speed trap

as i coasted down the last hill of my run, i approached one of those speed trap machines.

"YOUR SPEED IS...6" it read.

you mean people, not just cars, big suvs and trucks, register on those things?? maybe i was hallucinating. or maybe i really am as big as a small volkswagen.

"spinning"

i wanted to make the 6am spin class today to see if this instructor was less annoying than the pm one. but alas, even after setting 2 different alarms, i didn't get up in time to make the class.

but still i was up before the sun and headed to the gym anyway and made my own spin class. it ended up being much more enjoyable. my own music and no annoying instructor. and the room was much cooler than the cycling studio, which is more like a sauna. i picked a hill interval course and had the machine set between levels 8 and 12. i tried to keep my rpms above 90 during the hills and at around 60 for the recoverys. i'll have to do some research on cycling workouts and hopefully i can challenge myself on the bike without the need for a class at a set time and place.

looks like i'm a lone wolf when it comes to exercise and training. other people's yapping and yammering just annoys the holy hell out of me.

gearing up

i just realized that in the last 2-3 weeks i've acquired quite a number of new "toys" for my running. yet i also seem to want more. here are a few of my latest purchases:

FINALLY! A WATCH! and on clearance at target, so how could i pass it up?! i was worried i wouldn't like how it felt or how the sweat would collect under the band, but i'm finding it very comfortable, both when i'm running and when i'm not. the only thing i seem to forget is to stop the watch when i'm done. so i have this random endless last lap at the end of all my workouts. and my watch is pink, not this blue...i feel appropriately sporty, yet chic.



especially when paired with my new running skirt! i heart heart heart running skirts. shorty shorts were never that flattering on me, but shorty skirts, well who can't help but look super flirty?! and guess what ladies, they're on sale at skirtsports.com. well kinda. they're running a promotion to trade in your old running shorts for a pair of their skirts at 45% off.. you can either do it through the mail or through a local participating retailer. in my opinion, skirts are far more comfortable and for my legs, much more flattering.


that being said, i bought a pair of cycling/tri shorts with the crotch padding and the leg grippy things. the most unflattering item of clothing i own, except that they have butt enhancing properties. and they make spinning bearable. i should've picked up two pairs since they were half off, but i'm still a little too shy to jump on the cycling bandwagon. especially since i don't even have a bike yet!!




i've been wanting this little gadget for forever! i even got a free shoe wallet at fleet feet, so i was set to go with out having to buy nike shoes. it keeps track of distance and speed, and can even log your workout online. when motivation is waning , you can conjure up your "power song" with a push of a button. it also has verbal motivation whenever you want it. you can also challenge other runners (or yourself) to meet certain distance, speed, or calorie goals.



speaking of motivation, these cadences absolutely ROCK! i also downloaded a few of the men's cadences. i find they're 1. entertaining 2. help you keep your mind off of running 3. make you feel like part of a big group, even if you're running alone. they helped me keep a good even pace for my 10k race. i think they'll be good to use for tempo runs and sprinkled into my long run playlists.

race report: i love 69

10k race day! with rain! it seems that no matter how beautiful the weather can get here in february, it still manages to rain on my race days.

but so far the rain has been a bit of a good luck charm because i finished in good time. 69 minutes and some change which beats my 10k time back in june of 71 minutes. and actually, because of some confused race volunteer, between mile 1 and 2 we were steered in the wrong direction and we had to back track to get back on the course. so who knows what my real time was for the actual 10k distance. i was too flustered and intent on making up time that i didn't think to check my watch and time how long it took to get back on track. oh well.

here are my splits:
1: 15:04 (this is where we "got lost")
2: 10:27
3: 10:35
4: 10:30
5 to finish: 23:06 (i swear to bob there was no marker for mile 5 or 6, trust me i was looking.)

to see splits run under 11 minutes absolutely blows my mind. and i think i would have pushed harder had i seen the mile markers for 5 and 6. knowing how far i've come and how far i have left really helps with my mental game. when i'm running. with no idea on distance, even a mile seems like it could go on forever.

so with a job well done, we celebrated with some fabulous texas barbecue and a long nap on the couch. mmmm mmmm...

option to rest

i didn't make it to cowboy boogie this week. i was feeling BEAT after tuesday's spin class and i realized i hadn't had a rest day since last tuesday. so even though the class didn't sound strenuous, i just didn't have enough oomph to get ready in time for class anyway.

instead, i went to a food show with my brother.

yes, i said a food show. sounds like heaven, huh? my brother is a chef for a hotel, so it's his job to go to these things. hundreds of vendors offering their very best meats, seafood, desserts, ice creams, pastas, soups, salads, hors dourves (i called them appetizers and my brother got mad at me), coffees, teas, etc. etc. there was even an area devoted to pickles. and even though the convention hall was huge and we walked the entire day, i was stuffed to the gills.

