giving in to desires

as the rain poured and poured outside, i settled in on the couch, cocooning myself within a mountain of blankets. properly snuggled, i flipped on the tv and settled in to watch a good 2 hours of porn. food porn that is.

the barefoot contessa. nigella feasts. easy entertaining with michael chiarello. mounds of butter melting everywhere. turkeys and hams roasting in their own sweet juices.... and there's just something about that michael chiarello: a hot, well groomed man who can prepare succelent meals? and well nigella lawson is a vision herself. her love of food makes me think she could make me bat for the other team sometimes.

my secret weapon

yippee skippee!! the orthotics are in!!

i'm truly embarassed to admit that i thought these orthotics would make me feel like braces would to a teenager. or training wheels to a 10 year old. the fact that i needed orthotics made me feel totally dorky.

but they make me feel the total opposite. they make me feel like i have some secret weapon! some special power.

i'm just happy that now all my foot worries can be put to rest and that i don't screw up the alignment of anything else higher up. i can finally run pain and injury free!

(*knock on wood*)

speed, schmeed

on any given day, i'd rather run hills than run speed intervals. i've actually formed a sort of love affair with running hills. but running hills doesn't make you faster. only running faster makes you faster. speed workouts make you think too much. it's a series of running at one pace for x amount of time, then running at another pace for y amount of time, and i have to be careful not to run too fast for too long because i could poop out. it all requires too much precision and time keeping for my feeble brain. the hill interval on the treadmill does all the work for me, breaking my run up into three minute increments, varying the grade of the hill throughout my run.

so to my surprise, i noticed a speed interval button on the treadmill! jigga what?! you enter a jog speed and you enter a run speed and by pressing the speed interval button, it toggles back and forth between the two speeds. not too impressive of a feature. i still have to keep track of time myself. it would be better if you could program the length of time or distance of your jogs and runs. it took a lot of discipline to MAKE myself run faster than was comfortable, even at three minutes at a time. and at least on the hill interval, it gave you a nice graph of the hills and valleys you ran. on the speed interval, the graph never changed. all i had was the slowly clicking clock and the even slower clicking odometer.

the only good thing about speed workouts is that they don't have to last long to feel like you got in a good workout. 45 minutes and i was done and spent. i'll be a faster runner, yet. just you wait and see. i just have to get used to the discomfort of being so out of breath you want to puke your guts out .

eff you PAYDAY!

the 3:00 hour cravings came early today, and at 2:30 i hoofed it to the 7-11 for a treat. i came back with TWO treats! a payday and a box o junior mints. since i had junior mints this weekend at the movies, i decided to enjoy the payday first. mmm mmm sweet, salty, crunchy, chewy. i love foods that give you a full range of textures and tastes all at once. if only there were different temperatures involved as well. (for this reason, the taco is one of the most perfect foods: warm, savory meat and cheese, cool, sour sour cream, crunchy cool lettuce, cool tomaotes, hot crunchy shell)

anyway, i finished up my payday and saw writing on the inside of my wrapper. thinking maybe i had won something, what i don't know since i was too exctied to eat my payday that i didn't really examine the wrapper, i peered in for a closer look before tossing it in the trash. and on the inside wrapper read:

"candy is a treat. please consume in moderation.""

WHAT!!!?! sweet jesus even my candy bar wrapper is telling me not to eat like a fat cow.. for some reason, i was insulted that my candy bar was telling me to slow it down with the sweets. i mean really, it's one thing for cookie monster to change his stance on cookies, saying they're a "sometimes" food, but a candy company telling me to consume in moderation.

EFF YOU!

so now my box o junior mints just sits on my desk, sadly wondering why i'm neglecting it.

brit n whit

i am a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge britney spears fan. HUGE! and i was ELATED that she finally FINALLY kicked that loser husband to the curb. ELATED! i swear to bob a bad man is like a cancer to a great woman. and this after whitney divorced bobby. halleluia praise jebus! i cannot WAIT for the comebacks. CANNOT WAIT!!

