i've started this post several different ways, not really knowing how to begin. it's been 2 months since i've been home and i don't have a job. in fact, i haven't yet even applied to anything. i've written my resume (that i haven't touched in 6 years!), a cover letter, photographed most of my portfolio, attended a networking event, and wrote a follow up email to a creative director i spoke with. one more big push and i'll have all my pieces photographed and my self-promo package designed. i've talked to my current boss about extending my freelancing contract, but it's still up in the air. it doesn't sound like she's having much luck finding my replacement, and well, i haven't yet found a job to replace my old one.
at the beginning of the month not having a job and not having all my shit together to find one kept me up at night and made me feel like i was the most incompetent person on earth. i've since stopped beating myself up over it, realizing i am indeed NOT a loser and instead am in the best place in my life, on the brink of everything new and exciting.
but yet, i still can't manage to really light a fire under my ass. you know the one that just consumes you, pushes you. the one that won't let you sleep because you just can't stop working. you would think that the idea of possibly being unemployed in a month would motivate someone. you would think that would make someone work their ass off until they secured employment. but not me, and i don't understand why.
am i lazy? scared? unambitious?
i'm so used to holding down 2 jobs, meeting with friends, training for something...and now i'm suddenly given all the time in the world and i've lost all my sense of urgency. and what am i doing with my time? working, yes. but for the most part, i work around time with my family, running, tv programs. my life is the exact opposite of stress. maybe i just need to revel in that? enjoy that? because i will reenter the rat race at some point and stress will resume.
i'm only worried because i've never, ever, ever felt this non-chalant about the direction of my life. usually i'm planning ahead, budgeting, figuring, trying to be proactive. i have a little voice in the back of my head that says i should be more worried, more driven. but for the most part i shrug it off and figure my aha moment will come when it's time.
is this normal?
6 comments:
In a word, yes.
I am SO feeling the same way. Or at least have had a lot of days over the past month where I feel that way. Like you, I'm a planner, proactive, etc., but I have been procrastinating, taking detours, etc. I think it is normal, though. When you're a super-organized, proactive person, there's gonna come a time where your brain just shuts down, as well as your motivation, and you need to just take a breather. So enjoy yours. What's the hurry anyway, right?
i would say so. for sure.
My name is Robert Key and I am a runner from Houston, Texas. I saw your blog listed when I was looking through the RBF directory and very much enjoyed reading some of your entries. All of us procrastinate, and I'm going to stop doing it... maybe tomorrow or the next day.
I see your posts on many of the blogs that I visit. I have a web site at http://www.faithfulsoles.com that is inspirational stories for walkers, runners and athletes of all ages and abilities. I recently added to the site a categorized and searchable Running Blog Database where members of my site can find a blog of interest to them based on other walkers, runners or athletes of similar abilities, goals and interests. To my knowledge it is the only one of its kind specifically for walkers and runners on the internet. I would appreciate it if you would take a moment to put a link to your blog in our Running Blog Database (in the first week I had it online, I had over 50 bloggers from around the world link their blogs to it). Just click on "Link your running blog" under "Free Features" from the home page. If you want to learn more about my running background, just click on "Meet Robert" from the main menu , or to learn more about my involvement in the running community, click on "Faithful Soles in the news" in the left column under "Weekly Features". I also have a blog that I just started at http://faithfulsoles.blogspot.com, but most of my running information is on my web site. Also, if there is anyone else in your blogger network that you think would be interested in listing their blog, please feel free to pass this information along to them. Thanks and continued good luck in your training.
as long as you aren't depressed or paralyzed into inaction about *everything* i think it's good to be nonchalent and just take things one step at a time
Geezus, this Robert Key guy is spamming all the runner blogs! Nice legs, though.
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