a petite hiatus

so, i haven't really wanted to admit this because i was afraid of what it might mean, but i'm thinking it might be a good thing.

i'm kinda sick of running. eek! there i said it.

for whatever reason, it's just not doing it for me. i dread it. absolutely dread it. i don't want to do long runs because they're too long. i don't even want to do the short ones because i think, why get all dressed and sweaty for only 2 or 3 miles? i hate reading how everyone and their mother just LOOOOVES running and how that's exactly what they want to do when they're stressed or tired or cranky. i want to do the exact opposite. i'd rather sleep or eat or drink or ANYTHING but run. i'm looking at my calendar with my faux training scheduling thinking, god, i don't want to run any of those!

and then i just feel guilty. for missing my workouts. for being a lazy runner.

i've thought about why i started running in the first place. what motivated me in the past. and i've come up with this. it was thrilling to do everything for the first time. my first 5k, then 10k, then half marathon. then holy shit, marathon! i've run a handful of other races, PRing each time. so now i'm like ok, now what?

i think it's time for a break. eek! i can't believe i said that. but it's true. at this point i don't feel very fit, even after running a god danged marathon. i think my brain and my body need a diversion. kickboxing sounds good, doesn't it? spinning too, eh? and if i really feel like it, and if i'm already dressed for the gym, maybe i'll pound out a 5k every now and then. but for now until the first of the year, i'm giving myself permission to not run if i don't want to.

whew! i feel better already. i still have a score to settle with santa cruz, so i'm sure once january comes along, i'll be back in the game training for another half marathon.

oh and the holiday weightloss challenge, is still on. i'm just gonna have to lose the pounds another way.

the value of an hour

i woke up today at 4:30. bleary-eyed, i reached for my watch. then i went looking for some shorts and a bra. i was down to my last pair of each. trying to find socks was the trickier part. clean ones anyway. i contemplated for a good 5 minutes whether it was ok to wear cotton socks just this one time, when i realized i had no idea where my vaseline was. then i tripped over about 5 pairs of shoes and about a dozen empty water bottles. then it kind of dawned on me, that my hour in the morning would be better used tidying up the heaps and heaps of crap that had been slowly eating up my room.

now, laundry is separated, clothes are hung, shoes put away, mail is sorted, trash has been trashed, and i can actually see the floor.

tonight after work we're going to sac to celebrate my brother's birthday. at hooters. if there was any day i should have gone to the gym, it was today. luckily we get an extra hour tomorrow. 'cause i'll need that extra hour to burn off some unwanted but tasty calories.

an odd milestone

this morning, i used up the very last bitty-bit of my first stick o' body glide.

i'm surprised i didn't need to order them by the truckful during marathon training. now i just have another reason to visit the good ol' neighborhood running store! besides, i need new kicks....let's see what else i come home with!

holiday weightloss challenge

so it appears i'm not the only one looking to lose weight! thank god because sometimes i feel like every runner out there but ME is slim, trim, and worthy of short-shorts. i waffled joining p.o.m's weightloss challenge because it required posting my actual weight. like in black and white. like for all the world to see. and i immediately thought, oh HELL no, you're freakin' crazy.

then i realized, shit, i'm not gonna be at this weight forever. why not document just how much i can tip the scales in my favor. so......

• Post your current weight: onefiftyeight. not my heaviest but pretty close.
  
• Post your goal weight: 135
  
• Post your prize to yourself: this.
  

on mondays, i'll post my current weight to check the status. goals must be met by february 1st in order to give yourself your own prize. you are only competing against yourself. But, you have us to share your success with (because there will be no failure!)

big girls don't cry

so. follow up to the drama.

crazy-ass nicole finally admitted that SHE was the only one upset, that she made up all the stuff about my family being mad at me/MH, that the reason she was upset was not because we were "lying" to her but that she felt slighted that MH wasn't spending enough time with her. crazy girl finally admitted she was jealous. she didn't admit this to me, of course. but she and MH worked everything out, only after MH kissing major ass to make her feel better, but he was willing to do it just to make peace.

she kept asking him how the two of us work, since we're very different, and he reassured her that things do work and that we really very much do like each other. but she still sounded incredulous. like i'm not good enough for him, or something. it's not an issue she has to understand, just something she needs to accept and if she's mature enough, something she can be happy for him about.

i talked to my sister-in-law about it, who is pretty close to nicole, and even she rolled her eyes at nicole's antics. we don't understand nicole's feeling of "competition" with me. she gets upset when i spend time with my brother, too. well hello, newsflash sweetie, he's my BROTHER and hello, i haven't been around in oh 10 years, so yeah it'd be cool for me and him to hang out. my whole family sees that she's crazy in this regard, but no one but me has to deal with it as a personal attack on them.

so it appears all is back to normal. well our normal anyway. i've still got to track down lil bro and give him a heads up, and i'll be sure to leave out my own commentary about how his girlfriend is an immature crazy psycho.

in other news, i got britney's new album. it effing rocks. perfect running music....so folks i'm off....i definitely need a run to clear out the toxins! sheesh!

such drama

this is mainly a post to vent about bf/family drama so if you're not into that, carry on with your halloween candy. if you like such carnage, settle in.

dudes, i'm in the middle of some stupid 90210 bullshit right now. seriously, i had no idea that something so innocent would hurt so many feelings. but i seem to have underestimated the maturity of some people.

so you know how i was hesitant to start anything up with MH? some of it had to do with him being younger than me. some of it had to do with wondering whether i was ready to date/get involved with someone again. only a fraction of it had to do with him being friends with my brother and his girlfriend (yes, the one who called me fat). and when we first started seeing each other it was more about just getting to know each other as friends. from the very beginning i stated quite firmly that i didn't want anything serious. we were just getting to know each other and it would probably be best to keep things on the DL. i didn't want to get in the middle of a huge gossipfest at work and i didn't think i needed anyone's approval or permission about who i spent my time with.

that was back in june, i think. through the summer we had several talks about the state of affairs. was he my boyfriend? should we tell people? i was adamant that there was no need to define our relationship, especially since it seems that the only options we were offered were "friend" or "boyfriend". i was not ready to proclaim to the world that he was my boyfriend nor did i feel i owed anyone that proclamation should that be the case. we were in that grey area and as long as we were both comfortable in that area, i thought everything was cool.

by this time, people were noticing the amount of time we were spending together. people asked what was up and i just said it's none of their business. or for certain people, i would just say "nothing". like i said, i didn't think i owed people a press conference into my private life. i figured that people would see us together, put 2 and 2 together, and just leave it at that.

somewhere along the way, i started to notice that things between MH and my brother's girlfriend were strained. i chalked it up to her being jealous that i was taking his time away from her. i figured she would be able to deal with it. since she had her own boyfriend to worry about. and in the beginning we tried to include her in things, but she didn't want any part in it. seriously, i don't play games with jealous little girls who can't deal with their feelings. we're all adults here.

the weird thing was that she gave major shit to MH, but not to me. to me she was a ray of sunshine, wanting to be my new best friend. it took me awhile to notice things had gone awry because she was so normal with me. but MH would show me the scathing texts she sent him. which only confirmed my instinct that she was a little more than fake.

as it turns out, my brother is indeed very pissed off that MH and i are dating (or whatever the hell you call it). i honestly didn't think he'd care. the only reason i thought he might care was if MH was a jerk or something. but MH's always received glowing compliments from both my brother and nicole about what a great guy he is. their esteem of him was one of the reasons i felt comfortable getting to know him. i thought they'd be HAPPY FOR US!

