giddy!!!!

secrets are SOOOOOO hard to keep!

despite progress, i still need to bitch.

if you thought that was a lot of info about my latest running purchases, wait til you hear about our workouts!

the week leading up to easter, we were totally on the ball with our workouts and diet. then come easter weekend we fell, more like crashed, off the wagon. something about holiday weekends and celebrating with family brings out the glutton in us. but here's the easter miracle: we felt AWFUL on monday and learned a valuable lesson about how our minds and bodies feel after binge eating and no exercise. since then whenever we entertain the thought of skipping a workout or indulging in a treat, we remind ourselves of Easter Monday and we're quickly back on track again.

i'm finding that having a set plan for every day of the week has helped keep us accountable. it also helps to see our week written down so we can easily shuffle things around if need be. patrick has even agreed to early morning workouts when we have had to plan other things for the evening! so while we have had to shift some days around, we haven't yet missed a long run or a speed workout.

i've even devised a run workout to replace one of our easy days. it's a :30 run/walk interval over the course of 2 miles. i figure it splits the difference between endurance and speed. the other day we even ran/walked the distance before our shred workout!

all in all, i'm pretty pleased with the way things are progressing though i do have a few things i need to bitch and vent about...

1. i miss my workout time as my alone time. i miss having an escape. as patrick's unofficial coach, i carry the burden of motivating him. i'm responsible for setting the schedule, picking the venue, waking him up, and all the logistical details like bringing water and planning pre and post workout meals. it's become a job. and while the accountability to another person has helped my consistency, it has sapped some of my enjoyment.
   
   
2. patrick whines a lot. and i'm sick of it. i not only have to motivate myself but motivate him and his constant whining makes it that much harder. "i'm tired. i'm cold. i'm hot. i hate this. i can't do it. it's too hard" i want to knock him upside the head and say "HARDEN THE FUCK UP ALREADY!" it's called working out because it's WORK! if you want to be a baby, then you'll have a baby's body. if you want a man's body, fucking take it like a man.
   
   
3. getting him to eat healthy food is excruciating. he is constantly dwelling on what he can't eat rather than trying to come up with healthy alternatives. he'd rather eat nothing than modify his favorite foods. he knows little about nutrition and has done little to educate himself. sometimes for fear of eating something unhealthy he eats nothing. he would rather rely on me as the keeper of his diet. which would be fine if he ate what i would eat. but the list of fruits and vegetables he likes is limited to very little. it's hard for me to cook a varied menu based on his limited arsenal of palatable foods. and don't even get me started on telling him to cook for himself. he is the king of frozen pizza and takeout. he refuses to cook in the kitchen without me for fear of screwing things up.
   
   
4. he's also very negative. he's constantly on himself about how he's not fast enough or not losing enough weight or how he's not going to be ready in time or any multitide of things. it takes a lot of coaxing on my part to get him out of his bad mood. i tell him it's hard enough as it is without your own voice telling you you can't do things. and while it's normal to feel these things, you have to learn how to turn them around and keep on chugging. while i enjoy being supportive, it's hard work.
   

i know i'm not the perfect workout partner or coach. and he probably has boatloads of bad things to say about me. i feel bad for bitching when i'm supposed to be supportive and positive and loving. i just wish he had another source for information and inspiration because it's become a little taxing for me.

stiumlating the economy at my local neighborhood running store

omg people, so much has been going on here. but before i recap our workouts back at easter i have to tell you guys about my recent purchases!!!!!!!

the local running store was hosting a "ladies night" with food, nuun-tinis, massages, fitness demonstrations, bra fittings, raffle prizes, etc. and since it has been a year since i got new shoes and i have gained a considerable amount of weight thought it was the perfect opportunity for me to get outfitted from head to toe.

i got some new shoes that feel amazing. in the 4 or so years i've been running, i have yet to be outfitted in the same pair of shoes twice. my new pair are saucony progrid 7
which is a stability shoe. i've gone through 3 different motion control shoes, 2 i wore with orthotics to a neutral shoe with orthotics. we're hoping it splits the difference from being over supported to under supported. and they feel even wider than my last pair, so my feet should be good to go. for now, these shoes feel like a dream!

