so you know how yesterday i was riding high, singing "i am pretty, oh so pretty" from the rooftops? i ended all that by getting on the scale this morning after my 2 miler.
171, it said. ONE. FREAKIN'. SEVENTY. ONE. my 6 year old cousin can't even count that high!
it really honestly comes as no surprise. it's even a little down from when the nurse took my weight at my physical last month. it's such an absurdly high number that i didn't even hesitate to post it for all the world to see. it's like really? my body can actually weigh that much? i actually have that much excess crap to haul around?
this weight puts me just over the line of obese. dudes! i'm OBESE! it's so ridiculous, it's funny. except it's neither ridiculous. nor funny. it's fact. sobering. but not grave.
the good news is all signs point to good health. i'm very good on the cholesterol front, both good and bad. blood pressure, blood sugar, thyroid. all good. i have my "youth" to thank for that because lord knows my genetics are working against me.
the other good news is i've been down this road before so many times. i gain, i lose, i gain, i lose. i've been anywhere from a size 4 to a 12, most of the time settling around a size 8. and i've come to a point in my life where i'm not nearly as neurotic about my size as i used to be. i've slowly built up a wardrobe of bigger spring and summer clothes and have been able to strut around as usual.
even so, i know i should lose some poundage. obesity ain't no joke. and as i've said before my genetics predispose me to a multitude of health risks. but i refuse to get all neurotic about counting calories or counting pounds. or counting miles for that matter. after a 6 month hiatus, i think the running bug has bit again and i feel like i'm finally on track. the fact that i've run 4 out of the last 5 days is a good start. and the running has so far kept my eating in check. but i'm hoping to take a less "type a" approach to training this time. i think it's time to have some FUN with running, don't you?
of course, this could all change as my 12-year high school reunion approaches in december. (we missed out 10th. something about the reunion company we were working with going bankrupt) but for now, i'm up for a fun summer of running.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
allow me to toot my own horn
it was very nice to find the following two emails this morning:
from pot, phd:
and without sounding too self-deprecating, this all comes as a huge surprise to me. i thought for sure i'd get NO hits. i thought for sure there were only trolls out there. i thought for sure this whole match thing would be totally demoralizing. but lo and behold, there really are normal guys out there looking for the real thing.
granted i've only been at it a month, so there is the possibility i might just burn through every eligible bachelor in northern california. but so far this experience has been worth the money. even if i don't find love yet, i'm ok with that. i've got other things going on.
and i think this is the first time EVER since i grew boobs that i feel this happy, dare i say lucky, that i'm single. i know this all sounds so optimistic now, so don't burst my bubble. but for the first time i finally feel like i won't settle. i know how demoralizing it feels to be with the wrong person. at the time i didn't realize how much of me was "dead" because of the relationship i was in. never again am i going to let that happen.
and yet, somehow i've managed avoid the bitterness many people associate with the singlehood. this july 4th marks my 2 year anniversary of personal independence from the ex. and in that time i've experienced great sadness, utter confusion, searing anger, and most of all heartbreak. there were times i felt like i didn't even know who i was. and there were many days and months of depression. the dull ache of not knowing what the hell to do. about anything.
but with time, i muddled through. and never once was i bitter. angry maybe. but never bitter. there were worse things i could have suffered. and by the end, i concluded this: i was simply in love with the wrong person for far too long. and not everyone is like him. i've loved before. i will love again. and i will find a love so right that what i've felt in the past will feel like child's play.
a few months ago, i was visiting with family we don't see very often. they knew nothing of the huge breakup that eventually led me back to california. so questions about boyfriends and marriage flew at me left and right and i had a smart ass comment for everyone. finally i just said, "i think maybe i'm just meant to be single. and that's ok."
my aunt looked at me thoughtfully and said, "no i don't believe that." and i thought here we go again...the speech about how i'll find someone when i'm not looking or the speech about how i'm such a great girl, it's just a matter of time or the speech about you should join a club or any number of speeches married people tell single people. but instead she said this:
so maybe it's corny, but i feel like i have my very own dating guardian angel. a team of people holding constant vigil, a never ending novena praying that my life, already blessed with so much love, will one day be blessed with the love of my "adam".
-------------------------------
on a running note, i busted out a 2 miler before brunch on saturday. and another this morning. the hardest thing about getting back in the swing of things isn't so much the physical exertion but the mental aspect. of not getting bored. of keeping my brain focused. so while my legs and lungs are cooperating, i've got to get my head back in the game of endurance running. so far it's been a sweet reunion.
from pot, phd:
I completely understand. Thanks for the nice complements however.and from the fed, after our brunch meet on saturday:
That said I enjoyed getting to know you and I wish you the best of luck in your life.