that is not the case at all. my brother feels disrespected bc MH didn't approach him before he started things with me. nicole doesn't understand why he had to mess with me in the first place. MH is desperately trying to keep everyone happy. and i don't understand why all these people have any say about what i do in my personal life. for christ's sake i'm a 29 year old woman. it was mainly MY idea to keep things quiet.

so now my brother wants to kick MH's ass, i've made MH grovel to nicole for forgiveness to try to smooth things over, nicole is crying and threatening that she is moving away, and i've got to face both of my brothers about an issue that i frankly don't think is any of their business.

i will admit that maybe we should have told my brother sooner, but it really isn't until recently that both of us have felt firmly and comfortably that seeing each is exactly what we want to do. until recently, we feel like there wasn't anything concrete to report. and now that we've reached this stage, everyone is already pissed off at us.

nicole has said that no amount of apologizing will change their minds. she says my brother hasn't confronted me because he doesn't think it's my fault. if my brother's only problem is that MH didn't approach him before, i don't see how a sincere apology from a good friend won't be enough to soothe the bad feelings. if my brother has other problems, i'd like to know. and they better not be related to telling me what to do.

nicole is a whole other issue. i formed my opinion of her pretty quickly, and felt that in other circumstances, we would not be friends. but because she's my brother's girlfriend i was cordial and friendly and all the things a sister is supposed to be. i didn't go out of my way to spend lots of time with her alone or outside of family things because i just honestly don't like spending time with her. i was ok with that. i didn't think we needed to be bffs for our familial relationship to work. she now thinks i'm selfish because i didn't consider my brother's feelings. (i honestly didn't think he'd care). and she blames MH for "taking away her opportunity to get to know me better", whatever the hell that means.

i can't help but laugh though. because seriously, aren't we all too fucking old for this kind of drama? i have no idea how this shiz-nit is gonna shake down.

onward!

post-marathon assessments

i was sore for two whole days after the marathon. i actually had to work the day after the marathon and the day after that. my boss had pity on me and sent me home early on monday, but i still spent 6 hours on my feet, waddling like a newborn baby calf. on tuesday, i worked the entire shift. but after work that day, i got my ridiculously good massage (that i got for 20% off) and all was right with the world the next morning. i got to sleep in and take it easy and my body doesn't even remember the pain involved at all. i should have taken the cue to run, but i didn't. :)

my official marathon finishing time: 6:12:53. not a stellar time, even by first marathon standards, but i finished. and i really am truly proud of that. even me, the most undertrained, chubby marathoner in the history of mankind, finished. and with a time that slow, borne of what i consider to be lackluster training, means i will most likely PR my second marathon (barring extreme disaster) and oh yes, there will be a second marathon my friends. and hopefully more to come after.

in a perfect world, i would love to run the mardi gras marathon in late february. but as it is not a prefect world, i will most likely wait until next fall. i've got other priorities that need major attention so my second marathon will have to wait, even though i'm itching to go back out there!

the greatest lesson i've learned from my training is that things are never so bad that i can't survive them. i know it sounds obvious, and i should be old enough to know this, but it's true. the task of running 26.2 miles sounds so freakin' daunting. the work required to get there definitely ain't easy either. but i learned that it is doable. a 16, 18 mile training run sounded so daunting, so time consuming, so god damned sucky that i really did dread them. but once i was done, i often felt, well that wasn't so bad now was it? sure it was hard and tough at spots, but you got through it! it makes other tasks in life seem not so hard. and it definitely helps me realize that it's much easier and more pleasant to attain a goal if you 1. learn to enjoy what it takes to get there and 2. don't obsess about how fast you get there. on the road of life, like running, it's not about the destination, but the journey.

so where am i headed next?

to skinny jeans, USA.

my weight has always been an "issue". never a pressing issue, as i've always maintained good health and i've usually always nipped things in the bud before they got way out of hand. but as we all know, it gets harder to rein things in the older we get.

i lost a good amount of weight when i first started running about 20 months ago, all of which has found its way back to me. i chalked it up to stress, which is partly true, but it's mostly due to laziness regarding my eating habits. back when i trained for my first half marathon, i was so excited about my running and training that healthy habits came practically naturally. my new found running habit spurred an excellent eating habit. around that time i started eating organic and took great joy and pride in making my meals.

what's different now? i've found i can eat poorly and still get away with running decently. a year after i started running, i PRed in every distance even though i was heavier, but it probably had more to do with me being better conditioned.

also, i never had junk food in the house. not that i didn't eat junk food, but i ate it far less, because it required an extra trip to the store if i got the munchies. and like i said i'm lazy so i rarely made it out to the store to fulfill my cravings. what's different now? i share a kitchen with my parents. who stock it with crap, despite the fact that my parents suffer from heart disease and diabetes. (they have made some good changes, but not nearly enough in my mind. i could write a whole diatribe about this, but i've resigned to letting my parents live how they want to live. i've tried intervening and it's practically futile.) and crap isn't the right word. we eat lots of vegetables, and fish, and healthy things, but we also eat a lot of red meat, baked goods and other luscious treats. we just eat a lot in general.

and i hate, hate, hate talking about weight loss. i hate being that girl "on a diet". i'd rather talk about my bowel movements than talk about calorie consumption. it's just so boring and tedious and cliche. nothing is more grating than a chick on a diet who talks about her diet. and i am not a numbers person. i would rather eat nothing than have to calculate my portions and calories and carbs and fats etc. it just makes my head spin. and it takes the joy out of eating. and taking the joy out of eating is taking the joy out of life.

and maybe that's part of my problem. equating eating with joy. people say food is just fuel. but in my life, it's just so not. delicious food is like a luxury. sharing meals with family has always been important. creating meals is a creative outlet. and finding exactly what sates you on a particularly bad day can be a lifesaver. food is never just fuel and i feel like people who say that must lead a very grey life. a skinny life, perhaps. but totally dull.

so now that you've heard all about my food issues, where does this leave me? with a new training program and some new rules about eating to prepare me for the new year (coming in only 9 weeks! have you started your christmas shopping?)

the number of training runs i missed during marathon training is quite embarrassing. and i'd like to be more consistent. runner's world training coach has devised a 9 week schedule for a faux half-marathon race right before the new year. it has me running 4 days a week, and let me just say having my longest long run be only 10 miles is so refreshing. in addition, i'm adding 2 days of strength training. i haven't hired a personal trainer, but i have downloaded this. it seems like a very cost effective substitute. i'm aiming for 2 days of spin, but my gym has been changing the rules about how to sign up for the class that it's really annoying me. it's hard to count on getting a spot. if that turns out to be the case, i might download some spin classes and do them on my own in the wee hours of the morning when the studio isn't being used by a class.

on the eating front, i'm not even going to lay out grand plans for being a virtuous eater. for now, my rule will be i will only eat if i'm sitting down at a table, with my food on a plate, where i can actually sit and enjoy my food. sure i could fill my plate with fried chicken and gravy, but i do that now anyway. my extra calories come from sitting on the couch, eating while bored or eating so mindlessly and quickly, that i don't stop when i'm full. hopefully, just knowing i can eat whatever i want will maintain my sanity and i can focus on portion control.

so that's it peeps. in 9 weeks i hope to be 9-18 pounds lighter. and i can live up to my petite moniker.

just call me foxy!

holy afro! this wig is probably my favorite purchase of the year! just think of how much fun it will be besides halloween!!! the best part of this costume was my eye makeup but alas, this picture does not do it justice.













