the next phase

i canceled my gym membership.

in and of itself, not a big deal. but this one small action reveals a lot about the state of my life and where it's headed. it's no secret that training for "the next big race" has taken a back seat to other things lately. and i've finally accepted that. not that my endurance running days are over. just on hiatus.

training has become a lesser priority over :

1. making more money/finding a new job
   
2. getting into grad school
3. spending time with the family and the beau

and i'd still like to be able to eat and sleep and not be stressed out about everything.

in the meantime, while i look for a better paying job, i've cut expenses. and the gym membership was the first to go. it was hard. it was painful. i've been a member of some sort of gym for at least a decade. it's always so hard to quit because of how much it costs to join. and i tell myself i'll use it more. and i get scared that if i quit i'll just turn into a fat, lazy loser. when really, i have lots of resources at home to do exactly what i would do at the gym (besides swim).

again, in and of itself, quitting the gym is not a big deal. except that it's part of a larger "jenn gets financially responsible" plan...

the night before i quit the gym, i cut up my credit cards. in front of sg.

as sg and i got closer and talked more and more about marriage i was afraid that my past love affair with plastic would send him running. this is a man who has no debt. not even student loan debt. he paid for his past 2 vehicles in cash.

let's just say i'm glad he fell in love with me before knowing my deep, dark, debt secret. and the fact that it hasn't sent him running is even more proof to me that he is the one.

i spent my 20s having fun. living in the moment. wanting to experience everything i possibly could. i worked hard, don't get me wrong, because i've dug myself out of this hole before. but i always managed to find my way back, no matter how much money i was making, because something always came up that i didn't want to miss.

from what he tells me, sg has always been prudent. saving for what he really wanted. saving for that rainy day. saving up for the things he wanted to do when he met the woman of his dreams. he delayed his instant gratification for the future he wanted to build with his wife and his family. even though he didn't know who she was or when or whether it would happen.

the more we talked about building our life together, the more i realized that my past was holding us both back. and that i could no longer be so reckless. that the spoiled brat i had become would need to grow into a responsible brat.

and so it's begun. the next phase.

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if you're wondering about our future plans, nothing is set in store. he'd like to get married sooner rather than later, like before 2010, but considering all my money will be going into paying off my past, it makes saving for a wedding doubly difficult. that and the fact that i don't want my parents to have to pay a cent. they've done enough for me. i think his desires will be tempered by reality, but i can't say i'm a little disapointed if we would have to wait. though 2010 is a nice round number.

we've looked at rings. and before you get all up in arms, we were out shopping for other stuff, we walked by a jewelry store, it was his idea. he claims to know nothing about diamonds/rings, plus he wanted to know what i liked. and let me preface this by saying, i'm not a jewelry kind of girl. i have some special peices from my mom and my grandma, but from the most part, i wear only earrings and an ironman watch on a daily basis and consider costume jewelry more fun and dramatic (and less scary to lose) than real jewelry. but i still shouldn't have been surprised by the beauty and brilliance of a 2 karat princess cut solitaire on my finger. 1 karat would have been more than plenty, but looked so puny after the 2 karat. but not even my formerly spoiled brat self would expect an engagement ring that costs as much as a car.

we've discussed what we've envisioned as the perfect wedding. there are a number of options. eloping is still on the table, but not 100% ideal. we love our families too much to exclude them, but the sheer number of people and the east coast/west coast debate make running away to a tropical island all the more romantic. but i'm sure we'll come up with a happy compromise.

we've narrowed down the number of kids we'd like. no debate there. let's just hope our bodies are still up for when the time comes.

the biggest point of contention is where we'll settle down. california was never sg's intended home. and i moved back home to start planting roots. his family is in alabama, a place neither of us want to live. the jury's still out...

and that's about it. i know you all think we're crazy. we've only been dating for 2 months and 10 days. i know nothing is a guarantee. but sg is a perfect fit.