I want you to know that I really appreciate you getting back to me. You are going to make an awesome girlfriend for some lucky bastard out there! ;-)
Warmest Regards,
pot, phd
Hey, I just wanted to say again that I had a great time today and it very nice meeting you in person today. It was very refreshing to finally meet someone "normal". Oh and for the record, you are so not a nerd. I really dig your personality and I would definitely like to see you again. I probably should have said this in person but you looked really nice today. I'll give you a call sometime this week.and my convo with southern gent went well today. he even called me "striking". i've never been called that before. (though he also called me exotic which is a half-strike against him because i HATE when people call me that) i don't know what it is. even though i'm pretty happy with what i see in the mirror everyday, it's still always an unexpected boost when a guy compliments your looks. especially when it doesn't feel skeevy. i guess that even at 30, i've still "got it".
and without sounding too self-deprecating, this all comes as a huge surprise to me. i thought for sure i'd get NO hits. i thought for sure there were only trolls out there. i thought for sure this whole match thing would be totally demoralizing. but lo and behold, there really are normal guys out there looking for the real thing.
granted i've only been at it a month, so there is the possibility i might just burn through every eligible bachelor in northern california. but so far this experience has been worth the money. even if i don't find love yet, i'm ok with that. i've got other things going on.
and i think this is the first time EVER since i grew boobs that i feel this happy, dare i say lucky, that i'm single. i know this all sounds so optimistic now, so don't burst my bubble. but for the first time i finally feel like i won't settle. i know how demoralizing it feels to be with the wrong person. at the time i didn't realize how much of me was "dead" because of the relationship i was in. never again am i going to let that happen.
and yet, somehow i've managed avoid the bitterness many people associate with the singlehood. this july 4th marks my 2 year anniversary of personal independence from the ex. and in that time i've experienced great sadness, utter confusion, searing anger, and most of all heartbreak. there were times i felt like i didn't even know who i was. and there were many days and months of depression. the dull ache of not knowing what the hell to do. about anything.
but with time, i muddled through. and never once was i bitter. angry maybe. but never bitter. there were worse things i could have suffered. and by the end, i concluded this: i was simply in love with the wrong person for far too long. and not everyone is like him. i've loved before. i will love again. and i will find a love so right that what i've felt in the past will feel like child's play.
a few months ago, i was visiting with family we don't see very often. they knew nothing of the huge breakup that eventually led me back to california. so questions about boyfriends and marriage flew at me left and right and i had a smart ass comment for everyone. finally i just said, "i think maybe i'm just meant to be single. and that's ok."
my aunt looked at me thoughtfully and said, "no i don't believe that." and i thought here we go again...the speech about how i'll find someone when i'm not looking or the speech about how i'm such a great girl, it's just a matter of time or the speech about you should join a club or any number of speeches married people tell single people. but instead she said this:
i believe when god created you, he created someone for you. he created your adam, from the same mold.i could've replied with a smart ass comment like maybe my adam was meant for a steve and not an eve. but i didn't. she just said it with such conviction. such certainty. it was just another reminder that it was out of my hands. someone else was taking care of it. someone much more capable than me. and my aunt assured me that she'd be praying for me.
so maybe it's corny, but i feel like i have my very own dating guardian angel. a team of people holding constant vigil, a never ending novena praying that my life, already blessed with so much love, will one day be blessed with the love of my "adam".
-------------------------------
on a running note, i busted out a 2 miler before brunch on saturday. and another this morning. the hardest thing about getting back in the swing of things isn't so much the physical exertion but the mental aspect. of not getting bored. of keeping my brain focused. so while my legs and lungs are cooperating, i've got to get my head back in the game of endurance running. so far it's been a sweet reunion.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
whew! that feels better
so i took the easy way out. i emailed them. much easier, but still got the message across. in a much nicer fashion than if i had stammered something out on the phone. and i feel better. less stress and my dating karma is still intact. as for afd, i agree with bex. for whatever reason, it looks like dude's unwilling to set up a proper date. and i'm not going to chase him.
20 something year old me would have never said such a statement. 20 something year old me probably would have ditched my homework last night to "hang out". 20 something year old me probably would have felt like i had to keep playing this game to get him to ask me out. THANK GOD i'm no longer 20 something year old me. NEXT!
i'm meeting the fed for brunch on saturday and i've been emailing a few potential dudes. again, we'll see. hope these dating updates aren't too boring. it's all so new to me again and i figure it can either make the happily marrieds who read my blog chuckle at my "adventures" or it can inspire other single gals looking for love. my goal in joining match wasn't to find my prince during my 6 month membership, but to just get out there again. to practice dating. to learn from other people. to learn about myself. so far, even in just this first month, it's been worth it.
in other news, i'm tossing around the idea of running the big sur half marathon. it's a challenging enough distance that i'll feel like a runner again. yet it isn't as time consuming as a marathon. and with preparations for graduate school looming, dating, and regular ol' life i think a half marathon is just about perfect.
