home

i've thought of and written a bunch of versions of this post...of how i've been feeling about returning home and starting over...and i don't think i have quite processed it enough to put it into words. but as the minute draws ever nearer, my emotions are flooding, brimming, swelling. i've sometimes had to stuff them back in because i'm at work, or in public, or whatever. but soon, i will finally have the peace and privacy to just let everything out. and i will have time to properly reflect on the 10 year chapter of my life that has brought me to a whole new awareness and appreciation of myself as a woman.

but all the heavy stuff aside, i'm excited. and confident that i'm doing exactly the right thing. and THAT feels good.

my fellow californians

doesn't ah-nold look so statesmanly?

even though i know he's the governator of my new homestate (my dad actually voted for him!), i was still shocked (and a little tickled) to see his face in the california driver's handbook.

in his letter, he urges his fellow californians to wear their seat belts and to not drink or do drugs and drive. (yeah, tell that to mel gibson!) but it was written so...normally...so generically...so unlike what i know his voice and accent really sound like...i mean really, can you really imagine the terminator talking about the civic responsibility of using your turn signal?

i heart drugs

i somehow managed to get strep throat, which is apparently very rare for adults. considering i haven't kissed anyone, i can only deduce that i somehow licked something offensive. scary thought.

but thanks to tylenol and penecillin, i am on my way to recovery. no more chills and fever. my throat still hurts, but it's a little more bearable. with about 8 hours of rest i felt better enough to get some of my errands done. and in roughly 12 hours, i will no longer be contagious.

the human body is such a strange and delicate thing. one minute i was feeling fine but by the afternoon i could barely swallow without wincing in pain, and by the next morning i felt so weak and crappy i could barely get up to pee. all because a strain of bacteria, invisible to the human eye, has been coursing through my body attacking my throat. and now a medicine borne from mold is fighting the good fight to bring me back to normal. all this going on inside my body, while it tries to do the normal everyday stuff too. no wonder i need rest!

you would think that since my body is acting in overdrive to kill the offensive bacteria that maybe, just maybe, i could be burning more calories than normal. and perhaps i could be losing weight! but even if that theory were true, i've eaten too much ice cream today. a girl's gotta soothe her sore throat SOMEHOW :)

BAH!

i'm sick and i got a speeding ticket yesterday that will cost me $147. i was on 66 at 7am going 72 in a 55 mph zone. but i wasn't the ONLY one going that fast! i know i know, i was still speeding. but seriously, getting my FIRST ever speeding ticket after having my license for 12 years, 5 days before i move out of the state!!! can i please rack up more unnecesary expenses before christmas?

not to mention the fact that my laptop died last week! and oh yeah, i'm MOVING and my job situation is a little rickety considering i will only be freelancing, instead of having a steady income.

and now, after i finally got all my packing and shipping done, I GET SICK!

i still have to take care of some last minute errands before my car gets shipped, tie up all my projects at work and have a packed social calendar trying to say good bye to everyone!

BUT I FEEL LIKE SHIZ! achy, fevery, and my throat is on fire! i'm just waiting for the minute clinic to open since it's sunday and i don't want to have to go to urgent care for something like this. but i can't afford to be sick these last few days and i sure as heck don't want to be sick on an airplane that has to travel the length of the country.

this is when being single S.U.C.K.S! damnit i swear i can take care of a lot of stuff by myself, but when i get sick and feel like crap, but still have stuff to do, it makes me wish i had an s.o. to help me out and take care of me. or at least a cabana boy. making your own chicken soup when you're sick is the WORST thing about being single.

so that's the whiniest thanksgiving post ever, huh? honestly, i had a fabulous thanksgiving with some really great friends and the best organic homemade meal ever. and my move hasn't really been as stressful as i've whined about (up until now when my body just wants to hide under the covers after i cut out my throat).

i am most thankful for my family waiting for me back in california and the attention and love (and copious amounts of food) they will shower on me upon my return. nothing cures germs and stress better than that!

happy turkey trot

this will be my 10th, but final, thanksgiving away from my family. and even better, this year i'll be home for christmas. but as for tomorrow, safe travels and happy eating everyone! while my family feasts on crab and prime rib on the west coast (we're not really big turkey and cranberry people), i'll be spending time with my favorite floridian sisters in the nation's capital, probably imbibing more than eating. and definitely not running :)

good for what ails ya V2

who people magazine missed in their tribute to the sexiest men alive,in no particular order:

steve young (in the uniform and out)
mike rowe (yes the dirty jobs guy)
hugh laurie (i NEVER miss an episode of house)
david beckham (i can't even put it into words)
gilbert arenas (have you SEEN him play basketball?)
the rock (he makes tattoos look hot)
mos def (ooof!)
jack johnson (will you marry me?)

