no word yet. and technically they are still within their deadline. they should have finished their interviews sometime last week. so it's not entirely bad that i haven't heard back yet. but i'm tired of waiting. tired of giving myself mini-heart attacks every time my phone goes off or my inbox gets a new email. and i've resisted the urge to post every day about the waiting. oh the waiting. because who wants to read a blog post every day that read, 'nothing yet. my impatience grows. looking for vodka.'?
i haven't been able to keep my mind off of it. i try and think happy positive thoughts. to, you know, sway the universe. even though i've done everything i can do at this point. then i try to think 'realistically' and brace myself for the possible rejection. but some part of me isn't ready to give up and say no until the fat lady sings. then i try to distract myself. but work is only frustrating the hell out of me right now. and once i get home my idle mind just swirls and swirls in its own worry and impatience.
i still haven't even unpacked from the trip. or put away the laundry i did before i left. i'm a mess.
and it's sad. or is the right word pathetic? i just can't get my mind unstuck from waiting. it's my least favorite thing to do. and i am very bad at it.
part of me feels that if i was their first choice i would have heard back by now, considering it seemed like they wanted to find someone sooner rather than later. and that the only reason i haven't heard back is because they are still waiting for their first choice to accept their offer. and the more time passes, the less my chances are of being called with good news.
granted it's only tuesday. so i think, maybe they haven't decided yet. maybe they haven't gotten everything approved by corporate. maybe. maybe. maybe.
it's so frustrating because i felt like i totally nailed the interview. it really felt like one of the best interviews i ever gave/had. though i do recognize that everyone else may have given the interview of their lives and while i believe i am fully qualified (if not over-qualified), i am sure every candidate they interviewed was qualified too. i know that a rejection at this point doesn't mean i didn't do awesome and that i am not qualified. it just means that i wasn't the right fit.
but at this point, i'm sick of hearing 'you're great but we are slow and not hiring' or 'you're great, but no thank you'. i hate my job. i want out. and i know i can do better. something's gotta give.
because i have wrought myself sick over this already, i have decided that the answer must be 'no' and i have to move on. (especially since i sent a follow up email this morning and haven't yet received a response, even though their normal response time has been 24hrs) i am sick of this holding pattern. i must return to the land of the living and functional.
UPDATE: i feel much saner now after having written this. thank you blogger.
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