20 something year old me would have never said such a statement. 20 something year old me probably would have ditched my homework last night to "hang out". 20 something year old me probably would have felt like i had to keep playing this game to get him to ask me out. THANK GOD i'm no longer 20 something year old me. NEXT!
i'm meeting the fed for brunch on saturday and i've been emailing a few potential dudes. again, we'll see. hope these dating updates aren't too boring. it's all so new to me again and i figure it can either make the happily marrieds who read my blog chuckle at my "adventures" or it can inspire other single gals looking for love. my goal in joining match wasn't to find my prince during my 6 month membership, but to just get out there again. to practice dating. to learn from other people. to learn about myself. so far, even in just this first month, it's been worth it.
in other news, i'm tossing around the idea of running the big sur half marathon. it's a challenging enough distance that i'll feel like a runner again. yet it isn't as time consuming as a marathon. and with preparations for graduate school looming, dating, and regular ol' life i think a half marathon is just about perfect.
this is tiring...
i've neglected to tell y'all i'm 2 weeks into summer school. i'm taking an 8 week course in statistics to fulfill a pre-req for the mba i am 90% sure i want to pursue. i'll have many other pre-reqs to fulfill before i can even start the graduate coursework since my undergrad degree had nothing to do with business, but slow and steady wins the race. right? hopefully. 2 hours of class after work, monday - thursday, is draining. fridays seriously never looked so sweet.
afd and i have been "talking" every day.. and i put it in quotes because it's more like bullshitting, shooting the shit, flirting, than real honest to goodness getting to know each other talking. that's the problem i guess when both of us are wiseasses. all this banter is all good and fun, but i'm hoping that we can proceed to more meaningful conversations. otherwise it'll get old really fast.
he called right when i got home from class, we chatted, and he said i should just come over, as he lives literally right across the highway. my first instinct was to think that was way too casual. i've fallen into the trap of when "dating" someone becomes "just hanging out" and it becomes a slippery slope of a relationship borne of convenience. or maybe i'm just old fashioned and prefer to have set plans and a set activity. but honestly, "come over at 9 pm to hang out" sounds too much like booty call to me.
maybe my brain has been fried from doing too much math. or maybe i'm right. all i really know is getting past the first date is harder than expected.
on the flipside, island boy is blowing up my phone to let me know jack johnson will be headlining a festival in sf in AUGUST... AUGUST! and should he get tickets for us? US? i found a way to get out of that but haven't quite said the words "i'm just not that into you" (diplomatically of course). i feel i owe him that and to pot, phd who has resurfaced on my phone somehow. but i just don't have the cajones to say those words out loud.
is it cowardly to just ignore people? rude? bad karma?
afd and i have been "talking" every day.. and i put it in quotes because it's more like bullshitting, shooting the shit, flirting, than real honest to goodness getting to know each other talking. that's the problem i guess when both of us are wiseasses. all this banter is all good and fun, but i'm hoping that we can proceed to more meaningful conversations. otherwise it'll get old really fast.
he called right when i got home from class, we chatted, and he said i should just come over, as he lives literally right across the highway. my first instinct was to think that was way too casual. i've fallen into the trap of when "dating" someone becomes "just hanging out" and it becomes a slippery slope of a relationship borne of convenience. or maybe i'm just old fashioned and prefer to have set plans and a set activity. but honestly, "come over at 9 pm to hang out" sounds too much like booty call to me.
maybe my brain has been fried from doing too much math. or maybe i'm right. all i really know is getting past the first date is harder than expected.
on the flipside, island boy is blowing up my phone to let me know jack johnson will be headlining a festival in sf in AUGUST... AUGUST! and should he get tickets for us? US? i found a way to get out of that but haven't quite said the words "i'm just not that into you" (diplomatically of course). i feel i owe him that and to pot, phd who has resurfaced on my phone somehow. but i just don't have the cajones to say those words out loud.
is it cowardly to just ignore people? rude? bad karma?
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
using all my muscles
in an attempt to work more than just my mojo, i made it to the gym for a 2 mile run and an hour of yoga. some hard ass yoga. sweet jesus. after our sun salutations series i was already spent.
mainly because we spent major time going over the plank and chaturanga part for the beginners. my arms will be sore tomorrow. heck they're sore now.
the weather is a little cooler this week but there will be no outdoor running. the air here is all soot and smoke. it's grey and thick out. it smells like all of california just had one big barbecue. and still, i see people smoking outside. losers. total losers. it's been this way since the weekend and until we get these fires under control, i'm doing my best to stay indoors. my neighborhood and where i work are safe, and should be safe unless a new one starts. but all the wind we've been having isn't helping things.
on a lighter note, i do have a funny story to share about airforce dude. when i met him on sunday, i got there early to get there first and position myself at the bar. i'd rather be the one he has to find than me have to look for him. if that makes any sense. it's a place of higher power, i think. anyway, i was foiled because he was already there.
blah blah blah. introductions. talking, talking. laughing, laughing...then we start talking about our match experiences and what we think the opposite sex is most particular about when it comes to the opposite sex. he said women were concerned about 1. balding (he has a full head of hair and i told him i actually like bald dudes) 2. education and 3. height. i was like really? height? being as short as i am, height is NEVER an issue with me. if a dude is shorter than 5'3", well....that hasn't happened. he said in his experience even the girls who are 5 foot look for dudes who are 6 foot.
