2 shadows

so i know i said i was taking a week hiatus from running. i lied. i can't help it. the weather has been so perfect for running. and my feet don't hurt that bad. i've been careful to massage and ice with a frozen water bottle. and stretch like a mo'fo'. i thought at the very least i could see how i felt after a short, easy run.

i brought MH with me, which was a little nerve-wracking. i warned him i was slow. and i warned him that it was gonna be short. 4 miles only. he still said he was up for it. so off we went.

dude smoked me up the hills. rat bastard! i did all i could to keep up. but for the most part we ran side by side, listening to our respective ipods. some of the time i worried i was going too slow. part of the time i worried whether maybe it was too much. part of the time i forgot he was there. part of the time i'd try to speed up and he'd match it and add more then i'd think shit, i gotta slow down. but at 3 miles he said he was done. wtf? i was just warming up?

interestingly enough, our splits are slower than they have been.
2: 12:50
3: 12:34
.25: 3.33
T: 41:30

i'm not totally sold on the whole running partner thing. my mind was working overtime worrying. but i can definitely see him being useful for running faster.

it was meant to be

all day i was psyched about going to yoga tonight. i even bought my very own yoga mat! i've also been developing pain in my feet which i suspect to be PF, so i had even more reason to look forward to the stretching of my tight, malfunctioning muscles.

so i get to class, roll out the new mat. MH rolls in late, of course. but at least he showed up, which is more than i can say for the instructor.

as the minutes ticked by i was trying not to fume because well, i'm in yoga and we're supposed to be patient and shit like that. but then the other people in class started to annoy me. one chick suggested someone warm up the class. one dude was doing his own thing, most likely trying to show off. this other chick was talking on her cell phone.....

finally i got up, put on my flip flops and headed for the front desk. they had no idea where she was or what was going on. eventually MH and i left.

for the movies. this time evan almighty. and dinner afterwards. where i ate a huge ass bonzai burger, with fries and a hefewezien.

did i mention that part of my 5 week challenge was to not drink alcohol or eat fried food?

*sigh*

but i will say this: it was the most satisfying meal i've had in a long time. it hit the spot so much i don't even regret it. something deep in my belly NEEDED that juicy burger! and we all know runners need carbs.

and as for my odd feet pain, i'm laying off running for a week and doing some experimentation with my work shoes. i think the culprit for my injuries lately stem more from that than my actual running. so i'll be spinning and swimming my little heart out for the next week. and hopefully doing more freakin' yoga!

sweat management

all your recommendations are greatly appreciated, but...

i've used a running hat and a running visor and they both irritate the hell out of me because 1. my head gets hot 2. they get blown off in the wind (and it can get windy 'round here) 3. when they do reach saturation (and they always do) they just aren't effective anymore.

i switched to sunglasses mainly for comfort reasons. i just don't do well with head covering. but now i have sweat management issues to contend with.

i've tried bandanas, sweatbands. and yes they work up to a point, but again there's a point where they just don't work anymore. i don't care how much they say they wick. also, again, they make my head hot. so marcy, while those bondibands look freakin' cute, i think i would just tear it off some point during my run because my head caught on fire.

so i did some research and found this. looks a little nerdy, but actually kinda nifty. and i'm a sucker for sleek AND effective design. at $16 it sounds steep but if it really works then i'd be willing to pay double.

and don't even get me started on hair management. all you chicas with long hair who can pull it straight back in a ponytail, consider yourself blessed. chicas like me with thick short hair are screwed. unless i want to shave it off (which i consider on a weekly basis). i'm currently using the goody stay put sport headbands and they sorta kinda work. but after a while they stretch out and manage to slip their way to the back of my head NOT where it belongs. i cut my hair short in the first place because i have not ever found a hair accessory that can tame it. but when it comes to running, the sexy, side swept bangs don't work so well.

it's a hill. get over it!*

this week is a cutback week so today's long run was only 6 miles. to make it a little more interesting, i thought i'd add a couple of hills. nothing too crazy since i haven't run hills in a long while. but since the marathon is in sf, i figured i should start getting used to it. they have a nifty little tool on their website that predicts your splits based on your pace and the course topography (is that the right word?) all i remember is that one of the miles is so hilly it will take me about 15 minutes to run! RIDICULOUS!

so i set off this morning, channelling all the power in my hot pink tank. somewhere on my run, instead of pressing pause on my watch when i tied my shoes or stretched, i pressed the splits button, so no accurate splits.

1: 12:08 (including 5 minute warmup)
2:11:09
and then it goes to crap.
total time: 1:09:25
ave pace: 11:34

11:34 is NOT my long run pace. i know i should reel it in, but 6 miles no longer feels LONG to me. i'm wondering whether my pace will naturally slow down once i hit the higher mileage or whether i should really start to consciously slow my ass down. i will say this though, when i run at this pace, my outer calves never hurt. but when i run slower, they do. hmmm.

oooh, i also ran sans knee support! and they felt totally fine! didn't stop me from icing when i got home though. but still...the less i have to wear while running, the better. which reminds me, you know the sunglasses that made me feel like terminator last week? well this week, i nearly went blind from my own sweat. there was no evaporation whatsoever around my eyes. i really hate wearing a hat or visor because my head and hair get soaked through and the hat just gets heavy. any other suggestions? besides having a pacer follow me with a parasol.

*i did not come up with this clever bit. i stole it from a race poster i saw at my local running store yesterday.

suck-ing wind. big time.

spinning is something i consider only hard core crazy fitness freaks, i mean buffs, get into. i've taken it up once a week strictly because i know it's good for me. i seriously, seriously, seriously, doubt i'll ever like it.

it's just so god damned HARD! and last night kicked my ass. it felt like the room was hotter than normal. my legs burned. my lungs burned. we did a series of anaerobic intervals, hill intervals, then a retarded sprint at the end. my legs were toast. honestly, i was spent 45 minutes into class. the last 15 minutes...i have no idea how i kept my legs moving.

mentally, spinning is tough. it takes everything i have to not let my legs shut down. i swear sometimes i feel like my legs cannot POSSIBLY push or pull that stupid little pedal anymore. sometimes i feel like my lungs cannot POSSIBLY heave more oxygen into my system. but somehow, they do.

what i get from spinning is enduring an hour of pure torture. getting used to the exertion, the pain and ultimately the exhaustion.

it makes running feel like a piece of cake, sometimes.

when i got home, i poured myself a bowl of cherries, i popped in kelly clarkson's new cd (it effing rocks!), and sat in an ice bath for 10 minutes. today is a rest day, but i think i might go to yoga anyway. it's bendy power poses day!

side note: after all the drama that goes into the beginning of class, with "the list" and 3 people getting denied a bike, the chick in front of me had the audacity to take it easy! i swear she was gone for at least 10 minutes of the class and when she was on her bike she was pedalling like she was on a sunday morning jaunt through the park. AND she left early! and this was the same chick who last week told MH she would divorce him for not signing up for class right.

the five week challenge

in the next 37 days, i have:

6 long runs for a total of 51 miles.
5 speed workouts totalling 20 miles. (assuming a pace similar to last night's tempo)
8 easy runs equalling 31 miles. (assuming a 12:00 pace, my plan goes by time on the non long run days)
with a grand total of roughly 100 running miles.

i have 20 hours of crosstraining to do:
10 yoga classes
6 spin classes
4 pool workouts

and 8 days of sweet, sweet, rest.

my plan is to hit every. single. workout.

then i get a week to eat, drink, and be merry at the beach with my friends back east. there is no sweeter reward.

except for maybe how hot i'll look on the beach 5 weeks from now...

like peanut butter and jelly

or even better, peanut butter and chocolate.that's how i feel about running and yoga. they go together that well.

today's workout called for a 45 min tempo run. here are my splits:
1: 12:23 (includes warmup)
2: 11:30
3: 11:26
4: 10:43
.2: 3:44 (cooldown)
T: 49:47

some of you balk that i can stand being on the treadmill at all, much less close to an hour. truth is sometimes i prefer the treadmill to the outdoors. sometimes i want my music blaring really loud in my ears. sometimes i need the whir of a room full of machines to block out and help me focus. sure it means i sweat twice as much, but sometimes i feel like it makes the experience that much more intense.

plus it's convenient on yoga nights. i'm a newbie to yoga and know there are quite a few varieties. i've taken classes given by three different instructors: one man who's big on the meditation and breathing, one woman who is a little loopy and new age, but that's to be expected, and another woman who's into the power bendy poses. guess which one i like the best?

take that scaredy cat!

read my post from earlier today and you'll understand why tonight's run is such a victory.

running conditions this morning were per-fect. low 60s, zero humidity, beautiful sunrise. i planned an easy, flat 7 miler along the sacramento river. everything was per-fect. except for me. my calves were tight. my breathing erratic. i had to pee. i almost got run over by a train. i had the wrong kind of music on my ipod. i felt so heavy i just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. after 2 miles, i threw in the towel.

