i thought that once i found "the one", i would want for nothing. but lately, i'm beginning to wonder.
sg and i have talked about expanding our job search to states outside of california. initially, i balked. and even cried. "i just moved back. i just moved back!" but with the way things are looking, i'm seeing more and more reasons to not limit ourselves to my home state. yes, things are pretty bad everywhere, but as desperate job seekers, it seems futile to limit ourselves too much geographically. i get it.
but what price can you put on family?
could i hump this crappy job for much longer in hopes of things turning around just so i can see my nephew whenever i want? could i postpone graduate school indefinitely until i can figure out a way to swing it without having to work 2 jobs while living at home?
is it worth sg?
could i say no to moving with the man i want to marry because i can't bear to be away from my family? could i be happy living with the man i love even if it means living across the country AGAIN from ALL of my family?
i don't know.
i just really don't know.
and it will be hard for me to be on board with any plan until i know.
but can i really know?
does this mean i'm NOT ready to get married? to commit?
he says, "together we are stronger. we will get through this."
and in my head i'm thinking, "but i don't know who i am without them."
i never in all my life conceived of a life without my family.
maybe i'm not ready to be a "we". or maybe he really isn't the one. or maybe i need to put on my big girl pants and cut the strings. i never thought of living a life where i would have to. but that doesn't mean i can't be happy if i do, right?
life is so very strange. i left the east coast, my career, my friends, to find solace in my family. they helped build me back up again. and in my time here, i found a wonderful, wonderful man who i want to marry.
what is the next step?
4 comments:
very difficult thoughts. you will know what's right for you. Just listen to your heart.
It's a rough choice and I feel for you.
When we graduated from college my boyfriend proposed and then decided to join the USMC. Without a beat I said yes. I don't regret the choice I made 9 years ago, but there are times when I get frustrated. I miss my family every moment. By marrying a guy whose job takes him all over the world, I pretty much had to agree to postpone/change my career goals. There are times when these things get overwhelming, but I just remind myself I chose a life alongside my best friend. It's no longer about me, me, me. It's about us, us, us.
I think it's rare that you'd find a couple where one partner hasn't had to sacrifice something to be together. I thinks that's a realistic look at being part of a team. Give, take, and all that.
And with moving away from your family... well, in getting married, you're creating your own family. SG, as your husband, would make up your most important family. Wherever you'd end up, you'd be with your "new" family.
Good Luck.
I actually read this yesterday and found it tough to respond, and I still do, I'm so sorry you are faced with these tough choices, and I hate to sound cliche and say follow your heart but that's what i have come up with... you know when you know and if you are having doubts about anything then don't make a major decision yet..
I agree with Neese, read this yesterday but could find any words worthy for advice.
It's funny because I came back to exactly what she said...you'll have to follow your heart. In all relationships, sacrifices and compromises must be made on both sides. Sometimes one side will have to give more than the other, while in a later situation, it might be the other way around. You have to consider what is important to you and what you are willing to do for the sake of your partner. There is nothing wrong with choosing to stand your ground or with compromising, as long as it is something you whole-heartedly agree with and something that will not come back into your relationship as regret or resentment.
I know you'll find what's right for you. :)
P.S. I'm glad you seem to be back to blogging...I've missed your posts. :)
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