60%

the schedule only has 6 planned for today. must be another one of those cutback weeks (gotta love em) so i don't really have a fire lit under my ass to get it done. it's very doable and the weather today is so mild i can do it anytime. it's more a matter of getting over the dread of boredom i've talked about before. i think running a new route might help, so that will require some thinking on my end. and i need to find the receiver to my ipod+. but i'm too lazy to do either of those things right now, so i'm blogging. about my weight! (aren't you lucky!)

when i started this blog back in september i was weeks from my first half and weighed 138 pounds. which is pretty hefty for someone only 5'3". but i've always been heavier than my petite counterparts mainly because i think i carry more muscle or have heavier bones, or so i tell myself. my profile pic shows what i look like at that weight and while you can't see the meatiness that is my thighs, i think i look pretty good. i felt pretty good anyway.

at that time, i was hoping to lose another 10-15, but i know from experience that weighing anything under the 135 mark is something my body can't do without great sacrifice. meaning working out hard, a lot. and more importantly, eating healthy 100% of the time.

today, i'm 10 pounds heavier than i was back in september (so the miss petite america moniker is a sham! shut up!) a lot of that has to do with the stress and change i've gone through since september. and the fact that i now live at home and my mom fills the house with goodies i never ever bought. her way of showing she loves me is to feed me. and i have no self control.

60% of the time i can be good. i have to subtract 25% for the week of PMS and 15% for my celebrating habit (drinking, birthday parties, family get togethers etc). this 60% does put me ahead, but only by a bit. so the weight loss, it's been slow. reeeeeeal slow. and if my workout regimen falters at all, the scale is unforgiving.

i know that if i really just focus, even just a little bit, the 10 pounds will fall away pretty easily. but the last 10-15 vanity pounds i'd want to lose? would only come if i borrowed madonna's personal trainers and nutritionists. and never ate anything i loved ever again.

and people really do live this way. some people actually practice raw, macrobiotic diets. some people actually don't drink alcohol! some people actually workout when they're upset instead of reaching for a bag of kettle chips! dean karnazes says he doesn't even eat his kid's birthday cake! sweet jesus, it's BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!!!!!!!! i know dean is like the god of distance running, but c'mon it's your kid's freaking birthday, and you ran like 500 miles this morning, i think you can eat a piece of friggin' cake for your son's birthday.

i vascilate between admiration and pity when i read/hear about people's perfect diet and exercise habits. i mean to have the dedication and discipline! but at the same time, to ALWAYS be that dedicated and disciplined can't always be fun. maybe that's the price you pay for having a "perfect" body.

judging by my 60%, i've chosen fun and food over 6 pack abs. because while it would be great to fit into my size 4 skinny jeans all the time, i just don't think i could give up beer and barbecue. or the random PMS krispy kreme. or garlic fries at the ball park. maybe it makes me weak. or less dedicated. or neurotically too attached to food. i think the best i could do is raise my 60% to a 75%. i am just a recreational athlete, after all. but it does sometimes make me feel like a porker.

i actually meant this to be a more positive post, as my size 6 pants are fitting again. and my skinny jeans are only 10 pounds away. i think what bothers me more than my actual size is my attitude. i feel like i should want to be healthier, want to be more hardcore about my diet and exercise. that i shouldn't stop until i'm 17% body fat. because even though i might be comfortable with my size and my body, i can't help but think that others see me running and think, "sweet jesus, she needs to put a shirt on" or "holy crap she's gonna start a fire with all that chafing". even at a healthy weight for me, i don't think i'll ever look like a runner. i always feel like that chubby girl in a sea of super-toned, super-fit hard bodies.

and i mean, sure it'd be great if i could be a hard body too. but i'm obviously not willing to work that hard. is that such a bad thing?

iron f*cking yoga

i had a hard time falling asleep last night, so when my alarm went off at 5:20 for spin class, i barely had enough energy to turn the damned thing off. my slumber was already ruined and since i get up at 6 every morning anyway, i got up to feed my ravenous stomach. yoga started at 8:30 so i laid my head down again only to wake up at 9. doh! but at least i was well rested.

i checked the gym schedule and it turns out there's another spin class at 5:30, but no more yoga for the day. so, i dusted off my iron yoga DVD and thought i'd give it a go. i bought it nearly a year ago and probably did it twice. now that i have some yoga under my belt i thought i might enjoy it more. especially since the yoga classes at my gym aren't particularly strenuous. they're definitely good for my flexibility and overall uptightedness, but not so great for strength.

now i remember why i only did the dvd twice. it's freakin' hard! and i didn't even use weights. i was all wobbly and sweaty. but i will say this: 1. i have plenty of room to improve, so i'll definitely get my money's worth from this dvd 2. it's a great workout.

the guy does get kind of annoying at times. annoying enough that i wanted to throw the remote at the t.v. (so very un-yoga like) but i think that had more to do with how tired i was getting in certain poses than him. because as far as dvd instructors go, he's pretty neutral.

i bought a pilates for abs dvd a few weeks ago that i have yet to crack open. and after an hour of iron yoga, i just didn't have the strength. maybe tomorrow before my long run.

does anyone out there have recommendations for good workout dvds they've tried?

then i said

that's cool. so the whole wanting to work out with me, that was all just to spend more time together?

basically, yeah. but i did want to start working out again.

and it doesn't weird you out that i'm your friend's older sister?

no. though your brother and his gf have been asking what's up with us flirting and all i could think was "i've sure been trying, but i don't know if she has." i didn't want to say, yeah i like her, then find out you didn't feel the same way. so i didn't say anything.

hmmm. well to be honest i'm not totally surprised. i kind of saw it coming. i didn't think you'd be so bold so soon.

well...i feel better now that i've told you.

the next day, i was over at his house watching the brazil/argentina game, and he kissed me. it was weird because i have thought about kissing him, but i never acted on it for a variety of reasons. and now that it was actually happening, i kissed him back. my brain told me i probably shouldn't. but gravity sort of took over and i found myself drawn in. it was nice. and it's been a loooong time since i've kissed a boy.

but it isn't that simple. i'm thinking now that taking this any further would be a bad idea. sure, he makes me laugh like no one's business and he's very sweet, and loyal, and gentlemanly. BUT we work together, he's friends with my brother and his gf, and he's 5 years younger than i am. and for other reasons i won't bore anyone with here, i already know he's not boyfriend material.

not to say that's what he's saying he wants or that anything serious will ever come of me and MH based on this weekend's turn of events, i just think now's the time to be very clear to him that this does not go past friendship. and while there are parties who say i could entertain a non-serious flirtation/fling thing, that's just not for me. after spending so many years with a really bad boyfriend, i vowed i would never put up with less than everything i ever wanted in a male. i spent so many years waiting, settling, that i don't want to get caught up in that again. and when it comes to affection, i'm an all or nothing kind of girl. i don't ever just kind of like someone. or kind of get involved. i can see myself easily getting carried away with the attention and the kissing. so it's just best to not cross the line, because for me it's always a hard road back.

so that's the end of the boring story folks. sorry it wasn't juicier. it does prove to me yet again that harry's theory of male and female relationships is right: men and women can never just be friends. at least in all my years of life, that has been the case. but it's good to know i'm not totally hideous to the opposite sex.

in workout news, i ran twice today! once in the morning at the gym. and after work on a real bonafide track! i planned on doing yasso 800s but after my first warmup lap, a group of volunteers for this weekend's cancer relay gathered on the track. and because i am stupid, i didn't want to stop and take any walk breaks in front of these people. so i did a 3 mile tempo run, walked a lap when they left, and then ran a mile cooldown.