but in the meantime, i made a brit n whit playlist to keep me going on the treadmill.. and oh boy did it work! an hour never flew so fast. i was actually kinda upset that i had to get off the treadmill and get ready for work. hopefully this will keep me entertained for at least another week and a half before i get bored and need to make a new playlist. i've figured out that's a big thing that keeps me from the gym: when i'm bored with my music. so i either have to dredge up old stuff i haven't listened to in a long time or find new music. it's actually a lot of work to keep my brain entertained and inspired, especially when i'm at the whim of my moods!

on the boot front, i found a pair this week! i knew if i bitched enough, i'd find 'em just to prove myself wrong and to stop whining already. not only did i find a pair, they were HALF OFF! at jc penney. i know laugh, but they're cute and they fit and they only cost me $50. here they are: i was temped to also buy the black pair, since my older black pair has seen better days and they WERE half off, but i resisted.. i'm due for another pair of running shoes soon.

in any case, all seems right with the universe the past week. i wonder what the weekend will bring.....

stupid calves

there is only ONE benefit to being short, or more specifically for having short legs. . that one benefit is the advantage you get in limbo contests. i know this because i've actually won a good number of them, some even when i've been older than the age of 21. but the most you really win in a limbo contest is a tshirt or a free drink. and you can get those by just being female.

so really, there is no advantage for having short legs. especially when it comes to boot shopping. no bootmaker on earth makes a "tall" boot for a short woman, especially a short woman with "athletic" calves. two seasons ago, i did manage to find a pair of "tallish" boots of the pull on variety that was stretchy without looking cheap. i found them at marshalls, and i've already checked ebay and the like, this specific boot is no longer in existance!

i subjected myself to boot trying-on torture this weekend. if i found one that was the right length, it didn't fit over my calf. if it fit over my calf, it was too tall, or the ankles were too baggy. and to make matters worse, i am really picky about finding the right shade of brown, or the right kind of material that doesn't look cheesy .

now i've somewhat gotten over clothes never fitting me right off the rack. thank god for tailors. but the boot situation isn't one that is easily remedied unless i befriend, and possibly bed, a bootmaker. having short legs is one thing and having big calves is another, but being blessed with both? what was god thinking?!

sleep running

from the time i stepped on the treadmill to the time i stepped off 30 minutes later, i was yawning. i thought exercise was supposed to invigorate you?!

but now i'm on the couch eating an apple and cheese and don't feel the least bit sleepy. wait, i guess it DOES invigorate you. it's too bad i felt so sleep WHILE i was doing it.

it's gotta be the pheremones

my 45 minute hill workout on the treadmill was fab-u-lous. even better, the guy next to me who got on the treadmill after me, got off before me. granted he was running faster, but i was climbing higher. it's the stupid stuff like that that make my day :)

as i did a lap around the indoor track to cool down and stopped to stretch, i noticed that the late night hour meant the gym was crawling with guys. i didn't really stop to assess their cuteness, as i hate making eye contact with guys at the gym. mainly because i'm sweaty and don't want to give anyone any reason to think i am checking them out. plus i know they're checking me out and in the context of me being at the gym, it grosses me out. i felt like a sitting duck in my short spandex shorts and sweaty wifebeater tank, bending my lower limbs every which way to get in a good stretch. you know when you can feel someone looking at you? yeah, that's what i was feeling and when i looked up the guy on the military press machine caught my gaze. gross gross gross. he tried to say something, but i just put on my jacket and left.

i stopped by the bookstore on the way home, still in my shorts and jacket, still sweaty and no doubt stinky. i sat and leafed through some books in the career and writing sections when an older man (probably 20 years my senior) approached me to ask what kind of job i was looking for, what i did for a living, what would i want to be doing? am i am entreprenuer etc. etc...he told me i looked "industrious" or something like that...i'm giving him polite but very short answers hoping he just leaves. all the while i'm thinking, "seriously? i'm fresh from my workout and he's trying to impress me by telling me i'm "industrious?" he's clearly not getting the hint and extends his hand out to shake my hand! i'm thinking, sir do you not notice the sweaty strands of hair plastered to my face and the white salty residue on my shorts?!! my hand is probably not the cleanest hand you could be shaking right now...a little more small talk and then he finally says goodbye and leaves.

perhaps my runs leave me with an irresistable glow that men flock to. maybe i should be hitting the bars after a run. not that i want to meet men there...i mean i guess the bookstore is as good as any place to meet a man. at least you know he's literate. maybe next time i'll wander into the sport and health section...or the magazine section and find the one reading money or fortune...or runner's world...

