the un-diet

i mentioned in my last post that i wasn't going on a 'diet'. which i guess seems contradictory to the amount of weight i want to lose. but here's the thing with me, i cannot diet. i just can't. the second i tell myself something is off-limits, it's ALL I EVER WANT. it's like telling someone 'don't think of elephants'. you're gonna friggin' think of elephants. i am also rebellious. even against myself. i tell myself i can't have something, but damnit, i am not the boss of me.

my goal for now is to just eat less. which is very vague and flies in the face of everything they tell you about goal setting and weight loss. but again, here's the thing about me. counting shit, whether it's calories or carbs or points or grams, drives me batshit. i don't enjoy micromanaging things to that degree. especially something as basic as food. how can i enjoy it if i have to analyze it and turn it into work? maybe it's my right-brainedness, but i know that the bottom line is eating less will get me where i want to go and learning to focus on my fullness and satisfaction will make me much happier.

part of me worries that this seemingly easy-going approach will not yield me the results i want. at least not fast enough. but considering i've tried everything in the book and nothing has stuck, i'm thinking that this plan is the closest thing resembling moderation, which to me seems like a good plan for long-term success.

so here's what i ate today:

6 am: english breakfast tea w/ splenda
ham, salami, swiss sandwich with mustard on sourdough

11 am: banana

12:30: slice of veggie pizza
mint tea

1:30 pm: half of a huge red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting

7:00 pm: ensenada chicken from red robin, side salad and a handful of garlic fries pilfered from patrick's plate.

so yeah, it doesn't look like i'm trying to cut back, but honestly i am. only one slice of pizza? that's unheard of. sharing a cupcake? p-shaw! not ordering a luscious heart-attack burger from red robin? crazy.

and so while i know there is room for improvement, it's a step in the right direction. i didn't drive myself insane craving food i couldn't have. and i didn't make myself sick from eating too much like i normally do. and that my friends, is a victory in and of itself.

and to make up for truly traumatizing you (and myself) with my before photos, here are some photos of our afternoon at lake merritt in oakland.












and p.s. you guys rock! thanks so much for all the encouragement.

perhaps i should take up sumo wrestling

what i am about to do goes against everything i believe in. i've been on the fence about it for so long, but i've come to the conclusion that drastic times call for drastic measures. or whatever. and don't they say the truth will set you free? oh god i can't believe i'm going to do this, but without further ado, i present...my 'before' picture. me, in all my 187.2 lb glory...(shite! did i really just say that! SHITE!) you seriously might want to just turn away. and usher small children out of the room...




OUCH. that is some serious OUCH.

and let me remind you i am only 5'3".

drastic measures, people.

there's obviously a lot of self-deprecating things i could say that would be both true and funny. but honestly, who wants to read angsty fat talk. it is what it is. i know how i got here. and not only is it aesthetically unpleasingly, it's just downright unhealthy. and that's the biggest ouch. i can no longer treat my 31 year old body like this. though honestly, this is a reflection of how when my spirit gets beat up i turn to food. (ok, end angsty fat talk)

so there we have it kids. i've got a long road ahead of me.

to infinity and beyond

i have found that since i have graduated from school (10 years ago this year! eek!), time passes in such a weird way. events sort of blend together, days go by slowly, but weeks fly by so quickly. i feel like i can't wait until the next holiday or season, but once it comes i'm sad that it passes so quickly.

2009 has been especially weird because it's been the year of waiting. we had a certain expectation for how patrick's federal job process would go and never did it go according to plan. we had to be both ready to move at a moment's notice yet be prepared to wait and wait and wait until the government was good and ready. i felt constantly jerked from one hope and expectation to another. it's not a fun way to live.

patrick and i spent a lot of this year not only under this stress, but under the odd situation of living together under my parents' roof. and there is no way i could have understood what a HUGE adjustment and learning experience this would be. i firmly believe that no 2 different people could have been matched together. take an only child from a conservative, sheltered southern house and dump him in the house of a big and loud filipino house in california. if that isn't reality tv fodder, i don't know what is. i'd call it 'clash of the cultures'. it sometimes feels like it's the will of the spoiled little boy who always got his way versus the will of the steamroller collective brown family. and so many times was i caught in the middle.

the good news is, i think with time we've all just gotten used to each other more. the way my family does things isn't necessarily how patrick would want to do things, but he is at least used to it and can deal with when he wants to participate and when he doesn't. and i am hoping that the strong ties i have with my family is better respected, if not understood, by him.

