suck-ing wind. big time.

spinning is something i consider only hard core crazy fitness freaks, i mean buffs, get into. i've taken it up once a week strictly because i know it's good for me. i seriously, seriously, seriously, doubt i'll ever like it.

it's just so god damned HARD! and last night kicked my ass. it felt like the room was hotter than normal. my legs burned. my lungs burned. we did a series of anaerobic intervals, hill intervals, then a retarded sprint at the end. my legs were toast. honestly, i was spent 45 minutes into class. the last 15 minutes...i have no idea how i kept my legs moving.

mentally, spinning is tough. it takes everything i have to not let my legs shut down. i swear sometimes i feel like my legs cannot POSSIBLY push or pull that stupid little pedal anymore. sometimes i feel like my lungs cannot POSSIBLY heave more oxygen into my system. but somehow, they do.

what i get from spinning is enduring an hour of pure torture. getting used to the exertion, the pain and ultimately the exhaustion.

it makes running feel like a piece of cake, sometimes.

when i got home, i poured myself a bowl of cherries, i popped in kelly clarkson's new cd (it effing rocks!), and sat in an ice bath for 10 minutes. today is a rest day, but i think i might go to yoga anyway. it's bendy power poses day!

side note: after all the drama that goes into the beginning of class, with "the list" and 3 people getting denied a bike, the chick in front of me had the audacity to take it easy! i swear she was gone for at least 10 minutes of the class and when she was on her bike she was pedalling like she was on a sunday morning jaunt through the park. AND she left early! and this was the same chick who last week told MH she would divorce him for not signing up for class right.

the five week challenge

in the next 37 days, i have:

6 long runs for a total of 51 miles.
5 speed workouts totalling 20 miles. (assuming a pace similar to last night's tempo)
8 easy runs equalling 31 miles. (assuming a 12:00 pace, my plan goes by time on the non long run days)
with a grand total of roughly 100 running miles.

i have 20 hours of crosstraining to do:
10 yoga classes
6 spin classes
4 pool workouts

and 8 days of sweet, sweet, rest.

my plan is to hit every. single. workout.

then i get a week to eat, drink, and be merry at the beach with my friends back east. there is no sweeter reward.

except for maybe how hot i'll look on the beach 5 weeks from now...

like peanut butter and jelly

or even better, peanut butter and chocolate.that's how i feel about running and yoga. they go together that well.

today's workout called for a 45 min tempo run. here are my splits:
1: 12:23 (includes warmup)
2: 11:30
3: 11:26
4: 10:43
.2: 3:44 (cooldown)
T: 49:47

some of you balk that i can stand being on the treadmill at all, much less close to an hour. truth is sometimes i prefer the treadmill to the outdoors. sometimes i want my music blaring really loud in my ears. sometimes i need the whir of a room full of machines to block out and help me focus. sure it means i sweat twice as much, but sometimes i feel like it makes the experience that much more intense.

plus it's convenient on yoga nights. i'm a newbie to yoga and know there are quite a few varieties. i've taken classes given by three different instructors: one man who's big on the meditation and breathing, one woman who is a little loopy and new age, but that's to be expected, and another woman who's into the power bendy poses. guess which one i like the best?

take that scaredy cat!

read my post from earlier today and you'll understand why tonight's run is such a victory.

running conditions this morning were per-fect. low 60s, zero humidity, beautiful sunrise. i planned an easy, flat 7 miler along the sacramento river. everything was per-fect. except for me. my calves were tight. my breathing erratic. i had to pee. i almost got run over by a train. i had the wrong kind of music on my ipod. i felt so heavy i just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. after 2 miles, i threw in the towel.

that run was the straw that broke the camel's back. wtf was up with me? why in hades can i not run without angst?

so i came home and blogged about it. admitted my fears. to myself and you bad ass runners i admire so much. and you know what? i felt better. i let those fears roll around in my head and heart long enough and released them into the blogosphere. it's like a 10 ton weight was lifted from my shoulders.

then i went to the nike outlet for some retail therapy. bought some new running tops, specifically a hot pink compression tank that is freakin' HAWT and sunglasses. i got some new headphones too. the ipod earbuds i've been using suck!