.25 warm up: untimed
1: 10:39
2: 10:58
3: 10:30
.25 walk: 4:14
4.25: 13:35 cooldown
.25 walk: 5:30

total time: 55:20

this is the first time i've done my speedwork on a track. it was nice because it was outside and the wind kept me cool. but it was boring and i kept thinking i would lose track of how many laps i'd done since i was keeping track by mile and not quarter mile. but i'll definitely try it again.

and in all honesty, i didn't give my all as indicated by my splits. i chalk it up to the unwanted audience and the unfamiliar territory. because i don't feel like admitting i'm lazy today.

then he said

i really like you, and i want to get to know you better.

best hour of my day

9:00-10:00 pm. on the treadmill. a sweet, easy 5 miles.

i've been feeling congested since friday so i haven't really worked out. friday, i bagged my run but made it to yoga. yesterday after work i helped my brother's gf paint her new apartment. and because we had family over this weekend to help my brother's gf, there was tasty but fatty food aplenty. and for some reason whenever my brothers are around i feel the need to outeat them. it's a strange unspoken eating contest we engage in when mom's fried chicken hits the table. and don't even get me started when she makes adobo.

so yeah, a workout was definitely in order today. i dragged myself to the gym after a short nap. because my sinuses were congested i figured the treadmill was my best bet. if my nose erupted with snot, i could always dash to the bathroom. and if i truly felt like poop, i could easily hop off and drive home.

luckily, running gets the blood pumping and the generated body heat clears the sinuses.

right now i'm trying to watch the espys. but chances are i'll channel surf to the food network...

he's definitely related to me

27 pounds of ice

MH cancelled on me this morning. me thinks he was drowning his sorrows in one too many modelos last night after mexico's loss. but their loss was my gain, since i was already up and ready to go.

lately, i've been dreading my long runs because i've been fearing boredom. though once i start, boredom never really is a problem. most of the time i'm grateful to myself for getting my ass out. or sometimes i'm preoccupied with how tired i am and i'm pushing myself to go on. or my breath literally gets taken away at the sight of deer, rabbits, birds etc.

today's nine was no different. not the best but not the worst, more of a mixed bag of everything in between. i will say this: gu saved my life and flamenco music is fabulous to run to.

i forgot my watch but nike plus says i finished in an hour and 56 minutes. my stomach was giving me a few problems during my run forcing me to walk at times so my time was slow indeed. but considering all my body has been through this week, i'll take it.

not wanting to take any chances with any sort of soreness, i fixed myself an ice bath with 3 nine pound bags of ice. it's crazy but i have this crazy fascination with ice baths. i love 'em. i'm a masochist, i know. sometimes i think i do my long runs just so i can take an ice bath!

now i'm snuggled under the covers with a mug of chicken and stars, a bowl of strawberries, and some kettle baked chips watching pretty in pink. happy thursday, y'all.

not quite 100%

i attempted a run today. to play it safe, i kept to the treadmill. i got about 35 minutes into it before my stomach started feeling um, unpleasant. but at least i got something done. tomorrow morning, MH and i are off to spin. i probably won't get a long run in this week, unless i can pull off a miracle on friday or saturday evening. so, please pray for a miracle. i don't want to be a complete waste of human flesh this week.

uh oh, there really ARE pictures...

my digital camera somehow made it home with me. here are the goods...the bad goods...


drunk


drunker


drunkest (such a shining moment for me)


MH and i accosting the front desk


littlest bro and i makin' our mama proud!


littlest bro gettin' down


the knuckleheads


the girls

praying to the porcelain gods

actually, it was more like praying to the sidewalk gods, and the front seat of MH's car gods, and the bucket by the couch gods. because in the numerous times i puked this weekend, not once did i actually make it to a toilet.

i crashed a wedding this weekend, but i'm the one who crashed. HARD.

i didn't intend for the night to go as it did, but who really does. in my defense, i didn't even have all that much to drink. it must have been something about the alignment of the planets or maybe something that i ate. but saturday night sucked so hard it wasn't even funny.

unless you were my brother, or his friends. or MH. or any lucky guest in the lobby of the hotel who got to witness my shenanigans. i was tackling people. putting cigarettes in people's mouths. and apparently, doing some very unladylike dancing. sweet jesus. thank god my mother wasn't there.

i remember having a good time, and then i remember not. i vaguely remember getting into MH's car, but i don't remember puking on his shirt. or his car. i don't know how i got on the couch. or where my shoes or purse were. i woke up at around 4 am with a pounding headache and the desire to puke even more. at around 5 am, my mom woke me up to get me ready for work. yes kids, i had to go to work.

she made me a bagel and i somehow managed to put on my uniform and stand up.

the next 7 hours were the worst of my life. i had to go to work because a new girl was starting and i couldn't leave her to run the restaurant by herself. plus everyone at work knew i was at the wedding and i couldn't call out sick on account of being hungover. even if i couldn't stand up. so yeah, it pretty much sucked hard. i could not escape the nauseau, whether i was sitting, standing, laying down. the lowest of the low was when i finally puked yet again about an hour before the end of my shift.

finally, finally, finally i made it home, and on the couch with a huge plate of watermelon, gatorade and some crackers. i took some tylenol and took a nap. and finally, finally, finally felt like half a normal person. i remember at some point during my convalesence thinking, "i'm a freaking marathon runner in training and THIS is what i'm doing to my body?!? shit!"

i was tempted to take a picture of myself to remind me of the bad things alcohol can do to my body. but to be honest, i don't really know what happened. i really honestly only had 3 glasses of wine. there must have been some other odd factor to have caused such wretching of my insides. either way, it sucked hard. and even today, 2 days later, i still don't feel 100%. my throat still burns like hell. i don't know how bulimics do it. but i will say this: shit like this doesn't happen when i drink beer.

8 mile

first off, more eric eye candy. let's all swoon together.

second, i have running to report, finally. my last 2 workouts were on the bike, both of which kinda sucked. it took all i had not to spew my dinner during spin class. and i was sore an hour after class. back to back bike days really tax my hip flexors and quads. booooo!

wednesday, my normal rest day, was the fourth and the night of too many mojitos. thursday, my usual long run day, i spent at stinson beach. nothing but long naps and short dips to cool off. i got home at a decent hour, planning to run, but i was a bit tired and dehydrated.

so i resolved to run today. and by golly i did. 8 miles. on the treadmill, people. (insert your gasps here)

i didn't really want to run this on the treadmill, but by the time i was ready to run, it was already close to 8pm and there was no way i would finish before it got dark. so off to the gym i went.

apparently, i wasn't the only loser at the gym on a friday night because the place was pretty busy when i got there. but within the hour and 40 minutes it took to finish my run, the place really thinned out.

my run went from bad to good, which is about all you can hope for in a run. i'd been kinda cranky all day and i had a lot of errands to run after work. so the first half of my run consisted of me flipping through most of my playlist, unable to stand listening to one complete song. at 4.75 miles i reset the treadmill and tried to reset my mood.

turns out the tv did it for me. i got caught up in watching some football special about the 1988 forty-niners. boy did that bring me back. i'm not a big sports buff, but i do remember idolizing joe montana, jerry rice, ronnie lott, steve young, roger craig. i remember my entire family sitting around someone's big screen every week screaming our heads off. and this was before i ever drank beer! i remember the immense pride san franciscans took in our team and feeling like we were part of the legacy.

that last 5k was probably the best time i've had running in a while. at the end i had plenty of gas for more and my spirits were through the roof. for sure my pace was slow, but it was nice to be reminded how good running can feel.

is there room for me on that raft?

it's hot as hell today. i want chocolate more than anything right now. i'm bloated. i'm tired. and i could use a few glasses of wine.

instead, i'm going to spin class. whoop-ee.

the good news is tomorrow is the fourth of july! my second favorite holiday!! tomorrow is also my very own personal independence day. it's been exactly a year that i left my jack-ass loser boyfriend! WOOT! and i don't miss him one bit, FINALLY! more than anything, i feel such relief that he is no longer in my life.

so now i am free to frolick with my pretend celebrity boyfriend, eric bana. such a tall drink of water he is...

*sigh*

thanks again to all the bloggers for coming through. i think my brain is just in anticipation overdrive. right now the training is easy and familiar and i'm impatient. i want it to start getting hard already. weird i know. but i don't think it will start to feel real until it starts to feel hard. if that makes any sense.

speaking of training, i took sunday off because my knee was giving me issues. and today because my feet were still a little tender, i took to the stationary bike. nothing too thrillng. something like 15 miles in 50 minutes on the alpine setting.

today, yoga was with heavy breathing guy. at one point in class he actually told us to try to get our outbreath to sound like darth vadar. i know it's been a good yoga day when my legs are tingly at the end of class when we're meditating. i love me some downward facing dog. (that sounded ridiculously dirty, or is it just me?)

5:11:24

that is my projected finishing time for the marathon in october. and this is how i feel about it.

i'm already displeased with the results and i haven't even started. something's wrong here.

for the most part, i thought i wasn't too hung up on being a slow runner. but the idea of it taking over 5 flippin' hours to run is just ridiculous. like what is the point if i'm gonna run it that slow? can you even call it running at that point?! for pete's sake, oprah finished half an hour faster than i will. OH-PRAH! you're telling me if we were gazelles in the african desert, i would get eaten by the lion and she would make it away safely? she doesn't look particularly spry to me.

i mean my grandma could probably run it faster! one legged dwarves and blind monkeys running backwards could probably make it to the finish line faster. it feels like anyone can run it in that time, so how is it any special achievement that i can?

i know, i know, i'm missing the whole point of embarking on this endeavor in the first place. it's not about what others can do, it's about what i can do. but we'd all be lying if we said running isn't about speed or competition. why would we bother timing ourselves if it wasn't? why would we care about where we place in our age group?

i know that faster doesn't necessarily mean better. but it means something. and for someone who is used to working for and achieving anything she wants, a 5 hour plus marathon just seems so mediocre to me. and it pains me that no matter how hard i train, there is a limit to my physical abilities. i probably just need a killer long run to kick my ass and put me in check. then i'll be on my hands and knees begging, pleading, praying i make it out alive at all!

i've always been one to be more focused on the destination than the journey. ultimately, my motivation for running this marathon has to be more than just my finishing time.

i guess i have to think of it like this: while the marathon is my goal, there are many goals to achieve on the way. and the marathon itself is really just a small part of what makes me a runner.