then it clicked!
that sex in the city episode! where samantha meets that dude in the bar. and she doesn't know he's wearing a boy's suit until he gets up!
and lo and behold! later in the evening he got up to go to the bathroom and i noticed. he's not a midget and he's certainly taller enough than me to not be weird but it amused me to no end how sensitive he was about his height. later i went home and relooked up his profile. it says he's 5'8". let's hope he measures up. ;)
mainly because we spent major time going over the plank and chaturanga part for the beginners. my arms will be sore tomorrow. heck they're sore now.
the weather is a little cooler this week but there will be no outdoor running. the air here is all soot and smoke. it's grey and thick out. it smells like all of california just had one big barbecue. and still, i see people smoking outside. losers. total losers. it's been this way since the weekend and until we get these fires under control, i'm doing my best to stay indoors. my neighborhood and where i work are safe, and should be safe unless a new one starts. but all the wind we've been having isn't helping things.
on a lighter note, i do have a funny story to share about airforce dude. when i met him on sunday, i got there early to get there first and position myself at the bar. i'd rather be the one he has to find than me have to look for him. if that makes any sense. it's a place of higher power, i think. anyway, i was foiled because he was already there.
blah blah blah. introductions. talking, talking. laughing, laughing...then we start talking about our match experiences and what we think the opposite sex is most particular about when it comes to the opposite sex. he said women were concerned about 1. balding (he has a full head of hair and i told him i actually like bald dudes) 2. education and 3. height. i was like really? height? being as short as i am, height is NEVER an issue with me. if a dude is shorter than 5'3", well....that hasn't happened. he said in his experience even the girls who are 5 foot look for dudes who are 6 foot.
then it clicked!
that sex in the city episode! where samantha meets that dude in the bar. and she doesn't know he's wearing a boy's suit until he gets up!
and lo and behold! later in the evening he got up to go to the bathroom and i noticed. he's not a midget and he's certainly taller enough than me to not be weird but it amused me to no end how sensitive he was about his height. later i went home and relooked up his profile. it says he's 5'8". let's hope he measures up. ;)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
there might be something to this...
airforce dude and i finally got to talk. and finally got to meet. drinks turned into dinner and there was talk of "next time".
not saying he's my match, but it's encouraging.
not saying he's my match, but it's encouraging.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
no electricity
so...i met island boy for drinks last night...originally he wanted to go to dinner in sonoma then hang out there afterwards. nipped that in the bud and said, "why don't we go to happy hour somewhere close and if my back hair doesn't scare you off we can go from there?" i'm not committing a whole evening to someone i barely know. nor spending the gas money just to promptly drive home because he's an ogre in real life.
thankfully he wasn't an ogre. but he wasn't prince charming either. funny enough. nice enough, with all the opening doors and paying. had a lot of qualities i'm looking for in my dude. EXCEPT for nice teeth. and a nice face.
i've maintained that i'm going to be open-minded about looks and not totally reject someone right away if their profile pictures don't blow me away...some people just aren't photogenic. and i reason that the best boyfriend i've ever had was in high school (pathetic i know) and i wasn't attracted to him at first either. and considering my past with hot, but bad dudes, i figure maybe i should concentrate on more than just abs and a winning smile.
so after about the third beverage, i'd made up my mind that he was a great guy just not s someone i'd ever want to cuddle with... in fact the idea of him touching me creeped me out because he had weird hands. something odd about his fingernails. plus he smelled like a guy i used to be friends with until he decided he had feelings for me and got all weird.
and really he wasn't an ogre. he was clean and groomed and even got a haircut that day. i'm maybe just picky? weird? over concerned? with things like how people's hands and teeth look and how they smell. he didn't smell bad. but his pheremones just weren't jiving with mine.
even so, we went to play pool after drinks since i learned that the power was out at home. playing pool with a funny guy beat sweltering at home in the dark.
so at the end of the evening he dropped me off at my car and invited me in. . uh, awkward. luckily i had the excuse of taking the monchichi to 6 flags today. and the monchichi? he's my favorite boy EVER!
the bright side is i had a convo with the fed thursday night. and he had a very seksy voice. airforce dude and i keep exchanging vmails. we'll see what happens.
on the other hand, i've received the following emails from two very attractive men. too bad they're creepy and can't write for shite:
No good tips as if I did I would not need this site. lol Thats funny about the ice cream. So did you also eat an ice cream, and did you have some great seafood in Boston or what. Well I have been in California for a little longer then 3 years and I love it. Love the weather and also love that you can see so mnay beautiful places. Well some of my favorite places are Napa Valley. I love wine tasting. Don't worry I won't get you buzzed and try and take advantage of you. lolol j/k I love going into the city to try different restaurants. Love Tahoe as it is awesome and just so beautiful. I love playing softball, cooking, reading, also love taking scenic drives. Love Carmel and the ride along the coast.