here's my brother the sumo wrestler, sharing the dance floor and stripper pole with a giant penis and male aerobics instructor.














me and the girls. i am by far the oldest of the group, hence my non-skanky costume. at least i can use my dress again! :)













by far, my favorite costume of the night: a dude as ugly betty!


luckily, but weirdly, i didn't get out of control drunk. i was able to maintain a slight buzz at one point in the night, but for some reason wasn't able to maintain it for long and i was ready to leave the party at 12:30. most likely because i was drinking vodka and not beer. or i'm getting old. one of the two.

something about the night brought out the skanks, both girls and boys. every girl had a skanky costume. and a good number of boys either wore nothing more than briefs and a cape or shorty shorts. it was hilarious! by the time i left, no one had stripped down to any less, but i wouldn't put it past 'em.

on tuesday, my mom's school is having a halloween carnival, and i've got a g-rated version of my costume so i can help out. on wednesday, we're taking the monchichi for his first trick-or-treating experience. it should be interesting!

happy marathoner

the folks at brightwood sure are fast!

marathon race report: is this for real?!?!

the day before the race i was surprisingly calm. almost too calm, i thought. we went to the expotique to pick up my race packet. there were a lot of other things going on like manicures, mini massages, and a bunch of things you could do with your nike plus. all i had the patience to do was wait in line to get my ipod laser engraved! i wasn't about to spend too much time on my feet the day before a big race. after that we headed to the marina to the local fleet feet for an extra pouch for my fuel belt. we stopped to have lunch (a burger joint serving organic beef and the best curly fries ever) and then we went home (my grandma's house).

i was calm the rest of the day. i laid out my gear, checked my ipod, and texted EVERYONE i know. i watched back-to-back episodes of kathy griffin standup, and finally had my dinner of fried rice. when i laid down to go to bed, i said a little prayer and closed my eyes.

i didn't really sleep. but i wasn't restless either. it wasn't that i'm a kid the day before i go to disneyworld kind of feeling, but i also knew tomorrow wasn't just any other ordinary day either. i had no problems waking at 4:30 am.

i got up, made my cereal, got my hot water, and ate breakfast in bed while watching the weather: sunny. a little windy. temps ranging from 55 to the low 70s. who could ask for a better day?! i got dressed, lubed, and peed about 3 times before leaving the house with the fam.

it was still dark when we got to union square. the only people on the streets were homeless people and mobs of runners. the energy was just insane. it felt like 80% of the crowd was dressed in TNT purple. there were people with crazy hats, crazy signs. families, couples. mothers. daughters. every once in a while i'd get hit with the feeling, "this is it!" and i'd well up. this is the day i trained for. this is the day i have dreamed about for years! i just felt so proud. so thankful. so happy.

here's me and mom while we wait for the race to start:


at 7:00 am, we counted down and the front of the line was off! my pace group just stood still. finally we started shuffling forward and right before the start line the street opened up and we were free to run! i heard my chip beep and knew this was for real baby!

the spectators in the beginning were ridiculous! just throngs of people with cowbells and whistles. someone was passing out leis, so i grabbed one. i soaked it all in, but i was distracted. i had to pee again! i had seriously just started and a bathroom break was already on my mind. i figured i'd deal with it when i could and took it as a sign i was properly hydrated.

from the financial district we ran to the ferry building and along the embarcadero. with the sunrise and the beautiful bay, i wondered why everyeone didn't do their first marathon here. the first bathroom station was chock full of people so i didn't stop. the urge wasn't too bad. i took water at this first station and took a walk break. my plan was to do 13 min miles. take a walk break at every mile. walk to gu. take water at every aid station (about every 2 miles). and walk whenever i felt like i needed a break. the embarcadero took us through fisherman's wharf and into the marina. during this stretch, i was calm, every so often reminding myself to go slow and easy. and i kept to my 13:00 pace.

up until the marina the streets were wide enough for me to run unobstructed. it was a little annoying that so many people were walking 3 or 4 or 5 abreast, but i tried my best to not be a catty bitch this early in the race. i just smiled, remembering jen's advice: smile. be that girl who makes other people want to be runners.

from the marina, we ran through crissy field, along the beach, with great views of the golden gate bridge. i've seen this bridge a million times but i never tire of the sight. the sea air felt like heaven and it still hasn't really hit me that i'm running a marathon! this felt way too good!

from here i knew we would be entering the presidio, mile 7, and that steep ass hill. we go up a small hill, wind around, and bam! there it is.



everyone stops to walk. i was determined to run this hill. i had a score to settle with this hill. this very hill that had me begging for mercy during my 14 mile training run. so very calmly i climbed, taking in deep breaths laced with eucalyptus. and as i passed more and more people, from all over the us and the world, all i thought was, "this is how we do it in san francisco, bitches!" i made it to the top, feeling very triumphant. i took a much needed walking break and gawked at those who stopped at the oxygen bar.

from here we ran into the sea cliff district. million dollar homes with gorgeous views of the ocean. miles 8 - 10 offered yet another incline, but this time i run/walk it. on the way down the hill, i keep repeating, "light feet, light feet" doing my best not to beat up my legs with too much pounding. as we're going downhill, i see the ocean and all i could think was " the lemmings are coming! the lemmings are coming!"

mile 11 takes us into golden gate park and another surge of rambunctious crowds. i high-five total strangers i'll never see again and people are yelling my name left and right. it was frickin' sweet!

it still doesn't feel like i'm running a marathon. it just feels too damned good! i was a little late in taking my first gu because i got so wrapped up in the crowds and i just didn't feel tired or hungry. but the excitement is a little shortlived. nothing but trees surround us and i'm starting to get a little bored. i STILL have to pee and we're going up another incline. somewhere around mile 11, the half- marathoners split off and i'm happy for it. i'm finally with my brethren: the full marathoners. we don't get to stop in 2 miles. for us the race is really just beginning.

sometime after mile 12, i see runners on the other side of the road. i pass the sign for their mile 14 and this is the first time i feel a little disheartened. this is the first time i see the pack who's ahead of me.

but soon enough, i'm part of that pack starting on the second half of the race. i'm still feeling strong and i feel better knowing the worst of the hills are behind me. finally, finally, finally, shortly after mile 15 i spot a port-o-potty with only 2 people waiting and i stop. i now truly appreciate the saying "i have to piss like a race horse".

feeling refreshed, i run on. this is when the race really begins for me. this is when i start to feel the challenge. as we veer out of the park, i see my family! they're screaming their heads off and i high five 'em. what a freakin' boost! i'm still reeling from the fact that i actually saw them when i'm hit with the sweet scent of sea air! ah, the ocean! the waves! my heaven.

ocean highway is thankfully very flat. i'm on target to finish in the neighborhood of 5:30 and as i'm calclating how much of the highway i have to run before hitting the zoo and lake merced, a crazy, blonde runs in front of me. it's jen!!! a real, life blogger! holy shit! she starts trotting next to me and we chat while we run. she offers me gu, water, and the best words of encouragement ever. she says i looks strong. i feel strong. she's raced this course before, so her words mean even more to me. we fill my bottles and she sends me on my merry way.

by now i'm between mile 17 and 18. runners on the other side of the highway are already at their mile 24. part of me wishes i could just hop the little divider and be almost done too. i suddenly, don't feel so strong. the road ahead of me is new territory. i'd never been to the zoo or lake merced, so the next 5 miles were totally unfamiliar. i see the lake, the big ass lake, and take a deep breath.