that run was the straw that broke the camel's back. wtf was up with me? why in hades can i not run without angst?

so i came home and blogged about it. admitted my fears. to myself and you bad ass runners i admire so much. and you know what? i felt better. i let those fears roll around in my head and heart long enough and released them into the blogosphere. it's like a 10 ton weight was lifted from my shoulders.

then i went to the nike outlet for some retail therapy. bought some new running tops, specifically a hot pink compression tank that is freakin' HAWT and sunglasses. i got some new headphones too. the ipod earbuds i've been using suck!

i got home and read wendy's comment and knew what i had to do. i made a new running playlist, suited up in my new gear (HAWT!) and got my ass to my favorite running spot.

i found that: sunset is just as nice as sunrise (yeah summer solstice). 10mph winds actually feel pretty good when the temps are in the 80s. letting my hair blow in the wind felt better than stuffing it under a bandana or hat. my new sunglasses make me feel like the terminator.

i ran faster than i have in weeks. faster than most of my long runs. but i guess i had something to prove. my splits:

.25 warmup
1: 10:36
2: 11:23
3: 11:46
4: 12:00
5: 11:33
6: 11:35
7: 11:30

we're talking an average pace of 11:30 people. and for me that's big news. and trust me i felt it. not so much that i wanted to die, but enough that i couldn't outright sing the tunes playing in my ears.

there's no denying i want this marathon. i've come leaps and bounds from my early days of running. and i still have more, people. lots more............

when will i get off the ground?

i'm 3 weeks into my marathon training and despite a rocky start, i think i've been pretty good and consistent about getting my workouts in. what i'm trying to do different from my past 2 half marathon trainings is add more cross training. and that seems to be going pretty well.

so then why does it not feel like i'm really training? and why is it that my running workouts are the ones that suck the most?

why can't i get myself to eat like a good little runner for more than a few weeks at a time? why can i not resist having a beer (or more) or a glass of wine? why do i stay up way too late some nights, even though i know i need my rest?

what happened to the little voice i used to have inside my head that helped me make all the healthy decisions regarding my training? what happened to that drive? that pride?

i've been thinking about this the past few weeks and the only thing i can think of is that i'm scared. the training for my last 2 half marathons were great. i was seriously high on training. but at my first race, i was suffering from a sinus infection and didn't know it. i had a horrible, awful race. i finished. but not without a lot of pain and concern for my health.

the training from that race also led me to get orthotics because of pain i was having in my feet. i was laid up for a good number of weeks, missing the army ten-miler that i really really wanted to run.

if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know how the training for my last half went. i went into bad-ass mode, ran farther and faster than i ever had, only again to get sick and stressed out with other life stuff that caused me to miss the race entirely.

and now my knees, that never really seemed to give me huge problems before, are of great concern to me. yes, they've been holding up. yes, i've been diligent about icing, and ibing, and hell, i even got into a freaking yoga class for them.

but i guess i no longer have a newbie's ignorance. or newbie's optimism. granted none of my injuries have been huge, but they've all been directly linked to the endurance running. and i think part of me thinks, what else will go wrong when i start piling on the miles? i've stopped focusing on my speed and hell, even keeping track of my weekly mileage because i think that ambition may have driven me to go out too far and too fast. so how else do i stay motivated? in what other ways can i celebrate my victories?

part of me also thinks, i just don't want to get my heart set on running this race when it can all go to shit come race day. i don't want to invest the next 18 weeks, if my body really can't handle it. i'm scared of wanting it, committing to it, because in the past things have gone to shit in the 11th hour, mostly because of things out of my control.

i know you can't plan life. and you can't live life scared of success because of past dissapointments. so what will it take for me to really own this marathon? to own my running? to not run scared but run free?

never send a man...

last week at spin there was a huge fiasco. some veteran spinners were denied bikes because they didn't know they had to sign up. some people got signed in on the wrong day, MH and i included. there was so much tension in the air i thought people were seriously gonna brawl over who got bikes. but somehow the spin gods were shining on us and when the dust settled we still ended up with bikes.

so yesterday morning as MH left the treadmill next to me to go to work, i said, "make sure to sign us up for spin tomorrow". and like a good boy, he stopped at the front desk to reserve our bikes. i saw him. with my own two eyes. drip gobs of sweat as he wrote in the book.

so today we get to class, arrange our bikes and start warming up. and the instructor starts reading off the names. and then i get this sinking feeling. i turn to MH....

MPA: are you SURE you signed us up for the right date?

MH: today's tuesday, right?

MPA: yes.

MH: then yes. we're good to go.

MPA: the PM class?

MH: uh...oh...there's 2 classes?

MPA: *sigh*

after everything that happened last week, we had to be those idiots! it was so freakin' embarrassing, only because i swear some of those veteran spinners are so damned smug. one woman actually said to MH, "you signed up on the wrong day? i would have divorced you!" i know she was just kidding but c'mon!

so what did we do? signed up for tomorrow morning's 6 am spin class. and next week's tuesday PM class. i did it myself. never send a man to do a woman's job.

and what did we do after that? hit the weights? jump on the treadmill? HA!

we walked across the street to watch ocean's 13. in my padded bike shorts. ordered a huge popcorn and chocolate covered gummy bears. seemed like the perfect thing to do.

just call me yogi

i managed to wake up from my nap late (of course), cutting my speed workout down from 60 minutes to 45. i need to get my act together and get to the damned gym on time so as to not cheat myself of precious training time. i run so slow i can barely get in any decent mileage by sleeping in.

the marathoning mortal program has 4 different types of tempo runs. todays was supposed to go: 10 min warm up walk, 10 min easy run, 40 min @ tempo pace (80% exertion), 10 minute easy run, 10 minute walk cool down. because of my lateness, i cut the warmups and easy runs down to 5 minutes each, leaving me 25 minutes @ tempo pace. i was also supposed to do strides after the cooldown, but again, i was pressed for time. but still, better than nothing.

as much as i hate running in the evening in a really crowded gym, i do have to say it's easier to get warmed up and into the swing of the workout. sometimes in the morning i can barely get my body to wake up.

after my run, i had about 5 minutes to cool off and towel myself off. i swear the amount i sweat is ridiculous. i look like i just jumped into a pool. i don't even bother buying white sports bras anymore. THAT would be obscene.

our regularly scheduled yoga instructor is out until july, but it doesn't really matter to me because i only started yoga last week! but let me just say it is the best decision i've ever made! it's relaxing and invigorating all at the same time. last week after class i swear i could feel my blood circulating through my body. but not in a weird way, in a good way.

taking yoga after my run was just the best. i felt like i could get a deeper stretch because my body was already warm. and it felt good to lengthen my limbs after spending an hour pounding on a treadmill. i doubt i'll be sore from yoga tomorrow. this week's instructor was more about stretching and breathing while last week's was more about the gumby power poses.

tomorrow calls for am swim and pm spin.

trying to keep pace

woke up late. MH was already at the gym. today, i'm the wimp.

i was only able to eke out 2.5 miles in a half hour. which sort of takes care of the easy run planned for today. as for the speed workout i missed yesterday, i'm hoping to make that up tonight. before yoga.

tomorrow will most likely hurt. just in time for spinning.

tonight's dinner

a bowl of strawberries and blueberries.

a haagen-dazs ice cream bar with almonds.

a bottle of zinfandel port.

who needs an entree?

my abs

one word: ow.

isn't there an easier way to a 6 pack?

this morning, 40 minute recovery run. sans MH. what a wimp.

a sweaty, super 6

my first long run of my marathon training (not counting last week's near poop disaster) is officially in the books. it was hot as hell and i sweat so much i could wring my shirt out. and i was inside! as i drove home from the gym i wondered how the crazy bastards running outside could stand it. it's like already 80 degrees at 9 in the morning.

the first half of my 6 mile run pretty much sucked balls. i could barely get myself to run 4.4 mph. i'm serious people. then i changed my ipod from russell peter's comedy act "outsourced" to john legend's latest album. only then was i able to crank out the remaining 3 miles without too much angst. i guess it's hard to run when you're laughing out loud.

my knees seem to be holding up ok. yesterday they were a little twingy so i ib'ed and iced. they didn't twinge a bit on my run, but i was wearing my miracle bands and now i'm icing. i've been running slower than molasses lately, but my fear of permanent injury is greater than my ambition and stupidity. i guess i'm old enough to know when to play it safe.

i'm doing an abs class later with MH and tomorrow he's actually getting up to meet me at the gym at 5 am. i've never seen a dude so motivated.

who will be the biggest loser?

lately, everyone at the hotel wants to lose weight. this from a crowd who smokes, drinks, and frequently enjoys the easy access to all kinds of food from the hotel kitchen.

there's my lil bro's gf, who's now in jenny craig and has rediscovered the gym because she's intent on losing 20 pounds.

there's the front desk girl who i don't know much about except that according to the guys about 40 pounds ago she was fit for a hip-hop video. that and she is seriously considering getting a boob job. she doesn't strike me as the type to know much about nutrition or exercise, but i could be wrong.