2 shadows

so i know i said i was taking a week hiatus from running. i lied. i can't help it. the weather has been so perfect for running. and my feet don't hurt that bad. i've been careful to massage and ice with a frozen water bottle. and stretch like a mo'fo'. i thought at the very least i could see how i felt after a short, easy run.

i brought MH with me, which was a little nerve-wracking. i warned him i was slow. and i warned him that it was gonna be short. 4 miles only. he still said he was up for it. so off we went.

dude smoked me up the hills. rat bastard! i did all i could to keep up. but for the most part we ran side by side, listening to our respective ipods. some of the time i worried i was going too slow. part of the time i worried whether maybe it was too much. part of the time i forgot he was there. part of the time i'd try to speed up and he'd match it and add more then i'd think shit, i gotta slow down. but at 3 miles he said he was done. wtf? i was just warming up?

interestingly enough, our splits are slower than they have been.
2: 12:50
3: 12:34
.25: 3.33
T: 41:30

i'm not totally sold on the whole running partner thing. my mind was working overtime worrying. but i can definitely see him being useful for running faster.

it was meant to be

all day i was psyched about going to yoga tonight. i even bought my very own yoga mat! i've also been developing pain in my feet which i suspect to be PF, so i had even more reason to look forward to the stretching of my tight, malfunctioning muscles.

so i get to class, roll out the new mat. MH rolls in late, of course. but at least he showed up, which is more than i can say for the instructor.

as the minutes ticked by i was trying not to fume because well, i'm in yoga and we're supposed to be patient and shit like that. but then the other people in class started to annoy me. one chick suggested someone warm up the class. one dude was doing his own thing, most likely trying to show off. this other chick was talking on her cell phone.....

finally i got up, put on my flip flops and headed for the front desk. they had no idea where she was or what was going on. eventually MH and i left.

for the movies. this time evan almighty. and dinner afterwards. where i ate a huge ass bonzai burger, with fries and a hefewezien.

did i mention that part of my 5 week challenge was to not drink alcohol or eat fried food?

*sigh*

but i will say this: it was the most satisfying meal i've had in a long time. it hit the spot so much i don't even regret it. something deep in my belly NEEDED that juicy burger! and we all know runners need carbs.

and as for my odd feet pain, i'm laying off running for a week and doing some experimentation with my work shoes. i think the culprit for my injuries lately stem more from that than my actual running. so i'll be spinning and swimming my little heart out for the next week. and hopefully doing more freakin' yoga!

sweat management

all your recommendations are greatly appreciated, but...

i've used a running hat and a running visor and they both irritate the hell out of me because 1. my head gets hot 2. they get blown off in the wind (and it can get windy 'round here) 3. when they do reach saturation (and they always do) they just aren't effective anymore.

i switched to sunglasses mainly for comfort reasons. i just don't do well with head covering. but now i have sweat management issues to contend with.

i've tried bandanas, sweatbands. and yes they work up to a point, but again there's a point where they just don't work anymore. i don't care how much they say they wick. also, again, they make my head hot. so marcy, while those bondibands look freakin' cute, i think i would just tear it off some point during my run because my head caught on fire.

so i did some research and found this. looks a little nerdy, but actually kinda nifty. and i'm a sucker for sleek AND effective design. at $16 it sounds steep but if it really works then i'd be willing to pay double.

and don't even get me started on hair management. all you chicas with long hair who can pull it straight back in a ponytail, consider yourself blessed. chicas like me with thick short hair are screwed. unless i want to shave it off (which i consider on a weekly basis). i'm currently using the goody stay put sport headbands and they sorta kinda work. but after a while they stretch out and manage to slip their way to the back of my head NOT where it belongs. i cut my hair short in the first place because i have not ever found a hair accessory that can tame it. but when it comes to running, the sexy, side swept bangs don't work so well.

it's a hill. get over it!*

this week is a cutback week so today's long run was only 6 miles. to make it a little more interesting, i thought i'd add a couple of hills. nothing too crazy since i haven't run hills in a long while. but since the marathon is in sf, i figured i should start getting used to it. they have a nifty little tool on their website that predicts your splits based on your pace and the course topography (is that the right word?) all i remember is that one of the miles is so hilly it will take me about 15 minutes to run! RIDICULOUS!

so i set off this morning, channelling all the power in my hot pink tank. somewhere on my run, instead of pressing pause on my watch when i tied my shoes or stretched, i pressed the splits button, so no accurate splits.

1: 12:08 (including 5 minute warmup)
2:11:09
and then it goes to crap.
total time: 1:09:25
ave pace: 11:34

11:34 is NOT my long run pace. i know i should reel it in, but 6 miles no longer feels LONG to me. i'm wondering whether my pace will naturally slow down once i hit the higher mileage or whether i should really start to consciously slow my ass down. i will say this though, when i run at this pace, my outer calves never hurt. but when i run slower, they do. hmmm.

oooh, i also ran sans knee support! and they felt totally fine! didn't stop me from icing when i got home though. but still...the less i have to wear while running, the better. which reminds me, you know the sunglasses that made me feel like terminator last week? well this week, i nearly went blind from my own sweat. there was no evaporation whatsoever around my eyes. i really hate wearing a hat or visor because my head and hair get soaked through and the hat just gets heavy. any other suggestions? besides having a pacer follow me with a parasol.

*i did not come up with this clever bit. i stole it from a race poster i saw at my local running store yesterday.

suck-ing wind. big time.

spinning is something i consider only hard core crazy fitness freaks, i mean buffs, get into. i've taken it up once a week strictly because i know it's good for me. i seriously, seriously, seriously, doubt i'll ever like it.

it's just so god damned HARD! and last night kicked my ass. it felt like the room was hotter than normal. my legs burned. my lungs burned. we did a series of anaerobic intervals, hill intervals, then a retarded sprint at the end. my legs were toast. honestly, i was spent 45 minutes into class. the last 15 minutes...i have no idea how i kept my legs moving.

mentally, spinning is tough. it takes everything i have to not let my legs shut down. i swear sometimes i feel like my legs cannot POSSIBLY push or pull that stupid little pedal anymore. sometimes i feel like my lungs cannot POSSIBLY heave more oxygen into my system. but somehow, they do.

what i get from spinning is enduring an hour of pure torture. getting used to the exertion, the pain and ultimately the exhaustion.

it makes running feel like a piece of cake, sometimes.

when i got home, i poured myself a bowl of cherries, i popped in kelly clarkson's new cd (it effing rocks!), and sat in an ice bath for 10 minutes. today is a rest day, but i think i might go to yoga anyway. it's bendy power poses day!

side note: after all the drama that goes into the beginning of class, with "the list" and 3 people getting denied a bike, the chick in front of me had the audacity to take it easy! i swear she was gone for at least 10 minutes of the class and when she was on her bike she was pedalling like she was on a sunday morning jaunt through the park. AND she left early! and this was the same chick who last week told MH she would divorce him for not signing up for class right.

the five week challenge

in the next 37 days, i have:

6 long runs for a total of 51 miles.
5 speed workouts totalling 20 miles. (assuming a pace similar to last night's tempo)
8 easy runs equalling 31 miles. (assuming a 12:00 pace, my plan goes by time on the non long run days)
with a grand total of roughly 100 running miles.

i have 20 hours of crosstraining to do:
10 yoga classes
6 spin classes
4 pool workouts

and 8 days of sweet, sweet, rest.

my plan is to hit every. single. workout.

then i get a week to eat, drink, and be merry at the beach with my friends back east. there is no sweeter reward.

except for maybe how hot i'll look on the beach 5 weeks from now...

like peanut butter and jelly

or even better, peanut butter and chocolate.that's how i feel about running and yoga. they go together that well.

today's workout called for a 45 min tempo run. here are my splits:
1: 12:23 (includes warmup)
2: 11:30
3: 11:26
4: 10:43
.2: 3:44 (cooldown)
T: 49:47

some of you balk that i can stand being on the treadmill at all, much less close to an hour. truth is sometimes i prefer the treadmill to the outdoors. sometimes i want my music blaring really loud in my ears. sometimes i need the whir of a room full of machines to block out and help me focus. sure it means i sweat twice as much, but sometimes i feel like it makes the experience that much more intense.

plus it's convenient on yoga nights. i'm a newbie to yoga and know there are quite a few varieties. i've taken classes given by three different instructors: one man who's big on the meditation and breathing, one woman who is a little loopy and new age, but that's to be expected, and another woman who's into the power bendy poses. guess which one i like the best?

take that scaredy cat!

read my post from earlier today and you'll understand why tonight's run is such a victory.

