i'm not a strict follower of any religion, but i know that when i die, there is a place in hell reserved just for me. well me and the other thousands of catty people on earth. cojo, joan rivers, all my friends, and those chicks at gofugyourself. and really i'm fine with it. cattines is part of my charm people :) and has probably gained me more friends than enemies. i think.
anyway...this morning i took my place on a treadmill as far away from anyone as posssible. which wasn't really that far, but i like to leave a good distance between me and the person next to me, unlike the weirdos who like to run right next to you even though there are like 6 open machines. so while i can seclude myself left and right, i can't help that there's a row of machines in front of me. and right in front of me are chatty mcchatters and her friend non-descript blonde, chatting away wildly like they haven't seen each other in years. only there's a treadmill between then, so i can only imagine they're to some degree yelling. luckily i had my headphones on otherwise i would have thrown something at them. their guestures and carrying on were enough to annoy me.
then chatty mcchatters, who was also wearing an annoying gym outfit(who wears camisoles to work out in? camisoles with a broken strap!?), busts out a newspaper. and i'm not talking neatly folded, flat newspaper. i'm talking 2 armed, double spread, i'm taking up all the horizontal space i possibly can kind of newspaper. wtf? i can't even read a magazine when propped on one of those special treadmill holders and chick is exercising while reading a billboard of news?
i'm baffled and still annoyed but before i can mentally bore a hole through her head, the newspapers in her hands flies up in the air, and the other sections go flapping and tumbling down onto the belt in a huge mess and she's flailing and tripping and gripping to hang on and not die.
and me, the catty chick that i am, just snort. really loudly. i wanted to erupt into cackles of laughter, but that would have crossed the line from catty to bitchy. and i'm at least not that.
but yes, i'm still going to hell.
4 comments:
I feel confident that Satan has reserved a condo by the lake of fire just for me, so perhaps we can visit one another in the afterlife. I'm not too upset about going to hell; I figure that's where all the fun people will be.
Oh you HAVE to laugh at that!!!
Right there with ya, sister. Those women who don't break a sweat and talk on their cell phones and read novels or newspapers when working out deserve to be snorted at. Of course, my Rachael Ray post alone will land me in hell.
I'll be burning with you. Not only would I have snorted. I'd have stopped my machine just to have a hardy ha-ha.
Post a Comment