i felt slightly guilty for skipping the gym to gorge, but at least my legs don't feel so tight and i can get in a speed workout tomorrow before my 10k race on sunday.

saddle up

tonight, spin class #2 was made much more comfortable with my new super duper crotch and butt padded tri shorts that i got for half off on saturday! not only do they have padding that makes me feel like the little girl in the charmin commercial who stuffs her shorts full o' t.p. before she learns to roller skate (or is it ride a bike?) but the cuffs of the legs have super suction grippers to keep the shorts from riding up (and make my thighs look like juicy sausages).

but really i'm not thinking of that during class. i'm concentrating on the intense burning in my quads and the seriously annoying instructor who does not stop talking. i have a perma-grimace on my face the entire class just so she stays away and doesn't try to do anything stupid like crank up my resistance or try to talk to me. because who knows what i would do. probably some hairpulling.....as if i had the strength.

tomorrow will be easier, though. i'm taking a class called cowboy boogie. here's the description: Cowboy Boogie™ is a fun and hip country-inspired dance workout! In the 30-minute class, participants can improve their cardiovascular endurance through sexy country dance moves including Save a Horse, Saddle Up and Alley Cat. Each class ends with a 24 Hour Fitness signature line dance.

and if i haven't doubled over in laughter by the end of that class, i might take the strip aerobics class after. that FOR SURE will get me laughing. unless i can do some tequila shots before class...

and what exactly do you wear to these kinds of classes??

argh!!!

i was practically riding on air after my 8 mile run today. last week, i ran my 8 miles on the treadmill in 1:43. the last mile and a half sucked and i was hot and sweaty by the end. this week, i ran the 2 mile loop around the lake 4 times and finished in 1:26. i finished strong and felt light and cool nearly the entire run.

but when i looked at my splits, i knew something was amiss. check 'em out:

1: 11:45
2: 10:52
3: 12:07
4: 10:01
(walk and gu)
5: 12:44
6: 9:40
7: 11:08
8: 8:20

obviously, the trail is mismarked. god damned rangers!! the odd numbered miles make sense, but the even numbered miles, uh, not so much. i felt so so so good after my run and now i feel totally robbed!! i checked google pedometer and it looks like the entire loop is only 1.82 miles, which means i only ran about 7.3 miles.

but even so, at the pace i was running, i'm estimating that it would have really taken me 1:34 to finish the 8 miles and that is 9 minutes faster than last week. not only that, i finished STRONG this week, with my splits getting faster. my ability to push through fatigue in the later miles is one of the things that impresses me most about my running. it's one way that my impatience pays off, i think.

so now i know to have to tack on a little more to each loop the next time i run it if i want it to be an even 2 miles.

my mom is the cutest thing ever

my mom turned 60 last july. i certainly don't think of her as that old. maybe because i don't really think of myself as that old. i've been telling her she should color her hair to cover her grey. not because i think she looks bad or that she has to hide that she's 60. i just think there's no reason that she shouldn't have the dark hair she had when she was younger. i don't think that she has to accept looking a certain way because that is her chronological age. my mom may be 60, but she has the endless spirit and spunk of a woman my age.

so yesterday, when i went with her to get her hair cut, she just decided to do it. color her hair, cover up the grey.

and since yesterday afternoon, she cannot stop looking in the mirror. the second we got home she changed and put on makeup. she grinned ear to ear all day. she must have tried 10 different outfits before church today. and i have never seen my mom preen so much in front of the mirror. it's like she couldn't get enough of herself.

and i was just so happy and proud for her. because i know that my mom doesn't ever really feel as old as she is. and i am loving the fact that she shows it on the outside! watching her feel good about herself makes ME feel like a million bucks. like I'M the one that got the makeover! it's just totally frickin' awesome!

saturday morning

i was here. 8 am. 60 degrees. 2 miles. no ipod. just me and my thoughts.

pain in my crotch

yeah, it hurts. and i can already feel the soreness settling into my legs. oof.

will i do it again? hell yeah. not 'cause it's fun or thrilling or all the other things crazy people exclaim when they leave spin class. i'll do it again because it was damned hard. and i kinda like that.