running conditions this morning were per-fect. low 60s, zero humidity, beautiful sunrise. i planned an easy, flat 7 miler along the sacramento river. everything was per-fect. except for me. my calves were tight. my breathing erratic. i had to pee. i almost got run over by a train. i had the wrong kind of music on my ipod. i felt so heavy i just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. after 2 miles, i threw in the towel.

that run was the straw that broke the camel's back. wtf was up with me? why in hades can i not run without angst?

so i came home and blogged about it. admitted my fears. to myself and you bad ass runners i admire so much. and you know what? i felt better. i let those fears roll around in my head and heart long enough and released them into the blogosphere. it's like a 10 ton weight was lifted from my shoulders.

then i went to the nike outlet for some retail therapy. bought some new running tops, specifically a hot pink compression tank that is freakin' HAWT and sunglasses. i got some new headphones too. the ipod earbuds i've been using suck!

i got home and read wendy's comment and knew what i had to do. i made a new running playlist, suited up in my new gear (HAWT!) and got my ass to my favorite running spot.

i found that: sunset is just as nice as sunrise (yeah summer solstice). 10mph winds actually feel pretty good when the temps are in the 80s. letting my hair blow in the wind felt better than stuffing it under a bandana or hat. my new sunglasses make me feel like the terminator.

i ran faster than i have in weeks. faster than most of my long runs. but i guess i had something to prove. my splits:

.25 warmup
1: 10:36
2: 11:23
3: 11:46
4: 12:00
5: 11:33
6: 11:35
7: 11:30

we're talking an average pace of 11:30 people. and for me that's big news. and trust me i felt it. not so much that i wanted to die, but enough that i couldn't outright sing the tunes playing in my ears.

there's no denying i want this marathon. i've come leaps and bounds from my early days of running. and i still have more, people. lots more............

when will i get off the ground?

i'm 3 weeks into my marathon training and despite a rocky start, i think i've been pretty good and consistent about getting my workouts in. what i'm trying to do different from my past 2 half marathon trainings is add more cross training. and that seems to be going pretty well.

so then why does it not feel like i'm really training? and why is it that my running workouts are the ones that suck the most?

why can't i get myself to eat like a good little runner for more than a few weeks at a time? why can i not resist having a beer (or more) or a glass of wine? why do i stay up way too late some nights, even though i know i need my rest?

what happened to the little voice i used to have inside my head that helped me make all the healthy decisions regarding my training? what happened to that drive? that pride?

i've been thinking about this the past few weeks and the only thing i can think of is that i'm scared. the training for my last 2 half marathons were great. i was seriously high on training. but at my first race, i was suffering from a sinus infection and didn't know it. i had a horrible, awful race. i finished. but not without a lot of pain and concern for my health.

the training from that race also led me to get orthotics because of pain i was having in my feet. i was laid up for a good number of weeks, missing the army ten-miler that i really really wanted to run.

if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know how the training for my last half went. i went into bad-ass mode, ran farther and faster than i ever had, only again to get sick and stressed out with other life stuff that caused me to miss the race entirely.

and now my knees, that never really seemed to give me huge problems before, are of great concern to me. yes, they've been holding up. yes, i've been diligent about icing, and ibing, and hell, i even got into a freaking yoga class for them.

but i guess i no longer have a newbie's ignorance. or newbie's optimism. granted none of my injuries have been huge, but they've all been directly linked to the endurance running. and i think part of me thinks, what else will go wrong when i start piling on the miles? i've stopped focusing on my speed and hell, even keeping track of my weekly mileage because i think that ambition may have driven me to go out too far and too fast. so how else do i stay motivated? in what other ways can i celebrate my victories?

part of me also thinks, i just don't want to get my heart set on running this race when it can all go to shit come race day. i don't want to invest the next 18 weeks, if my body really can't handle it. i'm scared of wanting it, committing to it, because in the past things have gone to shit in the 11th hour, mostly because of things out of my control.

i know you can't plan life. and you can't live life scared of success because of past dissapointments. so what will it take for me to really own this marathon? to own my running? to not run scared but run free?

never send a man...

last week at spin there was a huge fiasco. some veteran spinners were denied bikes because they didn't know they had to sign up. some people got signed in on the wrong day, MH and i included. there was so much tension in the air i thought people were seriously gonna brawl over who got bikes. but somehow the spin gods were shining on us and when the dust settled we still ended up with bikes.

so yesterday morning as MH left the treadmill next to me to go to work, i said, "make sure to sign us up for spin tomorrow". and like a good boy, he stopped at the front desk to reserve our bikes. i saw him. with my own two eyes. drip gobs of sweat as he wrote in the book.

so today we get to class, arrange our bikes and start warming up. and the instructor starts reading off the names. and then i get this sinking feeling. i turn to MH....

MPA: are you SURE you signed us up for the right date?

MH: today's tuesday, right?

MPA: yes.

MH: then yes. we're good to go.

MPA: the PM class?

MH: uh...oh...there's 2 classes?

MPA: *sigh*

after everything that happened last week, we had to be those idiots! it was so freakin' embarrassing, only because i swear some of those veteran spinners are so damned smug. one woman actually said to MH, "you signed up on the wrong day? i would have divorced you!" i know she was just kidding but c'mon!

so what did we do? signed up for tomorrow morning's 6 am spin class. and next week's tuesday PM class. i did it myself. never send a man to do a woman's job.

and what did we do after that? hit the weights? jump on the treadmill? HA!

we walked across the street to watch ocean's 13. in my padded bike shorts. ordered a huge popcorn and chocolate covered gummy bears. seemed like the perfect thing to do.

just call me yogi

i managed to wake up from my nap late (of course), cutting my speed workout down from 60 minutes to 45. i need to get my act together and get to the damned gym on time so as to not cheat myself of precious training time. i run so slow i can barely get in any decent mileage by sleeping in.

the marathoning mortal program has 4 different types of tempo runs. todays was supposed to go: 10 min warm up walk, 10 min easy run, 40 min @ tempo pace (80% exertion), 10 minute easy run, 10 minute walk cool down. because of my lateness, i cut the warmups and easy runs down to 5 minutes each, leaving me 25 minutes @ tempo pace. i was also supposed to do strides after the cooldown, but again, i was pressed for time. but still, better than nothing.

as much as i hate running in the evening in a really crowded gym, i do have to say it's easier to get warmed up and into the swing of the workout. sometimes in the morning i can barely get my body to wake up.

after my run, i had about 5 minutes to cool off and towel myself off. i swear the amount i sweat is ridiculous. i look like i just jumped into a pool. i don't even bother buying white sports bras anymore. THAT would be obscene.

our regularly scheduled yoga instructor is out until july, but it doesn't really matter to me because i only started yoga last week! but let me just say it is the best decision i've ever made! it's relaxing and invigorating all at the same time. last week after class i swear i could feel my blood circulating through my body. but not in a weird way, in a good way.

taking yoga after my run was just the best. i felt like i could get a deeper stretch because my body was already warm. and it felt good to lengthen my limbs after spending an hour pounding on a treadmill. i doubt i'll be sore from yoga tomorrow. this week's instructor was more about stretching and breathing while last week's was more about the gumby power poses.

tomorrow calls for am swim and pm spin.

trying to keep pace

woke up late. MH was already at the gym. today, i'm the wimp.

i was only able to eke out 2.5 miles in a half hour. which sort of takes care of the easy run planned for today. as for the speed workout i missed yesterday, i'm hoping to make that up tonight. before yoga.

tomorrow will most likely hurt. just in time for spinning.

tonight's dinner

a bowl of strawberries and blueberries.

a haagen-dazs ice cream bar with almonds.

a bottle of zinfandel port.

who needs an entree?

my abs

one word: ow.

isn't there an easier way to a 6 pack?

this morning, 40 minute recovery run. sans MH. what a wimp.

a sweaty, super 6

my first long run of my marathon training (not counting last week's near poop disaster) is officially in the books. it was hot as hell and i sweat so much i could wring my shirt out. and i was inside! as i drove home from the gym i wondered how the crazy bastards running outside could stand it. it's like already 80 degrees at 9 in the morning.

the first half of my 6 mile run pretty much sucked balls. i could barely get myself to run 4.4 mph. i'm serious people. then i changed my ipod from russell peter's comedy act "outsourced" to john legend's latest album. only then was i able to crank out the remaining 3 miles without too much angst. i guess it's hard to run when you're laughing out loud.

my knees seem to be holding up ok. yesterday they were a little twingy so i ib'ed and iced. they didn't twinge a bit on my run, but i was wearing my miracle bands and now i'm icing. i've been running slower than molasses lately, but my fear of permanent injury is greater than my ambition and stupidity. i guess i'm old enough to know when to play it safe.

i'm doing an abs class later with MH and tomorrow he's actually getting up to meet me at the gym at 5 am. i've never seen a dude so motivated.