in a lot of ways, i feel like i've thrown a whole year down the drain. i was merely surviving. just waiting for when our lives would really begin.

the good news is, patrick completed the last step of the federal job process over thanksgiving. he passed the polygraph and all of the medical requirements. we still have to wait for them to finish the background check and to hear if he passed the psychological evaluation. so we're still waiting, but at least we know we're at the penultimate step. if he finally does get chosen and they send him to training, he has 7 months spread out over georgia, dc, and md. and he still has to pass. lord, help us. if he doesn't pass, i don't know WHAT will happen.

i can't even think like that. my friends ask me how in the hell i've managed to get through all this uncertainty and all i can say is that i know that what is meant to be will be. it's not up to me to decide and i have faith that God is working his plan.

not to say it hasn't been hard. because it has. writing about what still has to happen has started to overwhelm me again. but then, i have to stop. 2009 was so much about patrick. so much worrying. so much about trying to make things better for him. and it feels so very selfish for me to say it, but i want 2010 to be more about me. i go from work, where everyone is calling my name, wanting me to fix everything, to home where my fiance. my mom, my dad, my brothers, my family want something from me. i get sick of it. a lot.

so in 2010, i will strive to carve out more time and space and happiness just for me. my goals this year are to:

1. run one race a month.
   i've mapped out most of the year, with a few holes in july and august. jan, feb, and march i'll run 5ks. april, may, june are for 10ks. i have some half marathons and other odd distance races in mind for fall and winter. the main idea is to be consistent. and have fun.
   
   
2. lose 50 pounds.
   there are 52 weeks in a year. totally, doable, right? and yes, unfortunately, i really do need to lose that much. for now i don't have any strict diet ideas. i want to focus on just eating less (ie: no second helpings and stopping before i feel full) and concentrate most of my energy to running and working out. i've found in the past that once i get my body moving on a regular basis, the diet falls into line quite harmoniously.
   
   
3. do one creative thing everyday, outside of work.
   my brain feels stuck in a rut. even though i have about a billion ideas for projects. i'll elaborate more later.
   
   
4. save more money.
   surprisingly, 2009 was my best year in saving money, despite having so little of it! and i haven't used a credit card in over a year! right now, about a third of my salary gets banked and i'm looking at other ways to create income (see #3)
   
   
5. pray everyday.
   over the past year, i kind of feel like i've built up a wall around me. something to protect me, i suppose. to help steel me against totally giving into despair and frustration. and while this probably has been one of the most stressful years of recent times, i've spent the least amount of time writing and journaling and reflecting. and i want that back.
   

happy 2010, peeps! be safe and have fun!

it's all good in the hood

if you're checking this, i'm impressed. and touched. the majority of my posts lately have spelled trouble with a capital T. it's been rough. so rough that i resorted to venting my frustration about the person i love most on the internets. while it was my right and my perogative (and ultimately one of the things that made me feel better), i thought it best not to leave that all up there for him to find.

especially now, when i don't feel those awful things about him anymore. it's been a bit of a bumpy ride, but i'm happy and so very thankful to say, we've grown a lot closer because of it. we are leaps and bounds better at communicating with each other. and i'm actually quite proud of us. through the grace of god and the power of our love, we have been able to muddle through a very stressful situation during a very vulnerable stage in our relationship. it makes me all the more confident that we can get through anything together. i know now more than ever that i was meant to spend the rest of my life with this man. and that my life could never be as full or as rich without him.

for the first time in our relationship, we felt like a 'we'.

checking my vitals

last year at my annual checkup, to my surprise, i was given a great bill of health: good cholesterol, good blood pressure, good blood sugar, good thyroid. everything was working fine and as it should. i was just overweight.

today, about 10 pounds heavier than last year, i was even more worried. i haven't gotten my blood work done yet, and while my doctor was concerned about my weight and the health problems that come with that, she did say, "but you do have a great glow about you."

so i can't be too bad off now can i? it's hard to be totally unhealthy and still 'glow' right?

of course, i'm still gonna get the blood work done. and it'll be good to know either way whether i've done more damage to my body in the last year. all i know is i'm feeling grateful. and i definitely feel the need to protect this 'glow' i have.

it's funny how one small little thing someone says to you can affect your whole outlook. i'm sure she was saying it to be polite and not scare me. but i'm taking it and running with it people.

