my heart and head wanted to race, but not my kidneys

with all my training, 13.1 miles was not supposed to be hard. i was ready, mentally and physically. i'd run the distance more than once, and i had my best long distance run only 2 weeks ago. this race was supposed to be mine.

but my kidneys felt otherwise.

at mile 3, i noticed i was getting waves of chills. and i was shivering. despite the fact that it was sunny and perfect out. my goosebumps would not go away, yet my face and my skin felt normal, if not warm. at mile 5, my breaths became shallow. like i was breathing with only the top part of my chest and not all of my lungs. between mile 5 and 8, i became nauseous. i felt so dizzy and lightheaded. i started seeing spots. at this point, i'm freaking out. my body has NEVER felt this way before, especially at such an early distance. i can run 5-8 miles in my sleep. and even when i tire, it never felt like this. this felt different. this felt very scary. my mind is doing everything it can to not puke, pass out, or burst into tears. the chills wouldn't stop. something very serious and very strange was happening to my body. i felt like i was gonna collapse at any second.

so i slowed to walk. and try to catch my breath. but i couldn't. then a very strong urge to pee came. so i stopped at the portopotty and had to wait. and wait. and just as it thought my bladder was going to explode, one became available and i tore down my shorts. and nothing. NOTHING! i felt like my bladder was howling but i couldn't pee.

that's when i remembered another runner i knew who had the same symptoms. that's when i remembered an article i had read about NAISDS. that's when i knew. it had to be my kidneys. it had to be the pain reliever i took before the race. it had to be the allergy medicine i've been downing like candy the last week. my system was so effed up and out of equilibrium. it was shutting down.

at this point, i weighed whether to finish or stop at a medical tent. i told myself i would walk and calm myself down. catch my breath and see how i felt. the walking helped. i was still miserable, but the feeling of collapsing wasn't as imminent.

the last part of the race was utter agony. i can't even describe how it feels to have your body break down like that. but my heart and my head just wanted to finish so badly. so i walked. and walked. and ran. and ran. and walked. and ran. i drank more water. and more. i finished half of another gu but it nearly made me want to hurl. the race was just utter pain, my mind and mental fortitude the ONLY thing that got my feeble body over the finish line. 2 hours and 50 minutes. so so freaking sad. i wanted to finish in 2 hours and 30 minutes.

honestly, at that point i was relieved to just have it over, so i could begin recovery. i showered and finally ate breakfast and i felt a little better and not so dizzy. and i was able to pee a little bit and it was at least clear. but it's been a while since then, so i'm upping the fruit and water intake. if i don't feel better at the end of work tomorrow, i'm going to the emergency room.

i'm upset that the race i've been waiting for and training for for 6 months had to be so excruciating. but sometimes that happens. my terrible, horrible very bad run just happened to coincide with a race. as long as i live to run another day, i will. i have a ten miler in 3 weeks. which will be the perfect place to redeem myself.