And say thanks to your mom (this is in reference to me thanking him for saying i'm attractive. i said, really i have my mom thank for that or something like that)
my problem with this and his previous email is the excessive use of lol and j/k. huge pet peeve of mine. we're not texting. the second problem is his lame joke about getting my buzzed. gross. even if it is a joke. i can think of better jokes to make.
the second email requires no explanation:
Hi!, Im a white guy from sac town lookin for a good w00man who can handle her business!! You look like alot of fun. Text me @ 955-1793, Ill rock your world!! C-YA!
seriously. this came from a 30 year old man. OY!
so....luckily, i still have the monchichi.
thankfully he wasn't an ogre. but he wasn't prince charming either. funny enough. nice enough, with all the opening doors and paying. had a lot of qualities i'm looking for in my dude. EXCEPT for nice teeth. and a nice face.
i've maintained that i'm going to be open-minded about looks and not totally reject someone right away if their profile pictures don't blow me away...some people just aren't photogenic. and i reason that the best boyfriend i've ever had was in high school (pathetic i know) and i wasn't attracted to him at first either. and considering my past with hot, but bad dudes, i figure maybe i should concentrate on more than just abs and a winning smile.
so after about the third beverage, i'd made up my mind that he was a great guy just not s someone i'd ever want to cuddle with... in fact the idea of him touching me creeped me out because he had weird hands. something odd about his fingernails. plus he smelled like a guy i used to be friends with until he decided he had feelings for me and got all weird.
and really he wasn't an ogre. he was clean and groomed and even got a haircut that day. i'm maybe just picky? weird? over concerned? with things like how people's hands and teeth look and how they smell. he didn't smell bad. but his pheremones just weren't jiving with mine.
even so, we went to play pool after drinks since i learned that the power was out at home. playing pool with a funny guy beat sweltering at home in the dark.
so at the end of the evening he dropped me off at my car and invited me in. . uh, awkward. luckily i had the excuse of taking the monchichi to 6 flags today. and the monchichi? he's my favorite boy EVER!
the bright side is i had a convo with the fed thursday night. and he had a very seksy voice. airforce dude and i keep exchanging vmails. we'll see what happens.
on the other hand, i've received the following emails from two very attractive men. too bad they're creepy and can't write for shite:
No good tips as if I did I would not need this site. lol Thats funny about the ice cream. So did you also eat an ice cream, and did you have some great seafood in Boston or what. Well I have been in California for a little longer then 3 years and I love it. Love the weather and also love that you can see so mnay beautiful places. Well some of my favorite places are Napa Valley. I love wine tasting. Don't worry I won't get you buzzed and try and take advantage of you. lolol j/k I love going into the city to try different restaurants. Love Tahoe as it is awesome and just so beautiful. I love playing softball, cooking, reading, also love taking scenic drives. Love Carmel and the ride along the coast.
And say thanks to your mom (this is in reference to me thanking him for saying i'm attractive. i said, really i have my mom thank for that or something like that)
my problem with this and his previous email is the excessive use of lol and j/k. huge pet peeve of mine. we're not texting. the second problem is his lame joke about getting my buzzed. gross. even if it is a joke. i can think of better jokes to make.
the second email requires no explanation:
Hi!, Im a white guy from sac town lookin for a good w00man who can handle her business!! You look like alot of fun. Text me @ 955-1793, Ill rock your world!! C-YA!
seriously. this came from a 30 year old man. OY!
so....luckily, i still have the monchichi.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
what a weekend!
dudes! i am exhausted. stuffed to the gills. and hoarse from this weekend. and i have over 400 pictures to go through. stay tuned for a full recap. i need a weekend to recover from my weekend. but in the meantime, check out this perfect moment:
the monchichi has become fascinated with his own face. staring at his reflection. hamming it up for the camera then demanding to see the footage right away. i had the camera aimed at us on continuous mode and he surprised me by pulling my face in and planting a big, slopping, wet one on me. melted my heart instantly. he's such an affectionate boy. i FEAR for any girl who tries to date him in the future. they're gonna have one overprotective aunt to tackle if they think they can share his kisses.
the monchichi has become fascinated with his own face. staring at his reflection. hamming it up for the camera then demanding to see the footage right away. i had the camera aimed at us on continuous mode and he surprised me by pulling my face in and planting a big, slopping, wet one on me. melted my heart instantly. he's such an affectionate boy. i FEAR for any girl who tries to date him in the future. they're gonna have one overprotective aunt to tackle if they think they can share his kisses.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
come as you are
so, i met my first real live match dude. (and no it wasn't playa playa that i wrote about earlier)
this dude, D, just finished a phd program at uc davis in something like materials science and engineering. he gardens and cooks, has traveled all over and shares my affection for stewie griffen, beer, and crass humor. he has a great relationship with his family and holds similar religious beliefs to mine.
we met for coffee/drinks at a place in davis. it was a great night for sitting outside and talking. the conversation flowed well. he even brought flowers. (cheesy, but nice) all in all a great night.