the last days of summer

it was good to see all the input on the hair quandry. it irks me that i can't have reasonably coiffed hair everyday due to my laziness and reluctance of shampooing and heat stlying my hair everyday, but what can you do? and while i always coveted the ponytail while i had short hair, i always thought and still do think it is a boring, and most often clumsy solution. i find it takes a while to actually 'style' my hair into a pretty ponytail, instead of the 2 second kind wherein i just pull up all my hair in one fell swoop and tie it up.

but i did make things kind of easier on myself by getting a much needed trim. this also gave my stylist a chance to thin the heck out of my hair. i feel like i lost 5 pounds. but as you can see, i still have a freak ton of hair:



as you can see i also made things harder for myself by opting for bangs this time. but i was getting bored and needed a change.


i haven't even road-tested the new 'do because i've been lazy. spending time with the boy doing fun summery things, entertaining out of town guests, having a freak ton of family gatherings the last month taking up all our free time. also our friends recently lent us the harry potter book series which i have been devouring ALL summer. those books are like crack. i could not put them down except to work and eat. they haunted my dreams. but boy, were they ever good. i can't WAIT to see the final movies.

so that's all folks, as we wind into the official last week of summer. we spent a day at stinson beach yesterday. where i SWEAR i saw dean karnazes. i've seen him before in person and was again shocked at how little he was. being -1% body fat will make you little i guess. i wasn't 100% sure it was him. but felt it was pretty reasonable since he is from the bay area. i didn't want to be a weird stalker girl, partly because i was in my bathing suit and he was in his. felt a little too naked for me to shriek and go 'oh my god i know who you are and i love you!'. especially if it wasn't him. and i'm bummed i forgot to put a battery in my camera before i left the house because it was the most perfect day of life in california. the kind of day that makes up for how expensive living in this damned state is.

i'm hoping to drag the boy to a food festival in jack london square today and then it's off to alabama. hope you guys are enjoying your summer!

the hair quandry

i feel stupid for even writing about this because it's such a girly-girl question. i'd actually rather talk about my period because at least that is health/medical and therefore not as trivial. but i'm gonna bring it up anyway.

what the hell do you people do with your hair?

my hair is well past my shoulders now, a length it hasn't been in over 15 years. i wear a visor mainly to help keep my headphones in, and it does a pretty good job of keeping sweat from dripping into my eyes and keeping my shorter layers outta my face. i put it in a ponytail when i run, but it's too damned thick to actually stay up and the swooshing back and forth annoys the crap outta me. i tried putting it in a bun but that slips out way too easily. one day, i had the misfortune of my hair elastic breaking mid workout. and that was just big piles of ick. hair and sweat should never mix.

and as for actual hair care? ever since i started working out on a regular basis again, my hair regime has gone to shit. it's a pain in the ass to wash and i now have to wash it every friggin' day. and everyone knows hair is at its best when it hasn't been washed in a day or so. at least mine is. i'm too lazy to blowdry it everyday so most of the time i walk around with a wet bun on my head. because my hair takes forever to dry. plus i don't want to stress my hair too much.

but i highly doubt that women who care enough to workout everyday don't put the same effort into their hair everyday too? am i the minority who has chosen laziness? or do you all go to work with a wet head of hair too?

the easiest solution would be to cut it. and on some days i consider hacking it all off myself. but DUDES! i've been trying to grow this mother out for 2 years now. and i actually would like my hair longer for when we do get married. but man, this walking around with a wet mop on my head all day has got. to. go.

another year older, another year not yet wiser.

guess what ya'll? i turned 31 last wednesday. yay for me. if 30 is the new 20, then 31 is the new 21, right? :) i celebrated in grand fashion by eating way too much of stuff i shouldn't eat. i resisted temptation a good number of times, but still managed to cave too many times. like, isn't it illegal to refuse your own chocolate birthday cake? and then came our huge family reunion and there were pork products literally calling my name. no, really, we had a full-on whole roasted pig and i SWEAR TO GOD, it called out to me. even though it had an apple in its mouth.

and whaddya know, birthday calories DO count! i am not happy about this weight gain setback. but i did it to myself so i have no one else to blame. i was once again reminded for the millionth time in my life that eating like crap makes you feel like crap. boo.

but i'm back. and while brussel sprouts do not erase the sins of chocolate cake, i can at least eat them guilt free. and while i was at the gym this morning, i got some extra motivation:



if you've read my blog for any length of time, you'll know that i have a serious girl crush on britney spears. it's truly inexplicable yet so strong that i can't even apologize. her body is sick. when she's in shape, as she was 8 years ago. seriously, i feel like doing a million crunches right now.