good for what ails ya

i'm tense, she said.

ya think?!

according to my masseuse on saturday, i had a lot of lactic acid built up around my upperback, shoulders and neck. she used all her force to massage and dissipate the stubborn bubbles of acid. it was actually kinda painful. very therapeutic, but painful. she slathered on the biofreeze and rested a warm towel on my back. then she stretched me out in other areas, aligning my limbs back to their proper position. but my favorite part of all was the scalp massage. i swear to bob nothing feels better than that.

so she sent me home with orders to drink tons of water to help get rid of all that newly dissapaited lactic acid. and 6 samples of biofreeze. and i have to say, they've been working like a charm on the random aches i've been getting lately. and i smell de-lish, let me tell ya. hey maybe that's why that 60 year old man complimented my outfit in the elevator. makes sense now.

bizarro-world

i've been living in bizarro-world the last few weeks. between packing up boxes, selling all my furniture and most of my worldly possessions, slowly saying goodbye to my friends, winding things down at work, living in a world between here and there has taken its toll on me mentally and physically. hence my lack luster running and my sleeping-on-the-couch-back-achiness.

i'm not really stressed about it, except for maybe the 3 pounds i keep gaining and losing. . so i told myself i would be better about my eating habits. but then the day goes by and i eat a doughnut or a piece of cake, or i order pizza and then i'm like DOH! i keep forgetting i'm on a diet.

i can't wait til i move, just so i'm not in-between anymore, and i can firmly plant my roots down and get to some serious training

i ain't no swiss miss

45 minutes on the "alpine" setting on level 8.

UGH!

it's amazing how slow you can still "run" when the incline level is set to 10. this particular "alpine" setting is horrendous because it has you literally climing for what seems like forever, unlike the other machine where it's 3 minutes at 1 then 3 minutes at 5 then 3 minutes at 1 then three minutes at 8. this was getting steeper, then steeper, then steeper, then ok time to go back down but slowly, slowly, slowly.

i don't know how those von trap family children did it.

oof

i didn't get up this morning to run like i had planned. i was just too cranky. i've had to sleep on my couch since i sold my bed but the couch was hurting my back so i moved to the floor, but then in the middle of the night the floor started to hurt my hips so i moved back on the couch. so i cut myself some slack for not wanting to run first thing in the morning, if i resolved to do it after work.

which i totaly intended on doing. until now. 4 hours after my nacho chili burrito bowl, which i ate only half of, i am still burping up burrito. oh and my belly is still all round and hard.

oooof.

i think i'll stick to walking. that is if i can even bend over to tie my shoes.

who does that?!

i'm not a strict follower of any religion, but i know that when i die, there is a place in hell reserved just for me. well me and the other thousands of catty people on earth. cojo, joan rivers, all my friends, and those chicks at gofugyourself. and really i'm fine with it. cattines is part of my charm people :) and has probably gained me more friends than enemies. i think.

anyway...this morning i took my place on a treadmill as far away from anyone as posssible. which wasn't really that far, but i like to leave a good distance between me and the person next to me, unlike the weirdos who like to run right next to you even though there are like 6 open machines. so while i can seclude myself left and right, i can't help that there's a row of machines in front of me. and right in front of me are chatty mcchatters and her friend non-descript blonde, chatting away wildly like they haven't seen each other in years. only there's a treadmill between then, so i can only imagine they're to some degree yelling. luckily i had my headphones on otherwise i would have thrown something at them. their guestures and carrying on were enough to annoy me.

then chatty mcchatters, who was also wearing an annoying gym outfit(who wears camisoles to work out in? camisoles with a broken strap!?), busts out a newspaper. and i'm not talking neatly folded, flat newspaper. i'm talking 2 armed, double spread, i'm taking up all the horizontal space i possibly can kind of newspaper. wtf? i can't even read a magazine when propped on one of those special treadmill holders and chick is exercising while reading a billboard of news?

i'm baffled and still annoyed but before i can mentally bore a hole through her head, the newspapers in her hands flies up in the air, and the other sections go flapping and tumbling down onto the belt in a huge mess and she's flailing and tripping and gripping to hang on and not die.

and me, the catty chick that i am, just snort. really loudly. i wanted to erupt into cackles of laughter, but that would have crossed the line from catty to bitchy. and i'm at least not that.

but yes, i'm still going to hell.

