Maybe you're sensing a new stage in the relationship where the momentum has either stopped or accelerated and the pace puts you out of your comfort zone.my sense of self has definitely been challenged.
adding another person to your life means shuffling your priorities and suddenly other people get bumped back. i don't see my nephew and my brothers as often as i used to. and i'm never home on the weekends anymore with my parents. which i guess in the grand scheme of things is good. i finally have a life outside of my family again. it just takes some getting used to. i'm used to being an aunt, a sister, a daughter who could devote all her free time to her family. it's ok that my life doesn't revolve around them so much. it's in fact, many times, welcome.
sg and i have spent a good 3 months being dizzily in love, eager and panting to spend every moment possible together. i've waited for that feeling for a long, long time. and have thoroughly enjoyed the thrill ride. but now it's time to get back down to earth and learn to keep that fire going in our normal, everyday, functioning lives. it's an adjustment. like being on vacation for the summer and having to adjust being back at work.
adding another person to your life means shuffling your priorities to accomodate new ones. his and ours. i was going full steam ahead with plans of my own, but when you want to make 2 lives into 1, things get shuffled around. at first my school and job search reached from sacramento to san francisco. when i met sg, it headed more towards san francisco. but he was open to sacramento, maybe. now things at his job are getting more unbearable and it looks like we might be headed more towards to east bay if another job lead of his pans out. it was so frustrating and disconcerting looking for jobs within a 100 mile radius, especially since mine might be the lower paying one. now that we've narrowed it down in geography somewhat, i can focus.
on a related note, i've decided to put off grad school. sg is very uncomfortable with going into more debt for it. hopefully, i can find something that pays me what i'm worth and can start making big dents in my current debt and towards our future. i'm instead going to focus on branching out into web design and freelancing. which is honestly more of what i want to do anyway. i had given up on a career in design because i thought marketing would be more lucrative, and it is. there are 10 times more jobs for marketing with far better pay. but design is what i truly love. and with sg's help i actually get the chance to pursue it.
we've brought up the topic of kids and daycare but it only stresses us out more. the race to get settled career-wise and other wise before the alarm on my biological clock goes off will be the hardest race yet. my mom was a stay at home mom til i was 12. i can't imagine any other way to raise kids. but i refuse to stay out of the workforce for too long. i must remain employable for tons of reasons besides my need for independence and identity. it's an issue we'll face when the time comes, but would welcome any comments or advice on it.
as far as my last post about us being too different. after i wrote it, i realized i was looking at it the wrong way. i've since decided to look at our differences as a way for us to learn new things. and there's nothing i love more than learning new things. the fact of the matter is our differences in personality make us a very good team. we balance each other out in so many ways. and everyday we're learning how to get along even better. and because of this, i can live with our differences in interests. plus once we get settled in a community and start making friends, a lot of my need for companionship for the things i like to do will be taken care of.
and speaking of my interests, i miss running. i miss blogging. i went for a long walk today to take a break from job hunting and it felt ridiculously good. so while i don't have the time or mental energy to train for anything big, i can still make exercise a priority. i mean, i know i should have anyway, but in case you haven't noticed i'm sort of an all-or-nothing kind of girl in this regard. plus, hello, i've been galavanting all over northern california with a boy. so it's not like my heart wasn't racing :)
it's all an adjustment. and i think finally i'm on the better side of the hurdle.
p.s. i went to the new kids on the block concert this weekend. they seriously kicked ass. jordan knight is still ridiculously hot. i squealed like a little girl again. honestly, i knew it would be fun times, but it was way better than i expected.
p.p.s. i went to my first ever williams-sonoma sample sale this weekend. oh man it kicked ass. we walked away with 4 pieces of furniture, a huge mirror bigger than me, cookware, cookbooks, picture frames and other home decor items all for about $1000. did i mention we got 4 pieces of furniture!?
p.p.p.s. i missed out on my high school reunion this weekend but have been reunited with my best friend from high school. it's so good to have a close girlfriend around again.
4 comments:
I didn't know what to say to the last post, but I do now. I want to throw some advice out there for the long run, and I hope you don't mind! I may be preaching to the choir, but who knows? :)
I'm 30 and have been married for 8 years. I literally met my husband when I was 15. We didn't get together til years later, but I wanted you to know where I'm coming from--that I've been through all the stuff you're talking about, and it's SO GREAT on the other side of the weirdness and adjustments.
First, I've noticed that wonderful independant women (and men) like yourself always have this adjustment period, because as you said, you've been used to something else. There will be some growing pains here. Fortunately, my husband and I have both grown together, but it's always something you have to work at a little. My best advice is to be like water, my friend. No, you don't need to learn kung fu from Bruce Lee, but if and when you might seem to clash because of your differences, take a step back and see how you're feeling, and why. Sometimes you need to flow, and sometimes you need to crash, but learning the difference is key (and I still don't always get it.) I learned from many arguments (and then subsequent make-ups and eventual understanding) that usually, the argument you're having either isn't as important as you think, or you're really upset about something else. And one of the biggest things I can say is, just because you don't get flowers, poetry, or starry eyed gazes every day after the initial onslaught of emotion, doesn't mean love is gone. Usually it's just more comfortable, and that can get confusing. But it's still there.
As far as grad school, my husband is doing that right now. We are also doing it without debt. If you do decide you don't want to wait, here's what we did:
Ed (my hubby) worked full time (as do I still), and we saved up enough for him to go to his first semester. Then, he worked either full time, extending his hours, then later got a part time decent paying job. We continue to save some money monthly, for the next semester. He's only taking 1 to 2 classes at a time, but we're out of debt and still moving forward. That's a thought.
I'm all about not going into debt, having been there myself, and I wanted to share that I truly think that debt and the problems after is what contributed to the demise of my sister's marriage. They argued over money so much, and they are both disabled, but BOTH working part time jobs at Walmart in addition to their regular jobs just to make do (which they didn't, and went bankrupt.) It wasn't all that much debt. They lost respect for each other though, and didn't share responsibility over where this problem came from. It was painful. I wanted to say that to say this: Staying out of debt will make your relationship already that much more sucessful--so I hope you never feel bad towards SG due to the waiting on school if you do.
As to the family thing, you will cycle back to where you spend more time with them. Even though my husband and I are still each other's best friends and we joke about being co-dependent, I do spend a lot of time with my family again, with and without him now where as before it was bordering obsessive time togethers. :)
Another note on school: PLEASE, do what you want regardless of the money you'll make later. I wish I'd taken more art/design classes and that is one of my biggest regrets. I have a degree in Marketing. Where I live, however, that means "SALES" which is not where I wanted to go. Years later, I realize I want to do something else. I really think if you do what you love, later, an awesome high paying job might come out of it just due to your passion for it!
In closing:
NKOTB...SQUEEEEEEE!
Williams sonoma is the bomb.
We still have not HAD our 10 year HS reunion...13 years later. :)
I think my class president is stoned in a bar somewhere...
I think mel did a lot better job giving advice than I could, so I'll just say that I'm super jealous of the sample sale findings and the NKOTB concert. SIGH. ;)
Glad to hear things are going well! :)
I didn't really care for NKOTB when I was younger, hell I was in 4th grade and just couldn't understand all the craze. But, now, with their new music.. I kinda liky..
Damn, I'm good -- aren't I?! Just kidding, though you will owe me a mojito when I come by your house and oogle all that Williams-Sonoma bling.
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