which i will need to do since i'll be sporting a new, more modest bikini in front of the to-be inlaws. and no that isn't me and i know for some it isn't exactly modest. but this suit insures that my chesticles don't pop out, which is oh so very important when spending time with people you don't want to titillate.

though this all could be for naught because it seems to be tropical storm weather by the gulf. and while one might think i'd rather the storm hit so i could avoid a whole bikini barbie situation altogether. i prefer that to spending time with the GRANDmother further inland. like where they probably still have 'no coloreds' signs up in certain places. besides alabama is like the 2nd most obese state in the country, i might stand half a chance :)

173.6

8.4 pounds in 3 weeks. not too shabby, if i do say so myself.

and did i tell you we're going to alabama to visit with sg's 'rents over labor day weekend. and we're going to the gulf shore? on one hand, yay! beach! warm water! on the other hand, MORTIFICATION! me, in a bathing suit in front on his parents!? kill. me. now.

the crazy thing is, my entire adult life i've always worn a bikini to the beach or pool because i honestly don't care what other people think. three quarters of the other people are wearing suits unflattering to their bodies anyway and i'd rather have fun than miss out. and being the sunwhore that i am, i want optimum sun exposure. but put me in front of my fiancees parents and all i want is an oversized muumuu.

i know i shouldn't care. they love me to bits. but gah! talk about feeling exposed. vulnerable. i know exactly how his mother feels about her body, so i don't even want to think about the judgements she'd make about mine. not that her genteel southern manners would let her speak them out loud.

in a related manner, there was one weekend patrick and i decided to get away and we stayed at a really pretty historic mansion in san jose. we spent most of the time at the pool and there was one instance where he video chatted with his parents on the laptop. hearing we were at the pool, his mother and father insisted, quite urgently, that i pop onscreen so they could see me in my bathing suit.

!!!!!!!!!!

WTF?!!

how weird is that?!

WEIRD!

sorry, but i'm not parading myself in front of my boyfriend's 70 and 60 year old father and mother in my bikini over video chat. that's. just. weird.

in other news, i think i might have convinced enough family members to join me in a relay team for the CIM in decemeber. i'm super stoaked about this and think it'll be an even greater marathon experience by sharing it with my cousins and brother!

fiber

i'd never had brussel sprouts until today. they get such a bad rap, but my old boss used to rave about them all the time. so i thought, why the hell not?

holy crap, are they delicious.

roasted in the oven, coated in olive oil, kosher salt, and pepper. some of the outer leaves fell off and got all dark and crunchy and delicious. it was like eating potato chips, i shit you not. and i do NOT fool around with potato chips.

i ate a whole bowlful for lunch.

what i didn't know was how much fiber is in those little suckers. whoa nelly! on top of the flaxseed muffins i baked and ate this morning?! holy crap is right. i also learned they're very high in protein and vitamin a, folacin, potassium, calcium, and vitamin c.

my poor distended belly made my pool workout very uncomfortable. let's hope my neck doesn't suffer the same fate as last time. i tried my best to follow the smart suggestions offered to me last time. keep my head facing straight down and breathe on both sides. we'll see in the morning.

longest workout in the longest time

15:24, 14:45, 15:32, 16:58=1:02:40

i totally could have gone longer, and actually felt MORE energized an hour into my workout than 15 minutes into it. but i didn't realize i would need to bodyglide my arms. i got some major painful chafing. boo to arm fat rubbing against boob fat.

hey, remember that nike marathon lottery i won? yeah, so not gonna happen.

BUT, and this is a big but.

i want to try to finish the half marathon anyway.

screw the rules.

i mean i PAID for the full. i'm not taking any resources away from anyone. i am still half hoping i can snag the loot at the end of the half marathon finish line, but i know that is probably a long shot, since i'll be wearing a marathon bib.

but i have to believe there are lots of people, who for whatever reason, can't get through their full marathon training but still want to do something. and get something for their money.

so what do you think folks? is this kosher?

p.s. re: the last post...i'm sort of letting things chill out a bit before posting more thoughts.

p.p.s. i'm down 7.2 pounds since starting the southbeach diet with patrick 2 weeks ago (i've even cheated, which i probably shouldn't brag about)

half a size

this morning, the scale read a full 5 pounds less than it did on sunday. maybe it was all in my head but my workout did seem a little easier.