i also got fitted for a sports bra. not only were my bras old but they had gotten too small (or more accurately, i had gotten too big). they got me fitted in a MUCH larger bra and even i was shocked at the size she gave me. i must have tried on 6 or 7 different bras, in different styles, some that i couldn't even figure out how to put on without two other hands to help. but we found one that fit like a dream: the dori bra from moving comfort. the girls are fully supported without any uniboob action. the $40 price tag was steep, but it's cheaper than the boob job i'll need if i don't get proper support. my sister in law was lucky enough to WIN a bra during the night. all i won was a pair of balega running socks and a miraculous feet cd of south african music! i can't really complain because i love balega socks, but i already have more than enough socks!

but what i am most excited about are the SKINS COMPRESSION SOCKS i got. HOLY MOTHER MARY OF GOD ARE THESE THE BEST THINGS EVER!!! i have been having serious shin and calf pain from not only running, but from days of being on my feet all day. i got to the store at 7 pm and i had already done my long run and been at the beach all day in flip flops. the salesgirl at the store actually had her socks on and she raved about how she wears them for recovery after hard workouts and when she's on the sales floor all day long. so for the low, low price of $45 (ha!) i got a pair of my own. i put them on as soon as i got home and within the hour, i could not stop raving about how good my calves and shins felt. no more pain at all! i expected the compression to feel more tight, but it wasn't at all uncomfortable. and i'm serious when i say that the muscle pain just disappeared! they are a litle dorky looking, especially with the little stirrup at the bottom to hook around your heel, but i just tucked that part under the hem. and under tights no once can tell. and they are really only meant to be worn on recovery workouts or at home while recovering. so hiding them under pants is easy. and for how good they made my calves and shins feel, i honestly don't care how dorky they look. these may just replace the post long run ice bath.



though some of the recovery could also be from the new massage stick i got. this sucker can reach and work any muscle. it's easy to apply the right amount of pressure to any area without it getting tiring. i rolled it over my calves, my shins, the bottoms of my feet, my quads, hips, back, neck. definitely worth the $35 price tag. especially since i can't afford to get a nice massage after every hard workout. i was most surprised and impressed with how well it worked with such little effort on my part.

so yeah, i definitely broke the bank last night, but all my purchases rate very high on the satisfaction scale. and i won socks and got a whole bunch of other goodies for going.

though the best part is probably that i now look forward to working out so i can use all this great new stuff!

the male ego

5 days in a row we've worked out. the last three days containing sets of pushups and situps. yet i STILL managed to eke out nearly double the reps today than what i did on monday. despite being sore. woot! i don't know what's gotten into me.

though it could explain why sg is a little grumpy.

he thinks i always try to outdo him. and well, i kinda do. i'm not particularly competitive, but with him i am. i don't want him to feel bad but at the same time i just can't stand letting him beat me. i had the advantage this week though. he wanted to go first. so all i had to do was mentally prepare myself to do better than him. is it my fault i went above AND beyond?

i told him next time i'd go first. that way he can't accuse me of anything. but how do i make him not feel bad if i do better?

400s

part of sg's physical fitness test requires him to run a mile and a half in at least 14 minutes. for most people i'm sure that's easy. for him and me? not so much. but we're workin' on it.

i figured he had to average 2:2o per lap to eke in right at 14:00. he ran his first lap in just under 2:00. then we walked a lap. then he ran his next 400m in 2:19. we walked a lap. his final running lap clocked in at 2:31, making his total time somewhere around 19 minutes. not too bad. not too great. but at least we have a benchmark.

he now knows what it feels like to run at a certain speed. he now knows how to pace himself. and how to push himself. and i have no doubt that he will do totally awesome in the coming weeks. it was such a thrill to be on the inside of the track, yelling and cheering, and running alongside him.

until it was my turn. boo. i ran my first 400 in 2:21, ran my second in 2:21, and ran my final lap at 2:27. pretty consistent. though not surprising since i really only have one speed at this point. but i will have to say, i would have never dragged my ass out to the track to do this workout alone. i guess there is something to this whole teamwork thing :)

we capped last night's workout with day 1, week 1 of the situps and pushups challenge.

today we did another shred workout. we're still on level 1 but we're both making pretty big gains. he can finish the whole workout and i can tell he's pushing himself. at one point, he took his shirt off because he was hot and of course i turned into a pile of girly goo. i lost all concentration, totally disctracted by his flexing, sweaty bod.

whoo! gets me hot just thinking about it now...

a new resolve

dudes! i totally forgot to tell you! sg and i are actually, for realsie, signed up for a 5k. not just talked about doing one. but actually for realsie signed up. like we paid the money and everything. it's sunday may 17 and the course starts at the woodbridge winery in lodi.

