2011: recapping the hardest year of my life

2011 was such a hard year. the first half was great: we had our dream wedding and patrick got a new jobby job. my dad's passing in june started the single greatest tragedy of my and my family's life. It was sudden, swift, and heartbreaking. literally, my heart just doesn't feel the same. i've debated on whether going into it in any detail, here specifically, would be of any help to me. and i'm still not sure. 6 months since his death, i've definitely gained some perspective and if i feel like sharing i will. if i don't, i won't.

bad feelings aside, my family is much stronger. our grief has brought us much closer together and i see marked differences in how we treat each other and what we're willing to do for each other. my dad would be very, very proud.

patrick volunteered me to live with my mom until we feel she's ready. because his new job is 70 miles from my mom's house, he stays with my aunt and uncle during the week to avoid a hellish commute and spends the weekend with me and my mom at her house. i am extremely grateful that i have a husband who is willing to make that sacrifice so that i can take care of my mom. i am extremely lucky that i have extended family who is also willing to house my husband, free of charge even.

while this arrangement has allowed us to save a ton of money, we have paid in many ways. the stress of being apart, the stress of not having our own home, the worry and responsibility i have over my mom mixed in with my grief has worn me and my husband down. our first year of marriage has not been easy or pleasant. things really came to a head in october and that's when i decided i needed help.

proper medication has drastically helped my mood and disposition. i also had a revelation in december. the funeral home we used to take care of my dad's funeral held a memorial service for all the families who lost a loved one in 2011. we sent in a photo for a slideshow they presented that night. during the presentation, we saw old people and young...babies who lived only a few days, soldiers, teenagers, grandmas, grandpas. the whole room was crying, including my family, but i felt better. i was very much comforted by being in a room of people who know exactly how i felt. and i felt especially lucky that i wasn't grieving the loss of a baby or more than one family member, like some people were. we lit candles, sang carols, and heard a comforting sermon from their pastor. that night, i felt more blessed than i had in a very long time.

another event in december boosted my mood. a close co-worker of mine has been having a very hard time lately, and she revealed to me how strapped for cash she was, among other things. my heart went out to her as i've seen her struggle with a multitude of different things the last year. i immediately knew that i wanted to help. i made a quick call to patrick to ask how he felt and when he gave me the green light, i felt happier than i had in a long time. though it wasn't much, we were able to give her $200 to buy presents for her grandkids. at first she refused, but we insisted. it wasn't a loan it was a gift. it was the exact kind of 'good deed' that my dad would do. and THAT is what brought me happiness. that gift was in honor of him.

it's funny how small acts of kindness spark other positive acts: later that day she received a large check from a client who had been very late in paying. and about a week later, she got a very attractive offer for a steady contract job.

another note about that $200: i have never felt so rich in my life as i did that day. having the ability to give someone $200 knowing i didn't need it to pay bills felt better than receiving a check for 10 times that amount. we are by no means rockefellers, but i've never been in a position to just give money away to people without sacrificing my own financial situation.

and that's another key note about 2011: we paid off all of my debt! we paid for our wedding in cash and paid off every single stinkin' cent i owed before we got married. very generous wedding gifts have allowed us to put away a good enough down payment on a house so we can qualify for a conventional mortgage, and no housing costs for the last 6 months have allowed us to save a healthy emergency fund. and i am beyond thrilled. you don't even understand how amazing it is to say every day, "we're debt free!" again, it is something i wish i could have told my dad because he would have been so proud. in my mind, i can see his smile. he'd chuckle happily and say 'hey! hey! right on!'

i owe a huge thank you to my husband, who not only came into our relationship with no debt, but was able to pay for my engagement ring in cash. and despite being unemployed for quite a while had enough in savings for us to buy all of our essential house and kitchen items when we got our first place together in 2010, and float us along for a good long while. and when that and unemployment had depleted, his parents were generous enough to help us with rent. once he was gainfully employed we cranked through the rest of my debt like crazy and were even able to take a few fun trips.

all in all, i feel like i am on the other side of grief. i still miss my dad every single day. i still cry, even wail. though things feel better and i know life is good, it will never ever be the same. but i resolve wholeheartedly to live a happy, full life starting with 2012...