davis arboretum

pain in the beck

i am doing something seriously wrong because whenever i swim i get a stiff neck. a painful, no sudden movements kinda stiff neck.

makes doing the easiest, smallest tasks excrutiatingly painful. even blogging.

gah!

i'm a happy panda

1. got up at 5:30 for a morning workout.
2. found out that "running" 14 minute miles is slow, but still rewarding.
3. made some bomb ass turkey sausage spaghetti sauce without a recipe.
4. devoured the chickpea flat bread i made this weekend.
5. solidified plans with a friend coming into town for a visit this weekend.
6. found out the interest rate on my student loans dropped.
7. spent some quality time in the pool, churning out laps.

we found our hearts in san francisco

it's been said that san francisco is the most romantic city in the u.s. the city will always be dear to my heart because it's where we fell in love.

my cousin, though not a professional photographer, has taken amazing photos all over the world. she has a great eye and we share the same aesthetic so i asked her to take some engagement photos for patrick and me. for the amazing price of free, she snapped about 250 photos of us all over the city. here are some of the preliminary shots!

the painted ladies

clarion alley, mission district

fort point, under the golden gate bridge

fort point, under the golden gate

fort point, under the golden gate

atop fort point, under the golden gate

chrissy field

the marina

palace of fine arts

steps to coit tower

russian hill

i have decided that the reason for my general unhappiness stems from things out of my control. i have also decided that a lot of life is about timing. and there's no sense in worrying about things that don't need to be worried about yet, because they might just work themselves out.

so, i'm going to stop trying to "fix" a million an one problems that haven't even materialized yet, and focus on one problem that is staring me right in the face: my fitness.

16:55, 15:31, 15:32=47:59, of which probably 6:00 was actual running. i know physically i could have pushed myself more, but mentally, i'm not all there. it takes a while for physically beating to feel good again, right?

my feet are happy, though, 'cause i traded in the bad ones for another pair of brooks adrenaline gts. i think those are the ones i ran my marathon with. why i ever abandoned them i'll never know. probably had something to do with a tall, dark, nubile shoe salesman.

and as an aside, while i was being fitted for my new shoes, i overhead the co-owner of the shop talking about her pending divorce from her husband who runs the shop with her. and for some reason i was really taken aback. normally, i find her very annoying. she has this high pitched voice and dry overprocessed blonde hair, (and is in enviably good shape, which is probably more the reason she annoys me. but whatever). even though she has 0% bodyfat, her marriage crumbled. and i felt bad for her. and i think i was just so shocked because you forget that bad things happen to even 0% body fat people. my body sure isn't perfect, but i'm glad my love is.

destination wedding

we're getting married here! summer 2011.

and finally after arguing about it for months, we have decided on our guest list. i am very happy to report that all the family i wanted included are invited. and it is a huge relief to me. it is the first time since the whole wedding talk that i've finally gotten excited about planning. we have gone to a couple family parties since our engagement and i just couldn't get excited about telling people our plans since 1. it excluded them and 2. i couldn't imagine my wedding without them. but we no longer have that problem!

so what happened? apparently, sg got to talking to a friend of his that also recently got engaged, and this friend of his (without me even saying anything to him) basically told sg that the wedding is and always has been about the bride. and that nothing is really worth forgoing my happiness on the one day that has meant everything to me since the day i was born, apparently. and while i don't necesarily agree with him 100%, i'll take it :)

the wedding is 2 years away, so there's not much to do now exactly. we're getting engagements photos done in sf this weekend and with those i'm hoping to send out save the dates. or more aptly, 'save the funds'. it may take some people 2 years to save up for a trip to the dominican republic. it sure as heck will take us 2 years to save up for the wedding.

it's been a busy summer and lately none of it has to do with running or working out. lots of family things, vacations, and mini-vacations. and i've been in a weird head-space lately as indicated by my last post. don't know when i'm gonna snap out of it. but for the most part, things are coming along.

stale

the title isn't very inviting, i'll admit. but it's kinda where my head's at. for a while now, i've been feeling so very uninspired. and restless.

i'm so sick of waiting to hear about what the hell is going to happen with patrick's job offer. until something does happen, we're stuck. in my parents' house. in my unfulfilling job. in this boring suburban town. it's driving me mad. i'm clawing at the walls trying to get out.