if it's good enough for jody watley

i decided i would take a step aerobics class tonight to change things up and work my leg muscles in a different way. but i got to the gym and found the class had been cancelled! i couldn't in good conscience just leave. i mean i had gotten dressed, drove to the gym, walked up the stairs and walked past the entire cardio area AND weights area. i couldn't just walk past all those people 2 seconds later, without a bead of sweat.

because i intended on taking a class, i didn't bring my ipod. but i thought i would suck it up anyway and try to run without it. then i remembered an episode of WORKOUT i saw last season. doug, meathead trainer, was getting his client, jody watley, in shape for her comeback album. he had her walk sideways on the treadmill, while it was set to a steep incline.

so i set the puppy to its steepest and got to work. for 2 minutes i'd face right, and lead with my left leg @ 2.2mph, then i'd turn so i was facing forward and ran for a minute at 3.6mph, then i'd turn and face left and lead with my right leg for 2 minutes. at an incline set at 15, i was sweating in no time. and huffing and puffing the entire 35 minutes.

this workout is great for your hips, inner thighs, and glutes; areas that don't get nearly enough exercise when i run on flat land. i did get a few weird looks but it sure beat trying to run for the same amount of time without music!

step one

i did it. went to bed by 10 last night so i could get to the gym by 630. the first thing i did was get on the mother effing scale. sure enough, i was a pound and a half heavier than i was a little over month ago.

so yeah, gotta nip that in the bud. i already scheduled a 5 mile race the saturday after thanksgiving. and i'm stealing jess' idea over at 21 days...i'm giving myself 21 days to get back in the habit of running again.. it's easily digestable, a good small short term goal. and no extraneous goals about number of miles, or delusions of ripped abs or even eating well.

and at the end of the 21 days, i have a sweeeet reward waiting for me....a massage.... a free one, even.

so i'm one day in. go me.

aussie eye candy

as i approach 30, i find the strangest things sexy in a man: crow's feet, a bald or shaved head, nice calves. my taste in men has changed drastically through the years, from blonde hair/blue eyed to ebony/dark as night. unbeknownst to me, australia has been breeding its own crop of hot men! why didn't anyone tell me!? (just to preface, russell crowe and heath ledger do NOTHING for me) but...man, oh man, these two aussies really do: julian mcmahon (dr. troy is so deliciously devilish on nip/tuck!) and eric bana (WAAAAAAAAY hotter than orlando in troy_)

it's gotta be something in their water. or maybe it's the vegemite. perhaps there is an untapped resource of hot men on antartica and that's where i should be looking for a man. but in all seriousness, i bring this up mainly to distract from the fact that i didn't go to the gym last night or this morning! .

shifting my inertia

so one of the big reasons people keep a running blog is so that they do in fact run. like you know, consistently.

consistent hasn't really been in my vocabulary because of my injury. and i'm using my injury as a scapegoat because i still could have been consistent about going to the gym to do something. instead i consistently did diddly and can feel the poundage adding up. more importantly, i can feel my inertia shifting over to the "eats crap, sits on ass and does no exercise" camp. which is a nice place to visit every once in awhile, but not a nice place to call home.

so since i got the ball rolling with a 5 mile run on saturday, i'm shifting my inertia closer to the "gets her ass running, no matter what it takes" camp. because that camp makes me feel better. and that camp fits into size 4 jeans.

my plan tonight is to do a nice easy workout on the elliptical so i don't go crazy on my newly healed parts. then get up the next morning and do an easy run. which i plan to be the first of a whole new slew of morning workouts. falling off the am workout wagon is easy. but getting back on? oof! oh so hard. but doing the pm workouts, even harder.

so as blogger as my witness, this chick is going to the gym tonight. i might even have the courage to get on the scale and check out the damage.

her first 5 miles!

a friend of mine has been DYING to go running with me and the opportunities for her to join me dwindle as my moving date approaches. i'm no running snob, i just enjoy the rare time in my day and in my life that i don't have to care about anyone else. i choose the distance, the time, and go at my own speed.

