every year for the past 4 years my college friends and i have planned a girls' beach weekend. last year i made the trek 3k across the country to meet up with them. this year, we decided to do gbw in vegas! to celebrate us turning 30. and to include a friend from college who moved there when she decided to graduate a year early.
we've been emailing back and forth to pick a mutually convenient weekend, focusing on sometime in the fall over a federal holiday. then we get the email from cj:
"I am definitely coming out to Vegas this year. The questions are when and with whom? For me it will be whenever I can get a flight deal, so I need to start looking into flight info. The husband really wants to come to Vegas. He has never been, would like to see Las Vegas friend in her element and go with her to the Star Trek experience thing.
If we make it a family trip, I could still hang out with the girls. It just might be a girls day or night or something.
I am sorry to be so up in the air about things, but I figure I will start looking at flights and when I see one I want to book I will figure the rest out."
so much for girls' weekend. so much for caring about seeing your friends. sheesh. it went from OUR vacation to HER vacation without anyone's say. and if i want to see her and las vegas friend, i better hope her plans are convenient for me too. at which point, if they are, i only get half a day to see them...
i get that people's priorities change. i get that when people get married and have babies they're more family minded than adult-person minded. i get that budgets get tight and time is tight. but she's not the only one with time and financial limitations just because she is the working mom. i nixed a trip to disneyland with the brothers and nephew because i wanted to make this trip out to vegas to see my friends.
i've said it before and i'll say it again. being single doesn't suck because you're don't have a man. it sucks because your friends ditch the singletons. it's no fun having all this free time and extra cash with no one to play with. it is harder to find a 30 something single woman to have as a friend than it is to find a 30 something man to date. not to say 30 something moms or 30 something marrieds or 30 somethings with significant others don't make good friends. but every single chick needs a crew of single chicks. it's like law or something.
or maybe i just need the attitude of george clooney and others destined for lifelong singlehood. i guess to truly embrace the single attitude, i need to embrace being truly alone, without even the crew of girls.
and ps, me saying i'm single doesn't mean MH and i are off. MH and i just aren't serious...at least i'm not, even though he's slinging the L word around like it's the word "the". but that's another post entirely...
9 comments:
Boy dont EVEN get me started...
I am the female version of George Clooney and I love it, thank you very much.
Come to Houston! We can party like rockstars!
I have a group of girlfriends, and we've done something similar for 16 years. The rule of thumb is No Significant Others or Kids...that's the purpose of the trip -- to get away from the family obligations for a few days. (And some years, some were single.) Don't allow her husband to spoil the fun. She can hang out with you guys one day and him another if she absolutely can't live without him. Honestly, she needs to get a clue.
I agree with Anne. You all need some rules on that baby. NO KIDS/ NO SO'S!! Who wants to bring their kids and husband to Vegas anyway? I don't know, maybe it's just me . . . LOL
First off, you and MH have been toying around with this "we're together" business for how long now? A year? If you're still not serious about him, and he's luh-ving you, is it fair to stay with him?
Sorry, hope that doesn't offend, just my two cents on that.
I kinda see both sides' points -- hers and yours. But, my guess is that she has no idea you may feel offended by her intention of converting the girls' weekend into family weekend. She may just be thinking it's a cool opportunity to get a family vacay in and see her homies too. Maybe alert her to what she's doing? And maybe, at the very least, her husband can fly in a few days later and then she can spend time with him there.
Wow... I hear you on this post. I'm married, but a friend's weekend is a friend's weekend. You either do it, make it a priority or you don't. No bringing along the baby, the husband stays at home. I've been here and it's rough for someone who makes her friendships a huge priority.... and it hurts when others start putting you lower on the priority list. Hang in there - hopefully the girl with come around!
If it makes u feel better, us single mom's--which I was for 12 yrs. . . .. We get left of all the time, & as much as I love my kid(s). . . it totally sucked. . . .
Now that I'm 34, I have female friends again, most have all started to have kids. . . but now, my oldest is a sophomore in HS & my other is almost 4. My friends kids are newborn -3. . . . .I'm cool again, a long lost friend that was right here the whole time, they jsut forgot about me.
I know it was all my choice, but I didn’t see getting left behind coming at all.
It was like I was a leper or something.
Have no fear, I'm cool again. It all always comes back around. Good or bad.
and seriously. . . .just tell you're friend , "uhm, hello, girls only!!! Its a rule!!" Not mean, but funny serious, know what I mean??
Emphasize how much she fun you all have together. . .. ALL GIRLS!!!
I've never done a girls thing (except with sister, mom, SIL, aunt), but my DH & his friends do 2+ trips a year. I've only stood firm on NO VEGAS, until him & I go ONCE together, then he can go whenever he wants. . . . but he gambles & its another issue. . . .
plus, I can't trust him with the kids for more than 24 hrs. . . maybe that's part of your friends issue.
There is a TON of guilt in leaving a new kid.
talk to her & worst that can happen, you guys can't go on the same weekend?!?!?! or you see her for half a day, but there's still the other girls. & one the weekends over, she'll realize all she missed & be VERY VERY sorry (I’ve been that girl-a lot)
A girls' trip is a girls' trip is a girls' trip. She really is being kinda selfish to but the rest of you in this position. I suggest that you guys still have your girls' trip and if she wants to join in on some of the fun, she's just gonna have to ditch her SO because it's a GIRLS' trip. I bet you anything she'll be sad to miss out on the parts she doesn't show up for and it will be different next time.
Still plan your great trip and she can show up/not show up for whatever. Don't let her ruin your fun!!!!! :)
Like JUNE said, don't even get me started. I have little patience for friends, male or female, who cannot do without their spouses. Come ON. It's an annual girls' weekend, and she sees her flippin' husband every dang day of her life. She can take a vaca with him some other time. Doesn't she know that it's important to maintain your own individual life even when you're married? Seriously. Do you think the husband blows off his annual guy weekend? Hell, no. Can you imagine if he told his dude friends, "Hey, the wife wants to see the lake we fish in, so I'm bringing her along"? They wouldn't have it. No way.
I have a friend who's tried to do this on a smaller scale. My five girlfriends and I started having weekly (which then became monthly and now are more like every three months) dinners or brunches, and the one friend always tried to sneak her husband in. I kept putting my foot down. "No husbands, sorry." She kept trying, but after about a year and a half, she stopped (slow learner, she).
Feelin' your pain, MPA.
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