but. in our talking about vacations and such it came out that he enjoys the mary jane every once in awhile. i asked him just how often he smokes and he said about once every other week. and while i really have no problem if people want to smoke, it's just not my thing. i appreciated his honesty and kinda stammered my way through how i felt about it. slightly unsure about whether this would be a deal breaker.
but it was cool. it wasn't like i left right then and there. and it wasn't like things got awkward. we talked some more and i told him he could call me again. on the ride home i began to think that his habit is a deal breaker. there's a reason i've never done any drugs, even if i do think marijuana really isn't that much worse than alcohol. it's fine for other people to do. but not me. and not my potential "match".
so i plan on telling him when he calls. maybe we can be friends. maybe it doesn't really matter what happens after. but this whole dating at 30 thing? where i'm much more sure of myself, of what i want and what i don't, and having the confidence to assert it? it feels great.
it feels great that even though i'm not at my "goal weight" i can proudly post my profile pictures. it feels great that i don't have to apologize or explain any bad decisions i've made. it feels great that i don't have to feel bad that at 30 i'm not yet married. i had to endure a lot of shit relationships (one in particular) but i think finally it's paying off.
this dude, D, just finished a phd program at uc davis in something like materials science and engineering. he gardens and cooks, has traveled all over and shares my affection for stewie griffen, beer, and crass humor. he has a great relationship with his family and holds similar religious beliefs to mine.
we met for coffee/drinks at a place in davis. it was a great night for sitting outside and talking. the conversation flowed well. he even brought flowers. (cheesy, but nice) all in all a great night.
but. in our talking about vacations and such it came out that he enjoys the mary jane every once in awhile. i asked him just how often he smokes and he said about once every other week. and while i really have no problem if people want to smoke, it's just not my thing. i appreciated his honesty and kinda stammered my way through how i felt about it. slightly unsure about whether this would be a deal breaker.
but it was cool. it wasn't like i left right then and there. and it wasn't like things got awkward. we talked some more and i told him he could call me again. on the ride home i began to think that his habit is a deal breaker. there's a reason i've never done any drugs, even if i do think marijuana really isn't that much worse than alcohol. it's fine for other people to do. but not me. and not my potential "match".
so i plan on telling him when he calls. maybe we can be friends. maybe it doesn't really matter what happens after. but this whole dating at 30 thing? where i'm much more sure of myself, of what i want and what i don't, and having the confidence to assert it? it feels great.
it feels great that even though i'm not at my "goal weight" i can proudly post my profile pictures. it feels great that i don't have to apologize or explain any bad decisions i've made. it feels great that i don't have to feel bad that at 30 i'm not yet married. i had to endure a lot of shit relationships (one in particular) but i think finally it's paying off.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
and the summer begins!
this weekend i:
gobbled up some tasty cioppino.
stole kisses from the monchichi.
soaked up some sun at the vallejo marina.
found the ever elusive matcha green tea.
scored some new chaccos.
promptly broke them in by hiking lynch canyon.
sipped on chardonnay while perusing local art.
won a raffle prize gift basket. (4 club level baseball tickets, parking included, mary's pizza shack gc, starbucks coffee, and cranium!)
quenched my thirst with the first hefeweisen of the season.
dudes. this summer is gonna rock.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
playa hater
so last night, i chatted on the phone with my first match dud, i mean dude.
the conversing itself went well. lots of laughing etc. he was a funny dude. and if we were co-workers or something we would totally get along. but as a "match"? not so much.
the highlights, i mean lowlights:
the conversing itself went well. lots of laughing etc. he was a funny dude. and if we were co-workers or something we would totally get along. but as a "match"? not so much.
the highlights, i mean lowlights:
- we somehow got on the topic of past relationships (he brought it up somehow) and he told me about his first love. a long distance relationship while he was in the navy. and how he was a bad bad boyfriend. and saw other girls during their relationship. boo!
- talking about his latest relationship. it was a 6 month affair with a married woman. double boo!
- other women he's dated have gone on to get married to the next guy after dating him. that's 'cause you're not marrying material dude!
- i mentioned my trip to vegas for girls weekend and we got into a convo about how he likes to gamble. while gambling as a diversion isn't necessarily a deal breaker for me, the way he talked about it made me uncomfortable.
- he's been laid off for a month. this i was more forgiving of.
