so, i met my first real live match dude. (and no it wasn't playa playa that i wrote about earlier)
this dude, D, just finished a phd program at uc davis in something like materials science and engineering. he gardens and cooks, has traveled all over and shares my affection for stewie griffen, beer, and crass humor. he has a great relationship with his family and holds similar religious beliefs to mine.
we met for coffee/drinks at a place in davis. it was a great night for sitting outside and talking. the conversation flowed well. he even brought flowers. (cheesy, but nice) all in all a great night.
but. in our talking about vacations and such it came out that he enjoys the mary jane every once in awhile. i asked him just how often he smokes and he said about once every other week. and while i really have no problem if people want to smoke, it's just not my thing. i appreciated his honesty and kinda stammered my way through how i felt about it. slightly unsure about whether this would be a deal breaker.
but it was cool. it wasn't like i left right then and there. and it wasn't like things got awkward. we talked some more and i told him he could call me again. on the ride home i began to think that his habit is a deal breaker. there's a reason i've never done any drugs, even if i do think marijuana really isn't that much worse than alcohol. it's fine for other people to do. but not me. and not my potential "match".
so i plan on telling him when he calls. maybe we can be friends. maybe it doesn't really matter what happens after. but this whole dating at 30 thing? where i'm much more sure of myself, of what i want and what i don't, and having the confidence to assert it? it feels great.
it feels great that even though i'm not at my "goal weight" i can proudly post my profile pictures. it feels great that i don't have to apologize or explain any bad decisions i've made. it feels great that i don't have to feel bad that at 30 i'm not yet married. i had to endure a lot of shit relationships (one in particular) but i think finally it's paying off.
11 comments:
Oh yeah, it would be a deal breaker for me. Good for you, don't settle!
I'd be the same way :-) And awesome for not settling!
Miss Petite America: Making Women Proud Since 1995*.
*Or whatever year you started dating. 1995 was when I had my first *serious* crush, hence the selection.
I'm with you, don't really care if other people do it, but don't want to do it myself either. I'm not sure if it'd be a deal breaker for me or not but I think it's great that you know what you want!!!
Cheers to you, girl. You deserve the very best and the right guy will be worth the wait!
Good for you. I know a few couples where one smokes and one does not and I don't get it. It can cause problems.
Plus, if he said once every other week, he meant every day.
Next!
A phd from UC Davis, travels, gardens, like gourmet beer...
Aside from the pot he seems like a pretty good guy.
Not bad for a first attempt.
way to know what you want and not settle for anything less!
Wow! mad props for
1) going live.
2) Staying true to yourself.
Love the blog and will be cheering you on for the next dates
that would be a deal breaker for me. stick to your guns!
That confidence thing will increase...if you happen to still be dating at 35, you'll be amazed at how quickly you weed through the riff-raff. And at 40...well, let's just say I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar.
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