but she's been such a great support in recent events and has been doing so well in starting her own diet and exercise regimen, even claiming that i've been an inspiration in her efforts. so figured i'd suck up my own pride and fear of looking like a retard and run with the girl.

i sometimes get worried that if i invite people to races or to run with me, somehow that "aura" or great achievement that comes with my running will be demystified. or more simply, people will see how slowly i run or see how hard it can be for me and not think it's that big of a deal after all. maybe it has more to do with my little confidence as a "back of packer". and in running circles, while there are the speedy snobs, i think for the most part, people who run get it. and those who do not, to some extent don't.

it just occured to me that maybe it has to do with feeling that my "achievement" as a runner makes me feel better than the non-runners, and if they saw how even a person as slow as myself can do it, anyone can. and then really, if anyone can do it, what's so special about me doing it? especially as "poorly" as i do?

and now that i see all of that in black and white, it sounds so ludicrous. it's just as ludicrous as the people who say "ordinary" people who run 6 hours marathons just to cross them off their to do lists ruin the sport of running.

anyway, i've severely digressed from the beginning of my story. my friend was just happy to have the company and i was happy to share with her a new trail and an experience she's never had. i took her 5 miles, a distance she's never ever run. i had a huge ass grin on my face the entire time because it was one of those fall days just made for running. i'm really really proud of her.

this was the first quality run in a month. and if i could, i would have run for hours. it just felt soooo good. of course without the orthotics, my feet now hurt. but i had healed up enough to make it 5 miles, whereas a few weeks ago, i could barely walk. the orthotics come in this week...i am seriously going to have to restrain myself from bounding on the trails for hours, since i'm supposed to break them in. but it's nice to see the end of my convalencense and be on the road again...i've got a lot more trails to share with this girl before i go...

from one running chick to another

running chick's post about her triumphant hartford maration summed up PERFECTLY why i love running and why it is my metaphor for life. in her words:

I am keenly aware of the fact that my race day was the stuff that dreams are made of. I recognize that everything fell in to place perfectly, and that I am very, very lucky to have had it all come together. While running the race, I did remark, more than once, that I felt that the universe owed me this day..that I had earned it. Last year's marathon was a rain-soaked, menstrual challenge. Then I spent the winter working on my ITB issues. When I tried to run the San Diego marathon in June, I picked up a bacterial Ick-Fest which resulted in a 'Did Not Start' that broke my heart.

I kept working hard on my training. No matter what else life threw at me, I made sure to protect my training time. It wasn't always easy, and there were days when I wasn't sure I could pull it all off. I sacrificed time with family and friends, the cleanliness of my house, and a great deal of sleep. But I had faith in my Coach and more importantly, faith in myself and I wasn't going to give up or give in. I had a bone to pick with the Hartford Marathon, and I wasn't going to lose this time.

On race day, all we can do is run the race that is placed before us to the best of our abilities. Sometimes, we are handed a pile of crap. Other times, we are handed a gift.

I took my gift and ran all the way to the finish line with it. I hope you get a gift for your next race too.

i'm not gonna lie, i got all emotional reading it. it's like she was in my head, in my shoes. my non-runner friends always wonder why in the world i choose running, of all things, for exercise. but it's more than just exercise. and when you come down to it, it's more than just running too. it's about pushing your mortality. pushing your puny, yet powerful human body and spirit. and in a world where things are so convenient and impersonal and techonological (for lack of a better word), running just gets at the heart of what is basic and true about human nature: taking the gift of life with all it's crap and splendor and celebrating the journey day after day, mile after mile.

it's been a month since i've run and i miss it so much. i can tell the tendon is getting better and being busy with moving and packing has helped keep my mind off the asics gathering dust in the closet. but this time off has taught me a lesson in patience that i hope sticks with me.

i look like mariah carey?!

myheritage.com has a fun (read: fabulous time waster at work) feature where you upload your image, or any image for that matter, and it scans through celebrity pics to find the ones that match your face!

the mishmosh of celebrities i "look" like is crazy. i don't even know who some of those "celebrities" are and i don't think i look like any of them. i tried using other pics and came up with "no match" and one that said i looked like jessica simpson, dakota fanning, paula abdul, and courteney cox!

