for a variety of reasons, i bumped my long run to today. i set out later than usual and worried that the 70 degree temps were gonna sap all my energy. turns out it wasn't the heat that got me, but rather my stomach.
yup. you can probably already guess where this post is headed.
i started off ok, the heat was bothering me a little bit. especially while running past a field of cows. i should have taken the smell as foreshadowing to what would happen to me later. instead i was distracted by their very loud chorus of mooing. damn cows were heckling me!!
i continued up the country road and turned around around at the dead end, passed the cows again (screw you cows, you'll be my dinner one day!) and headed back for the lagoon.
and then, it happened. that familiar gurgle in your gut. that tells you, um, you might want to, you know, stop what you're doing and, um, find a toilet. except that i was about a mile and a half away from the bathrooms.
now i realize i could have been worse off. but when you're smack in the middle of this type of situation you're really only thinking of the immediate situation. i slowed to a walk, hoping that the less jarring motion would calm things down. and it worked for a while. at one point i felt okay enough to bust out in sprint towards the potties. but that didn't last long and we all know i can't run that fast anyway. all i could do was hold on, keep walking and try to ignore the fact that i was now totally sweating from the sheer act of not shitting myself.
after what felt like an eternity, i finally made it to the bathroom. never have i ever been so glad to see a nasty, park toilet in my life. and luckily i had enough wits about me to check that the stall i had chosen did indeed have tp.
i considered finishing the full 5 i had planned, and started a slow trot to test things out. quickly, my trot turned into a walk and i headed for my car. no 5 miles today, but at least i didn't have to drive home in poopy pants. i've been running for over a year now and this is the first time i've run into this "problem". let's hope it's another year before i find myself in this situation again.
8 comments:
Sorry to hear about this but there are always more long runs which is both a good and bad thing...my favorite sentence of the post "all i could do was hold on, keep walking and try to ignore the fact that i was now totally sweating from the sheer act of not shitting myself."
But, thanks for sharing, at least I'm not the only one that lives in fear of this...
ROFLMAO!!!! OMG that was some funny shit! (no pun intended ;) )
I think I would have told the cows to move over and given them a patty of my own ;)
Sorry you didn't get a 5 in but I'm glad there was tp !!
*code brown* *code brown*, glad you made it girl!!! "poopy pants" haha, funny now but NOT then I know the feeling!
Oh, girl...have I got a story for you. Probably more than you ever wanted to know about me, but too bad. At least it's the abbreviated version:
It involves a 16-mile training run before my first marathon. I was in the woods near my parents' house and not with my regular training group in Chicago on the lakefront. Let's just say that bears aren't the only ones who shit in the woods. You can imagine the rest. No TP. No nothing. Lots of pain later, though (can you say diaper rash?).
One suggestion: Pay attention to what you're eating before the long runs. I learned that dairy does a number on my stomach beforehand, so I started eating oatmeal mixed with water instead of milk. An empty stomach can do it to you as well.
So the "trots" made you trot? Hope it was just some bad food or a poor food choice before running. One word of advice: Imodium
Hope you have some nice runs, I mean hope you enjoy your runs, I mean have fun running!
You said poopy pants.
That made me giggle.
Knock on wood, I've never had to do a #2 in the bushes (or equivalent) yet! I have, however, learned to pee on the side of the road (in 10 seconds or less), without having to crouch, without having to wipe. I'll leave it at that.
Let's just say that every runner has learned to deal!!! ;-)
Hilarious! Kudos to you for being brave enough to post about it!
Yes, I'm sure all runners have had to deal with this (even I)... if they haven't yet, they will! I always try to wait until after my morning coffee has done the trick. :)
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