then i said

that's cool. so the whole wanting to work out with me, that was all just to spend more time together?

basically, yeah. but i did want to start working out again.

and it doesn't weird you out that i'm your friend's older sister?

no. though your brother and his gf have been asking what's up with us flirting and all i could think was "i've sure been trying, but i don't know if she has." i didn't want to say, yeah i like her, then find out you didn't feel the same way. so i didn't say anything.

hmmm. well to be honest i'm not totally surprised. i kind of saw it coming. i didn't think you'd be so bold so soon.

well...i feel better now that i've told you.

the next day, i was over at his house watching the brazil/argentina game, and he kissed me. it was weird because i have thought about kissing him, but i never acted on it for a variety of reasons. and now that it was actually happening, i kissed him back. my brain told me i probably shouldn't. but gravity sort of took over and i found myself drawn in. it was nice. and it's been a loooong time since i've kissed a boy.

but it isn't that simple. i'm thinking now that taking this any further would be a bad idea. sure, he makes me laugh like no one's business and he's very sweet, and loyal, and gentlemanly. BUT we work together, he's friends with my brother and his gf, and he's 5 years younger than i am. and for other reasons i won't bore anyone with here, i already know he's not boyfriend material.

not to say that's what he's saying he wants or that anything serious will ever come of me and MH based on this weekend's turn of events, i just think now's the time to be very clear to him that this does not go past friendship. and while there are parties who say i could entertain a non-serious flirtation/fling thing, that's just not for me. after spending so many years with a really bad boyfriend, i vowed i would never put up with less than everything i ever wanted in a male. i spent so many years waiting, settling, that i don't want to get caught up in that again. and when it comes to affection, i'm an all or nothing kind of girl. i don't ever just kind of like someone. or kind of get involved. i can see myself easily getting carried away with the attention and the kissing. so it's just best to not cross the line, because for me it's always a hard road back.

so that's the end of the boring story folks. sorry it wasn't juicier. it does prove to me yet again that harry's theory of male and female relationships is right: men and women can never just be friends. at least in all my years of life, that has been the case. but it's good to know i'm not totally hideous to the opposite sex.

in workout news, i ran twice today! once in the morning at the gym. and after work on a real bonafide track! i planned on doing yasso 800s but after my first warmup lap, a group of volunteers for this weekend's cancer relay gathered on the track. and because i am stupid, i didn't want to stop and take any walk breaks in front of these people. so i did a 3 mile tempo run, walked a lap when they left, and then ran a mile cooldown.

.25 warm up: untimed
1: 10:39
2: 10:58
3: 10:30
.25 walk: 4:14
4.25: 13:35 cooldown
.25 walk: 5:30

total time: 55:20

this is the first time i've done my speedwork on a track. it was nice because it was outside and the wind kept me cool. but it was boring and i kept thinking i would lose track of how many laps i'd done since i was keeping track by mile and not quarter mile. but i'll definitely try it again.

and in all honesty, i didn't give my all as indicated by my splits. i chalk it up to the unwanted audience and the unfamiliar territory. because i don't feel like admitting i'm lazy today.