the earliest they could see me was next friday. a whole week from now, and only 2 days before my 10 mile race.

i got home from the gym and iced the foot, but it really didn't help. the only thing that does help is to wear heels, because it gets the weight off of the foot. the pain isn't in the heel or the arch. it's more like the side of my foot, creeping into the arch. i have effed up feet as it is. high arches and i over pronate. and i already have teeny bunions and bunionettes forming. so the heels don't help that situation. but it at least means i'm not wincing in pain with every other step.

i've been on webmd all day trying to figure out what my problem is and what i can do before i see the podiatrist. duh on the no running, but i can't NOT walk, so what the hell am i supposed to do?

ugh, i hate whining.

the green light

after nearly two weeks of slovenly living, i'm giving myself the green light to run tomorrow morning. i'm done with my antibiotics, my sinuses are happy and functioning, my foot pain is gone. i'm finally healthy.

well not really. i'm bloated and crabby from eating my weight in refined carbs, as i've worked through every bad food group known to man: pancakes, kettle chips, stella doro cookies, ramen noodles, and finally pop rocks. i've resorted to eating sugar mixed with food coloring and carbon dioxide, people!

the past 2 weeks are living proof that i can only remain sane and healthy if i run regularly. my running makes me eat healthy. when i don't run, i literally stuff anything and everything associated with lard or red #40 in my mouth. i also attribute my lack of concentration at work to my lack of running. because feeling bloated and fat does not make me a productive employee. and racing home to nap after an 8 hour carb-fest at my desk does not make me a productive or happy chick.

so the running starts again tomorrow. i'm laying out my clothes tonight, waking up before the sun rises, and claiming my spot on the treadmill where i belong. hopefully a few miles tomorrow morning will bring me closer to sanity!

spinning my wheels

i'm so antsy and a.d.d. and i sure as hell haven't been able to concentrate worth shit at work. i have too much on my mind, too much planning and dreaming going on. and my impatience is gonna kill me!!!

plus! i. havent. been. able. to. run.

do you understand how hard that is?! how freaking frustrating that is?! all the energy i usually get out of my system during a run just keeps recirculating through my body with no constructive outlet.

because i still have my sinus infection, i've been told to relax and not stress my body until i'm well. and because i have a new pain in my foot, i can't even freaking walk. for exercise anyway. and it's driving me freaking crazy!!

the good news is my new allergy meds are working like a dream, so any recurring sinus issues are unlikely. i just need to be a good little patient and spend the next couple of days that i have left of my antibiotics to stretch. and maybe i can start off the month of october with a nice, refreshing run!!

i have a ten mile race on the 8th, and i'm concerned i've been out of commission for too long to run it well. i swear to bob the running gods don't want me to race. i mean it's 11 days til the race and i've run only 4-5 miles since my horrible half over a week ago! argh!

but i can't help but get excited!! like i just want to jump out of my skin! race expo! fried rice the night before! cool new race shirt! being among THOUSANDS to race through the city! running in front of my friends!!! i can't wait!

i just so, so hope my body can keep up with my heart this time!

break a leg??

so in show business, it's bad luck to say "good luck". you're supposed to say "break a leg".

but i don't like wishing other runners "good luck" for races, because running isn't about luck. and it would be downright wrong to say to a runner "break a leg!" though i would totally laugh if someone said it to me. but then if i had a bad race i'd be like, "crap, that stupid a-hole jinxed me!"

i think i'd prefer something like "run smart" or "happy running". those are really the only two things you can hope for in a race. and if anyone ever told me "run fast", i would just have to laugh.

New Kids On The Block - Step by step

this cracks my ever loving shit up!

i came across this via random websurfing at work (it's friday! seriosuly, people what do you want from me?)

besides the countless hearty chuckles it gave me, i will admit the little dance they do on the stairs is pseduo kinda running related...think of what great exercise that must be for your legs. that is if you don't trip and fall and die trying. i think the pointing hand motion is just for flair though.

me thinks i should add this song to my ipod.

and how did i ever think jordan knight was the end all be all of men? it must have been the boston accent. gets me every time!

the dishes can wait

i knew that if i talked about running enough, i'd finally actually get to running. and i did. i tidied up a ltitle, but left the laundry, left the dishes. the weather was too sweet NOT to run and daylight was burning! i even brought my camera because i knew soon the leaves would be bright orange and yellow until they finally all fall to the ground, posing a slipping hazard.