i did the whole office and my sibs. theirs were more accurate. my co-worker was even lucky enough to get vanessa marcil, kristin davis, marcia cross, and linsay lohan among her celebrity look-a-likes!

perceptions of beauty

the following video was made by dove for their campaign for real beauty. it takes an average woman through makeup, photoshoot, photoshop, to billboard.

behold! the power of denim!

premium denim that is. every designer out there has a line of premium denim to make you feel like spending a million bucks makes you look like a million bucks.

and of course i've fallen for it. for some reason the premium denim really does fit better. and finding jeans that actually fit MY proportions is no short of a miracle. i got suckered into a pair at GUESS because they magically thinned my thighs and made my ass look totally cute. BUT i got the last laugh because they were originally something like $120 and i got them on clearance/sale for $75!! and now that i've had them and totally love them, i can't find them anywhere. not even ebay.

but today while i was at target to get packing tape i saw that lo and behold target's mossimo brand has a line of premium denim! a quick detour into the dressing room had me jumping for joy for 2 reasons: the size 6 was TOO BIG!! and they were on sale for $24! i walked outta target with two pairs of size 4 jeans for less than 50 bucks!

i did manage to keep my head about me and remember to pick up the packing tape.

a more complete athlete

"In some crazy way this injury has made me a more complete athlete and a better person. I've learned that with a lot of hard work, a little bit of pain, and a good sense of humor, there's really nothing I can't accomplish."

i don't remember now where i found this quote, but the idea of "a more complete athlete" really struck me. because this injury was caused by my natural biomechanics sometimes makes me feel like i shouldn't be a runner. that i'm probably meant to do something else, and i'm probably doing more harm than good. being injured makes me feel like i was doing something wrong. it makes me feel like i'm not really an athlete at all.

but really that's silly. everyone gets injured. even jerry rice. and a real athlete, a more complete athlete, knows how to rest, knows how to rehabilitate, knows how to heal. she knows how to tough it out and think of alternatives. she knows that her life is a series of trials and errors until she finds the delicate combination that makes everything right.

peroneus longus

that's the tendon causing me pain.

that's what the smart, young, cute, female podiatrist told me today. and while i gave her big ups for being a young female doctor, chick had some ugly ass shoes. but she's a podiatrist, what can you expect? i thought she might have some insider info on the comfortable but cute shoes, but it looks like i'm not going to get any sympathy from her on that.

so this lovely tendon runs along the outside of your calf, down to your ankle, along the outside of your foot, then makes a sharp turn at your metatarsals and ends at your big toe joint. this tendon is responsible for pronating your foot. and since i am an OVERpronater, i've used the hell out of this tendon and now it screams with pain. that's why the bottom of my foot hurts.

i knew i had a pronation problem that had started a very mild case of bunions (she kept saying bunion deformity! i was like ack! quit with the word deformity!) i thought i could correct it with an insert and new shoes. but it looks like my biomechanics need more help. as the pain is not longer just at my big toe joint but has now involved this tendon as i've increased the miles.

so my pretty feet (really, i do have pretty feet. deformity, my ass) were cast in a mold for some fancy orthotics. special running orthotics, not just sport orthotics. ooooooooooooh. and normal shoe orthotics. my fabulous health insurance pays for one pair and i had to pay for the second ($480!!!!) but she said they last about 8-10 years. the health insurance would have paid for one every six months, but i'm moving and changing jobs in 2, so i figured i'd reap the benefits now while i could.

it's finally good to be back on track, even if i'm still sidelined. by the time my new orthotics come in, i'll hopefully be healed up and i can start to break those puppies in and FINALLY be on the path to better running!

in the meantime, i'm gonna look into those dorking running belts you wear in the pool to run. and get a pedicure :)

just because

just because i can't run, doesn't mean i can't do ab work. or upper body work. or swim. or in my case, kick and flail my arms in the water without drowning.

just because i can't run, doesn't mean i should stuff my face with sugar and fried potato products. though i forgive myself for the beer.

i'm over being a brat about it, especially since my podiatrist appointment is only 4 days away and i'm trying very hard not to freak out about my 10 mile race that i so so so with all my heart want to run. i'm hoping that icing and stretching and resting will yield me a green light on race day. and if not, at least my friends already have that morning free for brunch.