i got home and read wendy's comment and knew what i had to do. i made a new running playlist, suited up in my new gear (HAWT!) and got my ass to my favorite running spot.

i found that: sunset is just as nice as sunrise (yeah summer solstice). 10mph winds actually feel pretty good when the temps are in the 80s. letting my hair blow in the wind felt better than stuffing it under a bandana or hat. my new sunglasses make me feel like the terminator.

i ran faster than i have in weeks. faster than most of my long runs. but i guess i had something to prove. my splits:

.25 warmup
1: 10:36
2: 11:23
3: 11:46
4: 12:00
5: 11:33
6: 11:35
7: 11:30

we're talking an average pace of 11:30 people. and for me that's big news. and trust me i felt it. not so much that i wanted to die, but enough that i couldn't outright sing the tunes playing in my ears.

there's no denying i want this marathon. i've come leaps and bounds from my early days of running. and i still have more, people. lots more............

when will i get off the ground?

i'm 3 weeks into my marathon training and despite a rocky start, i think i've been pretty good and consistent about getting my workouts in. what i'm trying to do different from my past 2 half marathon trainings is add more cross training. and that seems to be going pretty well.

so then why does it not feel like i'm really training? and why is it that my running workouts are the ones that suck the most?

why can't i get myself to eat like a good little runner for more than a few weeks at a time? why can i not resist having a beer (or more) or a glass of wine? why do i stay up way too late some nights, even though i know i need my rest?

what happened to the little voice i used to have inside my head that helped me make all the healthy decisions regarding my training? what happened to that drive? that pride?

i've been thinking about this the past few weeks and the only thing i can think of is that i'm scared. the training for my last 2 half marathons were great. i was seriously high on training. but at my first race, i was suffering from a sinus infection and didn't know it. i had a horrible, awful race. i finished. but not without a lot of pain and concern for my health.

the training from that race also led me to get orthotics because of pain i was having in my feet. i was laid up for a good number of weeks, missing the army ten-miler that i really really wanted to run.

if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know how the training for my last half went. i went into bad-ass mode, ran farther and faster than i ever had, only again to get sick and stressed out with other life stuff that caused me to miss the race entirely.

and now my knees, that never really seemed to give me huge problems before, are of great concern to me. yes, they've been holding up. yes, i've been diligent about icing, and ibing, and hell, i even got into a freaking yoga class for them.

but i guess i no longer have a newbie's ignorance. or newbie's optimism. granted none of my injuries have been huge, but they've all been directly linked to the endurance running. and i think part of me thinks, what else will go wrong when i start piling on the miles? i've stopped focusing on my speed and hell, even keeping track of my weekly mileage because i think that ambition may have driven me to go out too far and too fast. so how else do i stay motivated? in what other ways can i celebrate my victories?

part of me also thinks, i just don't want to get my heart set on running this race when it can all go to shit come race day. i don't want to invest the next 18 weeks, if my body really can't handle it. i'm scared of wanting it, committing to it, because in the past things have gone to shit in the 11th hour, mostly because of things out of my control.

i know you can't plan life. and you can't live life scared of success because of past dissapointments. so what will it take for me to really own this marathon? to own my running? to not run scared but run free?

never send a man...

last week at spin there was a huge fiasco. some veteran spinners were denied bikes because they didn't know they had to sign up. some people got signed in on the wrong day, MH and i included. there was so much tension in the air i thought people were seriously gonna brawl over who got bikes. but somehow the spin gods were shining on us and when the dust settled we still ended up with bikes.

so yesterday morning as MH left the treadmill next to me to go to work, i said, "make sure to sign us up for spin tomorrow". and like a good boy, he stopped at the front desk to reserve our bikes. i saw him. with my own two eyes. drip gobs of sweat as he wrote in the book.

so today we get to class, arrange our bikes and start warming up. and the instructor starts reading off the names. and then i get this sinking feeling. i turn to MH....

MPA: are you SURE you signed us up for the right date?

MH: today's tuesday, right?

MPA: yes.

MH: then yes. we're good to go.

MPA: the PM class?

MH: uh...oh...there's 2 classes?