there's my friend MH who smokes and never sleeps. he works 2 jobs meaning he parties twice as hard. how he manages to play league soccer once a week i'll never know.

then there's me. a sometimes diligent worker-outer who eats like its her job because she is constantly surrounded by fabulous food at work and at home.

it appears us "dieters" fit into 2 camps: the wanna-be-skinniers and the wanna-be-fitters. this is a reality show competition in the making. it's like a science experiment and i'm interested in seeing whose approach "wins". i hate to make it about who will "win" because weight loss is very personal. and maybe i'm the only one who in their mind has made it a competition. when everyone around you gets fat together, you don't feel as fat. but if everyone starts getting smaller, you don't want to be the one left with a fat ass and doughnut crumbs on your belly.

though when MH told me that his plans for getting back in shape entailed going to the gym with me, i was pretty impressed. for a dude to say to a chick, help me get in shape i thought was pretty cool. i told him very sternly though that the only way i would work out with him was if he quit smoking, he agreed on the spot threw out his pack of cigs and went to the store on his lunch break to buy the nicotine gum. wow.

so last night, even though i already got my swim workout in and i had a long run planned for today, we went to spin together. and let me just say it helps TREMENDOUSLY having a workout buddy in a class like spin. i'm not convinced we should run together, but taking a class that i take only because i know it's good for me with someone even goofier than me makes it much more bearable.

i think he's hooked. and i think having a gym buddy might just make some parts of my training much more fun and therefore much more regular.

boo! i'm sore.

was it the yoga last night or the swimming this morning? who knows. all i know is i have a body full of neglected muscles making their presence known.

13 things

i love a good list. here's a recap of my weekend, recent workouts, and more personal oddities:

1. i waited on sinbad twice this weekend. he's taller in person. and thinner. and he hit on me. it was quite hilarious.

2. even though the giants lost, it was a great game. and of course i could not resist the garlic fries and beer. and just a note to bcg: baseball games are where all the cute guys are. whether they were married or not i couldn't tell, but they were cute!

3. the concert was a multi-act show of teenybopper pop acts including katherine mcphee, gym class heroes, hilary duff, and ne-yo. the camera really does add 10 pounds because both katherine and hilary are as tiny as toothpicks. i swear to bob i could have punted them across the arena. gym class heroes were cool enough to intrigue me to buy their full album. and of course, true to form, i had waaaaaaaay to much beer, prompting a gorgefest of mom's fried chicken when we got home. i guess i really am a bad girl. :(

4. i recently got a few responses from an online dating profile that i set up after breaking up with my last boyfriend nearly a year ago. after months of meeting only so-so guys, i rewrote a new "anti"-profile, just for shits and giggles. being totally not serious, i was sarcastic and irreverent. makes me wonder why these dudes responded.

5. i missed an xtraining and speed workout over the weekend, but got my 40 minute easy run in this morning. my gym is brand spankin' new and the first thing i thought when i walked in was "oooh it smells good in here!" i must be addicted to the smell of new plastic or rubber or something. the good news is is that there are now like 3 times as many treadmills as before! the bad news is that they don't overlook the weight room anymore so no more ogling guys. ooh also good news. i accidentally left the house without my knee band thingees, but it was all good because my knees felt totally fine!!

6. the gym also changed their class schedule around and they offer yoga 3 times a week at a time that i can actually take it! i'm hoping the other people in the class aren't obnoxious. i seem to always run into the holier-than-thou stick up their asses yoga people.

7. consistency is now going to be my middle name. i can't screw around and miss workouts. marathons don't run themselves. but another kick in the pants is that my brother's girlfriend, who i also work with, said to me the other day, "well you're the fat one"

yes, she really did say that to me. and no, i did not bitch slap her.

i restrained myself because i know it's not the truth. i know i haven't been a gym rat lately, but please. and seriously, who says that? and dude, if you want to get in good with the family, attacking the women is not a good move. not a good move at all.

i heard she started jenny craig with her mom last week. and she told me she went to the gym today. whatever, chica. it's on. bring it!!!

and because i heart jess, i will list 6 more weird things about me, if you guys can bear it:
1. i naturally have no underarm hair. which i am very thankful for because hair or stubble there grosses me out to no end!

2. i cannot stand the word "panty" or "panties"

3. why i think having indoor pets is gross: their buttholes are exposed. meaning they could rub them all over your stuff. ick!

4. i love the ocean but do not like swimming in rivers or lakes. i just think they're not as clean because they aren't as big.

5. i actually like getting my picture taken. which is probably more a sign of vanity than weirdness.

6. apparently, i sleep with my eyes partly open. at least i don't snore!

me? weird?

i was gonna post my pics from this weekend, but i'm too lazy right now. instead, i'll blather on about my own personal oddities, as per teacherwoman's tag:

1. at restaurants, i order 1 hot water with lemon and 1 cold water with lemon.

2. i haven't really prayed or gone to mass in about 5 years, but i always, always, always make the sign of the cross and say a quick prayer before my plane takes off.

3. i've used an apple computer since elementary school. not the same one, of course.

4. i like homemade ice cream sandwiches: ice cream between 2 pieces of bread. a hot dog bun works great in a pinch. (my list of weird food habits would be very long)

5. i buy colgate because it has a flip top cap. i can't be bothered to use 2 hands to open my toothpaste. actually, i choose a lot of my products based on this principle.

6. i can't stand things that are scented or perfumed. why would i want to smell like a piece of fruit? why would i want my house to smell like pine? why does everything have to have an unnatural scent attached to it? that's too many different smells. why can't things just smell like what they are? this coming from the girl who loves the smell of post-its, scotch tape, and new computers.

there could be a lot of beer in my future...

i took to the semi dark streets this morning after driving to the gym to find that the grand reopening wasn't until 6 am! what kind of person gets to the gym before they open!? and this from a gym that's open 24 hours!

so once i got back ot my house and changed into more appropriate clothing i didn't have the full 40 minutes as my scheduled dictated. but i figured 30 would be better than nothing. and i wouldn't have time for a run later today because i get to go to the giants/a's game tonight! woot!

last time i watched a battle of the bay there was an earthquake. but it's not the world series so hopefully we're safe. seriously though, i shouldn't even be joking about it.

on saturday i'm also going to a concert. so this weekend could mean high beer consumption. if i was a good girl, i would abstain. i haven't yet decided...

it was bound to happen sometime

for a variety of reasons, i bumped my long run to today. i set out later than usual and worried that the 70 degree temps were gonna sap all my energy. turns out it wasn't the heat that got me, but rather my stomach.

yup. you can probably already guess where this post is headed.

i started off ok, the heat was bothering me a little bit. especially while running past a field of cows. i should have taken the smell as foreshadowing to what would happen to me later. instead i was distracted by their very loud chorus of mooing. damn cows were heckling me!!

i continued up the country road and turned around around at the dead end, passed the cows again (screw you cows, you'll be my dinner one day!) and headed back for the lagoon.

and then, it happened. that familiar gurgle in your gut. that tells you, um, you might want to, you know, stop what you're doing and, um, find a toilet. except that i was about a mile and a half away from the bathrooms.

now i realize i could have been worse off. but when you're smack in the middle of this type of situation you're really only thinking of the immediate situation. i slowed to a walk, hoping that the less jarring motion would calm things down. and it worked for a while. at one point i felt okay enough to bust out in sprint towards the potties. but that didn't last long and we all know i can't run that fast anyway. all i could do was hold on, keep walking and try to ignore the fact that i was now totally sweating from the sheer act of not shitting myself.

after what felt like an eternity, i finally made it to the bathroom. never have i ever been so glad to see a nasty, park toilet in my life. and luckily i had enough wits about me to check that the stall i had chosen did indeed have tp.

i considered finishing the full 5 i had planned, and started a slow trot to test things out. quickly, my trot turned into a walk and i headed for my car. no 5 miles today, but at least i didn't have to drive home in poopy pants. i've been running for over a year now and this is the first time i've run into this "problem". let's hope it's another year before i find myself in this situation again.

back to reality

i have actual running to report!

yesterday was day 3 of my official marathon training, and i had already missed day one and two. i guess i was too busy being engaged to pat sajak. yesterday called for an easy 40 minute run but when i got to the gym in the afternoon the line was 3 people long for a treadmill! i didn't have that kind of time to wait so i hopped on the stairmaster. i read somewhere it simulates hill training.

i don't usually use the stairmaster because it makes my feet numb and i'm not exactly sure if i'm using it right. but this time i used to one that looks like a mini-escalator. holy sh!t that machine is intense. it was like the stairway to hell! i was only on level 5 but i could seriously feel the burn. 40 minutes later i had climbed 121 stories!

this morning, after a fitful night of sleep i got to the gym at 5 am, my usual time, and cranked out a twinge-free, pain-free 3.15 miles. my long run is scheduled for tomorrow, but i'll have to see how the knees hold up today.

but i'm on my way folks...

open for interpretation

DREAM ONE: in order to get home, i have to cross this really long, really old, narrow rickety bridge. it's a suspension bridge that is so long i don't even see the other side. it's just old wooden slats and a single cable on either side. and there are a TON of other people already on the bridge. they're just hanging out, watching the whales in the river down below.

so i'm walking along as carefully as i can, scared out of my mind and really irked at all the people just chillin' having a good old time like the bridge isn't scary when they're making my trip across that much harder.

at some point along the bridge, i notice a trader joes. i say to myself oooh! and go in, shop, and then continue my way across the bridge.