who will be the biggest loser?

lately, everyone at the hotel wants to lose weight. this from a crowd who smokes, drinks, and frequently enjoys the easy access to all kinds of food from the hotel kitchen.

there's my lil bro's gf, who's now in jenny craig and has rediscovered the gym because she's intent on losing 20 pounds.

there's the front desk girl who i don't know much about except that according to the guys about 40 pounds ago she was fit for a hip-hop video. that and she is seriously considering getting a boob job. she doesn't strike me as the type to know much about nutrition or exercise, but i could be wrong.

there's my friend MH who smokes and never sleeps. he works 2 jobs meaning he parties twice as hard. how he manages to play league soccer once a week i'll never know.

then there's me. a sometimes diligent worker-outer who eats like its her job because she is constantly surrounded by fabulous food at work and at home.

it appears us "dieters" fit into 2 camps: the wanna-be-skinniers and the wanna-be-fitters. this is a reality show competition in the making. it's like a science experiment and i'm interested in seeing whose approach "wins". i hate to make it about who will "win" because weight loss is very personal. and maybe i'm the only one who in their mind has made it a competition. when everyone around you gets fat together, you don't feel as fat. but if everyone starts getting smaller, you don't want to be the one left with a fat ass and doughnut crumbs on your belly.

though when MH told me that his plans for getting back in shape entailed going to the gym with me, i was pretty impressed. for a dude to say to a chick, help me get in shape i thought was pretty cool. i told him very sternly though that the only way i would work out with him was if he quit smoking, he agreed on the spot threw out his pack of cigs and went to the store on his lunch break to buy the nicotine gum. wow.

so last night, even though i already got my swim workout in and i had a long run planned for today, we went to spin together. and let me just say it helps TREMENDOUSLY having a workout buddy in a class like spin. i'm not convinced we should run together, but taking a class that i take only because i know it's good for me with someone even goofier than me makes it much more bearable.

i think he's hooked. and i think having a gym buddy might just make some parts of my training much more fun and therefore much more regular.

boo! i'm sore.

was it the yoga last night or the swimming this morning? who knows. all i know is i have a body full of neglected muscles making their presence known.

13 things

i love a good list. here's a recap of my weekend, recent workouts, and more personal oddities:

1. i waited on sinbad twice this weekend. he's taller in person. and thinner. and he hit on me. it was quite hilarious.

2. even though the giants lost, it was a great game. and of course i could not resist the garlic fries and beer. and just a note to bcg: baseball games are where all the cute guys are. whether they were married or not i couldn't tell, but they were cute!

3. the concert was a multi-act show of teenybopper pop acts including katherine mcphee, gym class heroes, hilary duff, and ne-yo. the camera really does add 10 pounds because both katherine and hilary are as tiny as toothpicks. i swear to bob i could have punted them across the arena. gym class heroes were cool enough to intrigue me to buy their full album. and of course, true to form, i had waaaaaaaay to much beer, prompting a gorgefest of mom's fried chicken when we got home. i guess i really am a bad girl. :(

4. i recently got a few responses from an online dating profile that i set up after breaking up with my last boyfriend nearly a year ago. after months of meeting only so-so guys, i rewrote a new "anti"-profile, just for shits and giggles. being totally not serious, i was sarcastic and irreverent. makes me wonder why these dudes responded.

5. i missed an xtraining and speed workout over the weekend, but got my 40 minute easy run in this morning. my gym is brand spankin' new and the first thing i thought when i walked in was "oooh it smells good in here!" i must be addicted to the smell of new plastic or rubber or something. the good news is is that there are now like 3 times as many treadmills as before! the bad news is that they don't overlook the weight room anymore so no more ogling guys. ooh also good news. i accidentally left the house without my knee band thingees, but it was all good because my knees felt totally fine!!

6. the gym also changed their class schedule around and they offer yoga 3 times a week at a time that i can actually take it! i'm hoping the other people in the class aren't obnoxious. i seem to always run into the holier-than-thou stick up their asses yoga people.

7. consistency is now going to be my middle name. i can't screw around and miss workouts. marathons don't run themselves. but another kick in the pants is that my brother's girlfriend, who i also work with, said to me the other day, "well you're the fat one"

yes, she really did say that to me. and no, i did not bitch slap her.

i restrained myself because i know it's not the truth. i know i haven't been a gym rat lately, but please. and seriously, who says that? and dude, if you want to get in good with the family, attacking the women is not a good move. not a good move at all.

i heard she started jenny craig with her mom last week. and she told me she went to the gym today. whatever, chica. it's on. bring it!!!

and because i heart jess, i will list 6 more weird things about me, if you guys can bear it:
1. i naturally have no underarm hair. which i am very thankful for because hair or stubble there grosses me out to no end!

2. i cannot stand the word "panty" or "panties"

3. why i think having indoor pets is gross: their buttholes are exposed. meaning they could rub them all over your stuff. ick!

4. i love the ocean but do not like swimming in rivers or lakes. i just think they're not as clean because they aren't as big.

5. i actually like getting my picture taken. which is probably more a sign of vanity than weirdness.

6. apparently, i sleep with my eyes partly open. at least i don't snore!

me? weird?

i was gonna post my pics from this weekend, but i'm too lazy right now. instead, i'll blather on about my own personal oddities, as per teacherwoman's tag:

1. at restaurants, i order 1 hot water with lemon and 1 cold water with lemon.

2. i haven't really prayed or gone to mass in about 5 years, but i always, always, always make the sign of the cross and say a quick prayer before my plane takes off.

3. i've used an apple computer since elementary school. not the same one, of course.

4. i like homemade ice cream sandwiches: ice cream between 2 pieces of bread. a hot dog bun works great in a pinch. (my list of weird food habits would be very long)

5. i buy colgate because it has a flip top cap. i can't be bothered to use 2 hands to open my toothpaste. actually, i choose a lot of my products based on this principle.

6. i can't stand things that are scented or perfumed. why would i want to smell like a piece of fruit? why would i want my house to smell like pine? why does everything have to have an unnatural scent attached to it? that's too many different smells. why can't things just smell like what they are? this coming from the girl who loves the smell of post-its, scotch tape, and new computers.

there could be a lot of beer in my future...

i took to the semi dark streets this morning after driving to the gym to find that the grand reopening wasn't until 6 am! what kind of person gets to the gym before they open!? and this from a gym that's open 24 hours!

so once i got back ot my house and changed into more appropriate clothing i didn't have the full 40 minutes as my scheduled dictated. but i figured 30 would be better than nothing. and i wouldn't have time for a run later today because i get to go to the giants/a's game tonight! woot!

last time i watched a battle of the bay there was an earthquake. but it's not the world series so hopefully we're safe. seriously though, i shouldn't even be joking about it.

on saturday i'm also going to a concert. so this weekend could mean high beer consumption. if i was a good girl, i would abstain. i haven't yet decided...

it was bound to happen sometime

for a variety of reasons, i bumped my long run to today. i set out later than usual and worried that the 70 degree temps were gonna sap all my energy. turns out it wasn't the heat that got me, but rather my stomach.

yup. you can probably already guess where this post is headed.

i started off ok, the heat was bothering me a little bit. especially while running past a field of cows. i should have taken the smell as foreshadowing to what would happen to me later. instead i was distracted by their very loud chorus of mooing. damn cows were heckling me!!

i continued up the country road and turned around around at the dead end, passed the cows again (screw you cows, you'll be my dinner one day!) and headed back for the lagoon.

and then, it happened. that familiar gurgle in your gut. that tells you, um, you might want to, you know, stop what you're doing and, um, find a toilet. except that i was about a mile and a half away from the bathrooms.

now i realize i could have been worse off. but when you're smack in the middle of this type of situation you're really only thinking of the immediate situation. i slowed to a walk, hoping that the less jarring motion would calm things down. and it worked for a while. at one point i felt okay enough to bust out in sprint towards the potties. but that didn't last long and we all know i can't run that fast anyway. all i could do was hold on, keep walking and try to ignore the fact that i was now totally sweating from the sheer act of not shitting myself.

after what felt like an eternity, i finally made it to the bathroom. never have i ever been so glad to see a nasty, park toilet in my life. and luckily i had enough wits about me to check that the stall i had chosen did indeed have tp.

i considered finishing the full 5 i had planned, and started a slow trot to test things out. quickly, my trot turned into a walk and i headed for my car. no 5 miles today, but at least i didn't have to drive home in poopy pants. i've been running for over a year now and this is the first time i've run into this "problem". let's hope it's another year before i find myself in this situation again.

back to reality

i have actual running to report!

yesterday was day 3 of my official marathon training, and i had already missed day one and two. i guess i was too busy being engaged to pat sajak. yesterday called for an easy 40 minute run but when i got to the gym in the afternoon the line was 3 people long for a treadmill! i didn't have that kind of time to wait so i hopped on the stairmaster. i read somewhere it simulates hill training.

i don't usually use the stairmaster because it makes my feet numb and i'm not exactly sure if i'm using it right. but this time i used to one that looks like a mini-escalator. holy sh!t that machine is intense. it was like the stairway to hell! i was only on level 5 but i could seriously feel the burn. 40 minutes later i had climbed 121 stories!

this morning, after a fitful night of sleep i got to the gym at 5 am, my usual time, and cranked out a twinge-free, pain-free 3.15 miles. my long run is scheduled for tomorrow, but i'll have to see how the knees hold up today.

but i'm on my way folks...

open for interpretation

DREAM ONE: in order to get home, i have to cross this really long, really old, narrow rickety bridge. it's a suspension bridge that is so long i don't even see the other side. it's just old wooden slats and a single cable on either side. and there are a TON of other people already on the bridge. they're just hanging out, watching the whales in the river down below.

so i'm walking along as carefully as i can, scared out of my mind and really irked at all the people just chillin' having a good old time like the bridge isn't scary when they're making my trip across that much harder.

at some point along the bridge, i notice a trader joes. i say to myself oooh! and go in, shop, and then continue my way across the bridge.