TENTATIVE 2007 RACE SCHEDULE

kaiser sf half marathon: feb 4

bay to breakers 12k: may 20

nike women's marathon: oct 21

still looking for either a 10 miler or another half mary before the marathon. oh and did i mention that this marathon will be my FIRST EVER!!

a trail relay might also be fun! i've been finding a TON of trail races through the redwoods and one on angel island. they all involve hills and trails though. which excite this treadmill runner, but also makes me nervous...about mud, ticks, uneven terrain (read: sprained ankles) oh yeah and HILLS...like real ones. not just simulated ones or the gently rolling ones in my neighborhood here. we're talking san francisco hills. i'm also not one to run outside in inclement weather, though i do enjoy a run in the rain every now and then. just not cold rain, with wind, on a dark morning or evening.

but we'll see...it's good to have races to look forward to because as of late my training has gone to pot and i've resorted to blogging about hot men and food on tv.

giving in to desires

as the rain poured and poured outside, i settled in on the couch, cocooning myself within a mountain of blankets. properly snuggled, i flipped on the tv and settled in to watch a good 2 hours of porn. food porn that is.

the barefoot contessa. nigella feasts. easy entertaining with michael chiarello. mounds of butter melting everywhere. turkeys and hams roasting in their own sweet juices.... and there's just something about that michael chiarello: a hot, well groomed man who can prepare succelent meals? and well nigella lawson is a vision herself. her love of food makes me think she could make me bat for the other team sometimes.

my secret weapon

yippee skippee!! the orthotics are in!!

i'm truly embarassed to admit that i thought these orthotics would make me feel like braces would to a teenager. or training wheels to a 10 year old. the fact that i needed orthotics made me feel totally dorky.

but they make me feel the total opposite. they make me feel like i have some secret weapon! some special power.

i'm just happy that now all my foot worries can be put to rest and that i don't screw up the alignment of anything else higher up. i can finally run pain and injury free!

(*knock on wood*)

speed, schmeed

on any given day, i'd rather run hills than run speed intervals. i've actually formed a sort of love affair with running hills. but running hills doesn't make you faster. only running faster makes you faster. speed workouts make you think too much. it's a series of running at one pace for x amount of time, then running at another pace for y amount of time, and i have to be careful not to run too fast for too long because i could poop out. it all requires too much precision and time keeping for my feeble brain. the hill interval on the treadmill does all the work for me, breaking my run up into three minute increments, varying the grade of the hill throughout my run.

so to my surprise, i noticed a speed interval button on the treadmill! jigga what?! you enter a jog speed and you enter a run speed and by pressing the speed interval button, it toggles back and forth between the two speeds. not too impressive of a feature. i still have to keep track of time myself. it would be better if you could program the length of time or distance of your jogs and runs. it took a lot of discipline to MAKE myself run faster than was comfortable, even at three minutes at a time. and at least on the hill interval, it gave you a nice graph of the hills and valleys you ran. on the speed interval, the graph never changed. all i had was the slowly clicking clock and the even slower clicking odometer.

the only good thing about speed workouts is that they don't have to last long to feel like you got in a good workout. 45 minutes and i was done and spent. i'll be a faster runner, yet. just you wait and see. i just have to get used to the discomfort of being so out of breath you want to puke your guts out .

eff you PAYDAY!

the 3:00 hour cravings came early today, and at 2:30 i hoofed it to the 7-11 for a treat. i came back with TWO treats! a payday and a box o junior mints. since i had junior mints this weekend at the movies, i decided to enjoy the payday first. mmm mmm sweet, salty, crunchy, chewy. i love foods that give you a full range of textures and tastes all at once. if only there were different temperatures involved as well. (for this reason, the taco is one of the most perfect foods: warm, savory meat and cheese, cool, sour sour cream, crunchy cool lettuce, cool tomaotes, hot crunchy shell)

anyway, i finished up my payday and saw writing on the inside of my wrapper. thinking maybe i had won something, what i don't know since i was too exctied to eat my payday that i didn't really examine the wrapper, i peered in for a closer look before tossing it in the trash. and on the inside wrapper read:

"candy is a treat. please consume in moderation.""

WHAT!!!?! sweet jesus even my candy bar wrapper is telling me not to eat like a fat cow.. for some reason, i was insulted that my candy bar was telling me to slow it down with the sweets. i mean really, it's one thing for cookie monster to change his stance on cookies, saying they're a "sometimes" food, but a candy company telling me to consume in moderation.