- he spoke about how much he could drink because he was latino. i mean really, i can throw down, but that's not what i'm gonna talk about the first time i talk to someone. and honestly, i don't throw down nearly as much as i used to. while i don't want a puritan, i don't want someone who still brags about how much they can drink.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
shake, rattle, and roll
the rumbling? the shaking? what wasn't sound of me falling off the couch. that was a real bonafide earthquake! the second one i've felt since moving back to california a year and a half ago!
it only registered a 3.9, but the fault lies a mere 10 miles from my house.. the tremor was long enough that i stopped to consider taking cover, but strong enough for me to be too scared to get off the bed.
i'm ok, my family's ok, our stuff's ok. but man oh man! welcome back to california!
it only registered a 3.9, but the fault lies a mere 10 miles from my house.. the tremor was long enough that i stopped to consider taking cover, but strong enough for me to be too scared to get off the bed.
i'm ok, my family's ok, our stuff's ok. but man oh man! welcome back to california!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
long live the chickpea!
today, i tossed canned garbanzo beans in vegetable oil, kosher salt, ground cumin, and cayenne pepper. i spread 'em out on a sheet pan and toasted them for 30 minutes. then i tossed in some toasted almonds and let 'em bake for another 2-3 minutes. then i had a darn tasty snack.
i'm bagging up these puppies and smuggling them into sex and the city this weekend.
i substituted almonds for pistachios because i didn't want to shell the ones we had. and i didn't add thyme because i didn't have any. but the great thing about this recipe is that you could probably season the chickpeas with anything and they'd taste good. crunchy and toasty. yum!
and what do you call em? chickpeas or garbanzo beans?
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
pushing 30
so, like i said in my last post, as of yesterday i'm on match. and already it's a lot of work...and i'm not even talking about the writing my profile or choosing pictures part. it's the responding and stuff. the winks, the ims, the emails. i get everyone confused and it's not even that many dudes.but really, every profile i read was pretty generic, boring, or cliche. or just downright poorly written. not that i'm the grammar police or anything. but seriously, do people read books anymore? i was equally interested in the photos...not just for what they looked like, but for what images they chose. whether it looked like they took pictures of themselves with a camera phone all day (lo-ser), whether they had 10 shots of them bare chested (ick). whether they've traveled and whether they had pictures with family and friends. personality comes across much more in pictures, it's a shame so many people don't take better advantage of it.
anyway, enough about my rant. i really am going into this with a positive attitude. so far, so good. no crazy trolls....yet.
what this post was meant to be about was how easy it was to write my profile. (though obviously we'll have to see if it is at all effective) maybe i've had enough practice. or maybe i just know myself that much better. i guess that's what being close to 30 does for you. pushing 30 also means crows feet. as i noticed when selecting recent photos of myself. and surprisingly, it didn't bother me.
i've said it before, and i'll say it again. i think 30 is going to be a good year.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
a cooking coup
*just a note, blogger is being lame. it let me change my header but it won't let me change my colors etc. boooo blogger.*
anyway, this weekend was bay to breakers. which i did not run. for the 2nd year in a row. and all my family asked me about it. boooo me. i honestly don't know what it is about my running slump, going on several, several months now. i get busy, i get inspired. i get busy, then i go to crap. i haven't whined about it in awhile, because i mean really, who likes a whiner? i don't. but still it isn't enough to get me motivated. some days i cut myself slack. i tell myself that running isn't the only thing in my life and i am not defined by whether i run or don't run. but there's a voice somewhere that say, c'mon you know you wanna...
...
in other news, i spent a lot of time in the kitchen and a lot of time with family this weekend. both excellent things. at the risk of sounding totally mushy, my family makes me so happy. it's funny to me that i spent my whole life wanting to get out, get away, be on my own and now with them, i am the happiest i have been in a long, long while. i spent all this time trying to find my place, find my life, when it was here all along. it wasn't enough just being me. i'm much happier also being a daughter, and a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a niece, a granddaughter. and quiet suburban life is really starting to grow on me. it's crazy, i know.
as for my cooking coup, i made homemade caesar dressing. which sounds easy enough. and it was. but i have this thing with caesar dressing. i scour high and low for the restaurants with the best caesar dressing...made with real anchovies. not the sour, vinegary crap. and so far i've found only 2 restaurants with to die for dressing. one by the beach i go to, over an hour away, and a pizzeria in the town 10 minutes away. and sometimes 10 minutes is too far to drive. especially when you're too lazy to put on pants. so i found a recipe and figured out i had all the ingredients already in my kitchen! who knew! and let me tell you it was the bomb! (do people still say that?)
i also broke in the new mini muffin tims by making mini quiches! everything tastes better mini. and you totally lose track of how many you eat. among the fillings: roasted red pepper chickn sausage, shredded mexican cheese, spinach, scallions, and dill havarti. yes, dill havarti. yum. i made enough quiches for dinner and a snack tomorrow. once we polish the last of them off, i'm looking to dive into the tub of marinated fresh mozzerella...
dude. i really need to get to running.
anyway, this weekend was bay to breakers. which i did not run. for the 2nd year in a row. and all my family asked me about it. boooo me. i honestly don't know what it is about my running slump, going on several, several months now. i get busy, i get inspired. i get busy, then i go to crap. i haven't whined about it in awhile, because i mean really, who likes a whiner? i don't. but still it isn't enough to get me motivated. some days i cut myself slack. i tell myself that running isn't the only thing in my life and i am not defined by whether i run or don't run. but there's a voice somewhere that say, c'mon you know you wanna...