i know we've been on and off and on and off the let's get in shape bandwagon for months now. but i think finally we're on track. i made actual training logs in a notebook and wrote down all of our workouts from now til then. we're keeping daily track of our meals and our weight. our first endurance workout was last saturday at the arboretum in davis where we walked/ran (walk 4/run 1) a shady 3.5 miles in 45 minutes. we really liked the trail and will do all of our "long runs" there, with an eye to slowly increase our running portion and decrease or walking portion. he'll get used to the distance and pacing himself and he knows for a fact that he can finish. now all we have to do is watch ourselves improve.

though last night we went on our easy 2 mile walk and had a huge fight. we had just gotten back from my family's easter party and he asked, "why do you lament so much about being 'fat' and 'ugly' yet you continue to eat the things you know you shouldn't? it makes you so sad and i wonder why someone who knows what she should be doing, doesn't do it."

and of course i got defensive and said, "i don't want to talk about it"

but he pressed on saying, "look when you get upset, i get upset. i hate seeing you get down on yourself about this. and you take your sadness and anger and take it out on me. so i want to know what i can do to help you."

to which i firmly said (maybe kinda sorta said really loudly), "i didn't ask for your help. it's my issue. i don't want to deal with it you. i don't want to have to admit to my boyfriend that i am too fat and lazy to do anything about being too fat and lazy! i don't want your help. i'll deal with it on my own!"

he stormed off. i stormed off. and i seethed. i already felt bad enough, i didn't need my boyfriend telling me i'm weak. and a hypocrite. i was furious.

eventually, we met up on the way home and i said, "look, i know you always want to help because you love me and i will always resist because i just have this streak in me that wants to do things by myself and somehow we're gonna have to meet in the middle"

and he said, "for the most part, i let you do what you want to do, how you want to do it, and when you want to do it. with the exception of you cutting up your credit card, you haven't changed anything about how you do anything. i didn't bring this up to criticize you or make you feel bad because i love you. everything about you. i've been down the same road before and seen my parents go through it. it's okay to accept my help. and it's not an indication that you are weak. we can do this together."

and i softened. because i knew that i wasn't mad at him. i was mad at the mirror he was putting in front of me. he was making me admit i had bad habits. he was making me admit i was being a hypocrite. i was in denial for so long, acting like i could eat and do whatever i wanted, because i just didn't want to face the truth: that i got to the size i am now through horrible eating habits and pure laziness. and that the road to health and fitness is never easy. and that i can't to everything myself.

as much as i hated admitting to it, i was grateful for it. i felt so tiny and to some degree ashamed of not being able to take care of myself, yet he loved me and even offered his support and love.

from then on, it solidified to me that this was going to be a team effort. and a new resolve, for both of us, has sunk in.

life is good

recession or not, life is good when you can leave work at 5 and be home at 5:07. and beautiful hiking trails are only 10 minutes away. and there is plenty of sunshine and gentle breezes. it was satisfying to know that while some had to spend the 6 o'clock hour in traffic, we got to spend it working up a sweat with each other in the great outdoors.

sweating to the oldies

thankfully, we're not talking richard simmons. but close. remember those infomercials for 8 minute abs? yeah, i've got the whole series on dvd. abs, arms, legs, buns. and since i'm resting the calves, i dusted off these dvds for a 32 minute workout. not bad actually. for someone as out of shape as me and sg.



speaking of infomercials, does anyone have the P90X dvds? they look totally intense and totally worth it. any insight?

signs of wisdom??

you know how you usually injure yourself doing something totally stupid and lame and when you're hobbling around all gimpy and people ask you how you hurt yourself you wish you had a much more interesting, if not, heroic story to tell?

i've sidelined myself for a week because i can feel the tendon along the sides of my calves is not happy with me. it's a condition i'm very familiar with. and it has nothing to do with anything awesome or badass. but has everything to do with the fact that i'm a fat ass who touristed around d.c. for 4 days with insufficient arch support.

the weight i've gained over the last 6 months or so is no freaking joke. and something i really am taking into consideration as i train. i think of all the extra poundage i'm lugging around and i cringe thinking about the load my poor biomechanically retarded feet have to carry.

anyway, it's a little bit of an anticlimactic start. i'll spend this week doing mainly strength exercises for my upper body and core. but i think a dose of conservatism here is better than my usual dose of stubbornness. see, i did learn something!

signs of buffness?

yesterday, i took the boy on a 3.5 mile loop around the neighborhood. we "power-walked"most of it with short spurts of running. he bitched practically the whole way, but we got through it in about 50 minutes.