it's already close to noon, and for the first time i'm starting to feel the sun beat down on me. for the first time i start to feel dehydrated. i'm sucking down water like it's beer. at one point around mile 20, i get a little dizzy. there is very little running 'round this god-foresaken lake. i curse the traffic of cars beside us. i curse the asphalt. and all the people who said the rest of the course was flat. it's NOT!! i try not to spit fire at the crowds because right now their presence is really annoying me. i just want to get in a zone, but i can't. with the last of my water, i take an extra gu early. i find shade when i can and stay positive knowing there's a water station in another mile or so.

i'm getting passed more than i'd like. my 5:30 pace slips further away. lightheartedly, i say outloud "are we almost done?". a woman next to me by the name of elizabeth answers. i don't even remember what her reply is, but she's taken my bait and we're chatting. normally, i'm not the type to talk while i run. but i wasn't running. i was walking. and i really needed a diversion. i needed someone to say they were feeling just like me. we talk about where we hurt and what shoddy trainers we were. i find out she's a mom from atlanta, i tell her i'm a recent california re-transplant waiting tables and doing freelance design. i find out she's a life coach/career coach and silently i thank god for sending me this angel.

eventually, we come up to a water stop. i fill up my bottles, take 2 cups, gu, and down another cup. i lost elizabeth in the crowd, but i find her again. i don't want to stalk her, but she says, "girl we're finishing this together." before mile 23, we pass the ghiradelli chocolate station but chocolate is the LAST thing on my mind. we see the left turn back onto ocean highway, and i say to elizabeth, "let's run to the highway before we have to climb the last hill."

mile 23 is a hill. everyone who said the second half of the course is flat is a liar. but once we reach the top, i forget about that. miles of ocean stretch before me. the waves are rolling in and once again the air is salty and fresh. i say to elizabeth, "we have to run this!" and so we do.

we pass mile 24 and my heart surges! again the crowd thickens and people are yelling our names. our strategy for the last 2.2 miles is to run every other stop light. during our walk breaks we chat with coaches and spectators. we talk a lot. about how she met her husband, our spiritual lives, about how much we want a beer, and how good it would feel to just jump into the ocean. before we know it we're at mile 25!!!!! we call our families to get ready for us. at this point, i'm just beaming. i'm grinning ear to ear. i thank elizabeth for the millionth time. she says i saved her in the nick of time, my voice being exactly what she needed to hear. i overhead someone saying the finish line is just 3 stop lights away!!!!

we run one. we walk the next.

and there i see it. the finish line!!!! mobs and mobs of crowds. sons and daughters have rushed in to run with their moms. i see my family screaming like maniacs. i wave! i smile! i soak it all in. this is it. this! is! it! i feel like i'm on top of the world. and i'm welling up with tears just remembering it!

elizabeth and i cross the finish line together and i let out a huge scream!!!!!! i grab the precious blue tiffany box from a man in a tuxedo, get wrapped up like a baked potato person in a mylar blanket, and head straight for the bagels.

i grab water, a banana, granola, anything and everything people are offering me. i take deep breaths and look around. i just finished my first ever marathon. i just finished my first ever marathon!

my family spots me first and they come barrelling towards me. i give hugs all around and they all pose for pictures with me. here's me and one of my cousins:



once i've scooped up my goodies, we walk towards the car. i dump my stuff on my mom and i open up the precious blue box. SWEET!! (i'll post pics of the medal/necklace tomorrow)

on the way home (my grandma's house), we're chatty and excited. the best part was that my cousin and my aunt say they want to do the half marahon next year!!!!!! we stopped at bev mo for 40 pounds of ice. once home, i prepare my bath and shower, and my aunt prepares my post marathon feast:





a seafood smorgasbord. all the white fluffy rice i could possibly eat. brocolli beef. and seaweed salad. i've had this same meal many times before, but man was it ever so sweet then. then my cousins and i settled in with a tub of ube (purple yam) ice cream and a movie. the perfect ending to a perfect day!!!!

i have splits and my time, but i'll post about all that tomorrow. after my 90 minute massage.

all that matters is i finsihed! smiling even! and i can't wait to do another!!!!

proud.

in all my excitement, and anxiety, and planning, and denial, i haven't yet really taken the time to step back, and say "hey jenn, you done good." just typing that now, brings tears to my eyes. in all the weeks i've trained, i was concerned with being focused, driven, strong, motivated. i was thinking strategy, nutrition, hydration. and during the many times i thought for sure i could not do this, i was picking myself up, not allowing myself to fail. i was quick to see my flaws and weaknesses, but slow to feel proud of my accomplishments.

but today is that day. the day i look in the mirror and see the perfect little marathoner that i have become. somehow i had gotten it in my head that i couldn't feel this good because my training hadn't gone perfectly. i missed too many runs, drank too many beers, didn't cross-train enough, i thought. but no one's training ever goes perfectly. but that's what training is about! training is about pushing, feeling pain and learning to cope. it's about enduring imperfect conditions and flourishing anyway!

i look in the mirror now and certainly don't see the body of a marathoner. but that's kind of the miracle of it. i trained my short, chubby, not-biomechanically-built-for-running body to run 26.2 fucking miles. my imperfect body. doing seemingly impossible things.

so here i stand, in utter amazement of myself. it's funny, pride isn't a feeling i let myself feel very often. because i'm always looking to see how i can do better. or feeling like people do this kind of stuff every day. but today, is my day. to pat myself on the back and really appreciate me. as a runner. a strong, kick-ass, never-ever-gonna-quit runner.

pressure cooker

ok i had my first mini freak out last night when i realized how many of my family members were coming to cheer me on on sunday. my brothers and dad weren't able to make it, so i thought the number would be small, just my mom. but then a good number of my cousins and a couple of my aunts will be there too. which somehow turned the pressure waaaay up.

which is totally ridiculous. i'll be fine out there. i'll be fine....

inside my mind

i had to empty out my purse before running errands yesterday and i just had to laugh at the contents. they say you can tell a lot about a woman by what's in her purse. mine reveals the madness of a tapering marathoner. there was the standard fare: wallet, keys, planner, journal, tampons. but i also had a second wallet, about $50 in ones not in either wallet (and i'm not a stripper!), a bow tie, lots of mail, a banana, an apple, a persimmon, a bottle of green tea, a pair of running gloves, a pair of running socks, the non-runners guide to marathoning, and a full sized bottle of advil. all i'm missing is some bodyglide and my shoes! that's a lot to schlep around!

in other news, the ball-between-your-legs yoga i did yesterday has made my butt and hips sore. boooooo! bad for taper, but useful information for later.

this waiting around is driving me nuts. i'm trying to be patient, but i just want to run it already! the expo starts today and goes through saturday. i could be a total geek and spend my time (and all my money) at the expo, but i think that really might tire me out. what i should do i finish the rest of the errands on my list from yesterday, but who can think about work at a time like this!?!?!?!?

the perfect morning

i slept in until 7 am today and got my three easy miles in shortly after waking. i followed it with an hour of yoga. today we did a core class using a small ball which we held between our legs the entire class. looks easy, but keeping the ball in place required more concentration and skill. the poses we normally do took on a new dimension for me today. and my yoga instructor is starting to grow on me. she seemed a little too hippie-new-agey for me in the beginning, but now i almost laugh at her attempts to be funny.

i followed all that with some homemade banana walnut pancakes! YUM! i topped them with a little bit of almond butter, sliced strawberries, and the littlest bit of maple syrup. HEA-VEN. i've just finished the crossword puzzle and am trying to get motivated to really start my day.