EFF YOU!

so now my box o junior mints just sits on my desk, sadly wondering why i'm neglecting it.

brit n whit

i am a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge britney spears fan. HUGE! and i was ELATED that she finally FINALLY kicked that loser husband to the curb. ELATED! i swear to bob a bad man is like a cancer to a great woman. and this after whitney divorced bobby. halleluia praise jebus! i cannot WAIT for the comebacks. CANNOT WAIT!!

but in the meantime, i made a brit n whit playlist to keep me going on the treadmill.. and oh boy did it work! an hour never flew so fast. i was actually kinda upset that i had to get off the treadmill and get ready for work. hopefully this will keep me entertained for at least another week and a half before i get bored and need to make a new playlist. i've figured out that's a big thing that keeps me from the gym: when i'm bored with my music. so i either have to dredge up old stuff i haven't listened to in a long time or find new music. it's actually a lot of work to keep my brain entertained and inspired, especially when i'm at the whim of my moods!

on the boot front, i found a pair this week! i knew if i bitched enough, i'd find 'em just to prove myself wrong and to stop whining already. not only did i find a pair, they were HALF OFF! at jc penney. i know laugh, but they're cute and they fit and they only cost me $50. here they are: i was temped to also buy the black pair, since my older black pair has seen better days and they WERE half off, but i resisted.. i'm due for another pair of running shoes soon.

in any case, all seems right with the universe the past week. i wonder what the weekend will bring.....

stupid calves

there is only ONE benefit to being short, or more specifically for having short legs. . that one benefit is the advantage you get in limbo contests. i know this because i've actually won a good number of them, some even when i've been older than the age of 21. but the most you really win in a limbo contest is a tshirt or a free drink. and you can get those by just being female.

so really, there is no advantage for having short legs. especially when it comes to boot shopping. no bootmaker on earth makes a "tall" boot for a short woman, especially a short woman with "athletic" calves. two seasons ago, i did manage to find a pair of "tallish" boots of the pull on variety that was stretchy without looking cheap. i found them at marshalls, and i've already checked ebay and the like, this specific boot is no longer in existance!

i subjected myself to boot trying-on torture this weekend. if i found one that was the right length, it didn't fit over my calf. if it fit over my calf, it was too tall, or the ankles were too baggy. and to make matters worse, i am really picky about finding the right shade of brown, or the right kind of material that doesn't look cheesy .

now i've somewhat gotten over clothes never fitting me right off the rack. thank god for tailors. but the boot situation isn't one that is easily remedied unless i befriend, and possibly bed, a bootmaker. having short legs is one thing and having big calves is another, but being blessed with both? what was god thinking?!

sleep running

from the time i stepped on the treadmill to the time i stepped off 30 minutes later, i was yawning. i thought exercise was supposed to invigorate you?!

but now i'm on the couch eating an apple and cheese and don't feel the least bit sleepy. wait, i guess it DOES invigorate you. it's too bad i felt so sleep WHILE i was doing it.

it's gotta be the pheremones

my 45 minute hill workout on the treadmill was fab-u-lous. even better, the guy next to me who got on the treadmill after me, got off before me. granted he was running faster, but i was climbing higher. it's the stupid stuff like that that make my day :)

as i did a lap around the indoor track to cool down and stopped to stretch, i noticed that the late night hour meant the gym was crawling with guys. i didn't really stop to assess their cuteness, as i hate making eye contact with guys at the gym. mainly because i'm sweaty and don't want to give anyone any reason to think i am checking them out. plus i know they're checking me out and in the context of me being at the gym, it grosses me out. i felt like a sitting duck in my short spandex shorts and sweaty wifebeater tank, bending my lower limbs every which way to get in a good stretch. you know when you can feel someone looking at you? yeah, that's what i was feeling and when i looked up the guy on the military press machine caught my gaze. gross gross gross. he tried to say something, but i just put on my jacket and left.

i stopped by the bookstore on the way home, still in my shorts and jacket, still sweaty and no doubt stinky. i sat and leafed through some books in the career and writing sections when an older man (probably 20 years my senior) approached me to ask what kind of job i was looking for, what i did for a living, what would i want to be doing? am i am entreprenuer etc. etc...he told me i looked "industrious" or something like that...i'm giving him polite but very short answers hoping he just leaves. all the while i'm thinking, "seriously? i'm fresh from my workout and he's trying to impress me by telling me i'm "industrious?" he's clearly not getting the hint and extends his hand out to shake my hand! i'm thinking, sir do you not notice the sweaty strands of hair plastered to my face and the white salty residue on my shorts?!! my hand is probably not the cleanest hand you could be shaking right now...a little more small talk and then he finally says goodbye and leaves.

perhaps my runs leave me with an irresistable glow that men flock to. maybe i should be hitting the bars after a run. not that i want to meet men there...i mean i guess the bookstore is as good as any place to meet a man. at least you know he's literate. maybe next time i'll wander into the sport and health section...or the magazine section and find the one reading money or fortune...or runner's world...