today was day 4 of level 1 on the shred and already it's getting easier. i can tell. sg is doing less whining and more working! yay for us.

tomorrow will be a sort of easy day, i think. a leisurely walk followed by some totally old school 8 minute abs and arms. or maybe some easy-ish yoga.

come saturday, it'll be all about endurance. i wonder if i can even eke out a 3 mile long run?

and we're back

so yeah, i had a brief moment of "what the hell do you think you're doing?" in regards to the marathon. then just as quickly as it came, it went away.

so yeah. marathon. 30 weeks.

i'm going with hal higdon's 18 week novice program and started this week with his 12 week spring training. it's an interesting thing going at this the second time around. in my head i know i can do it. no fear there. but i know just how much it can suck. and just how hard it can be. but i also know where my weak points are and already have an arsenal of tricks up my sleeve to correct those.

plus this time around, i won't be waiting tables! that's a huge relief for my feet and lower body. although to some degree i'm sure that all the walking i did waitressing probably did some good, especially on those training days i skipped. but in the end, i think it's best that i reserve the time on my feet for serious actual training.

i'm excited, guys! like really really excited!

on another note, sg and i just came back from dc where he took the preliminary test for the capitol police. they said that on average about 70 people show up for the test. this time, there were over 300! and they hold 3 a month! so the candidate pool is much larger than normal. we will know in 2 weeks or so if he passed and from there we go to step 2.

they also gave us what he would be tested on physically and how to gauge his current level of fitness with what they of expect their top candidates. let's just say we have a lot of work to do. but it's totally doable. and now that we know exactly what he needs to do, we can totally train for it.

i'm training him for a 5k in about 8 weeks. 3 days of running and 2 days of jillian's shred. i think we'll work in one day of speed training because he has to get his 1.5 mile time down to AT LEAST 13:50. and he'll totally have to get on board with the 100 pushups challenge. from what my friend who is on the force has told me, they love running and pushups!

my boyfriend is gonna be so buff!

squeeeeeee!!!

i'm in!

i'm in!

I'M IN!!!!!

while i haven't gotten official notice exactly, nothing is more official than the exchange of funds, and the nike people have extracted $120 from my bank account, so....

i'm running, bitches! WOOT!

day 3 of shred

when does it get start getting easy? and when will my back fat go away?

*sigh*

ps. wii fit loves me. down a net .8 lbs again :)

run, fat boy, run

when this movie came out, i HAD to see it. watching it again on dvd reignited my love for the marathon. it strikes the perfect balance between the lunacy of running 26.2 miles and the power of the human spirit. marathoners can be a pretty serious, self-important bunch, wrapped up in all kinds of technical nonsense. i just love watching normal people transform and push themselves to do things they never thought possible. i watched spirit of the marathon the same summer. and while it is awesome to see what deena kastor's training is like, i don't really identify with her (except for her love of wine). she was obviously born to run. it's her job to run. the woman is a machine! and i mean that with lots of respect and admiration it's just that i am motivated by measly little people like me, who enjoy beer and have too many fat clothes in their closet who find enough gumption every day to eke out their mere mortal workouts.

by the end of the month i'll know if i've won the nike women's marathon lottery. i really really really hope i do. i think i want to run and finish this marathon more than i did two years ago. keep your fingers crossed, boys and girls. 'cause this fat girl wants to run!

i almost forgot

wii fit told me i lost .4 pounds this morning. and when i weighed myself tonight, i had lost .4 more pounds!

i know. i know.

don't weigh yourself so much.

the loss is nothing more than normal weight fluctuation throughout the day.

but at least i didn't fluctuate UP!

small victories people. small victories. with the scale going up as much as it has in the past year, i'll take ANY small victories.

double the workout

day 2 level 1 of the shred. this time with sg. i have to say he toughed it out pretty well. it certainly taxed him, and at one point when i was correcting his form on the lunge he nearly spat fire and bit my head off. later, when we took a short walk to cool down, he told me he doesn't want me to talk when we work out. he said he doesn't like that i have to be an expert at everything. yeesh!

so yeah, note to self, if you want to stay with sg long enough to make him your husband, let him suffer through his workouts in silence. i'm hoping that as things get easier for him, he'll start to enjoy our workouts. tomorrow i think i'll take it easy on him and go for a leisurely walk at the lagoon.

to add insult to injury, after our cooldown he went inside and i took off for a 2 mile run. the run i was supposed to do in the morning but was too sore to do. the 20 minutes shred got me so pumped i felt strong enough to get through a run. WOOT!