MPA: *sigh*

after everything that happened last week, we had to be those idiots! it was so freakin' embarrassing, only because i swear some of those veteran spinners are so damned smug. one woman actually said to MH, "you signed up on the wrong day? i would have divorced you!" i know she was just kidding but c'mon!

so what did we do? signed up for tomorrow morning's 6 am spin class. and next week's tuesday PM class. i did it myself. never send a man to do a woman's job.

and what did we do after that? hit the weights? jump on the treadmill? HA!

we walked across the street to watch ocean's 13. in my padded bike shorts. ordered a huge popcorn and chocolate covered gummy bears. seemed like the perfect thing to do.

just call me yogi

i managed to wake up from my nap late (of course), cutting my speed workout down from 60 minutes to 45. i need to get my act together and get to the damned gym on time so as to not cheat myself of precious training time. i run so slow i can barely get in any decent mileage by sleeping in.

the marathoning mortal program has 4 different types of tempo runs. todays was supposed to go: 10 min warm up walk, 10 min easy run, 40 min @ tempo pace (80% exertion), 10 minute easy run, 10 minute walk cool down. because of my lateness, i cut the warmups and easy runs down to 5 minutes each, leaving me 25 minutes @ tempo pace. i was also supposed to do strides after the cooldown, but again, i was pressed for time. but still, better than nothing.

as much as i hate running in the evening in a really crowded gym, i do have to say it's easier to get warmed up and into the swing of the workout. sometimes in the morning i can barely get my body to wake up.

after my run, i had about 5 minutes to cool off and towel myself off. i swear the amount i sweat is ridiculous. i look like i just jumped into a pool. i don't even bother buying white sports bras anymore. THAT would be obscene.

our regularly scheduled yoga instructor is out until july, but it doesn't really matter to me because i only started yoga last week! but let me just say it is the best decision i've ever made! it's relaxing and invigorating all at the same time. last week after class i swear i could feel my blood circulating through my body. but not in a weird way, in a good way.

taking yoga after my run was just the best. i felt like i could get a deeper stretch because my body was already warm. and it felt good to lengthen my limbs after spending an hour pounding on a treadmill. i doubt i'll be sore from yoga tomorrow. this week's instructor was more about stretching and breathing while last week's was more about the gumby power poses.

tomorrow calls for am swim and pm spin.

trying to keep pace

woke up late. MH was already at the gym. today, i'm the wimp.

i was only able to eke out 2.5 miles in a half hour. which sort of takes care of the easy run planned for today. as for the speed workout i missed yesterday, i'm hoping to make that up tonight. before yoga.

tomorrow will most likely hurt. just in time for spinning.

tonight's dinner

a bowl of strawberries and blueberries.

a haagen-dazs ice cream bar with almonds.

a bottle of zinfandel port.

who needs an entree?

my abs

one word: ow.

isn't there an easier way to a 6 pack?

this morning, 40 minute recovery run. sans MH. what a wimp.

a sweaty, super 6

my first long run of my marathon training (not counting last week's near poop disaster) is officially in the books. it was hot as hell and i sweat so much i could wring my shirt out. and i was inside! as i drove home from the gym i wondered how the crazy bastards running outside could stand it. it's like already 80 degrees at 9 in the morning.

the first half of my 6 mile run pretty much sucked balls. i could barely get myself to run 4.4 mph. i'm serious people. then i changed my ipod from russell peter's comedy act "outsourced" to john legend's latest album. only then was i able to crank out the remaining 3 miles without too much angst. i guess it's hard to run when you're laughing out loud.

my knees seem to be holding up ok. yesterday they were a little twingy so i ib'ed and iced. they didn't twinge a bit on my run, but i was wearing my miracle bands and now i'm icing. i've been running slower than molasses lately, but my fear of permanent injury is greater than my ambition and stupidity. i guess i'm old enough to know when to play it safe.

i'm doing an abs class later with MH and tomorrow he's actually getting up to meet me at the gym at 5 am. i've never seen a dude so motivated.

who will be the biggest loser?

lately, everyone at the hotel wants to lose weight. this from a crowd who smokes, drinks, and frequently enjoys the easy access to all kinds of food from the hotel kitchen.

there's my lil bro's gf, who's now in jenny craig and has rediscovered the gym because she's intent on losing 20 pounds.