the afternoon will be full of a lot of work. ugh. i have stacks of mail to go through, invoicing, a new freelance project to start, and some laundry (my least favorite chore, ever) . among my more fun errands are to gather my gear for the marathon, stop at the running store for gels and a bigger pouch for my fuel belt, and start to put together the game plan for myself and my spectators for the weekend.

my reward for a busy afternoon will be a relaxing evening diving into my new book, the wonder spot by melissa bank (author of the girl's guide to hunting and fishing) i recently finished a long way down and how to be good, both by nick hornby. i meant to pick up hornby's latest book, slam, but the wonder spot was on sale. once i read it though, i'll have read all of hornby's novels. if you've been reading my blog for awhile, you also know i like john irving. i've had his latest on my shelf for forever, and i try to read it, but i don't think i can train for a marathon AND try to do marathon reading sessions as well. i tried reading everything is illuminated by jonathan foer, but could not for the life of me get into it. i've heard good things about david sedaris, so he's also on my list to try. for a while, i was really into memoirs, but lately i've just been reading what's on the remainder table at BN or books with interesting covers i find at thrift stores. randomly, i also picked up a copy of the odyssey this summer. we'll see if i ever crack that book open. lately, i've been diving into 2 new cookbooks: student's go vegan cookbook and la dolce vegan. what's on your shelves?

great news!

today, my car is officially paid off! woo hoo!! i'm doin' the dance of joy!

what will i be doing with my newfound riches? paying down my credit cards...but the light at the end of that tunnel will be much faster approaching now! like by february! woot!

thoughts while tapering

i know they say the taper is the most excruciating part of training, but i don't really see what the big deal is. to be honest, i have welcomed this taper with open arms. i am so. over. training. already. i think part of me is avoiding thinking about the marathon because if i think about it too much i'll waste soooo much energy getting too excited. seriously, i remind myself it's this weekend and i get all giddy and start clapping my hands and making squealing noises. i'm really really excited. i can see the city in my mind, filled with crowds and music and runners. i'm afraid i'll get myself so excited, i'll exhaust myself.

and yeah, i'm nervous. i'm anxious. i don't think i trained nearly enough. i'm not in as good of shape as i thought i would be at this point. but there's nothing i can do about it now. i've made my bed and now i just have to run this fucker knowing at the very least that i never, ever, quit any of my long runs. even when i was exhausted after a long day of work. even when monstrous hills lay before me. mentally, i'm ready. physically?? we'll just see. but if this race is a mind over matter thing, i have a fighting chance.

i've waffled on whether i'm going to run another marathon after this. part of me doesn't think i'm really cut out for this much endurance. 16 weeks of training is a long time, and you all saw me fall off and get back on the wagon several times over. it's hard for me to remain dedicated and focused for that long. but having gone through it, i now know it's really not THAT bad. the next time around, i would definitely be smarter. and based on my ability to bounce back even after what seemed to be the longest of hiatuses, i think i could totally do better the next time around. and it's that thought that makes me want to run another.

what would i do differently? a lot. i wish i was in better shape all around. i'm probably the only marathoner to gain weight during training, and it ain't muscle. my diet would be good one week, crap the next. then good, then crap. and lord knows, a good strength training regimen would have done me worlds of good. also, next time around, i think i'd like to run with a training group. i think it will help make me more consistent. and in making my workouts more structured. i was so lax with my schedule sometimes that intervals turned into tempo runs, tempo runs turned into easy runs etc. but also, i'd like to be surrounded by "like minded" people. i love my family and friends, but they make slipping back into my drunken couch potato ways all too easy. and they have no interest in my training. it would be nice to talk to a real live flesh and blood person about that kind of stuff. it can be hard doing it all on your own.

so i guess in a way, i'm glad this training is over and i get to wipe my slate clean again. and with this being my first marathon, i'm excited to just be doing it! to have gotten this far at all. maybe i'll be the very last person across the finish line, but i don't care. i don't care if i have to stop and walk. and i know i'll hit parts where i will not want to run another step, but i won't stop. i never have. i know for a fact that i WILL cross that finish line. i know for a fact that i will have the freakin' time of my life!!!!

see there i go again, getting too excited!!!!!!!

holy. crap.

i'm running a marathon next week!

i'm running a marathon next week!

i'm! running! a! marathon!

NEXT!

WEEK!!!!!!

pumpkins! everywhere!

did i tell you guys i love halloween? well i do. i didn't as a kid because my mom never let us go trick or treating or get dressed up. she was always paranoid about us getting posion candy or being abducted by strangers. and she never wanted to buy the expensive store bought costumes so she was always scrambling at the last minute to help all three of us come up with something.

but as an adult, you can do whatever you want! i don't drop the 70 plus dollars on those skanky ass costumes at the store. i like making my own. I LOVE MAKING MY OWN!! (and i'll spare everyone a huge long diatribe about how i hate that halloween is just an excuse for normal girls to dress like skanks. if you're a skank, be one all year round. don't hide behind halloween. and seriously, are you THAT uncreative? that's all i'll say about that.)

anyway, onto pumpkin carving! MH and i went to a pumpkin patch after work and picked out some decent sized gourds! all i thought was, YES! LOTS OF PUMPKIN SEEDS! so we took 'em home, along with some pizza, beer, and a scary movie, and dug in. my FAVORITE part is cleaning out the inside! squishing my hand in all the guts gives me such satisfaction. the designs we chose ended up being harder than we thought, but i think they turned out nicely, no?


and because a few people asked, here's the recipe for the pumpkin cranberry scones:
1 c all-purpose flour
1/2 c whole-wheat flour
1/2 c cornmeal
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 c dried cranberries (but i like them, so i add more!)
6 oz (3/4 c) canned pumpkin
3/4 c soy milk (it's a vegan recipe)
1/4 c vegetable oil
1/4 c pure maple syrup

preheat the oven to 450. lightly oil a baking sheet.

to a large bowl, add the flours, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt. whisk or stir well to distribute the baking powder and salt throughout. add the dried cranberries and stir again. set aside.

to a medium bowl, combine the pumpkin, soy milk, oil, and maple syrup. add the pumpkin mixture to the flour mixture, stirring just to combine. do not overmix or the scones will be tough. drop the batter by 1/4 cups onto the baking sheet, 1 inch apart.

bake for 12-15 minutes, until lightly brown on top. served hot. great with fruit preserves or even with chili or soup!

i made scones!

from scratch! pumpkin cranberry. yum.

i was hoping to have a few after my workout this morning, but my dad gobbled up the leftovers in the middle of the night! i guess that means i can call them a success.

insomnia

instead of sleeping, i'm trying to redesign my blog. but with very little success. i am a print designer fumbling with web designer tools. arg. but i guess this is a good way to keep my brain occupied during my taper.

my hat goes off to all racers out in chicago today. i would have melted into a pile of steamy goo! i don't even like being at the beach in those conditions. i wonder how jess fared, considering she trained in the hot, humid swamp that is southern florida...no matter what though, all you chicago marathoners are super-troopers in my book!

in happy race news, allison ran a smokin' hot ten miler! the good kind of smokin' hot! go on over and congratulate her and her bionic knee.

my fall tan

5 gus, 2 liters of water, and 20 miles later

lately, my short runs have been slow. like slower than usual. so my goal for my final long training run was to run 13 minute miles. and i did average 13 minute miles. just not the way i wanted to...