FINALLY, i get across when i realize i don't have my trader joe's bags! i remember leaving them in the bathroom at the store (ew!) so i get back on the bridge, make my way back to trader joe's, find my bags, then make way back across. along the way i run into 2 people, one i'm still friends with and one i had a falling out with. but i managed to be polite to both of them.

when i woke up, i swear my heart was still racing from the fear of crossing that scary bridge.

DREAM 2 (a few nights after dream 1): i'm in my room and i guess i'm sick because a doctor gives me the option to have surgery to remove part of my intestines or something like that. i tell him i have to talk it over with my mom first. but i remember him being cute and i think i was flirting with him, and i remember thinking ot myself in my dream what an odd situation it was.

so then i go downstairs to another room to make out a list of pros and cons of the surgery and i decide to go through with it. so i go upstairs to tell the doctor and he tells me i'll be recovering for 4-5 days.

then suddenly, i'm at a design conference, where there's a really boring speaker. so i get up to go to the bathroom (why is this a recurring theme?) and as i'm making my way through the really large bathroom, someone yells, "so and so is speaking next and he NEVER gives speeches" i have no idea who this person is, but i figure it's important and turn around to make my way back into the room. and as i'm walking back, i keep finding money on the grass. just random bills every few steps. then i find more and more and realize they're 50 dollar bills and i'm just stuffing them into my pockets (i dream about this a lot too!) so i get back into the room and this famous dude i don't know is speaking and i notice the cute doctor there. but he has his baby with him. all this other stuff happens that i don't quite remember but it involves every other person in the audience getting sprayed with water.

then suddenly, i'm with a bridal party and i'm dressed in an ugly aqua gown talking to the other couples. one couple is my best friend and some dude i don't know, another couple i don't recoginize but in my dream i know them. and my date is PAT SAJAK!!!!! in my dream, pat sajak is my fiancee! i make some random comment about how everyone else is from new jersey. so pat and i are holding hands and smiling at each other. and in my dream i'm thinking about how lucky i am to be with pat and what a great guy he is etc. i even take pat by the hand to introduce to the cute doctor to make him jealous.

so everyone in the bridal party decides this design conference is lame and we go to a different bar to get some drinks. we all sit down on the patio of this restaurant when this young hippie girl runs up to us doing cartwheels saying we forgot about her and that it's her 21st birthday. and we're about to invite her to join us when i wake up.

so...what the heck does this all mean? besides that i'm crazy.

blech

i don't know what's wrong but lately i've either been having bad dreams or not sleeping well at all. i've been in a funk and can't really figure out why. i just hope i shake it off soon. because honestly, it sucks.

antioxidants and stuff

green tea is like the wonder tea. all that EGCG is good for your LDL and HDL. it's been shown to keep the aging mind quick and sharp. some studies even show it's good for your metabolism.

but probably not when it's in ice cream form.

i've been grubbing on it since the weekend and i wouldn't be surprised if i finished the half gallon in a week.

at least i'm getting my calcium, right?

the unintentional experiment

today was day 2 of the knee band thingee try out. partway through my shift, the velcro on one of the bands was really irritating my leg so i took it off. the other was totally comfortable, didn't even feel like i was wearing anything. except for the fact that the knee i had it on felt much more supported. the other knee...i felt like i was newborn calf just starting to walk!

so yeah, these bands are miracle bands!

and now at the end of my shift i can tell a difference between which knee had the band on all day and which one didn't. on tuesday, i'm heading back to the running store to exchange the crappy velcro one for a better one and hopefully, i'll be good to go.

maybe i should sign up to be the spokesperson for these amazing knee band thingees...

the verdict so far

i tried the knee band thingees yesterday at work. and my knees? they felt good! good enough for me to test out on a 2.5 mile run! and how did that go? pain free!

and this morning, my knees don't feel at all rickety!

holy shit they DO work!!

though i'm still not 100% sold. a 2.5 mile run is NOT a marathon. but it does look promising. though now my knees are yet another place to thoroughly coat in bodyglide. as if i don't use enough of the stuff already!

i'm not fat, i'm big boned

the mystery behind my weight has finally been solved.

i'm big boned.

no, really. i am. i went to the local fleet feet to check out those knee band thingees i've been reading so much about to help keep your knee cap tracking properly. so i sat down to get fitted and demurely gave over my leg to the sales dude. it felt more like a garter fitting and i was a little self conscious that i was wearing skirt that day, but whatever. when he opened up the size medium package i was a little insulted. you think i have medium sized knees???

turns out i have LARGE knees. and i ended up buying the extra large size since there was only 1 in the large size. i swear to bob i don't have knobby elephantine knees. you would think if my knees were THAT large they could freaking handle my body ok but nooooooo.

anyway, i'm giving these bad boys a try this weekend at work, seeing if i feel any difference. and if they don't, back to the store they'll go.

have a great holiday peeps.

where there's no cell phone reception

12:30 pm: me, on the beach. a perfect 85 degrees. in one ear, jack johnson, in the other, the ocean. a heineken in one hand, and john irving's latest in the other.

seriously, life doesn't get much better than that.

i spent the day at stinson beach with the littlest bro. (with no talk of sex, THANK GOD!) it was a short hour and 15 minute drive, the hardest part being the treacherous hwy 1. winding, undulating roads twisting and turning through muir winds and along the sea cliffs. beautiful, yes. easy, no. but well worth it. what was even crazier was the number of cyclists sharing the narrow 2 lane road. there is no bike lane. there's barely enough room for 2 cars to pass! and the steepness?? these are some hard core cyclists.

because it was a weekday, there weren't too many people, but enough for some decent people watching. (there were dilfs aplenty. what is it with me spotting with hot 30 something dads lately? they're already TAKEN! where are all the hot 30 something single guys?) i braved the water for a few minutes but damn was it cold! seriously. like nature's ice bath. i remember reading somewhere that the pacific ocean is about 10 degrees colder than the atlantic.

after soaking up sun, we perused the handful of shops in town and settled in for dinner at the sanddollar. where we had the. best. mussels. ever. in. life. seriously. and a caesar salad with real anchovy dressing, clam chowder with more clams than i've ever had in clam chowder and garlic fries. i love eating with the littlest bro because he's a chef, so he too enjoys the food just as much as i do, and we talk about it like we would fine art. we talk about the balance of the sweet shallots and the herbs. we analyze the consistency of the chowder. and the perfect touch the anchovy brings to the caesar dressing that was in no way sour or vinegary. oh and how the bite and snap of fresh shaved parmesean beats grated any day of the week. we ate so much we didn't have room for dessert. except for a bag of sour patch kids for the drive home.

all in all, a super day.

four out of ten, hopefully.