----------
on the schedule this morning: intervals. but how the heck is a mile an interval? that's like...too long to be an interval! but the schedule said 5 miles, 2 x 1600 @ 11:04 with 800 rec. here's how it went down:

1600: 14:23
1600: 11:03
800: 6:57
1600: 10:52
2400: 20:54 ( i forgot to take my split time between my recovery and cooldown)

the first half of the workout was decent but i kinda fell apart during the last half. my ipod died somewhere during my warmup and i could not think of anything decent to daydream about. all i kept saying to myself was, "when is this gonna be over already?"

the upside is that today is already gorgeous and it looks like it's gonna get up to 73. the same goes for tomorrow. hopefully i can soak up some sun to banish my pms blues.

help with trying something new??

my weekly crosstraining usually consists of walking to the mailbox and/or fridge and dancing in the shower. but i figure i should try something a little more challenging, say spin class? the two most dreaded words in the dictionary. i tried it like 5 years ago and never mounted up again because it hurt my butt way too much. great workout, i'll admit, but sore sore bum :(

but i figured i'd give it another try, wade through the sore-butt syndrome, and see if i like it enough to buy the special shorts or seat. and who knows maybe it will firm my bum soooo much i won't need a gel seat. ha!

so, for all you avid and crazy spinners out there, any advice for a newbie?

8 is enough

my entire body is covered with a thin film of dried sweat. i'm like a human salt lick.

it looks like i've reached the point in my training where it starts to get hard. the last mile and a half sucked so hard. i wanted nothing more than to stop, curl in a ball and take a nap. but i pressed on, telling myself only 20 minutes more...in those 2o minutes my joints felt as creaky as the tinman's and i felt like i was slowly being filled with sand. i thought for sure there was no way my legs could carry my heavy, heavy body.

but they did. and i can finally reward myself with valentine's day chocolate covered strawberries!

happy valentine's day, peeps!

i'm officially old

after conducting a couple of experiments, i have concluded that it now takes me 2 days to recover from a night of drinking. pa-thetic!

last weekend, i was rendered so useless i couldn't even enjoy superbowl festivities. and this past sunday, all i could do was chug orange juice and fall asleep watching the grammys. yesterday was no better. while i had a big 8 miler planned, i only had enough energy to bake brownies and watch soaps.

thankfully, my liver gets a break this week, as the only excitement i have planned is a huge valentine dessertfest for my nephew. and the week after that, i have a race on sunday, forcing me to be good to my body for a full 2 weeks.

thank! god! because i can't keep giving up 3 whole days to the party gods anymore!

**drool**

i think i could eat a whole box right now.

and the bikini hanging on my closet door to motivate me to eat well, just isn't enough motivation right now.

first race of the year

a few hours before waking up this morning, i had a dream that i was rushing to the race only to have to come back several times for things i had forgotten. the last thing i had forgotten was to brush my teeth. guess i was a little nervous.

though really i had nothing to be nervous about, even in the rain. i finished in just over 32 minutes, which is 5 minutes faster than my 5k last april. i'm wondering if i even may have eked in under 32 minutes if you count the fact that i wasn't at the front of the pack in the beginning. but alas i'll never know since i don't wear a watch :) i was beyond psyched when i saw the clock as i raced to the finish. and it felt good to have enough energy at the end to pass at least 5 people. and it was nice to have my mom at the start and finish yelling my name as if i was the fastest person there :)

i'm riding such a high right now that i wish i was still running!

tempo, tempo

on the schedule today: 5 mile tempo, with the middle 3 miles run @ 11:44. as you can see by my splits, i don't like following directions.

1: 15:33
2: 11:09
3: 11:52
4: 11:15
5: 13:07
t: 65 minutes

i have a 5k on saturday, which may be run in the rain and mud. but the conditions aren't deterring my brother and mom from coming out to watch me. i don't know who's crazier, me or them :)

april 22

i finally forked over the money for the half marathon i am running in about 10 weeks. and it dawned on me that april 22 is the exact one year anniversary of my first race! from 5k to my second half marathon in one year :)

lucky number 7

i'm back in full swing and it totally shows in my long runs. it's like i start and my legs remember and just start doing it on their own. 7 miles seriously never felt so easy.

after my 5 mile run last week, i had some pain in my foot and outer calf and i started to worry. that's the area that was aggravated during training for my last half that kept me sidelined for my 10 mile race. that's the area that prompted me to finally get orthotics. and now that i have them i worried that they weren't working. but i'm trying to be mindful to start my runs slow, stretch at some point during and stretch reeeealllly good afterwards. 'cause i certainly don't want to make the same mistake twice.

aha!

from the last post, it's easy to see that i'm a huge procrastinator. i never get it when i meet people who say they don't. i wanna poke those people in the eyes. but even the worst procratinator like me aren't procrastinators in EVERY thing they do. for example, i never procrastinate when it comes to eating. i know that sounds silly, but i read that somewhere and it resonated big with me. this shows me that i am not a doomed procrastinator. and i'm not lazy.