before my run i was feeling crappy, but had gotten that all out of my system by mile 5. and through mile 9 i was feeling like i was born to run. my splits: 11:32, 11:00, 11:59, 12:15, 11:55, 6:45 (my watch accidentally stopped but the real time is somewhere in the 12 range, 12:16, 12:13, 12:16. obviously, i'm not at my goal pace, but i'm finding it very hard to slow myself down, even with walking breaks.

so i started making more of an effort to slow down. miles 10-11: 12:29, 12:45. it helped that i was kinda getting tired.

at this point, i started damage control. forcing more frequent walk breaks at a ratio of 3 min running to 1 min walking. miles 12-14: 13:20, 12:37, 13:02,

then mile 15 kicked me in the ass. 15:11.

at this point, i veered from my planned route. i couldn't bear the thought of anymore hills and if i had kept on going i would have to tackle 3 more, not counting the one i had no choice to run up to my house.

so miles 16 and 17, i fared much better: 13:23, 13:24. it helped that i played "til i collapse" on a continuous loop.

then came mile 18: 16:35. what happened? i stopped to stretch, a lot. and i started getting this uneasy feeling in my stomach. like i was gonna throw up. i could barely down the gu i was scheduled to take. i could barely drink anymore water. i've never felt like hurling during a run before.

so i tried to pick it up for mile 19 but during my bouts of running, i started getting dizzy: 15:30. at this point, i'm quite certain i'm dehydrated and i guess it wasn't a surprise since it was past noon and temps were in the mid to high 70s. and maybe i hadn't properly hydrated the past two days?? it didn't feel like it, but maybe PMS requires drinking more water?

if i could have stopped, i would have. but as it was i was still a mile from my house. so i trudged on, walked on. my final mile: 14:22. total time 4:20: 49.

as for my 5 gus, i alternated 3 gus (mint chocolate flavor!!! tastes JUST like brownie batter with caffeine!) and 2 powergels with 4x the sodium. as for my water, i had 1 liter in my fuel belt and i refilled at mile 11.

i don't really know what to think at this point except that 1. if i'm PMSing now, any period issues will have passed by october 21. and for that i am eternally grateful. 2. it most likely won't be as hot come race day because i will be in sf and 3. there is always something i can do about hydration. if anyone has any suggestions for race day, i'm very open to them.

so now officially begins the taper. which considering my inconsistent, lazy training, shouldn't be too hard ;) i'm undecided what "long" distance i should run next week, so any suggestions on that would be helpful too. other than that, i'm planning on yoga-ing my heart out, spinning to keep sane, and enjoying my shorter runs.

#4890

that's my nike bib number.

i kind of like that it ends in a zero. other than that, it's really just a number.

uh yeah, the number for my first ever marathon!!!!!!

a slice of heaven

if you've never been to carmel, ca, stop what you're doing and start planning your trip now. it's romantic. it's relaxing. it's great for familes. it's even good for dogs. my mom and i stayed only one night, but carmel is so close to heaven that 30 hours is all it takes to fully recharge your batteries. once i hit the beach and took in the crisp, salty air, my soul opened up and my whole body breathed a huge sigh of relief. the three hour drive was worth that one breath.

my mom and i were meeting my best friend and her mom who were taking a 2 day excursion north from their week long vacation in san diego. we stayed at a cute little inn about half a block from the beach. the property featured lush gardens and lots of private little seating nooks. there was also an outdoor fire pit, which we soon noticed was a fixture in most carmel restaurants.

so we took the famed 17-mile drive along the coast to monterey. had a sardine and salmon lunch in cannery row, window shopped for things we would never ever be able to afford, basked in the sun while reading in the garden, dined alfresco next to a roaring fire, and sang showtunes at mission ranch's piano bar (owned by clint eastwood, carmel's former mayor!)

the first day was a picture perfect california day: sunny, temps in the 70s. the second day was a different kind of typical california seaside day: foggy. but i LOVE fog. it's calming. it's mysterious. you can hear the ocean, but you can't see it.

i was sad to go, and dreaded the 3 hour drive back to reality. but i could never live in carmel. everyone there is old. and too rich for my blood. i would probably be relegated to cleaning their toilets. unless i made a sugar daddy out of one of them.

check out all the pics from our relaxing getaway to carmel. trust me, you'll be planning a trip out there asap. and when you do, call me. i'll meet you there!

carmel 2007

so ugly it's pretty

about a week after i dropped the ice block on my toe, i got a pedicure. but after 2 months, it was time to remove the polish. i have to say i'm totally fascinated by how ugly my first toes are. i think i want to show them off.

i promise i'll have real pretty pictures to post soon. i'm off to carmel for a mother/daughter getaway!

idle hands are the playground for the devil

ok so maybe i'm a loser for doing this but, hey whatever we all do this right? right?!

i was bored. and i remembered that yesterday was my ex's birthday. so i looked him up on myspace (the other playground for the devil). and lo and behold he has a new girlfriend! not a surprise at all. just a surprise that he'd announce it publicly, considering his sneaky, cheating ways.

but anyways, the new gf? omg. i am SOOOOO much cuter.

blink! and you miss...

am i the only one who's totally appalled that it's practically OCTOBER?!

seriously, where did the summer go? or for that matter, the year?! how is it that there's only 3 more months left in 2007? i swear i just got used to writing 2007.

and i totally missed my one year blog-iversary by 20 whole freakin' days! but today marks the 4 week countdown to marathon madness! and madness is the only word i can use to describe it! i cannot WAIT til race day. i'm excited. and nervous. but mostly excited. i have a 20 mile training run still left this week. but i'm pretty confident. or delusional.

looking back on my training, i'm actually kind of shocked i've made it this far. i'm like the suckiest, least consistent runner in the world. i'll probably be the most undertrained marathon attempter of all time. but i will say this: i'm not injured. and after my last two half marathons, i suffered from some overuse injuries in my foot, knees, and hips. and this time around, even though i didn't train nearly as hard or as often or as consistently as i would have liked, i can definitely say i did respect the rest component of training.

training for 16 weeks for one race is like waiting 10 years for one christmas! i'm sick of waiting already!!!!

the monchichi turns 2!

yesterday, my nephew turned a whole 2 years old! it's crazy! these lil buggers grow up way fast. when i cam home in december he could barely walk, let alone say anything comprehensible, and now we've got to chase him everywhere and he won't shut up, even if we don't understand him half the time!

i love seeing his little personality emerge. he's starting to learn sarcasm (gee i wonder who taught him!) but he's still so very gentle. i absolutely LOVE his laugh. if we could somehow bottle it i'm sure it could cure every disease on earth. i love when he reaches for my hand. and i love when he holds me just a little tighter when he doesn't want me to let go. it's good being an auntie :)

he gets his real party with everyone in the family on saturday but here are a few highlights from his actual bday:

digging deep. like to china deep.

just call me the human hamster.

i did 18 miles on the treadmill. AFTER a 7 hour waitressing shift.

i'm totally serious. here's how it went down:

miles 1-9 were pretty good. i was a little tight in the beginning but by mile 3 my legs loosened up. you would think my legs would be nice and warm by then, but they were also tired. on one tv i watched a marathon of america's next top model. on another tv i watched fat camp on mtv. both were very motivating in keeping my ass in gear. thank god i couldn't hear any of it though because tyra banks makes me want to vomit. and not in the bulemic, i want to be a supermodel like her kind of way. but in the oh my god she is so freaking annoying kind of way.