FINALLY, i get across when i realize i don't have my trader joe's bags! i remember leaving them in the bathroom at the store (ew!) so i get back on the bridge, make my way back to trader joe's, find my bags, then make way back across. along the way i run into 2 people, one i'm still friends with and one i had a falling out with. but i managed to be polite to both of them.

when i woke up, i swear my heart was still racing from the fear of crossing that scary bridge.

DREAM 2 (a few nights after dream 1): i'm in my room and i guess i'm sick because a doctor gives me the option to have surgery to remove part of my intestines or something like that. i tell him i have to talk it over with my mom first. but i remember him being cute and i think i was flirting with him, and i remember thinking ot myself in my dream what an odd situation it was.

so then i go downstairs to another room to make out a list of pros and cons of the surgery and i decide to go through with it. so i go upstairs to tell the doctor and he tells me i'll be recovering for 4-5 days.

then suddenly, i'm at a design conference, where there's a really boring speaker. so i get up to go to the bathroom (why is this a recurring theme?) and as i'm making my way through the really large bathroom, someone yells, "so and so is speaking next and he NEVER gives speeches" i have no idea who this person is, but i figure it's important and turn around to make my way back into the room. and as i'm walking back, i keep finding money on the grass. just random bills every few steps. then i find more and more and realize they're 50 dollar bills and i'm just stuffing them into my pockets (i dream about this a lot too!) so i get back into the room and this famous dude i don't know is speaking and i notice the cute doctor there. but he has his baby with him. all this other stuff happens that i don't quite remember but it involves every other person in the audience getting sprayed with water.

then suddenly, i'm with a bridal party and i'm dressed in an ugly aqua gown talking to the other couples. one couple is my best friend and some dude i don't know, another couple i don't recoginize but in my dream i know them. and my date is PAT SAJAK!!!!! in my dream, pat sajak is my fiancee! i make some random comment about how everyone else is from new jersey. so pat and i are holding hands and smiling at each other. and in my dream i'm thinking about how lucky i am to be with pat and what a great guy he is etc. i even take pat by the hand to introduce to the cute doctor to make him jealous.

so everyone in the bridal party decides this design conference is lame and we go to a different bar to get some drinks. we all sit down on the patio of this restaurant when this young hippie girl runs up to us doing cartwheels saying we forgot about her and that it's her 21st birthday. and we're about to invite her to join us when i wake up.

so...what the heck does this all mean? besides that i'm crazy.

blech

i don't know what's wrong but lately i've either been having bad dreams or not sleeping well at all. i've been in a funk and can't really figure out why. i just hope i shake it off soon. because honestly, it sucks.

antioxidants and stuff

green tea is like the wonder tea. all that EGCG is good for your LDL and HDL. it's been shown to keep the aging mind quick and sharp. some studies even show it's good for your metabolism.

but probably not when it's in ice cream form.

i've been grubbing on it since the weekend and i wouldn't be surprised if i finished the half gallon in a week.

at least i'm getting my calcium, right?

the unintentional experiment

today was day 2 of the knee band thingee try out. partway through my shift, the velcro on one of the bands was really irritating my leg so i took it off. the other was totally comfortable, didn't even feel like i was wearing anything. except for the fact that the knee i had it on felt much more supported. the other knee...i felt like i was newborn calf just starting to walk!

so yeah, these bands are miracle bands!

and now at the end of my shift i can tell a difference between which knee had the band on all day and which one didn't. on tuesday, i'm heading back to the running store to exchange the crappy velcro one for a better one and hopefully, i'll be good to go.

maybe i should sign up to be the spokesperson for these amazing knee band thingees...

the verdict so far

i tried the knee band thingees yesterday at work. and my knees? they felt good! good enough for me to test out on a 2.5 mile run! and how did that go? pain free!

and this morning, my knees don't feel at all rickety!

holy shit they DO work!!

though i'm still not 100% sold. a 2.5 mile run is NOT a marathon. but it does look promising. though now my knees are yet another place to thoroughly coat in bodyglide. as if i don't use enough of the stuff already!

i'm not fat, i'm big boned

the mystery behind my weight has finally been solved.

i'm big boned.

no, really. i am. i went to the local fleet feet to check out those knee band thingees i've been reading so much about to help keep your knee cap tracking properly. so i sat down to get fitted and demurely gave over my leg to the sales dude. it felt more like a garter fitting and i was a little self conscious that i was wearing skirt that day, but whatever. when he opened up the size medium package i was a little insulted. you think i have medium sized knees???

turns out i have LARGE knees. and i ended up buying the extra large size since there was only 1 in the large size. i swear to bob i don't have knobby elephantine knees. you would think if my knees were THAT large they could freaking handle my body ok but nooooooo.

anyway, i'm giving these bad boys a try this weekend at work, seeing if i feel any difference. and if they don't, back to the store they'll go.

have a great holiday peeps.

where there's no cell phone reception

12:30 pm: me, on the beach. a perfect 85 degrees. in one ear, jack johnson, in the other, the ocean. a heineken in one hand, and john irving's latest in the other.

seriously, life doesn't get much better than that.

i spent the day at stinson beach with the littlest bro. (with no talk of sex, THANK GOD!) it was a short hour and 15 minute drive, the hardest part being the treacherous hwy 1. winding, undulating roads twisting and turning through muir winds and along the sea cliffs. beautiful, yes. easy, no. but well worth it. what was even crazier was the number of cyclists sharing the narrow 2 lane road. there is no bike lane. there's barely enough room for 2 cars to pass! and the steepness?? these are some hard core cyclists.

because it was a weekday, there weren't too many people, but enough for some decent people watching. (there were dilfs aplenty. what is it with me spotting with hot 30 something dads lately? they're already TAKEN! where are all the hot 30 something single guys?) i braved the water for a few minutes but damn was it cold! seriously. like nature's ice bath. i remember reading somewhere that the pacific ocean is about 10 degrees colder than the atlantic.

after soaking up sun, we perused the handful of shops in town and settled in for dinner at the sanddollar. where we had the. best. mussels. ever. in. life. seriously. and a caesar salad with real anchovy dressing, clam chowder with more clams than i've ever had in clam chowder and garlic fries. i love eating with the littlest bro because he's a chef, so he too enjoys the food just as much as i do, and we talk about it like we would fine art. we talk about the balance of the sweet shallots and the herbs. we analyze the consistency of the chowder. and the perfect touch the anchovy brings to the caesar dressing that was in no way sour or vinegary. oh and how the bite and snap of fresh shaved parmesean beats grated any day of the week. we ate so much we didn't have room for dessert. except for a bag of sour patch kids for the drive home.

all in all, a super day.

four out of ten, hopefully.

2.48 miles today folks. which were run AFTER work. golf claps for me because afternoon runs are NOT my thing. my knees felt a little achy in the beginning. but the pains went away after a while. still i didn't want to push it. i stopped 2.25 miles into it and walked the rest to cooldown.

outside it was 88 degrees, but inside the gym felt just as hot. while i dripped with sweat in my sports bra and shorts, some guy in front of me on the elliptical was wearing a polo, jeans, and sneakers. some people were in sweat pants. and long sleeved shirts. i seriously don't get these people. i'm gonna show up at the pool tomorrow and find someone swimming laps in a parka.

speaking of pool workouts, i haven't quite figured out what tomorrow's workout will entail. my swimming skills are seriously subpar. i can barely get across the pool once. ONCE! at which point i gasp and wheeze for 5 minutes before i can even think about making it across again. i finally did buy an aqua belt, so i might mess around with that for awhile. or kick my way across with a board. i also found some exercises to strengthen my quads, specifically the inner muscles above the knee, which should help support my poor patellas properly. we'll just see what happens. i'm hoping that by going at the butt crack of dawn, no one will be around to witness my absolute ineptitude in the water. all i'm really asking is that i don't drown.

i've only logged 4 workouts this entire month. that is utterly pathetic. but there are still 9 days left. i'm setting the goal now to get into the gym to do SOME sort of workout at least 6 of those days to make it an even 10 workouts in the month of may. it's something at least. and in my pre-training for the marathon, all i want to do is heal up and start on the right foot.

the inlaws...

i grew up with 2 younger brothers. so having a sister in law is kinda weird. my youngest brother has a serious girlfriend of about 2 years. so when i moved home, i "inherited" two "sisters". luckily they're cool chicks. maybe not girls i would have necessarily chosen as friends of my own, but we get along really well for the most part. obviously the two of them get along better, since they've had time to gether without me, but i think part of what bonds us is that none of us grew up with sisters. but there are definitely times i feel possessive of my brothers because well, they're MY brothers. and before THEY came along, they were just mine. and i didn't have to share them with anyone else.

but like i said, they've been super great since i've moved since none of my high school friends are around anymore. they've become my friends and we can gab and gossip and do all the things girls do. EXCEPT. talk about sex.

ugh. gross!!

because when they talk about sex, they're talking about sex with my brothers.