so the question is WHY do i procrastinate at certain things, in this case, getting my job hunt off the ground? doing more reading, i came across a great article about overcoming procrastination. i realized i was 1. overwhelmed at the huge task of finishing and 2. i felt that it had to be done perfectly. no wonder i was paralyzed. the suggestions for overcoming those hurdles make sense and i'm working on them now. and it's helping bring back structure to my work day. working from home can be a struggle, at least for me, because i'm given too much freedom and it's almost like i don't know where to start and end. by setting a strict window of time for work, it leaves me tons of time to fill with leisure WITHOUT the nagging guilt of work needing to be done. whew!

in addition to being overwhelmed, i was scared. scared that i wasn't good enough. scared that i would have to settle for a job i didn't like. scared that i would get in over my head at a job that was too hard. scared that the perfect employment fit wasn't out there for me. then i found this article. what i got from it is that EVERYONE gets scared. from astronauts, to presidents, to moms, to heidi klum. but what seperates the men from the mice is their ability to feel the fear, but do what they need to do anyway. or as john wayne says, "courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway". so that taught me, i'm not weak because i'm not scared. people that i look up to, that have achieved so much have felt just as scared as me.

so, how to push through fear? by recognizing 2 things: that fear is your reaction, not a property of the object of your anxiety (for example, i can dance in public and some people are terrified of that) and that courage is a mental skill, not an emotional one. if courage is a skill, then i can learn it. courage is a matter of conditioning, just like running. the more i face my fears, the better i will get at being courageous. and the more i will be conditioned to facing that which scares me. the article says "fear is not your enemy. it is a compass pointing you to the areas where you need to grow. when you encounter a new fear, celebrate it as an opporunity for growth" WOW. so the direction of my life lies in my fears. wow. pretty deep for someone wondering what the hell to do with her life.

and as for my lack of motivation? i found this article. and not surprisingly, all roads led to fear. to quote the article, "you're letting fears, excuses, and limiting beliefs hold you back. your subconscious mind knows you're settling, so it won't provide any motivational fuel until you step up, face your fears, and drop the excuses...ironically, the real key to motivation is to set goals that scare you." what?! wow! and it made sense. my fear was making me settle for things that felt safe and easy to want and get. i was denying myself from dreaming what i really wanted. and since i was setting my sights so low, of course i was unmotivated. who the hell is motivated to work at an ok job? for ok money? with ok people? turns out mediocrity really doesn't suit me.

another line from the fear article was this, "it's ok if you don't think it's possible for you. it's ok if you don't see how you could ever have it. but don't deny that you want it." aha! why spend a lifetime trying to talk myself out of the very things i really really want? that sounds totally illogical!

so my aha moment has arrived. the only way to motivate myself is to dare to dream what it is i really want, that i've been too afraid to admit to myself for fear of failure. the only way to conquer fear is to attack it a little bit everyday. so that i get good at it. stronger at it. if this doesn't sound like marathon training, i don't know what does.

so i feel renewed. and fortified. and i feel like i have actual tools to get me through the next step.

is this normal?

i've started this post several different ways, not really knowing how to begin. it's been 2 months since i've been home and i don't have a job. in fact, i haven't yet even applied to anything. i've written my resume (that i haven't touched in 6 years!), a cover letter, photographed most of my portfolio, attended a networking event, and wrote a follow up email to a creative director i spoke with. one more big push and i'll have all my pieces photographed and my self-promo package designed. i've talked to my current boss about extending my freelancing contract, but it's still up in the air. it doesn't sound like she's having much luck finding my replacement, and well, i haven't yet found a job to replace my old one.

at the beginning of the month not having a job and not having all my shit together to find one kept me up at night and made me feel like i was the most incompetent person on earth. i've since stopped beating myself up over it, realizing i am indeed NOT a loser and instead am in the best place in my life, on the brink of everything new and exciting.

but yet, i still can't manage to really light a fire under my ass. you know the one that just consumes you, pushes you. the one that won't let you sleep because you just can't stop working. you would think that the idea of possibly being unemployed in a month would motivate someone. you would think that would make someone work their ass off until they secured employment. but not me, and i don't understand why.

am i lazy? scared? unambitious?

i'm so used to holding down 2 jobs, meeting with friends, training for something...and now i'm suddenly given all the time in the world and i've lost all my sense of urgency. and what am i doing with my time? working, yes. but for the most part, i work around time with my family, running, tv programs. my life is the exact opposite of stress. maybe i just need to revel in that? enjoy that? because i will reenter the rat race at some point and stress will resume.

i'm only worried because i've never, ever, ever felt this non-chalant about the direction of my life. usually i'm planning ahead, budgeting, figuring, trying to be proactive. i have a little voice in the back of my head that says i should be more worried, more driven. but for the most part i shrug it off and figure my aha moment will come when it's time.

is this normal?