there's the front desk girl who i don't know much about except that according to the guys about 40 pounds ago she was fit for a hip-hop video. that and she is seriously considering getting a boob job. she doesn't strike me as the type to know much about nutrition or exercise, but i could be wrong.

there's my friend MH who smokes and never sleeps. he works 2 jobs meaning he parties twice as hard. how he manages to play league soccer once a week i'll never know.

then there's me. a sometimes diligent worker-outer who eats like its her job because she is constantly surrounded by fabulous food at work and at home.

it appears us "dieters" fit into 2 camps: the wanna-be-skinniers and the wanna-be-fitters. this is a reality show competition in the making. it's like a science experiment and i'm interested in seeing whose approach "wins". i hate to make it about who will "win" because weight loss is very personal. and maybe i'm the only one who in their mind has made it a competition. when everyone around you gets fat together, you don't feel as fat. but if everyone starts getting smaller, you don't want to be the one left with a fat ass and doughnut crumbs on your belly.

though when MH told me that his plans for getting back in shape entailed going to the gym with me, i was pretty impressed. for a dude to say to a chick, help me get in shape i thought was pretty cool. i told him very sternly though that the only way i would work out with him was if he quit smoking, he agreed on the spot threw out his pack of cigs and went to the store on his lunch break to buy the nicotine gum. wow.

so last night, even though i already got my swim workout in and i had a long run planned for today, we went to spin together. and let me just say it helps TREMENDOUSLY having a workout buddy in a class like spin. i'm not convinced we should run together, but taking a class that i take only because i know it's good for me with someone even goofier than me makes it much more bearable.

i think he's hooked. and i think having a gym buddy might just make some parts of my training much more fun and therefore much more regular.

boo! i'm sore.

was it the yoga last night or the swimming this morning? who knows. all i know is i have a body full of neglected muscles making their presence known.

13 things

i love a good list. here's a recap of my weekend, recent workouts, and more personal oddities:

1. i waited on sinbad twice this weekend. he's taller in person. and thinner. and he hit on me. it was quite hilarious.

2. even though the giants lost, it was a great game. and of course i could not resist the garlic fries and beer. and just a note to bcg: baseball games are where all the cute guys are. whether they were married or not i couldn't tell, but they were cute!

3. the concert was a multi-act show of teenybopper pop acts including katherine mcphee, gym class heroes, hilary duff, and ne-yo. the camera really does add 10 pounds because both katherine and hilary are as tiny as toothpicks. i swear to bob i could have punted them across the arena. gym class heroes were cool enough to intrigue me to buy their full album. and of course, true to form, i had waaaaaaaay to much beer, prompting a gorgefest of mom's fried chicken when we got home. i guess i really am a bad girl. :(

4. i recently got a few responses from an online dating profile that i set up after breaking up with my last boyfriend nearly a year ago. after months of meeting only so-so guys, i rewrote a new "anti"-profile, just for shits and giggles. being totally not serious, i was sarcastic and irreverent. makes me wonder why these dudes responded.

5. i missed an xtraining and speed workout over the weekend, but got my 40 minute easy run in this morning. my gym is brand spankin' new and the first thing i thought when i walked in was "oooh it smells good in here!" i must be addicted to the smell of new plastic or rubber or something. the good news is is that there are now like 3 times as many treadmills as before! the bad news is that they don't overlook the weight room anymore so no more ogling guys. ooh also good news. i accidentally left the house without my knee band thingees, but it was all good because my knees felt totally fine!!

6. the gym also changed their class schedule around and they offer yoga 3 times a week at a time that i can actually take it! i'm hoping the other people in the class aren't obnoxious. i seem to always run into the holier-than-thou stick up their asses yoga people.

7. consistency is now going to be my middle name. i can't screw around and miss workouts. marathons don't run themselves. but another kick in the pants is that my brother's girlfriend, who i also work with, said to me the other day, "well you're the fat one"

yes, she really did say that to me. and no, i did not bitch slap her.

i restrained myself because i know it's not the truth. i know i haven't been a gym rat lately, but please. and seriously, who says that? and dude, if you want to get in good with the family, attacking the women is not a good move. not a good move at all.

i heard she started jenny craig with her mom last week. and she told me she went to the gym today. whatever, chica. it's on. bring it!!!

and because i heart jess, i will list 6 more weird things about me, if you guys can bear it:
1. i naturally have no underarm hair. which i am very thankful for because hair or stubble there grosses me out to no end!