GROSS!!!

GROSS!!!

GROSS!!! times infinity.

it seriously ruins my buzz everytime we're out having drinks and they bring it up.

fun with photobooth

my new haircut! wheeee! i feel like i lost 10 pounds!

i used to wear my hair super short and i've been trying to grow it out for what feels like FOR-EVER. i finally just couldn't take it any more and gave up. my hair is too damned thick to wear long. even when they've thinned it out in the past, it's STILL too heavy. but this time i had her whack the crap out of my hair. so while she didn't really chop off too much length, she managed to thin my hair. by like 50% she said!

so it's still short, yes. but at least longer than i've had it for the past 6 years. so it's different. and feels so much lighter!

consulting a professional

so i picked up a copy of marathoning for mortals, by john bingham and coach jenny, before making it to the beach last week. i'm more than halfway through and am slowly realizing i may not be as prepared for the marathon in october as i thought i might be. i realize it is still like 20 plus weeks away, but the last month has been pooptastic and today my knees and right hip kinda hurt. they aren't screaming in pain, but they're just nagging enough that i know i shouldn't ignore them. especially since my primary source of income requires me to be walking for 8 hours.

i've spent the last year learning to run basically on my own. reading, researching, and briefly joining a training group that i had to drop out of a few weeks later because of scheduling issues. considering i am no professional, it makes sense i didn't do it all right all the time.

so instead of trying out hammer out this marathon at the expense of the health of my limbs, i'm going to do it the right way. by consulting with a doctor first! GASP! I KNOW! who woulda thought? i'm paying for health insurance, i may as well damned use it. even if it is an hmo.

first order of business is to make an appointment with a sports medicine person (uh, what are they called again?) i'll continue to ice and advil. and i'll have to make friends with other forms of exercise. which is a pain in the arse because the only thing i really enjoy other than running is kickboxing and considering it's high impact that isn't an option. i might just dive further into dorkhood and buy an aqua vest for water running. and/or take the swimming lessons i've been wanting to take.

either way, i think i've made peace with the fact that 1. running intensely right now might not be in the cards right now. 2. i might have to cut the marathon i paid to run to a half marathon. 3. as much as i hate crosstraining, it WILL make me a better runner.

america, you're wrong

while i went to bed ridiculously early last night, america forgot to vote for melinda doolittle on idol. seriously, people. what were you thinking?

probably that she's a nearly flawless singer and didn't need your votes.

vote for blake next week or read a tirade of how jordin sparks makes me want to hurl things at my tv. namely vomit.

2 for 2

i got to the gym this morning and all the treadmills were full. of walkers!!! argh! honestly, i don't have anything against walkers, because well at one time, I was a walker and for some people walking is better than nothing. but still i was annoyed. and for some reason more annoyed than if they were all running.

anyway, i got in an easy 3.25 miles. i had more time today since it was my day off. i've been resisting running outside for several reasons. 1. i like blaring my music really loud and i can't do that on the roads. 2. it's dark in the morning. 3. it's been windy lately and i really don't want to aggravate my allergies more than i have to. 4. i've lost my nike plus receiver to track my miles so yeah i'm sticking to the treadmill to do all the math for me. once i clean my room and get to a point where i can put more miles in at a time, i'll definitely welcome the great outdoors.

tomorrow, i'm going for a three-peat, but going for the bike instead. don't want to overdo it. even though i really, really, really want to run, run, run.

oh and a funny thing, i stepped on the scale today and it said i lost 4 pounds since yesterday!!!! hahahahahhaha. i know it's not true and is more of a function of me weighing myself with less clothes on and missing dinner last night bc i fell asleep at 5pm (yes 5pm) but still i had to laugh. the other chicks in the locker room must have thought i was nuts.

day one

i hit snooze only once this morning. and i managed to still squeeze in 2.25 miles. i probably spent as much time on the treadmill as i spent driving to and from the gym, warming up, cooling down, stretching and icing. but still it felt good to be running again. even if it was the slowest, shortest run ever.

no more excuses

my alarm is set for 4:30 a.m. my running clothes are sitting right next to my bed. i considered sleeping in them, but sleeping in a sports bra sounds about as comfortable as sleeping in a strait jacket.

i'm going to run tomorrow. whether i like it or not.

i've milked what were once totally legit injury/sickness/work schedule reasons for not running for far too long. so long that they turned into excuses for not running. i'm no longer sick. i'm not so debilitated i can't run at least short easy distances for now. and i've gotten more used to the physical demands of my job (except for the 12 hour shift i pulled on mother's day. ugh.)

honestly, i was just really frustrated at the running gods for sidelining me when i had felt most confident about my running. i put a lot of effort into training for santa cruz and i felt really robbed of a race i felt was mine. i'd started running intervals and hills. hell i even made it into the weight room. then BAM! over the course of a few weeks, all that work was undone. i had planned to build even further on my santa cruz base and start my marathon training really strong. and now here i am. feeling like i'm starting all over again.

but what can you do? except start. again.

tomorrow's the day.

only a runner would understand

"LSD one day, Speed the next"

this and other running quotes found here

getting my head in the game

it's been a week since my last run, but it feels like much longer. probably because it had been 4 days since my run before that one. and really i've only missed 2 runs since i came up with my new plan last week, but it feels like i've missed 50. i'm so out of it, i even lost my watch! i've reached such a funk that reading everyone's happy tales about running makes me incredibly, infuriatingly jealous.

i just feel so out of it. i don't feel like myself without running. or more specifically, training. i'm not really one to do it just for fun. easing back into things after this injury has me wigged out. i want to run. hard. fast. (well for me anyway) but i'm afraid i'll push too hard too soon and be laid up even longer and miss out on the marathon i've been after for a a reeeaallly long time. my brain has a habit of turning one small worry into a huge catastrophe.

i have 2 days off finally, after 7 straight days of work. i'm treating myself to a day at the beach tomorrow. to relax and regroup. i'm hoping that an early morning run and a day in the sun, sand, and surf, will rejuvinate my spirits.

guys are so dumb

today these two hot (read: big boobed) women come into the restaurant for lunch. they were like lucy lui's more attractive cousins. i'll admit that when i saw them even i thought to myself, "damn they're hot!" but the frenzy in the kitchen over these two chicks was absolutely ridiculous. it was as if the guys had never seen a woman before. i mean c'mon, this is california! big (fake) boobs are aplenty here.

the executive chef was the worst. he made them some elaborate special dessert that they didn't even order and had me bring it to them "compliments of the chef". a little while later, he made some big show about going to each table to see how their food was, blah blah, of course as an excuse to stop by the hot chick table. he introduces himself and they say, "oh you don't remember us? we met you here last year!"

doh! smooth, chef. reeeeaaal smoooooth.

so i taunted him in the back and chef says to me, "hey if some hot guys come in, don't worry i got your back. you helped me so i'll help you."

i just laughed and said, "who says i need your help?"

seriously, boys are so dumb.

i just wanna run already!!

can i just say that not training s.u.c.k.s.!!!!

the more blogs i read, the more i miss it!!!! i pout, i moan, i cry, like the 5 year old that i am. then i go find some ice cream or fried potatoes to wallow in.

i just turned down 2 more freelance offers. a little reluctantly. but not really. things were getting too hectic trying to adjust to both gigs at the same time. i think i am going to take the rest of the month to concentrate efforts on finding a full-time design job. perfecting my self-promo even more so i can send out my first batch. then wait, and maybe take on another freelance project.

because that's what you do when you're your own boss.

and maybe, just maybe i can also get in some decent running.

because without it, i'm just a big, crabby, bloated b.i.t.c.h.. and i can resume my regularly scheduled running blog which in recent weeks has turned into a random talk about shit and post pics of hot guys blog. though the hot guys part i'm sure you enjoy :)

blame it on the rain

when i woke up this morning, i swear to bob i thought i had aged 20 years in my sleep. my knees felt really rickety and the one i tweaked a long time ago in tae kwon do, that rarely but sometimes gives me trouble, was extra specially tender. and my hip? yeah, all wonky again. i thought for sure by the end of the day i'd be forced to crawl on all fours.

but once the rain let up and i guess my body got warm, my limbs and joints felt their youthful 28 year old selves. even so, i'm playing it conservative, elevating my lower extremities and icing the crap outta my hip. i might even substitute my easy run this week with a swim workout. (hahahahahahaha! me??? swimming??? hahahahahahahah)

if i can feel this old now, i don't even want to know how i'll feel in 10, 20 or 30 years!