but i shouldn't be allowed to clean because now i can't find the cord to hook up my camera. it'll turn up at some point when i'm looking for my eyelash curler or something. besides the one nice highlight i have to report i didn't catch in pixels anyway: all the runner boys on the trail. the runner boys and their fabulous flexing calves. mmmm mmmm. thankfully, we all zoom by each other fast enough that we don't catch sight of each other's faces. i'd hate to ruin such beautiful calves with ugly faces.

i was out for about 45 minutes, so i clocked in between 3-4 miles. my legs were a little tight and i had weird pains in the ligaments behind my knees, but after a while i started to get loose. i actually started to get into the groove late into my run. but it grew darker and darker so i picked up the pace to get home before the boogeyman got me. in the dark in a wooded area is NOT where a single girl wants to be, even with lovely calved men on the loose. especially with lovely calved men on the loose :)

one hit wonder

my schedule has been totally out of whack. i was sick, i was tapering, then i was racing, then i was in the er, then i wasn't in the mood. and now that i don't have a race to train for, i've let excuses come between me and my runs.

i was welcoming "getting back to normal" after "the race" and i wondered what would get me out the door and on the trail. i thought i would need a full week to recover physically, but honestly, besides the er trip i feel totally 100% fine. what i have needed this week for was getting my other crap together: unpacking, cleaning, getting a haircut, grocery shopping, planning.

so while i've been of able mind and body, i've been feeling guilty that i haven't run at all this week. i've been feeling kind of like a one hit wonder. or a one race wonder. what i sometimes forget is what makes you a runner isn't your speed, your trails, or your races. what makes you a runner is that you run! it's consistency.

so i'm gonna get my other shit under control so i can enjoy my "off season" running already. the guilt is building up too quickly. i need to run it off already. but it's so much nicer coming home to a clean house after a run. so that is the scheduled cross training for tonight.

race report: with more perspective

i was too crushed and concerned with my health that i didn't get to write about anything else about the race.

the day was PERFECT for running and it was very well organized. plenty of clean portopotties (well clean for portopotties), lots of shady and sunny areas for runners to stretch and relax. i was just super super excited about starting and being "in it". i got so antsy in my corral, impatience, excitement, pride, joy all swelling up inside me. i just couldn't believe that 6 months had finally flown by and it was time to race.

i thought about how i had started, back in the winter, trudging out of my house after work in the dark and cold to get on a treadmill, only to have it defeat me after half a mile. i thought about where my head and heart was at the time. i thought about how difficult it was to get me to the gym to run, for even half an hour. and here i was about to run for over 2 hours!

i thought about all that had happened in my personal life in the past 6 months. how far i thought i had slipped back, but really how far i had come. i thought about how strong running had made me. i thought about how much it taught me, about taking things one day at a time. about celebrating the small victories. about how far one can go with just some training and some time.

and during my race there were so many times i just thought i would burst into tears, not just from pain, but in the beginning from the sheer joy and pride of running, with sooo many other people. so many others had stories behind the race. some proudly displayed who they were running in memory of, what school or charity they were running for. to me it's just so inspiring to see so many others inspired to lace up.

and while this race was "the" race, what running has taught me is that there is no finish line. enjoy each run, enjoy each race. there is no destination but today. and for someone as future and goal oriented as i am, that's a hard but refreshing lesson to learn.

i'm surprised i wasn't more crushed than i was. it helped that my friends were impressed that i finished. and after thinking about it, i finished only 20 minutes later than my expected time, even with my body crapping out on me. and the fact that i finished at all, especially considering how much pain i was in, is seriously a testament to the size of my cajones. i not only finished a hard race, i finished it under very adverse conditions. go me. :)

there will be plenty of races in my future. and i think i got everything i wanted and more from training for this one.

on a health note, i went to the ER monday night after work because i still had a terrible headache, a little dizziness and i wasn't peeing nearly as much as i thought i should, even though when i did it was clear.

i was in the ER the entire night! from around 6 to 11:30! in that time, i was given 2L of iv fluids, peed in a cup, got a cat scan, listened to a belligerent old man in the room next to me complain about a pain in his back and a softball sized growth on his stomach, was attended to by a cute male nurse with a nice butt and got about 70 pages into my new book.

all they could conclude was that i had sinusitus. which explained the headache etc, but not my body failure during the race. there was no evidence of dehydration or renal failure. i'm chalking my body ills on race day up to the extreme amounts of loratadine, pseudoephedrine, and naisds i had the week and day before. the week leading up to the race was honestly abysmal, but i had no choice to run because well the race was scheduled. but i'm looking for new allergy options and in the meantime have 10 days of antibiotics to get through.