i'm definitely sore now. but will try to do some yoga in the morning. but i'm taking friday off. i think. this workout thing is getting addicting again!

workout for two

so not only did i rock the shred today, but i rocked the yoga too. i took sg out for a run/walk, hoping to do at least 2 miles, but then his back started acting up. i guess moving has been strenuous. so i decided we should try some yoga instead. he did pretty well in my opinion for someone who has never done yoga before. but he felt pretty defeated. poor guy. it didn't help that when we weighed ourselves on the wii fit, it told him he gained weight. that wii fit can be pretty brutal. the good news is, i didn't lose or gain. this is a HUGE victory for me because besides the last 2 or 3 days, i haven't even really been trying.

i don't consider myself in very good shape at all, but even so what i think is easy isn't so easy for sg. and i'm afraid that he won't be in good enough shape to at least start physical training and not want to cry. he's gonna have to get used to feeling uncomfortable and sometimes really struggling to see some gains. it's never been easy to get back on the wagon for me, but i am a masochist and sort of enjoy that sweat and pain. for him, not so much. i try my very very best not to give him too much lip when he whines. because what i think he needs right now is encouragement. but it's hard. wish us luck. this isn't going to be easy.

waking up with jillian

like the rest of the world, i've adopted jillian michaels as my personal trainer. day one of her 30 day shred was pretty good. doable, but definitely lots of room for improvement. and she isn't all annoying and fake perky. she's tough. and motivating.

though i felt a little self conscious doing jumping jacks while the rest of the house slept. seriously, the whole house shook. *sigh* i guess if i keep it up, i won't have to worry about feeling like an elephant tromping around anymore.

the big move

so, the boyfriend is all moved in.

it's just me and him. and my mom and my dad. in a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom 2,000+ square foot house. surprisingly, it's not so bad. though time will tell. at the very least it is saving us TONS of money and saving me from having to drive 90 miles round trip every week to see him.

right now, we're in a pretty good spot. if sg passes the preliminary capitol police test in 2 weeks, he'll face an interview, background check, and polygraph. and if that goes well, he goes to georgia and then to maryland for a total of 7 months for training. the good news is, training is paid. so we'll be able to bank 7 months of his salary while having minimal living expenses. this job could very well launch us firmly and comfortably into the next step.

so dealing with the "full house" situation for now, is very doable, because we know the next step is going to be HUGE.

in that same vein, i finally for the first time ever, got my budget set up on a spreadsheet. it turns out i have more money than i thought, and was spending like a fool before. i've been able to project into the future and figure out when i'll have a decent sized emergency fund and when all my debts will finally be paid.

so while sg is busting his ass in federal officer training, i'll be slaving away, chipping away at my debts so we can get married DEBT FREE! i hate that i'm the dead weight when it comes to this, but he's understanding is thankful that by living with my parents he is able to put even more money away in savings every month.

so we're pluggin' along. just like everyone else in america.

i might also have some good news at the end of the month.....

the truth about my job

i know i've been bitching and moaning about my job, but since the beginning of lent, i've done some re-evaluating.

my job? it ain't that bad. it's my attitude that has sucked.

i took this job just to tide me over until i found what i really wanted to do. and i found that those jobs were in scarce supply and that i needed additional training. it really hurt my ego to be making about what i made right out of college, since i've been working for 6 years and have since built up my salary. it really hurt my ego to be doing "grunt work" again, stuff that barely taxed my brain. stuff that is sooo beneath me.

i felt like my job wasn't good enough. therefore, i wasn't good enough. i avoided telling people what i did and where i worked because i knew i was capable of so much more. and well, i felt people expected more from me. and i held onto those feelings for a long time.

until i realized, it doesn't really matter. my family doesn't care about what i do. and my boyfriend loves me no matter what.

my job pays my bills, and gives me a little extra to save and spend. the people i work for appreciate the work i do and praise me often. my hours have been cut to 32, but even so, the money is enough and i get three day weekends with the people i love. i can wear jeans and a sweatshirt everyday if i want. my commute is 3 miles, so i can go home for lunch. it's sometimes a little stressful, but it's the kind of stress that doesn't follow you home. and every once in awhile i get a good, fun project to sink my teeth into.

seriously, who can complain with that?

for now, it will do. and for now, it's what i need. bigger and better are on the horizon, but for now, i'm thankful for what i have. and that attitude change makes a huge difference in my overall happiness.