oh, and don't you think eric and i make a cute couple?

spring in my step

on the schedule: a 6 mile "long run" @ 12:22.

as much as i like to push myself when it comes to running, it's such a relief to know that i only have to run 6 miles at a snail's pace. not to say my run was easy peasy. but it was just right. my knees felt a little rickety again in the beginning but after a mile i was warm and gliding along.

in the beginning my speed ranged from 4.7 mph to 4.9. i eventually settled into 5.0 for a good while. then the treadmills next to me started to fill up, my time was dwindling, and there were hoverers lurking. so my speed crept up to 6.0 at one point, just so i could finish as close to 6 miles as i possibly could in the time i was given (which was about 70 minutes)

it felt so good to sweat again. and even pant a little at the end. out of the corner of my eye, i could see the guy next to me shoot glances my way, certain i would collapse and he would have to resuscitate me. thankfully, that wasn't necessary.

i'm hoping this is the beginning to some consistent training again. because i really have missed it.

testing my endurance

i've waited tables for about 10 years, off and on. but it was only a couple days a week. for extra beer money. but this is the first time i've had to rely on it as my primary income. which means i'm on my feet 8+ hours a day, 5 days a week. i know people do it all the time, everyday. and i thought i was in pretty good shape. but let me tell you, it's kicking my ass.

or more specifically, the 300+ elderly women's choir group that came through the hotel this weekend kicked my ass. for people as frail and slow as they are, they were goddamned demanding and wanted everything NOW! add to my list of reasons i'm going hell: my annoyance with and desire to bitch-slap demanding elderly ladies. i swear to bob last night i had nightmares about them.

as i stated in a previous post, coming up with and following a training program around my new 6am-2pm work schedule is a challenge. i like running in the morning, but getting up at 4 am to run sounds ludicrous to me. but then again, at one point, getting up at 5:30 am to run sounded ludicrous. but getting up at 4 am means going to bed at like 8pm!

and yes, i do need 8 hours of sleep. 7 minumum.

and i'm finding the problem isn't so much the scheduling as it is that waitressing is seriously wiping me out. today was my day off and i got up at 7. after eating breakfast, reading blogs, going through some mail, i was still tired. so i went back to bed and didn't get up until about 1! and it wasn't until then that i didn't feel the achiness in my bones. oh and i went to bed at like 9 last night!

part of me knows my body will get used to it. and part of me knows that we won't always have annoying groups of octogenarians demanding 1001 things of me at once. but for now, i'm just a little old lady myself.

after missing santa cruz, i didn't know what i was gonna do about training. i was coming off an injury and dealing with a new work situation. i cut myself some slack, but i knew in order to get any running done i had to have a plan. and a plan is what i have.

my next race will be the sonoma jack 10k on june 3. that's in 5 weeks. and looking at my 3 day a week training plan, very do-able. after the race, i'll take a week off, then start my 18 week marathon training (oh shit!) somewhere in between those 2 races, i plan on running a half-marathon, most likely the run sfm half.

i'm planning on doing my long runs on tuesdays (my sunday), doing one easy run and one speed workout during the week. all the extra stuff? the weight training, crosstraining? we'll just have to see how my body holds up. to some extent, my job IS crosstraining.

and how i'm going to fit in freelancing AND looking for a full-time job? i don't know. i really don't know. somehow, it will all get done. it always does.

the runner in me

if you take a look at my running stats for the month of april, you'll see how absolutely pathetic they are. i've run less miles in the entire month of april than i did in a single week last month. and do you know what i have to say to that?

shit happens. there's always may. and june. and 6 more months before nike.

normally, i'd be upset. really upset. i'd feel like a total loser and cry buckets over my expanding waist line (which for some strange but awesome reason isn't really growing despite my hiatus).

but i'm not upset because i've taken care of a lot of other priorities this month that have tested my will, patience, and determination just as much as running has. and it's because of the lessons i've learned from running that helped me through it (aside from my cry-fest freakout)

because even when i'm not training by running, i'm always thinking about how my training applies to my entire life. i'm always thinking about what the runner in me would do. how the runner in me would handle these challenges. how the runner in me purposefully and willingly challenges myself to do things i thought were physically impossible, only to make me stronger. more accomplished. i think about how the runner in me knows when too much is too much and takes the time to nurture my body and my mind.

running has taught me that bad shit happens, but is always followed by some good stuff. the bad stuff never defines who you are. but the success it's not forever either. running has humbled my crazy perfectionism yet it has motivated me to be better than i thought i could ever be. but in a different way than the greed for achievement used to.

somehow and in some strange way, running has taught me to be more honest with myself. about who i really am. about what i really want. about what's really important. about what really makes me happy.

i still wonder what this year has in store for me. and i vacillate between trepidation and excitement. i am sometimes absolutely clueless and feel the only thing i can do is open myself to divine intervention and other times i have the confidence and conviction to face whatever happens. to make shit happen.

because that's the runner in me.



-----------------------------
note: i know my posts have been pretty off-topic and downright angsty lately, but hey it's my blog :) i hope to return to normal ass-kicking training in may when i've gotten the work situations under control :)

and i did run 3.25 miles yesterday, but honestly had nothing exciting to report. except that i really really crave running more!

um, this isn't mine

i got to my car after work today and when i pulled on the handle to my car door, a very small ziptop baggie full of fine powdery "white stuff" fell into my palm.

uh......

wtf?! how did THAT get there?

was it a "sample"? did someone need to stash it somewhere quickly?

of course the total nerd i am, i totally freaked out, chucked it deep into a trashcan, not wanting anything to do with it. it even freaks me out that my fingerprints are on it.

but seriously, wtf?!

yum!

people magazine sure got it right. most beautiful, indeed.

i know, i know. i've brought up eric bana more than once on this blog. but c'mon! that is supreme hotness right there!

*sigh* perhaps it has been too long since i've been on a date ;) but if there were more men like him walking around then i wouldn't have that problem.

on the road, again

i FINALLY got my ass in gear and did some running! wahoo! it had been exactly 2 weeks and i swear i had to dust cobwebs off my running shoes.

i got in an easy 3 miles in under 37 minutes, running anywhere from 4.5 mph to 6.5 mph. there was a chick on the treadmill next to me with waaaaay longer legs than me running at 5.8 mph but i swear my legs were moving much faster than hers. totally not fair.

and whatever injury i had seems to be gone. i felt a little rickety in my quads and knees when i started, but after a mile it was gone. i definitely had legs for a longer run, but alas, i didn't have the time. but it's good to know my legs haven't forgotten how to run. makes me wonder how i would have done had i run the race on sunday!

for now, the trick will be finding a good time to run with my new 6am-2pm work schedule. while i much prefer to run in the morning, i don't see myself getting up at 4 am to run before work. and while running after 8 hours on my feet doesn't sound appealing either, it sounds like the lesser of two evils.

i should be able to fit in one run in the next two days and will attempt a long run on friday, my day off. maybe 10 miles?

reliving saturday night

punch

i've had a lot to drink. really. i love you guys. seriously. i do.

hapy ithday to jess and happy earth day to the planet.


tomorrow i'm going to a place where they serve 101 omlettes. that;s all i know for now.

that was the drunken post from last night that i deleted this morning. i tried to hide the evidence, then neese had to go and rub it in ;)

this morning, instead of running, i put a sweatshirt on over last night's clothes, my index finger still bright red from the cherry jello shots and the bottom of my right foot still in pain from stepping on a hot coal from a hookah mishap. my brother and i headed to sandy's omelettes and i had 1 pancake, a biscuit, hashbrowns, and a hawaiian omelette with mushroms, green onions, pineapple, spam and fried rice! after that, we crashed on the couch for about 3 hours.

now i'm flipping channels on our new 52" HDtv. i never realized how much of a difference HD makes! holy crap!!!! it's like the difference between having your glasses off and then putting them on! i think i need to drop by blockbuster and pick up the movie troy. brad pitt, orlando bloom AND eric bana ALL in high def??!?!

short of having them in person in my living room, i can't think of a better way to recover from a crazy saturday night :)

and this makes 100

i've already listed 69, so here's the 31 OTHER things i've promisted to round out a full 100 things about me:

70. i'm right handed, but i bat and golf left handed.
71. i don't drink coffee or soda.
72. i once tried to be a vegetarian. i lasted 2 weeks.
73. i cracked when i smelled steak on the grill.
74. i've fired the canon at fort ord under the golden gate bridge.
75. i love accents, especially boston accents and african accents.
76. if i were a teenage mutant ninja turtle, i'd be michaelangelo.
77. i once stole bikini bottoms from old navy.
78. it was an accident. i forgot to take them off before putting my shorts on and i just walked out of the store. and was too embarrassed to go back and return them.
79. i was hugely dissapointed when i saw plymouth rock. and the liberty bell.
80. i bite my nails.
81. no matter how much i want to stop, i can't. it's a nervous habit.
82. i like drinking hot water with lemon.
83. i hate anything raspberry flavored.
84. i've dented my car twice in 4 years on parking garage pillars.
85. i love getting dressed up to go out.
86. i love having my hair washed, complete with scalp massage.
87. some day i will have a manservant to do that for me every morning.
88. and he will look like taye diggs.
89. and sing sweet sweet love songs like jack johnson.
90. i have a pair of lucky underwear.
91. i hate cats. i'm highly allergic.
92. i get lost really really really easily.
93. i'm a very visual person. i need to write things down, draw a picture, face what i'm listening to in order to understand.
94. i have to wear earrings everyday or i feel naked.
95. i've never ever once laughed out loud to seinfeld. honestly, i don't think he's funny.
96. i hate cleaning.
97. but i LOVE to organize.
98. i love the smell of scotch tape, post-it notes, and new computers.
99. i've won many limbo contests.
100. april 22 is my "official" one year running anniversary!

brand new day

in the last 36 hours, i've:

1. had a good, big , long sobfest. the wailing, snot-running, can barely breathe kind.