i'm not sore at all, which is surprising, but nice. so a short run tonight is in order.

my heart and head wanted to race, but not my kidneys

with all my training, 13.1 miles was not supposed to be hard. i was ready, mentally and physically. i'd run the distance more than once, and i had my best long distance run only 2 weeks ago. this race was supposed to be mine.

but my kidneys felt otherwise.

at mile 3, i noticed i was getting waves of chills. and i was shivering. despite the fact that it was sunny and perfect out. my goosebumps would not go away, yet my face and my skin felt normal, if not warm. at mile 5, my breaths became shallow. like i was breathing with only the top part of my chest and not all of my lungs. between mile 5 and 8, i became nauseous. i felt so dizzy and lightheaded. i started seeing spots. at this point, i'm freaking out. my body has NEVER felt this way before, especially at such an early distance. i can run 5-8 miles in my sleep. and even when i tire, it never felt like this. this felt different. this felt very scary. my mind is doing everything it can to not puke, pass out, or burst into tears. the chills wouldn't stop. something very serious and very strange was happening to my body. i felt like i was gonna collapse at any second.

so i slowed to walk. and try to catch my breath. but i couldn't. then a very strong urge to pee came. so i stopped at the portopotty and had to wait. and wait. and just as it thought my bladder was going to explode, one became available and i tore down my shorts. and nothing. NOTHING! i felt like my bladder was howling but i couldn't pee.

that's when i remembered another runner i knew who had the same symptoms. that's when i remembered an article i had read about NAISDS. that's when i knew. it had to be my kidneys. it had to be the pain reliever i took before the race. it had to be the allergy medicine i've been downing like candy the last week. my system was so effed up and out of equilibrium. it was shutting down.

at this point, i weighed whether to finish or stop at a medical tent. i told myself i would walk and calm myself down. catch my breath and see how i felt. the walking helped. i was still miserable, but the feeling of collapsing wasn't as imminent.

the last part of the race was utter agony. i can't even describe how it feels to have your body break down like that. but my heart and my head just wanted to finish so badly. so i walked. and walked. and ran. and ran. and walked. and ran. i drank more water. and more. i finished half of another gu but it nearly made me want to hurl. the race was just utter pain, my mind and mental fortitude the ONLY thing that got my feeble body over the finish line. 2 hours and 50 minutes. so so freaking sad. i wanted to finish in 2 hours and 30 minutes.

honestly, at that point i was relieved to just have it over, so i could begin recovery. i showered and finally ate breakfast and i felt a little better and not so dizzy. and i was able to pee a little bit and it was at least clear. but it's been a while since then, so i'm upping the fruit and water intake. if i don't feel better at the end of work tomorrow, i'm going to the emergency room.

i'm upset that the race i've been waiting for and training for for 6 months had to be so excruciating. but sometimes that happens. my terrible, horrible very bad run just happened to coincide with a race. as long as i live to run another day, i will. i have a ten miler in 3 weeks. which will be the perfect place to redeem myself.

oops indeed!

so that accidental 6 mile hilly run i had yesterday felt great. yesterday. but today, it's kicking my ass. and my hamstrings. my quads. my hip flexors. even my arms hurt.

or maybe it was the game of football i played earlier that same day that kicked my ass. or maybe it was trying to do both. on a week i'm supposed to taper. i forget how elderly i am, sometimes.

i'm curious to try these ice bath thingees, but i don't have a bathtub. i'm seriously tempted to fill a kiddie pool out on the back porch and soak my achy limbs. the mental image is so ridiculous i might just do it for the funny picture opportunities.

oops!

i accidentally ran too much. how the heck does THAT happen?!

i ran on a part of a trail i've never run before and i just got caught up. in the view, in the weather, in the rolling hills. i didn't even hear my alarm go off to turn around, so i ended up tacking on an extra half hour and running for 90 minutes. oops! :)

blogger love

it's official. i'm one of the cool kids. amy, the peach that she is, gave me some linkage love on her blog and even said i was funny! hahahaha!

sadly, i don't have any running to report because i was at a frat party last night. (see, i told you i was cool) more accurately, it was a frat party for the elderly, as we were celebrating some friends' birthdays who are closer to 30 than to 20. but we figured while we still had our livers, we should put them to good use and make sure our peer pong and flip cup skills don't get rusty.