once i hit the halfway mark, i was a little tired. not like pooped, but i wasn't excited to do a whole 9 more miles. but i plugged along anyway. mile 10 was a little harder. mile 11 sucked my ass. hard. i was like fuck this shit. fuck this marathon. fuck fuck fuck! i was really, really, really tired. my legs ached. my feet throbbed. and even though i was dead tired, i could feel my adrenaline rising with all my stressing. so i went into damage control mode. i clicked through my ipod to find a slow song to sing to.

i am embarrassed to say that "secret lovers" is what got me through my 11 mile freakout. i mean that song is just so freaking cheesy. i love the line, "in the middle of making love we notice the time..." i don't know if music videos had been invented when this song was out, because i certainly don't remember ever seeing a video for this, but if there was one, i can imagine what this particular scene would look like: candles, white billowing curtains, a man with a jheri curl and a woman with huge hair, tumbling in red satin sheets, they look up and *gasp* !!! the clock! such drama! the woman flees quickly putting on her shiny purple dress with the huge shoulder pads, her blue eye liner smearing across her face. jheri curl man runs to the window to watch as his sweetheart drives off...as they sing...to each other. hil-freakin-arious!

ahem. ok. moving on.

so since a slower paced song helped to calm me down, i tuned into my military cadence playlist. i turned the speed way down, like the slowest possible speed that can still be considered running (4.5 mph. yes i was actually still running at this speed). the rhythm of the chants and the footsteps in the background helped clear my mind so that i wasn't wasting energy on thinking. about anything. seriously. my mind has never been so blank. all i did was repeat the chants as they said them. that is the beauty of cadences.

so i got through to mile 16 this way. for a brief second i just wanted to roll off the treadmill and fall into a heap and sleep on the floor. in the middle of the gym.

2 more miles. just 2 more miles. i stopped and walked for a quarter mile. to just muster the strength to run. and then i ran. at mile 17, with only one mile left i knew i would make it. i even gave myself permission to walk the entire thing if i had to. again, i walked another quarter mile. then i clicked over to the rocky theme, and busted out the final three quarters.

18 miles, people. 18 miles.

i am way too tired to get together an ice bath for myself. so i might just soak my legs in cold water before switching to warm. the scary thing is i work tomorrow at 7 am.

if this marathon is about endurance, i think i've got what it takes.

splits:
1: 13:57
2: 12:57
3: 12:11
4: 12:13
5: 12:02
6: 11:57
7: 11:44
8: 12:24
9: 11:52
10: 12:20
11: 12:08
12: 14:57 (the mile of suckage)
13: 13:23
14: 14:00
15: 13:45
16: 13:17
17: 15:53
18: 14:34

T: 3:55:42
AVE PACE: 13:00 (slower than molasses, but what can i do?)

being productive

i was so productive this week with other things: met with a new client, got my invoicing paperwork and tax research done, put together 2 bookcases from ikea, organized all the crap to put on those bookcases, did 3 loads of laundry, reorganized my closet, babysat the nephew.

so let's just say that between all that and work, no running got done. i planned on getting my long run in friday morning, but i got some news thursday night that knocked me on my ass and i was in no frame of mind to sleep. i won't go into the details, but having had the whole day to let the information sit, i'm no longer feeling so discombobulated about it.

so today, must be more productive, in terms of running. i'm doing 18 tonight, after work, on the treadmill.

i know i'm insane. i can't quite believe i'm actually planning to do this, but i've read that musicians and other people who travel a lot, who also happen to train for marathons, do this too. so yeah, wish me luck.

anyone got some prozac?

i hate that i turn into a bitchy monster once a month, but i can't help it. my hormones are a force stronger than anything on earth. even drugs. even alcohol. but that doesn't mean i won't try to calm my inner beast with a few glasses of wine.

after my 16 miles on saturday, i had to work 9 hours at a wedding, and another 8 hours the next morning. monday after work i was pooped and it's taken me until today to feel half normal. i'm counting my overtime at the hotel as cross training and getting a recovery run in tomorrow.

but right now, i'm self medicating with chocolate and wine.

rollin' with the homies

at long last, a triumphant long run report!

last night i was able to find my watch, but my nike plus receiver was still at large. so i made a plan to run a 3.25 mile loop from my house, continue on to run the 10.25 mile loop to the golf course, and then finish up with the 3.25 mile loop i started with. when i charted it out on gmaps pedometer, it would total roughly 16.75 miles.

before my run, i drove to the entrance of the golf course to stash 2 bottles of water. i also stashed one on my porch. i had 4 full bottles on my fuel belt but i always get nervous that i don't have enough water and there was only one place along my route to buy water and that was at safeway. and we all know how i feel about safeway! i packed 4 gus with the idea to stop and walk every 45 minutes to take one. i also planned to take 10 second walk breaks somewhere between each gu. (thanks wendy for your tip)

so off i started in the semi-darkness. the first mile kinda sucked as it included a hill, but once i found the other side, i was running pretty smoothly. i did my 3.25 loop, got back to my house and peed. while it was annoying to have to stop i felt confident that i was properly hydrated.

so off i went again. there was another small uphill portion but for the most part, the next 2.5 miles would be nice and flat. which would be good because the first half of the golf course was a long, slow climb. by the time i got there, i was not even halfway through my bottles, so i didn't have to refill. onward i trudged. up, up, up. before i knew it the worst of the hills were behind me and i could cruise the slow, descent down.

somewhere along the way i reached the halfway mark and i assessed my situation. i wasn't spent, but it also didn't feel like a walk in the park. my spirits were high, but i knew i wasn't going to just fly through the second half. but i pressed on.

i made it to the entrance of the golf course, and found my water bottles totally unfucked around with! while i'd heard of people doing this all the time, i'd never done it myself because i was always afraid someone would find my bottles and put drugs in them or something. stupid, i know. but you have those thoughts when you are raised by a paranoid, overprotective mother.

anyway, at this point, i was relieved to run a nice flat stretch of road. during this time a couple thoughts ran through my head. i tried to do the math of how far i'd run and how much longer i had and what time it was now and what time i wanted to finish , but my brain started to get really confused. then for some strange reason, i thought of where i was on 9/11. . i remember that day very, very vividly. i remember the second i heard the news and everything that happened afterward. i don't know why i started thinking about it, but i did. then my mind started to prepare for the uphill climb back up to my house, where i would reach
13.5 miles.

the idea of stopping then didn't even occur to me. i was tired, sure, but i knew i only had 3.25 miles left to go. even if i had to walk half of it, i'd still try. so up another hill i climbed and down again i went. when i got to the turn around point i was fucking spent. at that point i'd cleared about 15 miles, a valiant effort indeed. i took my final gu and a took a long walk break to figure out how i was gonna finish the last 1.6 miles. i was just sooo tired. and my legs were really starting to not like me.

but then wendy's voice said to me, "your mind is stronger than your body". she appeared out of nowhere, hovering in the air, with her arms crossed looking really stoic, looking kind of like a genie. then i heard anne's motherly voice, whispering in my ear "you can do it". she was sitting on my shoulder like one of those good angels. then i saw jen and maritza on the race course, with a big sign cheering and yelling like they were on crack. then i heard marcy, swearing and cursing at me to finish. i saw neese on the sidelines, meditating and calm, sending me good vibes. and i saw jess and bcg at the finish line with huge pitchers of cold, frosty beer in each hand. i was mentally high-fiving people left and right, amy, teacherwoman, josie, gina. what a coincidence that bobby brown's "every little step i take" came on my ipod. i felt sooo invigorated!

and it was very appropo that rihanna's "umbrella" came on as i rounded the corner to finish the last quarter mile home! i felt so much more energized at mile 16.5 than i did at 15! mind over matter, people. mind over matter.

while i couldn't take splits at every mile, i took splits at distances i knew.

split: (total distance): split time: (total time)
1.625: (1.625) 20.53 (20.52)
1.625 (3.25): 19.08 (40:01)
2.5 (5.75): 27:54 (1:07:56)
5.25: (11): 1:02: 26 (2:09:23)
2.5: (13.5): 31:47 (2:41:10)
1.625: (15.125) 20:08 (3:01:18)
1.625: (16.75) 21:21 (3:22:44)

ave pace: roughly 12:00

so finally, one grrrreat long run in the books. the plan is to run an 18 miler next week, then a 20. the last week in september i'll be in carmel, so i'll probably cut back to a 10 miler. then do another 20 miler the week after that. and officially my taper will begin.

shuffling things around

the long run today? didn't happen. but let me explain:

1. i got home really late last night. totally unintentionally. i had dinner with a friend that just ran late.