i'm ready to be making some real money, doing work i love, in a town with lots going on. i'm ready to make a home and start a future with my new sweetie.

i am so very sick of this place called limbo.

my life as an engaged blogger

it's been a whirlwind couple of weeks and i finally have a second to sit. but only because my sinuses are so full right now i feel like my head might pop. it's a strange feeling to have clear and open nostrils but have so much pressure behind your nose and eyes. oh and constant icky postnasal drainage. ick.

anyway, you didn't come here for my snot status. you want to know how he did it! if you're following me on facebook (where i have been spending more of my time lately) you know the story. so for those of you who aren't:

we had just finished dinner on our first night in vegas and he said "we just finished a great meal, we're going to the top of eiffel tower, what else could make this night perfect?"

being the brat i am, i pointed to my then bare ring finger and said "THIS!"

then he said, "so are you the kind of girl who expects a man to get down on his knee?" and i said, "of course that's how it's done."

then i see him fumble with his napkin and he gets down on his knee with the ring and asks simply, "will you?"

for once, i was speechless. it all happened so fast! all i could do was nod as he slipped the ring on my finger. it took quite a while for it to finally feel real and at that point i couldn't stop kissing him. like i have never wanted to kiss someone as much in my entire life. there were no words, just kissing. and smiling. and tearing up. but lots of kissing.

the backstory to this:

we have been talking about getting married practically since we met. and he's asked me to marry him practically every day for the last 9 months. we started shopping for rings before christmas and after visiting several stores and trying on dozens of rings, we finally found one. things were dicey with his job, as you all know, so i didn't pressure him to buy it then. we just hoped it would still be there when he was ready. at that point, my job was done, and it was in his hands to decide when he would buy it and how he would propose. he said he has had a date in mind for a long time and that i had to wait.

then, around mother's day weekend, i get a call at work saying he needs me to go with him to the jewelry store after work. they sold the first ring we saw, but there were others he was contemplating and he wanted me to choose one. do you know how disappointing it is to wait 5 months, then have to go in select a new (better!) ring and not be able to WEAR it out of the store!!!!

grrrr...

several date possibilities went through my mind and when i asked if it would be on our anniversary he said, "no". and i said, "good because that would be totally cheesy"

but really, i was right. and he was mad that i had guessed correctly (even though i didn't know it)

so then he scrambled to think of another time, another way. especially after the whole 'i should have done it at the race' epiphany. though this part i didn't know, so i was very surprised he chose his birthday weekend because i thought for sure i'd have to hold out until july 5.

apparently, he had several ideas of how he wanted to propose while in vegas and all throughout the day he kept needing to find some way to slip away, whether it was he forgot something in the room, or in the car, or something or other. it was irritating the crap out of me but little did i know, he was just being OCD about making sure he still had the ring.

he thought he had finally settled on waiting til after dinner when we reached the eiffel tower, but i think the stress and excitement of it all just got to him and he couldn't contain himself any longer! so he kinda fumbled, stumbled, and just got it over with at dinner.

i will say that with all of my waiting i was expecting something a little more dramatic. only because he was so insistent on waiting for 'the right time'. initially, i think that's part of the reason i was so stunned when he asked. it was so non-chalant. my brain was probably thinking, 'this is what i was waiting for?'

this is not to say i'm disappointed. it was a little anti-climatic, but not in a bad way. because he definitely surprised me. and he rarely does. most of the time i can read him like a book, so i give him big props for pulling a fast one on me :) i thought for sure i'd be able to sense his nervousness or his anxiety. but i guess i was too wrapped up in being on vacation and planning stuff for his birthday that my radar on him wasn't as finely tuned.

as you all know, we've been doing some initial wedding planning already. i lobbied long and hard for waiting until 2011. there is no way on god green's earth i am committing to a wedding without both of us having jobs, no matter how much he's saved up. and no matter how sure he is he's gonna get this cap police job. i'm not counting my chickens before they hatch. we're gonna wait and do this right.

unless, of course, we elope. which is not entirely off the table. i think my family half expects us to. he was even willing to do it in vegas. all i had to do was say the word.

so who knows? my next post could be all about how i became mrs. sg one random summer weekend in tahoe. all i know is, i'm the luckiest woman in the whole wide world! i have never felt more wholly and completely loved.

a las vegas engagement

15:43
14:26
14:15
T: 44:24

i think i need to switch out my new shoes. my feet are killing me. even after a long walking warmup. grrr. might be time to switch to men's shoes.