2.48 miles today folks. which were run AFTER work. golf claps for me because afternoon runs are NOT my thing. my knees felt a little achy in the beginning. but the pains went away after a while. still i didn't want to push it. i stopped 2.25 miles into it and walked the rest to cooldown.

outside it was 88 degrees, but inside the gym felt just as hot. while i dripped with sweat in my sports bra and shorts, some guy in front of me on the elliptical was wearing a polo, jeans, and sneakers. some people were in sweat pants. and long sleeved shirts. i seriously don't get these people. i'm gonna show up at the pool tomorrow and find someone swimming laps in a parka.

speaking of pool workouts, i haven't quite figured out what tomorrow's workout will entail. my swimming skills are seriously subpar. i can barely get across the pool once. ONCE! at which point i gasp and wheeze for 5 minutes before i can even think about making it across again. i finally did buy an aqua belt, so i might mess around with that for awhile. or kick my way across with a board. i also found some exercises to strengthen my quads, specifically the inner muscles above the knee, which should help support my poor patellas properly. we'll just see what happens. i'm hoping that by going at the butt crack of dawn, no one will be around to witness my absolute ineptitude in the water. all i'm really asking is that i don't drown.

i've only logged 4 workouts this entire month. that is utterly pathetic. but there are still 9 days left. i'm setting the goal now to get into the gym to do SOME sort of workout at least 6 of those days to make it an even 10 workouts in the month of may. it's something at least. and in my pre-training for the marathon, all i want to do is heal up and start on the right foot.

the inlaws...

i grew up with 2 younger brothers. so having a sister in law is kinda weird. my youngest brother has a serious girlfriend of about 2 years. so when i moved home, i "inherited" two "sisters". luckily they're cool chicks. maybe not girls i would have necessarily chosen as friends of my own, but we get along really well for the most part. obviously the two of them get along better, since they've had time to gether without me, but i think part of what bonds us is that none of us grew up with sisters. but there are definitely times i feel possessive of my brothers because well, they're MY brothers. and before THEY came along, they were just mine. and i didn't have to share them with anyone else.

but like i said, they've been super great since i've moved since none of my high school friends are around anymore. they've become my friends and we can gab and gossip and do all the things girls do. EXCEPT. talk about sex.

ugh. gross!!

because when they talk about sex, they're talking about sex with my brothers.

GROSS!!!

GROSS!!!

GROSS!!! times infinity.

it seriously ruins my buzz everytime we're out having drinks and they bring it up.

fun with photobooth

my new haircut! wheeee! i feel like i lost 10 pounds!

i used to wear my hair super short and i've been trying to grow it out for what feels like FOR-EVER. i finally just couldn't take it any more and gave up. my hair is too damned thick to wear long. even when they've thinned it out in the past, it's STILL too heavy. but this time i had her whack the crap out of my hair. so while she didn't really chop off too much length, she managed to thin my hair. by like 50% she said!

so it's still short, yes. but at least longer than i've had it for the past 6 years. so it's different. and feels so much lighter!

consulting a professional

so i picked up a copy of marathoning for mortals, by john bingham and coach jenny, before making it to the beach last week. i'm more than halfway through and am slowly realizing i may not be as prepared for the marathon in october as i thought i might be. i realize it is still like 20 plus weeks away, but the last month has been pooptastic and today my knees and right hip kinda hurt. they aren't screaming in pain, but they're just nagging enough that i know i shouldn't ignore them. especially since my primary source of income requires me to be walking for 8 hours.

i've spent the last year learning to run basically on my own. reading, researching, and briefly joining a training group that i had to drop out of a few weeks later because of scheduling issues. considering i am no professional, it makes sense i didn't do it all right all the time.

so instead of trying out hammer out this marathon at the expense of the health of my limbs, i'm going to do it the right way. by consulting with a doctor first! GASP! I KNOW! who woulda thought? i'm paying for health insurance, i may as well damned use it. even if it is an hmo.

first order of business is to make an appointment with a sports medicine person (uh, what are they called again?) i'll continue to ice and advil. and i'll have to make friends with other forms of exercise. which is a pain in the arse because the only thing i really enjoy other than running is kickboxing and considering it's high impact that isn't an option. i might just dive further into dorkhood and buy an aqua vest for water running. and/or take the swimming lessons i've been wanting to take.

either way, i think i've made peace with the fact that 1. running intensely right now might not be in the cards right now. 2. i might have to cut the marathon i paid to run to a half marathon. 3. as much as i hate crosstraining, it WILL make me a better runner.

america, you're wrong

while i went to bed ridiculously early last night, america forgot to vote for melinda doolittle on idol. seriously, people. what were you thinking?

probably that she's a nearly flawless singer and didn't need your votes.

vote for blake next week or read a tirade of how jordin sparks makes me want to hurl things at my tv. namely vomit.

2 for 2

i got to the gym this morning and all the treadmills were full. of walkers!!! argh! honestly, i don't have anything against walkers, because well at one time, I was a walker and for some people walking is better than nothing. but still i was annoyed. and for some reason more annoyed than if they were all running.

anyway, i got in an easy 3.25 miles. i had more time today since it was my day off. i've been resisting running outside for several reasons. 1. i like blaring my music really loud and i can't do that on the roads. 2. it's dark in the morning. 3. it's been windy lately and i really don't want to aggravate my allergies more than i have to. 4. i've lost my nike plus receiver to track my miles so yeah i'm sticking to the treadmill to do all the math for me. once i clean my room and get to a point where i can put more miles in at a time, i'll definitely welcome the great outdoors.

tomorrow, i'm going for a three-peat, but going for the bike instead. don't want to overdo it. even though i really, really, really want to run, run, run.

oh and a funny thing, i stepped on the scale today and it said i lost 4 pounds since yesterday!!!! hahahahahhaha. i know it's not true and is more of a function of me weighing myself with less clothes on and missing dinner last night bc i fell asleep at 5pm (yes 5pm) but still i had to laugh. the other chicks in the locker room must have thought i was nuts.

day one

i hit snooze only once this morning. and i managed to still squeeze in 2.25 miles. i probably spent as much time on the treadmill as i spent driving to and from the gym, warming up, cooling down, stretching and icing. but still it felt good to be running again. even if it was the slowest, shortest run ever.

no more excuses

my alarm is set for 4:30 a.m. my running clothes are sitting right next to my bed. i considered sleeping in them, but sleeping in a sports bra sounds about as comfortable as sleeping in a strait jacket.

i'm going to run tomorrow. whether i like it or not.

i've milked what were once totally legit injury/sickness/work schedule reasons for not running for far too long. so long that they turned into excuses for not running. i'm no longer sick. i'm not so debilitated i can't run at least short easy distances for now. and i've gotten more used to the physical demands of my job (except for the 12 hour shift i pulled on mother's day. ugh.)

honestly, i was just really frustrated at the running gods for sidelining me when i had felt most confident about my running. i put a lot of effort into training for santa cruz and i felt really robbed of a race i felt was mine. i'd started running intervals and hills. hell i even made it into the weight room. then BAM! over the course of a few weeks, all that work was undone. i had planned to build even further on my santa cruz base and start my marathon training really strong. and now here i am. feeling like i'm starting all over again.

but what can you do? except start. again.

tomorrow's the day.

only a runner would understand

"LSD one day, Speed the next"

this and other running quotes found here

getting my head in the game

it's been a week since my last run, but it feels like much longer. probably because it had been 4 days since my run before that one. and really i've only missed 2 runs since i came up with my new plan last week, but it feels like i've missed 50. i'm so out of it, i even lost my watch! i've reached such a funk that reading everyone's happy tales about running makes me incredibly, infuriatingly jealous.

i just feel so out of it. i don't feel like myself without running. or more specifically, training. i'm not really one to do it just for fun. easing back into things after this injury has me wigged out. i want to run. hard. fast. (well for me anyway) but i'm afraid i'll push too hard too soon and be laid up even longer and miss out on the marathon i've been after for a a reeeaallly long time. my brain has a habit of turning one small worry into a huge catastrophe.

i have 2 days off finally, after 7 straight days of work. i'm treating myself to a day at the beach tomorrow. to relax and regroup. i'm hoping that an early morning run and a day in the sun, sand, and surf, will rejuvinate my spirits.

guys are so dumb

today these two hot (read: big boobed) women come into the restaurant for lunch. they were like lucy lui's more attractive cousins. i'll admit that when i saw them even i thought to myself, "damn they're hot!" but the frenzy in the kitchen over these two chicks was absolutely ridiculous. it was as if the guys had never seen a woman before. i mean c'mon, this is california! big (fake) boobs are aplenty here.

the executive chef was the worst. he made them some elaborate special dessert that they didn't even order and had me bring it to them "compliments of the chef". a little while later, he made some big show about going to each table to see how their food was, blah blah, of course as an excuse to stop by the hot chick table. he introduces himself and they say, "oh you don't remember us? we met you here last year!"

doh! smooth, chef. reeeeaaal smoooooth.

so i taunted him in the back and chef says to me, "hey if some hot guys come in, don't worry i got your back. you helped me so i'll help you."

i just laughed and said, "who says i need your help?"

seriously, boys are so dumb.

i just wanna run already!!

can i just say that not training s.u.c.k.s.!!!!

the more blogs i read, the more i miss it!!!! i pout, i moan, i cry, like the 5 year old that i am. then i go find some ice cream or fried potatoes to wallow in.

i just turned down 2 more freelance offers. a little reluctantly. but not really. things were getting too hectic trying to adjust to both gigs at the same time. i think i am going to take the rest of the month to concentrate efforts on finding a full-time design job. perfecting my self-promo even more so i can send out my first batch. then wait, and maybe take on another freelance project.

because that's what you do when you're your own boss.

and maybe, just maybe i can also get in some decent running.