2. this morning, i had some last minute changes to a freelance project i thought was finalized earlier this week.

3. i helped my mom with an errand on her lunch hour.

even after all of that, i thought i could still drive to sf to take advantage of the cooler temps, but by the time i got done with catching up, i realized it would just be a big hassle. so i waited for it to get cool here and ran an easy 5. no watch or nike plus. all i know is that it was breezy, cool, and FAB-U-LOUS!

i tackled a few hills using the new visualization technique i learned about earlier this week. and it worked!! i felt like there was a team of people helping me up the hill rather than the burden being solely on me! i imagined i was a car on a roller coaster ride and a chain was tied to my belly button. and as i ran, i imagined the chain getting shorter and shorter as i got closer and closer to the top. and in my head i heard the "click, click, click, click" sound rollercoasters make. i couldn't WAIT to get to the top to throw my hands up in the air and go "wheeeeeeeee" down the other side. maybe it sounds cheesy, but it TOTALLY worked!

and my long run isn't totally canceled for the week . i have friday night off and saturday morning until 3 off, so for the first time in months, i can do my long run on saturday morning like most of the world!! yippee!! it also gives me time to find my watch and nike plus receiver. how i keep misplacing those two things i'll never know.

long run eve

if you missed my new list of mantras, check out yesterday's post. you're bound to find one you can use. also feel free to add to the list!

in true comeback style, i logged an energetic 6 miler last night after work, and an hour of crosstraining this morning. i meant to get to spin class at 6 am this morning but after MH's moroccan birthday feast last night, 6 am was so not possible. (can you believe he's NEVER had moroccan food!? or seen real, live belly dancers? the hookah, though, he was very familiar with. and we got to try a new flavor: orange blossom) i managed to get out on the stationary bike at 10 am to eke out 10 miles on the alpine setting. then i went another mile on the tread climber. i'm hoping i can squeeze in yoga class between my errands tonight.

i've got a TON of errands that need to be done in the next two days PLUS my long run (of an undetermined length. i'm shooting for anywhere between 12-16 miles.) long run preparation can take so long sometimes, especially since i have to do laundry (can't run without the fave gear) and if i do drive into the city (either tonight or tomorrow am) i've got to pack all my nutrition essentials, dry clothes etc. etc. etc. plus i've got stock up on more gels. i've also decided to give shot blox another try. i'll have to compare sodium and caffeine contents closely at the store.

so enough blogging, got to get moving! happy hump day, peeps! oh and here are a few pics from last night. i wanted a shot of the belly dancer but i felt skeevy about taking pictures of her while she was dancing. there already was this nasty man totally entranced and drooling throwing his money at her. besides him, there was a family of about 6 and a whole group of what i assume were college students, holed up in a large corner booth, enjoying about 3 hookahs. but the food was a-mazing. and any meal ending with baklava and mint tea is alright by me!

f*ck you marathon! you're my bitch, now!

lately, i've been feeling pretty unmotivated about a lot of things in my life. and that who-the fuck-cares attitude has trickled into my running.

i've decided that enough is enough.

if i'm gonna turn things around, i'm gonna start with the one thing i've always had control over; my running and my attitude. because dammit, no matter what i've said in the past, or how i've acted, i really do fucking want this marathon. i just didn't want to be that jackass newbie who after a month of not really training thought they could just waltz in at the 11th hour and pull it out of her ass.

but even so, i decided that i am not going down without a fight. even if by some freak force of nature the marathon isn't mine come race day, it won't be because i quit. my legs will have to physically fall off. my heart will have to beat out of my chest. and my lungs will have to collapse. but it won't be because i quit! if i can stand, i can run. and i will. i have 46 days to fucking prove myself. and i will.

i didn't come THIS far to quit now. i didn't run my mouth to everyone and their mother about it to just quit. i don't feel shame a lot in my life, but man would i feel it if i quit. especially if i didn't even give myself the chance to try!!!!!!

i scoured the internet for running mantras. here are some good ones that i think will help me:

• it’s worth it.

• aren’t we runners the lucky and the blessed!?

• it’s harder when you think, so just run!

• i am never down. i am either up, or getting up.

• FUCK YOU, stupid hill! You’re my bitch, now! ( i really like this one!)

• The night is dark
The night is long
Be with me God
And make me strong.

• it does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop. - Confucius

• screw it, run through it.

• it feels good to show some courage. - Joe Namath

• every mile is the marathon.

• keep running you’ll feel better after, trust me

• tough times don’t last, tough people do.

• failure is not an option.

• SMILE!

• i am a warrior!

• it hurts up to a point and then it doesn’t get any worse. - Ann Trason

• if oprah can, i can,

There’s now way out but up.

• I read a trick for hills. They said to imagine that there is a rope dangling down the hill which your can hook onto, and “they” will tow you up the hill. Now when I get to a hill, I think “Thank heavens it’s a hill. I can rest while they haul my buns up.”

• this is not a dress rehearsal. this is IT.”

• some people run to get in shape......we get in shape to run!

• don’t fear moving slowly forward...fear standing still.” - Kathleen Harris

• pain is nothing compared to what it feels like to quit.

• losers look what they are going through. winners look where they are going to.

• action cures fear.

• at some point it doesn’t get any worse.

• it’s supposed to be hard. this feels good!

• heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads – David Thoreau

• the only way to be who you want to be is by being what you haven’t yet been.
- Sally Edwards

• i am my own hero.

back among the living

and running...

i was feeling like utter crap up until yesterday, with saturday night being the worst. my fever had returned and my head felt like it was going to explode. after an evening with ice packs on my head and neck, i decided to finally call in sick at work and spend sunday recooperating. best. decision. ever.

i now feel like a practically normal person. FINALLY, after friggin 2 weeks.

so before the butt crack of dawn (4:15!) i woke up to get my arse to the gym. i managed to eke out a mere 2.5 miles before i had to pack it in to go to work. the plans are to run 5-6 tomorrow am, spin wed am, and attempt a long run on thursday. i'm banking on 10, hoping for 12, working for 14. friday it's yoga and saturday calls for an easy 5.

i'm quite scared as to whether my body is ready for this marathon, considering that the month of august has been almost a total wash. the schedule is supposed to go:
this week: cutback
next week: 18 miler
next week: cutback
last week of september: 20 miler
then begin 3 week and 2 day taper

god, i'm royally fucked, aren't i? shit!

any advice or suggestions? i know i can't "cram" in the miles at the last minute, but it still is possible, isn't it?!

glad my credit card is tucked safely away

this comes as a poster as large as 16" x 20".

there must be a better way to cure my insomnia other than googling eric bana.