so in my convalescence, aka dehydration and hangover, i am drinking water straight from the brita and downloading more tunes for my healthier running days. last week, i downloaded a scary amount of disco. this week, i'm drawn to some country. among some of my favorite running tunes are:

suddenly i see : k.t. tunstall (from watching too much so you think you can dance)
lala : ashlee simpson (makes me want to put on a french maid costume and be dirty)
bad girls : donna summer (you can't tell me that this song doesn't make you want to get your ass in gear)
september : earth, wind, and fire (i listened to them on 8 track with my parents!)
paradise city : guns and roses (this always makes me want to run fast!)
london bridge : fergie (yes she has a butter face, but girl's got sass)
run it : chris brown (in case i forget what i'm doing)
we run this : missy elliot (great motivation for hills)
sexy back : justin timberlake (appropro for all the hot shirtless men on the trails)
hawaiian rollercoaster ride : from the lilo and stitch soundtrack (makes me feel like i am riding the waves instead of pounding the pavement)
fantasy (the odb remix) : mariah carey (good beats for a slower runner like me)
holiday : madonna (i liked her better when she was catholic, i guess)
breathe : michelle branch (DUH!)
breathe, stretch, shake : mase (reminds me to relax and check that my form is nice and loose)
milkshake : kelis (that's right boys, go ahead and drool)
come clean : hilary duff (from watching too much laguna beach)
he's going the distance : cake (obvious. and it gets me thinking about cake)
last resort : papa roach (helps me grit it out when i'm tired)
cruel summer : bananarama (reminds me of karate kid and daniel-san kicking johnny's ass)
get right : jennifer lopez (it's not a run unless j.lo is involved)
used to love you : john legend (it makes me want to open up my lungs and sing out loud!)
rub you the right way : johnny gil (old skool!)
give me novacaine : green day (when i'm feeling angsty)
hypnotize : notorious b.i.g. (when i wanna feel like a bad-ass thug runner)
don't stop til you get enough : michael jackson (i can listen to old-skool michael for an entire run)

there are so many more, but i'm sure you've had enough. and my cool kid status will probably be revoked now that i've revealed my love for cheesy top 40 music. just think of all the britney, christina, kelly, and countless boy bands i didn't publicly list! oh the horror!

so please, i deplore you, broaden my horizons and let me know what you love listening to :)

FALL-ing off the treadmill

fall is here. i know because 1. there is NO humidity. YEAH! 2. there is LOTS of pollen. BOO! but the weather was too divine to spend my run on a treadmill. especially after being in the office all day.

i have no idea how far i ran because the trail i was on didn't have mile markers. but i did run for an hour, so i'm guessing i ran somewhere between 4-5 miles. i'm sure you garmin/gps people must think i'm crazy for not being geared up, but what can i say? i'm old school :)

running outside felt really, really nice. it was refreshing to hear the birds and cicadas and the crunch of my own feet on the ground. it was fun to pass people and to smile at cyclists and other runners as they approached me from the other direction. i felt strong as i surged up hills, unwilling to stop and walk. there was something empowering about putting one foot in front of the other to propel myself forward, instead of having a moving belt do that for me. my mind wandered all over the place, from my family, to work, to money, to friends, to the future, to my past. and when the hour was up, i didn't want to stop.

the fall season is gonna be great, i can already tell. the pressures of training for the half will be gone. and i already have a fun fall lineup of 10 milers, 10ks, and 5 ks. the air and the temperatures will be more runner friendly. this fall, i just might have to abandon my long time friend, the treadmill, and explore the great outdoors.

my balls hurt

i overpronate. got new running shoes.
am forming small bunions. got new everyday shoes.

but now, my balls hurt. it's a new pain. well actually not so new, but before not related to running. after my long runs, be it on the treadmill or outside, i have a soreness in the balls of my feet, akin to when i used to dance all night in high heeled shoes. except that now when i dance all night, i take my shoes off. so it's not the dancing.

when i used to get this pain during non-running related activities, i didn't think anything of it. now that it IS running related, of course it freaks me out. i want a name for my condition and i want a remedy. preferably something cheap, easy, and fast. rest usually makes it better, but we're talking days of rest here. the next day my balls are oh so tender and walking really is painful. if i try to run within 2 days, the pain just persists.

the most logical thing i can think of is that i need more cushioning. but i don't wanna go messin' with all that crap down in my shoe for fear of it taking everything out of alignment. and with my half in just 2 weeks, i'm scared to try anything new. i'm already going to be starting my period the day of my race, i don't need to add shoe experiments to exacerbate the situation.

maybe i can suck it up for now, knowing i'll be tapering soon anyway. i'll keep my balls nice and fresh and once i'm done with my race hobble to the running store to ask their advice. but if any of y'all have any advice, i'm open. perhaps i should revisit my good ol' friend, ice. she's always been good to me in the past.