because without it, i'm just a big, crabby, bloated b.i.t.c.h.. and i can resume my regularly scheduled running blog which in recent weeks has turned into a random talk about shit and post pics of hot guys blog. though the hot guys part i'm sure you enjoy :)

blame it on the rain

when i woke up this morning, i swear to bob i thought i had aged 20 years in my sleep. my knees felt really rickety and the one i tweaked a long time ago in tae kwon do, that rarely but sometimes gives me trouble, was extra specially tender. and my hip? yeah, all wonky again. i thought for sure by the end of the day i'd be forced to crawl on all fours.

but once the rain let up and i guess my body got warm, my limbs and joints felt their youthful 28 year old selves. even so, i'm playing it conservative, elevating my lower extremities and icing the crap outta my hip. i might even substitute my easy run this week with a swim workout. (hahahahahahaha! me??? swimming??? hahahahahahahah)

if i can feel this old now, i don't even want to know how i'll feel in 10, 20 or 30 years!

oh, and don't you think eric and i make a cute couple?

spring in my step

on the schedule: a 6 mile "long run" @ 12:22.

as much as i like to push myself when it comes to running, it's such a relief to know that i only have to run 6 miles at a snail's pace. not to say my run was easy peasy. but it was just right. my knees felt a little rickety again in the beginning but after a mile i was warm and gliding along.

in the beginning my speed ranged from 4.7 mph to 4.9. i eventually settled into 5.0 for a good while. then the treadmills next to me started to fill up, my time was dwindling, and there were hoverers lurking. so my speed crept up to 6.0 at one point, just so i could finish as close to 6 miles as i possibly could in the time i was given (which was about 70 minutes)

it felt so good to sweat again. and even pant a little at the end. out of the corner of my eye, i could see the guy next to me shoot glances my way, certain i would collapse and he would have to resuscitate me. thankfully, that wasn't necessary.

i'm hoping this is the beginning to some consistent training again. because i really have missed it.

testing my endurance

i've waited tables for about 10 years, off and on. but it was only a couple days a week. for extra beer money. but this is the first time i've had to rely on it as my primary income. which means i'm on my feet 8+ hours a day, 5 days a week. i know people do it all the time, everyday. and i thought i was in pretty good shape. but let me tell you, it's kicking my ass.

or more specifically, the 300+ elderly women's choir group that came through the hotel this weekend kicked my ass. for people as frail and slow as they are, they were goddamned demanding and wanted everything NOW! add to my list of reasons i'm going hell: my annoyance with and desire to bitch-slap demanding elderly ladies. i swear to bob last night i had nightmares about them.

as i stated in a previous post, coming up with and following a training program around my new 6am-2pm work schedule is a challenge. i like running in the morning, but getting up at 4 am to run sounds ludicrous to me. but then again, at one point, getting up at 5:30 am to run sounded ludicrous. but getting up at 4 am means going to bed at like 8pm!

and yes, i do need 8 hours of sleep. 7 minumum.

and i'm finding the problem isn't so much the scheduling as it is that waitressing is seriously wiping me out. today was my day off and i got up at 7. after eating breakfast, reading blogs, going through some mail, i was still tired. so i went back to bed and didn't get up until about 1! and it wasn't until then that i didn't feel the achiness in my bones. oh and i went to bed at like 9 last night!

part of me knows my body will get used to it. and part of me knows that we won't always have annoying groups of octogenarians demanding 1001 things of me at once. but for now, i'm just a little old lady myself.

after missing santa cruz, i didn't know what i was gonna do about training. i was coming off an injury and dealing with a new work situation. i cut myself some slack, but i knew in order to get any running done i had to have a plan. and a plan is what i have.

my next race will be the sonoma jack 10k on june 3. that's in 5 weeks. and looking at my 3 day a week training plan, very do-able. after the race, i'll take a week off, then start my 18 week marathon training (oh shit!) somewhere in between those 2 races, i plan on running a half-marathon, most likely the run sfm half.

i'm planning on doing my long runs on tuesdays (my sunday), doing one easy run and one speed workout during the week. all the extra stuff? the weight training, crosstraining? we'll just have to see how my body holds up. to some extent, my job IS crosstraining.

and how i'm going to fit in freelancing AND looking for a full-time job? i don't know. i really don't know. somehow, it will all get done. it always does.

the runner in me

if you take a look at my running stats for the month of april, you'll see how absolutely pathetic they are. i've run less miles in the entire month of april than i did in a single week last month. and do you know what i have to say to that?

shit happens. there's always may. and june. and 6 more months before nike.

normally, i'd be upset. really upset. i'd feel like a total loser and cry buckets over my expanding waist line (which for some strange but awesome reason isn't really growing despite my hiatus).

but i'm not upset because i've taken care of a lot of other priorities this month that have tested my will, patience, and determination just as much as running has. and it's because of the lessons i've learned from running that helped me through it (aside from my cry-fest freakout)

because even when i'm not training by running, i'm always thinking about how my training applies to my entire life. i'm always thinking about what the runner in me would do. how the runner in me would handle these challenges. how the runner in me purposefully and willingly challenges myself to do things i thought were physically impossible, only to make me stronger. more accomplished. i think about how the runner in me knows when too much is too much and takes the time to nurture my body and my mind.

running has taught me that bad shit happens, but is always followed by some good stuff. the bad stuff never defines who you are. but the success it's not forever either. running has humbled my crazy perfectionism yet it has motivated me to be better than i thought i could ever be. but in a different way than the greed for achievement used to.

somehow and in some strange way, running has taught me to be more honest with myself. about who i really am. about what i really want. about what's really important. about what really makes me happy.

i still wonder what this year has in store for me. and i vacillate between trepidation and excitement. i am sometimes absolutely clueless and feel the only thing i can do is open myself to divine intervention and other times i have the confidence and conviction to face whatever happens. to make shit happen.

because that's the runner in me.



-----------------------------
note: i know my posts have been pretty off-topic and downright angsty lately, but hey it's my blog :) i hope to return to normal ass-kicking training in may when i've gotten the work situations under control :)

and i did run 3.25 miles yesterday, but honestly had nothing exciting to report. except that i really really crave running more!

um, this isn't mine

i got to my car after work today and when i pulled on the handle to my car door, a very small ziptop baggie full of fine powdery "white stuff" fell into my palm.

uh......

wtf?! how did THAT get there?

was it a "sample"? did someone need to stash it somewhere quickly?

of course the total nerd i am, i totally freaked out, chucked it deep into a trashcan, not wanting anything to do with it. it even freaks me out that my fingerprints are on it.

but seriously, wtf?!

yum!

people magazine sure got it right. most beautiful, indeed.

i know, i know. i've brought up eric bana more than once on this blog. but c'mon! that is supreme hotness right there!

*sigh* perhaps it has been too long since i've been on a date ;) but if there were more men like him walking around then i wouldn't have that problem.

on the road, again

i FINALLY got my ass in gear and did some running! wahoo! it had been exactly 2 weeks and i swear i had to dust cobwebs off my running shoes.

i got in an easy 3 miles in under 37 minutes, running anywhere from 4.5 mph to 6.5 mph. there was a chick on the treadmill next to me with waaaaay longer legs than me running at 5.8 mph but i swear my legs were moving much faster than hers. totally not fair.

and whatever injury i had seems to be gone. i felt a little rickety in my quads and knees when i started, but after a mile it was gone. i definitely had legs for a longer run, but alas, i didn't have the time. but it's good to know my legs haven't forgotten how to run. makes me wonder how i would have done had i run the race on sunday!

for now, the trick will be finding a good time to run with my new 6am-2pm work schedule. while i much prefer to run in the morning, i don't see myself getting up at 4 am to run before work. and while running after 8 hours on my feet doesn't sound appealing either, it sounds like the lesser of two evils.

i should be able to fit in one run in the next two days and will attempt a long run on friday, my day off. maybe 10 miles?

reliving saturday night

punch

i've had a lot to drink. really. i love you guys. seriously. i do.

hapy ithday to jess and happy earth day to the planet.


tomorrow i'm going to a place where they serve 101 omlettes. that;s all i know for now.

that was the drunken post from last night that i deleted this morning. i tried to hide the evidence, then neese had to go and rub it in ;)

this morning, instead of running, i put a sweatshirt on over last night's clothes, my index finger still bright red from the cherry jello shots and the bottom of my right foot still in pain from stepping on a hot coal from a hookah mishap. my brother and i headed to sandy's omelettes and i had 1 pancake, a biscuit, hashbrowns, and a hawaiian omelette with mushroms, green onions, pineapple, spam and fried rice! after that, we crashed on the couch for about 3 hours.

now i'm flipping channels on our new 52" HDtv. i never realized how much of a difference HD makes! holy crap!!!! it's like the difference between having your glasses off and then putting them on! i think i need to drop by blockbuster and pick up the movie troy. brad pitt, orlando bloom AND eric bana ALL in high def??!?!

short of having them in person in my living room, i can't think of a better way to recover from a crazy saturday night :)