...
in other news, i spent a lot of time in the kitchen and a lot of time with family this weekend. both excellent things. at the risk of sounding totally mushy, my family makes me so happy. it's funny to me that i spent my whole life wanting to get out, get away, be on my own and now with them, i am the happiest i have been in a long, long while. i spent all this time trying to find my place, find my life, when it was here all along. it wasn't enough just being me. i'm much happier also being a daughter, and a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a niece, a granddaughter. and quiet suburban life is really starting to grow on me. it's crazy, i know.
as for my cooking coup, i made homemade caesar dressing. which sounds easy enough. and it was. but i have this thing with caesar dressing. i scour high and low for the restaurants with the best caesar dressing...made with real anchovies. not the sour, vinegary crap. and so far i've found only 2 restaurants with to die for dressing. one by the beach i go to, over an hour away, and a pizzeria in the town 10 minutes away. and sometimes 10 minutes is too far to drive. especially when you're too lazy to put on pants. so i found a recipe and figured out i had all the ingredients already in my kitchen! who knew! and let me tell you it was the bomb! (do people still say that?)
i also broke in the new mini muffin tims by making mini quiches! everything tastes better mini. and you totally lose track of how many you eat. among the fillings: roasted red pepper chickn sausage, shredded mexican cheese, spinach, scallions, and dill havarti. yes, dill havarti. yum. i made enough quiches for dinner and a snack tomorrow. once we polish the last of them off, i'm looking to dive into the tub of marinated fresh mozzerella...dude. i really need to get to running.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
splurge
i headed west to go thrifting. in search of treasure. and to escape the heat. i didn’t find much in clothing, but i totally cleaned up in books. and mini muffin tins!
last night, i also made some "dump cake". sounds nasty, but tastes dee-vine! because it has absolutely no nutritional value. in fact, i probably clogged my arteries and gave myself diabetes all in one spoonful. to add insult to injury, i also made rice krispie treats. oh yum. my favorite. the good news is, i was bringing them to a party tonight. the bad news is, i found a recipe for apple dumplings and mousakka.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
save your applause til the end
so i actually got myself into the gym today. and now i'm even more sore. the couple miles i ran don't earn me a medal or anything, but i'll take small victories anyday.
who does deserve an award, however, is my dad! yesterday he finally made the decision to retire! lucky for him he has a TON of vacation saved up (16 weeks!) and some sick leave, etc, so he's still on the company's books until september when he officially retires. my parents have worked long and hard, and he finally let himself take a break as this is the year my baby brother graduates from college. after 30 years of service, my dad definitely deserves it! GO DAD!
he's been talking about finally getting some exercise in his old age, so he's coming with me to the gym on saturday for "guest day". we'll just see how that goes :)
who does deserve an award, however, is my dad! yesterday he finally made the decision to retire! lucky for him he has a TON of vacation saved up (16 weeks!) and some sick leave, etc, so he's still on the company's books until september when he officially retires. my parents have worked long and hard, and he finally let himself take a break as this is the year my baby brother graduates from college. after 30 years of service, my dad definitely deserves it! GO DAD!
he's been talking about finally getting some exercise in his old age, so he's coming with me to the gym on saturday for "guest day". we'll just see how that goes :)
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
riddle me this
what heats your core and makes your muscles quiver?,
what leaves you so hot and sweaty that you can feel your energy pulsing from within.?
what makes your breath deepen while a smile of contentment creeps across your face?
what feels so good you never want it to end?
...
...
it's been a long time my friends, but the reunion was sweet. the yoga class was only this morning, but i'm already sore. the good kind of sore, but my tune might change tomorrow. all i know is, sun salutations are the perfect way to start the day.
what leaves you so hot and sweaty that you can feel your energy pulsing from within.?
what makes your breath deepen while a smile of contentment creeps across your face?
what feels so good you never want it to end?
...
...
it's been a long time my friends, but the reunion was sweet. the yoga class was only this morning, but i'm already sore. the good kind of sore, but my tune might change tomorrow. all i know is, sun salutations are the perfect way to start the day.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
whoa! that went fast!
so april was gone in the blink of an eye.
i've been up to a lot lately, just nothing i care to blog about. sometimes, you just don't want things on the internet, ya know? not 'cause it's like secret or private. i would have no problem blabbing to ya'll about it in person. so if you want the dirt, you're just gonna have to make it out here and we can talk about it over some beers. or dirty martinis, which i have recently discovered.
i've been checking in sporadically on y'all as you run/swim//bike your hearts out! eventually, i'll be back up and running sometime soon.
but in the meantime, i've got lots of other stuff a-brewin'!
:) take care kids!
i've been up to a lot lately, just nothing i care to blog about. sometimes, you just don't want things on the internet, ya know? not 'cause it's like secret or private. i would have no problem blabbing to ya'll about it in person. so if you want the dirt, you're just gonna have to make it out here and we can talk about it over some beers. or dirty martinis, which i have recently discovered.
i've been checking in sporadically on y'all as you run/swim//bike your hearts out! eventually, i'll be back up and running sometime soon.
but in the meantime, i've got lots of other stuff a-brewin'!
:) take care kids!
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