yesterday, when i was trying to motivate myself to run, i asked myself the question: why are you running this marathon?
and i kinda came up blank.
i mean i have plenty of reasons why i RUN, but why i want to run a marathon? hmmmm...
i'm not running for charity. i'm not running with anyone or for anyone. i didn't just overcome some huge hardship, and i didn't just reach a new decade in my life.
the only thing i got was, i just do. it's just something i've always wanted to do. maybe just for the bragging rights. maybe just because it's hard and i just want to conquer it. and that all sounded kinda juvenile! like my life isn't hard enough that i have to add this "diversion" to make it interesting. and when i thought of it like that, it sounded kinda frivolous. petty. selfish, even.
i mean i guess we all kinda know running is a selfish endeavor. and for normal people, with families and lots of responsibilities i can see how the outlet for "me" time is warranted. but for the most part, i'm pretty much a spoiled brat. so why do i need the "excuse" to run?
i'm not quite sure where this is all coming from all of a sudden. all i know is i came up blank when i asked myself why i'm running this thing. except for that i just want to. which makes it sound like i want this like i want ice cream. or new shoes. i thought for sure training for this marathon would enlighten me about myself and life more. and i guess i'm feeling just as clueless about things now as i did in the beginning.
oy! it sounds as if i need to get out of my head and into reality! i guess i'll hit publish now, and reread it later to see if i really should just take it down. i sound totally mental.
10 comments:
I think it's inevitable. When people find out you run, they want to know if you've run a marathon. It seeds the idea that maybe you should do one -- and millions of people are just like you running them these days. Just be aware that when you finish, you'll want to do more. Then everyone will ask, "Have you done Boston?" and a whole new set of whys will surface. But, let's get you through the Nike Women's race first.
Those "whys" can be troubling can't they?
ignore the friggin' why questions - life is too short to wonder why you are doing something. just wanting to do it for yourself, even if you think that might be a selfish reason, is enough. just do it. and when you think you can't do it anymore, just continuing doing it, because when you want it, you'll keep going.
ok, that was really unsympathetic, sorry.
Sorry that delete was me. I look like a drunken fool this AM :P
I agree with Wendy. If you want to do it, "just to do it" that's a good enough reason :-). When I eventually get around to running a marathon :P my reason will be the same as yours. I want to do it just to do it. Granted that a tiny part of my reasoning is to get away from the kids :P but would I need to subject myself to a marathon to do that? Nope.
Because it's fun! Right? I mean, it's mostly fun! Well, there are lots of fun things about it. Some fun things, I guess. At least a couple couple...
The Tiffany necklace!!! (now that's a solid reason)
let's say you just want to run it just because you DO. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. even if it s selfish, so what? you get to be selfish. but, YOU know...it's such much more than that...
I agree with Jess, asking "why" can sometimes send you for a loop.
We all ask ourselves these questions (although I'm sure plenty of people ask that question around mile 20 during the marathon), but your quest for physical fitness, conquering an enormous feat and proving yourself as the ultimate butt-kicker is never selfish. It's just awesome ;-)
"It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves."
-Sir Edmund Hillary
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