good news and bad news

the good news? i'm down 2 pounds. no reason for a parade just yet, though. i attribute the loss to no longer being on my period. (bloating is a bitch, yo.) i've also subconsciously adopted a low carb eating habit, so most of that is water weight loss. still, better up than down. and i give myself 2 snaps for at least being more aware of what i'm eating and how much. i've been better at curbing two of my worst eating traps.

1. craving something sweet to soothe stress and/or anxiety: there are periods of my workday that are super hectic and aspects of my workplace that drive me freaking nuts. normally during those times, i'd reach for a sugary treat to help me feel better. i now treat myself to a cup of tea sweetened very lightly with splenda. it's actually more soothing than a candy bar or cookies because of how warm and toasty it makes me feel. and it doesn't make me crash or feel fat afterward.
   
   
2. eating out of boredom at work: there are also periods of my workday that are so unbearably boring all i want to do is snack. for those times, i used to chomp on anything crunchy, salty or crispy all day long. it was pretty easy to mindlessly chow through a whole bag of chips. now, i bust out a handful of sunflower seeds still in the shell. it's a lot of work for a little food, even if seeds are packed with fat. the good kind, thankfully.

the bad news? we got a letter today saying patrick did not get the big bad fed job we've been after for almost a year now. initially, i was relieved. it meant we don't have to move and we don't have to be separated for the 7 months he would have been in training. and i knew in my heart of hearts he didn't really want this job. he was just doing it because it was going to provide a great salary and sweet benefits. mostly i was relieved that the wait was over. we finally knew, one way or another, our status. and i'm grateful that if he wasn't going to make it, it would be at this step and not him failing out during training. that would have been even more devastating to his psyche.

the bottom line is i think we're still in shock. as the news has had more time to sink in, i vacillate between feeling dissappointed, worried, hopeful, and grateful. we spent a lot of money travelling to the east coast twice. and we spent a lot of time wrapped up in this process. and most of our momentum had been channelled toward him getting it and moving our lives across the country. we've been on this crazy emotional rollercoaster and suddenly it just stopped. it was the light at the end of our unemployment tunnel. so now what?

i know that the only answer is to just forge ahead and step up alternative job efforts. it's in my nature to be positive and creative when it comes to problem solving. i wish i could say the same for patrick. i pray, pray, pray that my honey can remain positive and hopeful. i pray that this will ignite a fire in him to find something that he was truly meant for. i have faith that this decision was ultimately part of God's plan for us. but i also can't help but pray that he gets a great job now.