2. got a call from my best friend where i got to cry to her for a good long while.

3. ate a sourdough bacon cheeseburger, fries, and andes mint shake from jack-in-the-box.

4. impressed my new client with my design prowess.

5. bought my new macbook pro (it's soooooo sexy!)

6. rearranged my restaurant schedule so i could have the morning off to prepare for my interview today.

7. slept 12 hours continuously.

i admit i freaked out more than i should have at the beginning of the week, but hey, it's what i do. and working 9 hours on my feet, looking for a new job, while trying to figure out this brand new endeavor of being a self-employed designer is all some hard sh!t.

it's been such a strange experience moving back home without a job. to the point where sometimes i really wonder whether it was a good idea to have moved without one. but then i would have had to face a whole set of other obstacles had i stayed in dc. and in my heart i know they even out.

plus i have the benefit of finally being a part of my family again. on the way home from my client meeting, i stopped by my brother's house to have dinner and visit with my nephew. the lil kid perked my spirits instantly and as i left he bawled and bawled, unhappy to see his favorite (and only) auntie leave. i wouldn't have THAT if i was still in d.c.

i hope to reunite with my running on sunday morning. taking mucinex has helped the congestion problem and i'm hoping i'll feel good enough to log at least 1 mile on the treadmill. i might have to scrap my planned races and sign up for what i can at the last minute, depending on how my work/interviewing schedule goes. in a few weeks, i'll start marathon training! and if that's the only race i run this year, i think i'll be perfectly happy!!

**deep breaths**

i want to thank everyone for their support! it makes me feel less crazy to know others deal with flack from their loved ones as well. and it makes me that much more grateful for the blogger comraderie and community. we can all be crazy together! wheeeeeeee!

that being said, i am opting out of santa cruz this weekend. for a TON of reasons. the congestion in my head is moving south. i haven't been able to test out my legs. i've been working NON-STOP the whole week and i don't see any break until after my tuesday deadline. i've slept about 4 hours each night and predict i'll keep this schedule until at least saturday. i've been so wracked with panic and sleep deprived, i think i'm running on adrenaline instead of calories because i know i haven't been able to eat.

but even though i won't be chugging along the coast this weekend, don't forget to cheer on rose. she's gonna kick enough @ss for both of us anyway :)

once i meet my deadline, i'll have a second to sleep, regroup and resolve to NEVER, EVER, EVER again bite off more than i can chew. i have this habit of freaking out when i start something causing me to go into overdrive and do everything possible so as to do it perfectly, and then sometimes it's just too much all at once and i'm up sh!t creek. whoever said "live and learn" forgot that very important middle part.

when will she understand?

mom: it's supposed to rain on sunday.

me: i know. i'll have to run in it.

mom: well don't push it, you don't want to get sick. so how long will it take? an hour? i don't want to get home too late. and your brothers. they have to drive even further.

me: uh, no mom. it'll take me at least 2 and a half hours to run 13.1 miles. (thinking to myself, you mean i have to speed things up just to accommodate other people's schedules, when the reason we're in santa cruz in the FIRST place is so I can run MY race?)

mom: that long?!?! well don't push it. i mean if you can't finish it, then you can't finish it.

me: (seething under my breath) mom. i. can. finish. it.

problem is, my leg/hip/groin isn't 100%. so i don't know if i have what it takes to prove her wrong. i was fine about not finishing it BEFORE she said this comment. but now, i want to run and finish even if i have to cut my damned leg off. even though i know my mom loves me and is proud of me in many many ways, i almost think she just wants this "running thing" to blow up in my face. just because it's something she can't do. something she wouldn't even conceive of doing. an accomplishment that she is in a way jealous of my having. i think in this aspect, she relishes any sign of my weakness. i hate to say that about her. but i honestly, that's how i feel.

just another reason i am going to burn in hell...thinking ill thoughts of one's perfectly wonderful mother.

ack!

suddenly, everything seems to be getting out of control around here.

freelancing is a relatively new situation for me, and just as i suspected, it's already getting complicated. i took on a project for a firm in sac, and so far it seems to be under control. except that i have a deadline right after my half. my old firm in dc has a rush project that needs to get taken care of by the end of the week.

and all those creative staffing agencies i've shown my portfolio to? they all say they have jobs for me, but they're all temporary positions. i'm contemplating whether that's something i want to commit to because it could just put me back in the same position i am in now, while a permanent position i DO want may be out of my grasp because of the time i've committed to the temporary one.

in the meantime, because i was afraid i might not be making steady money, i've picked up a waitressing gig and i'm scheduled every day until saturday. i have an interview this friday after work, when all i'll really want to be doing is relaxing and packing for the weekend. not driving an hour, then putting on my most intelligent and eager face to talk about my stellar design skills.

i haven't run all last week and while i've gotten over the paranoia that my legs will have forgotten how to run, i wanted a few days to test out my legs to see how they really feel and perform.

part of me knows i'm just being a spoiled brat who has forgotten what it feels like to have a real work schedule. but part of me also knows it's just nerve wracking to have absolutely no constants in my life right now because of my work situation. some people love this kind of freedom and flexibility, but i abhor it. give me routine and comfort, please. i don't like not knowing what things will be like next month. wondering whether i'll have the time or money to plan the vacation i want to. or plan anything in advance, even races. i don't like not knowing how much i will be earning, even if it means i could be cashing in on a lot of work this month. i want to be able to plan. and focus.

i know that eventually things will settle down and something will come of the madness. i just wish the madness didn't coincide with the week before a big race.

--------addendum

i just went to get a haircut, thinking the pampering would do me some good. instead, i sat tin the chair for an hour while my childhood hairstylist talked endlessly (and annoyingly) about gossip and the endless drama in her life and i walked away with a craptastic cut.

*sigh*

i was trying to grow out my hair, then resolved to just do something different. but after this cut, i may have to whack it all off again and start all over. which just may be the excuse i wanted to go back to my original short style.

procrastination

ticketmaster treated me to 4 free downloads on itunes for buying concert tickets yesterday. yippee! after spending way too much time on itunes, i ended up with:

1. over it (katherine mcphee)
not really a fan of her, but i can't help but really like that song.
2. maniac (michael sembello)
i roared with laughter at the thought of me cruising through the race to that song. maybe i should wear leg warmers?
3. wanna love you girl (robin thicke)
love him, though can't get over how much he looks like his dad jason seaver to think he's hot..
4. move something (ll cool j)
'nuff said.

i also managed to "find" and "secure" an mp3 of kelly clarkson's new song, never again. i can't WAIT til her new album comes out!!!!!!

so i meant to run yesterday...or at least test out my legs. but i ws having nano issues...which required a trip to the apple store, blah blah....maybe i'll run tonight.

the trip to the apple store wasn't just for the ipod though, because i got to play with all the computers and finally decided on which mac book pro i want!!! i was gonna use my tax refund to go to greece this year, but my old laptop died and well hopefully greece will still be around for a long while. so...more money for steve jobs it is!

no! no! no! no! no! no!

weather in santa cruz next sunday, according to weather.com:


i've raced in rain before, but only 5ks! i've run distances in rain before. lots of rain. but in the summer, when it was warm. cold rain??? YOU SUCK! time to start doing an anti-rain dance.

baseball

i was on the sf giants' site checking out their schedule, specifically looking for when they play the nationals and the red sox. and wouldn't ya know it. the week they play dc at home is when i'll be back in dc for my annual girls beach trip.

i guess i'll have to settle for a catching a game against a team i don't really care too much about. in all honesty, i haven't followed giants baseball since i was in middle school. but that was before i was old enough to spend $500 on a small beer at the ballpark.

on the DL

injury/illness-imposed rest is the worst kind. so i'm calling the next couple days of rest "a vacation" instead. sounds, better doesn't it? instantly takes me from "if my sinuses don't kill me, then my legs are gonna fall off" freak-out syndrome to "ahhhh, now i don't have to be a slave to the training schedule and i can actually take more time to do other things"

and if my "vacation" is forced to overlap with race day, so be it. sh!t happens. at least i'll be at the beach. there will be other races.

