the runner in me

if you take a look at my running stats for the month of april, you'll see how absolutely pathetic they are. i've run less miles in the entire month of april than i did in a single week last month. and do you know what i have to say to that?

shit happens. there's always may. and june. and 6 more months before nike.

normally, i'd be upset. really upset. i'd feel like a total loser and cry buckets over my expanding waist line (which for some strange but awesome reason isn't really growing despite my hiatus).

but i'm not upset because i've taken care of a lot of other priorities this month that have tested my will, patience, and determination just as much as running has. and it's because of the lessons i've learned from running that helped me through it (aside from my cry-fest freakout)

because even when i'm not training by running, i'm always thinking about how my training applies to my entire life. i'm always thinking about what the runner in me would do. how the runner in me would handle these challenges. how the runner in me purposefully and willingly challenges myself to do things i thought were physically impossible, only to make me stronger. more accomplished. i think about how the runner in me knows when too much is too much and takes the time to nurture my body and my mind.

running has taught me that bad shit happens, but is always followed by some good stuff. the bad stuff never defines who you are. but the success it's not forever either. running has humbled my crazy perfectionism yet it has motivated me to be better than i thought i could ever be. but in a different way than the greed for achievement used to.

somehow and in some strange way, running has taught me to be more honest with myself. about who i really am. about what i really want. about what's really important. about what really makes me happy.

i still wonder what this year has in store for me. and i vacillate between trepidation and excitement. i am sometimes absolutely clueless and feel the only thing i can do is open myself to divine intervention and other times i have the confidence and conviction to face whatever happens. to make shit happen.

because that's the runner in me.



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note: i know my posts have been pretty off-topic and downright angsty lately, but hey it's my blog :) i hope to return to normal ass-kicking training in may when i've gotten the work situations under control :)

and i did run 3.25 miles yesterday, but honestly had nothing exciting to report. except that i really really crave running more!