2. i cannot stand the word "panty" or "panties"

3. why i think having indoor pets is gross: their buttholes are exposed. meaning they could rub them all over your stuff. ick!

4. i love the ocean but do not like swimming in rivers or lakes. i just think they're not as clean because they aren't as big.

5. i actually like getting my picture taken. which is probably more a sign of vanity than weirdness.

6. apparently, i sleep with my eyes partly open. at least i don't snore!

me? weird?

i was gonna post my pics from this weekend, but i'm too lazy right now. instead, i'll blather on about my own personal oddities, as per teacherwoman's tag:

1. at restaurants, i order 1 hot water with lemon and 1 cold water with lemon.

2. i haven't really prayed or gone to mass in about 5 years, but i always, always, always make the sign of the cross and say a quick prayer before my plane takes off.

3. i've used an apple computer since elementary school. not the same one, of course.

4. i like homemade ice cream sandwiches: ice cream between 2 pieces of bread. a hot dog bun works great in a pinch. (my list of weird food habits would be very long)

5. i buy colgate because it has a flip top cap. i can't be bothered to use 2 hands to open my toothpaste. actually, i choose a lot of my products based on this principle.

6. i can't stand things that are scented or perfumed. why would i want to smell like a piece of fruit? why would i want my house to smell like pine? why does everything have to have an unnatural scent attached to it? that's too many different smells. why can't things just smell like what they are? this coming from the girl who loves the smell of post-its, scotch tape, and new computers.

there could be a lot of beer in my future...

i took to the semi dark streets this morning after driving to the gym to find that the grand reopening wasn't until 6 am! what kind of person gets to the gym before they open!? and this from a gym that's open 24 hours!

so once i got back ot my house and changed into more appropriate clothing i didn't have the full 40 minutes as my scheduled dictated. but i figured 30 would be better than nothing. and i wouldn't have time for a run later today because i get to go to the giants/a's game tonight! woot!

last time i watched a battle of the bay there was an earthquake. but it's not the world series so hopefully we're safe. seriously though, i shouldn't even be joking about it.

on saturday i'm also going to a concert. so this weekend could mean high beer consumption. if i was a good girl, i would abstain. i haven't yet decided...

it was bound to happen sometime

for a variety of reasons, i bumped my long run to today. i set out later than usual and worried that the 70 degree temps were gonna sap all my energy. turns out it wasn't the heat that got me, but rather my stomach.

yup. you can probably already guess where this post is headed.

i started off ok, the heat was bothering me a little bit. especially while running past a field of cows. i should have taken the smell as foreshadowing to what would happen to me later. instead i was distracted by their very loud chorus of mooing. damn cows were heckling me!!

i continued up the country road and turned around around at the dead end, passed the cows again (screw you cows, you'll be my dinner one day!) and headed back for the lagoon.

and then, it happened. that familiar gurgle in your gut. that tells you, um, you might want to, you know, stop what you're doing and, um, find a toilet. except that i was about a mile and a half away from the bathrooms.

now i realize i could have been worse off. but when you're smack in the middle of this type of situation you're really only thinking of the immediate situation. i slowed to a walk, hoping that the less jarring motion would calm things down. and it worked for a while. at one point i felt okay enough to bust out in sprint towards the potties. but that didn't last long and we all know i can't run that fast anyway. all i could do was hold on, keep walking and try to ignore the fact that i was now totally sweating from the sheer act of not shitting myself.

after what felt like an eternity, i finally made it to the bathroom. never have i ever been so glad to see a nasty, park toilet in my life. and luckily i had enough wits about me to check that the stall i had chosen did indeed have tp.

i considered finishing the full 5 i had planned, and started a slow trot to test things out. quickly, my trot turned into a walk and i headed for my car. no 5 miles today, but at least i didn't have to drive home in poopy pants. i've been running for over a year now and this is the first time i've run into this "problem". let's hope it's another year before i find myself in this situation again.