today's 12 miles was brought to you by SPAM, lite

as i wok-ed up my fried rice yesterday, i thought to myself, how did i NOT think of this as a pre-long run meal before?! screw the pasta. true greatness lies in thousands of grains of rice. and eggs. a little garlic, and of course, spam.

when i was a wee child of single digit age, as soon as i learned to make rice and scramble eggs, i learned to make fried rice. back then in my mom's kitchen and now in my own, it's the breakfast of champions, and one of the things i use to comfort myself when i'm homesick. now i know it can also fuel a pretty bad ass run.

last week, 13.5 miles literally kicked my ass. i finished it though and on that day that's all that mattered. today i set out on the same trail, not knowing what the heck was gonna happen. the plan was 12 miles. i had 3 flasks of water, 2 gus and a whole lotta time.

i hit play on my nano and got work. the plan was to run 4 miles, slow down to gu, run another 2 miles, turn around and run 2 more, slow down to gu, and run the last 4. i would tackle the hills as they came and worry about the slow descent uphill on the last 6 miles back when i got there.

from the very beginning i knew this run would be different. the first mile just felt better. better than any first mile i have ever run. by mile 4 i still had lots of energy but i gued anyway and polished off one flask of water.

by the second time i gued, i was still feeling good, but by mile 9.5 i could fel my legs start to tire. that's when my body ran on auto pilot. ran just by sheer inertia. and when the hills called my name, i concentrated on my arms to pump me up over the top. and they did. it's amazing what your body can do when you pay attention to good form.

this was by far the smartest run i think i've done. the perfect mix of rest, nutrition, form, and mental fortitude. i ran up every goddamned hill that last week had me panting, had me walking. my spirits were up the entire time beating out any doubt my brain tried to creep in.

my brain let out a great sigh when i saw i had but 2 miles left and after the last hill, i had one mile to go. i slowed down to catch my breath and on the last half mile, i just kicked it. i ran faster and faster, fueled by the adrenaline and the guy next to me racing to the end of the trail as well.

i finished in 137 minutes, my fastest long run pace yet.

when i got home, i collapsed on the floor to stretch. and on tv i found a special on krispy kreme donuts. mmmmm. i even found the energy to do my 8 minute abs DVD, while watching a segment on pork rinds. but i didn't venture anywhere near those delectable treats for my post run snack. cold cold canteloupe fit the bill better. besides i'll be having barbecue and smores tonight.

those who say they don't run to eat are lying. or totally missing out.

the starting line

i began running sometime in march. i can't say i know the exact day and most likely it didn't start off as running, exactly. more like pseduo-running/not-falling-off-the-treadmill.

six months later, i'm not much speedier, but i can at least call it running. losing 30 pounds helps. as does doing it at least 3 days a week. 4 is usually my goal, but sleep and/or beer sometimes get in the way.

i've started this blog to better track my running experience. i'd like to say i'd keep stats and what not, but really, i'm not a number person. i don't even wear a watch when i run (GASP! i KNOW!) and i run most of my miles on a treadmill (DOUBLE GASP!) the numbers that REALLY matter to me are calories burned and total miles.

i will also try to be conscientious about typos, but as you can tell i don't particularly care for capitalization. i do, however, have a fondness for commas. maybe i should also embrace the semi-colon, but she's just a little too fancy for me.

i can at least proudly start this blog with a run to report. 5 miles in 57 minutes. it was part easy run with some speedwork to get the in the mileage in the time i had before margarita-fest. plus i had some new disco tunes and my feet couldn't HELP but move faster.

also, for the sake of measuring progress, i will report my height and weight. (TRIPLE GASP!) i'm 5'3" and 138 pounds. i'm a size 6/8 in pants depending on the ass/thigh/waist ratio, size 4 in skirts, and a size small in tops.

i'm hoping to lose another 10-15 and know it will only come from lifting weights. barf. but once i get into it, i'll like it again. hopefully. i have a 10 year high school reunion looming, so i better learn to like it again.

in terms of actual running goals, i'd really like to improve my 5k and 10k times. start running some hills, (with the added benefit gaining a booty lift) and i'd like to run another half. an actual full-fledged 26.2 will have to wait once i get other personal business taken care of. plus i haven't even been running a year yet. but just you wait. a marathon is in the cards.

but really, i'm not a runner for the competition or bragging rights. i run because i can. i run because it's hard. and i'm addicted to the endorphins! :)