maybe this isn't the attitude of a comeptitive elite racer, but what can i do? i got sick. i got injured. both at the wrong time (not that there ever is a right time) but i know i can do the distance. besides it's too early to tell how i'll really feel come race day. so fingers crossed people.

but until then, i'm on siesta...

pain in my ...

even though i am now properly medicated and breathing and sleeping normally, i still didn't want to inundate my sinuses needlessly with pollen. so i ran on the treadmill today. a 7 mile easy run cut down to 5 for a variety of reasons: i just wanted to be done, my hour was up and there were people waiting, and that weird nagging groin/hip pain.

i am really bad when it comes to injury because 1.i freak out 2. i freak out and 3. i freak out. especially with only 2 weeks before my big race. and i am very impatient when it comes to the whole r.i.c.e. shebang. and how in the hell am i supposed to compress THAT area?

it's been maybe a little over a week since this weird pain crept in. it doesn't hurt a lot and even when i run it doesn't hurt enough to make me want to stop. it just feels weird. a little tight. and i feel it everytime i lift my right leg or do anything with my right leg actually. i suspect it happened over the week i tried to be all butch and fanatical with the weights and increased mileage. i could definitely feel it when i did those series of pushups. maybe it's more of a lower abdominal thing.

either way, something doesn't feel right and i'm not exactly quite sure what to do...

recovery monday

i survived a week of effed up hormones, a night of waaaaaaaaay too many margaritas, a weekend of god-awful allergies and ineffectual OTC medicine. i'm picking up my prescribed medicine today and paying FULL price because i was stupid enough to run out during the one month lapse between changing health insurance. but being able to breathe is important enough for me to pay $125 in sweet, sweet drugs.

besides, last time i was lax in taking my allergy meds, i got a sinus infection that put me in utter pain for my LAST half marathon. i've worked too hard for this one to not pay my stupid tax for the meds. it's a lot to pay when i'm used to paying only $30, but in the grand scheme of things i would easily and without thinking spend $125 on totally non essential items, like beer, clothing, cute earrings etc.

but i don't think the OTCs are totally out of my system and they're still making me feel totally wrecked. i think i'll just stay inside with my head covered, sipping tea with lots of local honey (they say this works too for allergies) and head out for a nice run TOMORROW.

7+3=crappy

when my ipod wouldn't charge this morning, i should have taken that as a sign of what my energy level today would be like. it took me about 2 hours to get out of the house after i had changed into my running clothes, partly because i was waiting for the effing thing to charge and partly because i just really didn't want to get out there today. eventually, i just said eff it to my ipod, grabbed it with whatever juice it had and got in my car to run my 10 miles because they wouldn't run themselves.

here are my splits:
1: 11:26
2: 11:34
3: 11:46
4: 11:13
5: 11:47
6: 12:08
7: 11:34
8: 12:06
9: 12:53
the rest: 10:47
T: 1:57:18

they start off pretty decent, and every time my nano would tell me my pace, i'd look at my watch incredulously and go, what? i don't feel like i'm running a sub-12 minute mile. and after a couple of miles at an eleven-something pace i just stopped trying to slow myself down because it just wasn't happening.

which of course was a mistake because i really petered out at the end. at about 5 miles, i started to realize that this long, easy run felt more like a really long tempo run. while the pace was a little uncomfortable to keep up, i just couldn't WILL myself slower. so i just sucked up the discomfort for as long as i could.

the entire 2 hours was just not fun. maybe because it was windy. or more humid. or later than i like to run. at about mile 8, i just stopped trying to make it a happy run and settled into getting the last 2 miles of my sucky run done. at one point i wanted to just scream ENOUGH! at the top of my lungs and fling myself into the grass.

at mile 9, my ipod crapped out. i was able to make it about a half mile without it and the last quarter i threw in the towel and walked. i tore off my headphones, tore off my visor, tore out the elastics in my hair.

i'm not crazy disappointed though really. while i'm still relatively new to the running game, i've run enough to know that sometimes for whatever reason you have sucky ass runs. today was one of them. and next week brings the opportunity for some really great ones.

this weekend i won't even think about running. only about how many margaritas i can throw back tonight, how many dollar bills i will have to throw at oily men in banana hammocks to sufficiently embarrass my mother, and how much fun it will be to spend my first easter with my nephew.

technology my @ss

my parents' desktop computer is suddenly "broken", having come down with some sort of "virus". i didn't think it should affect my hardy and reliable mac, but apparently, my parents' computer needs to work for the internet connection to work? sounds fishy to me. it put a big wrench in some work i needed to do today and now i'm all crabby and ready to blame the entire world for my lack of convenience.

we managed to get my dad's laptop connected to the outside world so i could send some files, but not having internet access is worse than not having a telephone. or running water. i'm serious.

could i possibly be this spoiled and reliant on a technology that i've lived without for most of my life? it's sad, but true.

in job related news, i'm showing my portfolio to a creative staffing agency today and i've gotten some offers for more freelancing. of course this is also after i've committed to a full time schedule at the restaurant. this juggling of multi-gigs is stressful and i'll be happy once i can find a full time studio i love and adore.

and in running news, i have a 10 miler scheduled for tomorrow. which i hope is a breeze after running 15 last week. did i mention i ran 15 miles last week? ;) i'm not exactly sure how the rest of my training will play out in the next 2 weeks. i'll most likely do an 8 or 9 for my last long run, throw in a couple more speed workouts, and then go really easy the last 3 or so days before the race. if anyone has any suggestions, i'm open to them. i sort of got ahead of myself on the training schedule to meet my march goals so now i don't know how hard i should really be pushing at this point.

so have a great weekend peeps. my mom got us girls tickets to thunder from down under this saturday. my 60 year old, never been to a bar before, rosary praying, scared to go out at night mother got me, her, my sisters in law and her sister, tickets to a strip show. craziness! happy easter indeed!

wax on, wax off

an hour on the bike, 16.25 miles for the log book. but the greatest feat about today's workout was that i got it done at all. i missed my opportunity for a morning workout because i had a lot of work that HAD to get done today. I wrote off any workout and tried not to feel too bad because it was a crosstraining day. i knew that if i didn't get it done in the morning, a workout wasn't gonna happen later in the day.

by 3:00, all my work was one and my brain was fried. but miraculously i thought to myself, wow the gym would feel really good right about now. crazy, huh?

i didn't get my weights in though. i wanted to get home and wash my car since i haven't washed it since...december. i figured car washing could be a decent workout. and if i still have some energy left in me, i'll haul out the free weights and get to crackin' while watching UGLY BETTY tonight.

hump day, speed day

today's speed workout: 3 x 1600 @ 10:56 with 800 rec. this is how it went down:

1600 warmup: 13:53 (most sluggish mile ever)
1600: 10:54
800: 6:21
1600: 10:31
800: 6:38
1600: 10:10
400 cooldown: 5:00 (i nearly wiped out on the treadmill after dropping my ipod)
T: 5.25 miles in 1:03:38

i really, really, really, really didn't want to do weights today. but i did. and it was a royal pain because they gym was really busy and i had to share the machines and work in my sets. but at least the boys played nice and reracked my weights for me. and i remembered my gloves today. last week my palms were dying.

"easy" weeks always mess with my mind because i always feel like i should push push push, but i just don't have the mental game right now. plus i'm feeling a little soreness in the groin area, so i'm telling myself it's good i'm easing up this week. and while in my head i know that relaxing is part of training, part of me is always scared that i won't be back up to par again, even though i always bounce back. stupid mind tricks.

all i can say is at least this week isn't race week!

more mini-me

it's a slow running week this week. and it couldn't have come at a better time, hormones wise. so instead of subject you to the wrath of my grouchy mood and fiery temper that my family gets to enjoy, i've decided to go with another installment of wee petite me. this batch isn't as good as the last, but still horribly embarrassing :)



my grandma doesn't appear at all concerned that my dress doesn't even cover my diaper! then again, it doesn't look like i care too much either.





this is actually probably more embarassing for my dad. thank god he didn't keep the 'stache for very long.





yes, this was a dukes of hazzard car. it's sad that i still think that's pretty cool.




see! everything comes back in style: big glasses, skinny jeans, jelly flats.





high school graduation picture. 10 years ago. did i tell you i got carded for buying a lighter last week? i can't possibly still look this young.

dessert desperation

or dessert macgyver style.

i was seriously craving warm cookies and ice cream last night after dinner. but we had neither. and i was too lazy to drive out to the store to get some. so i foraged and came up with this:

oatmeal raisin clif bar nuked for 30 seconds topped with a huge mountain of low fat whipped cream. i resisted all urges to spray the whipped cream directly into my mouth as it wasn't my own personal can.

believe it or not, it was quite tasty and might be something i try more often. on purpose.