back to reality

i have actual running to report!

yesterday was day 3 of my official marathon training, and i had already missed day one and two. i guess i was too busy being engaged to pat sajak. yesterday called for an easy 40 minute run but when i got to the gym in the afternoon the line was 3 people long for a treadmill! i didn't have that kind of time to wait so i hopped on the stairmaster. i read somewhere it simulates hill training.

i don't usually use the stairmaster because it makes my feet numb and i'm not exactly sure if i'm using it right. but this time i used to one that looks like a mini-escalator. holy sh!t that machine is intense. it was like the stairway to hell! i was only on level 5 but i could seriously feel the burn. 40 minutes later i had climbed 121 stories!

this morning, after a fitful night of sleep i got to the gym at 5 am, my usual time, and cranked out a twinge-free, pain-free 3.15 miles. my long run is scheduled for tomorrow, but i'll have to see how the knees hold up today.

but i'm on my way folks...

open for interpretation

DREAM ONE: in order to get home, i have to cross this really long, really old, narrow rickety bridge. it's a suspension bridge that is so long i don't even see the other side. it's just old wooden slats and a single cable on either side. and there are a TON of other people already on the bridge. they're just hanging out, watching the whales in the river down below.

so i'm walking along as carefully as i can, scared out of my mind and really irked at all the people just chillin' having a good old time like the bridge isn't scary when they're making my trip across that much harder.

at some point along the bridge, i notice a trader joes. i say to myself oooh! and go in, shop, and then continue my way across the bridge.

FINALLY, i get across when i realize i don't have my trader joe's bags! i remember leaving them in the bathroom at the store (ew!) so i get back on the bridge, make my way back to trader joe's, find my bags, then make way back across. along the way i run into 2 people, one i'm still friends with and one i had a falling out with. but i managed to be polite to both of them.

when i woke up, i swear my heart was still racing from the fear of crossing that scary bridge.

DREAM 2 (a few nights after dream 1): i'm in my room and i guess i'm sick because a doctor gives me the option to have surgery to remove part of my intestines or something like that. i tell him i have to talk it over with my mom first. but i remember him being cute and i think i was flirting with him, and i remember thinking ot myself in my dream what an odd situation it was.

so then i go downstairs to another room to make out a list of pros and cons of the surgery and i decide to go through with it. so i go upstairs to tell the doctor and he tells me i'll be recovering for 4-5 days.

then suddenly, i'm at a design conference, where there's a really boring speaker. so i get up to go to the bathroom (why is this a recurring theme?) and as i'm making my way through the really large bathroom, someone yells, "so and so is speaking next and he NEVER gives speeches" i have no idea who this person is, but i figure it's important and turn around to make my way back into the room. and as i'm walking back, i keep finding money on the grass. just random bills every few steps. then i find more and more and realize they're 50 dollar bills and i'm just stuffing them into my pockets (i dream about this a lot too!) so i get back into the room and this famous dude i don't know is speaking and i notice the cute doctor there. but he has his baby with him. all this other stuff happens that i don't quite remember but it involves every other person in the audience getting sprayed with water.

then suddenly, i'm with a bridal party and i'm dressed in an ugly aqua gown talking to the other couples. one couple is my best friend and some dude i don't know, another couple i don't recoginize but in my dream i know them. and my date is PAT SAJAK!!!!! in my dream, pat sajak is my fiancee! i make some random comment about how everyone else is from new jersey. so pat and i are holding hands and smiling at each other. and in my dream i'm thinking about how lucky i am to be with pat and what a great guy he is etc. i even take pat by the hand to introduce to the cute doctor to make him jealous.

so everyone in the bridal party decides this design conference is lame and we go to a different bar to get some drinks. we all sit down on the patio of this restaurant when this young hippie girl runs up to us doing cartwheels saying we forgot about her and that it's her 21st birthday. and we're about to invite her to join us when i wake up.

so...what the heck does this all mean? besides that i'm crazy.

blech

i don't know what's wrong but lately i've either been having bad dreams or not sleeping well at all. i've been in a funk and can't really figure out why. i just hope i shake it off soon. because honestly, it sucks.