a slice of heaven

if you've never been to carmel, ca, stop what you're doing and start planning your trip now. it's romantic. it's relaxing. it's great for familes. it's even good for dogs. my mom and i stayed only one night, but carmel is so close to heaven that 30 hours is all it takes to fully recharge your batteries. once i hit the beach and took in the crisp, salty air, my soul opened up and my whole body breathed a huge sigh of relief. the three hour drive was worth that one breath.

my mom and i were meeting my best friend and her mom who were taking a 2 day excursion north from their week long vacation in san diego. we stayed at a cute little inn about half a block from the beach. the property featured lush gardens and lots of private little seating nooks. there was also an outdoor fire pit, which we soon noticed was a fixture in most carmel restaurants.

so we took the famed 17-mile drive along the coast to monterey. had a sardine and salmon lunch in cannery row, window shopped for things we would never ever be able to afford, basked in the sun while reading in the garden, dined alfresco next to a roaring fire, and sang showtunes at mission ranch's piano bar (owned by clint eastwood, carmel's former mayor!)

the first day was a picture perfect california day: sunny, temps in the 70s. the second day was a different kind of typical california seaside day: foggy. but i LOVE fog. it's calming. it's mysterious. you can hear the ocean, but you can't see it.

i was sad to go, and dreaded the 3 hour drive back to reality. but i could never live in carmel. everyone there is old. and too rich for my blood. i would probably be relegated to cleaning their toilets. unless i made a sugar daddy out of one of them.

check out all the pics from our relaxing getaway to carmel. trust me, you'll be planning a trip out there asap. and when you do, call me. i'll meet you there!

carmel 2007

so ugly it's pretty

about a week after i dropped the ice block on my toe, i got a pedicure. but after 2 months, it was time to remove the polish. i have to say i'm totally fascinated by how ugly my first toes are. i think i want to show them off.

i promise i'll have real pretty pictures to post soon. i'm off to carmel for a mother/daughter getaway!

idle hands are the playground for the devil

ok so maybe i'm a loser for doing this but, hey whatever we all do this right? right?!

i was bored. and i remembered that yesterday was my ex's birthday. so i looked him up on myspace (the other playground for the devil). and lo and behold he has a new girlfriend! not a surprise at all. just a surprise that he'd announce it publicly, considering his sneaky, cheating ways.

but anyways, the new gf? omg. i am SOOOOO much cuter.

blink! and you miss...

am i the only one who's totally appalled that it's practically OCTOBER?!

seriously, where did the summer go? or for that matter, the year?! how is it that there's only 3 more months left in 2007? i swear i just got used to writing 2007.

and i totally missed my one year blog-iversary by 20 whole freakin' days! but today marks the 4 week countdown to marathon madness! and madness is the only word i can use to describe it! i cannot WAIT til race day. i'm excited. and nervous. but mostly excited. i have a 20 mile training run still left this week. but i'm pretty confident. or delusional.

looking back on my training, i'm actually kind of shocked i've made it this far. i'm like the suckiest, least consistent runner in the world. i'll probably be the most undertrained marathon attempter of all time. but i will say this: i'm not injured. and after my last two half marathons, i suffered from some overuse injuries in my foot, knees, and hips. and this time around, even though i didn't train nearly as hard or as often or as consistently as i would have liked, i can definitely say i did respect the rest component of training.

training for 16 weeks for one race is like waiting 10 years for one christmas! i'm sick of waiting already!!!!

the monchichi turns 2!

yesterday, my nephew turned a whole 2 years old! it's crazy! these lil buggers grow up way fast. when i cam home in december he could barely walk, let alone say anything comprehensible, and now we've got to chase him everywhere and he won't shut up, even if we don't understand him half the time!

i love seeing his little personality emerge. he's starting to learn sarcasm (gee i wonder who taught him!) but he's still so very gentle. i absolutely LOVE his laugh. if we could somehow bottle it i'm sure it could cure every disease on earth. i love when he reaches for my hand. and i love when he holds me just a little tighter when he doesn't want me to let go. it's good being an auntie :)

he gets his real party with everyone in the family on saturday but here are a few highlights from his actual bday:

digging deep. like to china deep.

just call me the human hamster.

i did 18 miles on the treadmill. AFTER a 7 hour waitressing shift.

i'm totally serious. here's how it went down:

miles 1-9 were pretty good. i was a little tight in the beginning but by mile 3 my legs loosened up. you would think my legs would be nice and warm by then, but they were also tired. on one tv i watched a marathon of america's next top model. on another tv i watched fat camp on mtv. both were very motivating in keeping my ass in gear. thank god i couldn't hear any of it though because tyra banks makes me want to vomit. and not in the bulemic, i want to be a supermodel like her kind of way. but in the oh my god she is so freaking annoying kind of way.

once i hit the halfway mark, i was a little tired. not like pooped, but i wasn't excited to do a whole 9 more miles. but i plugged along anyway. mile 10 was a little harder. mile 11 sucked my ass. hard. i was like fuck this shit. fuck this marathon. fuck fuck fuck! i was really, really, really tired. my legs ached. my feet throbbed. and even though i was dead tired, i could feel my adrenaline rising with all my stressing. so i went into damage control mode. i clicked through my ipod to find a slow song to sing to.

i am embarrassed to say that "secret lovers" is what got me through my 11 mile freakout. i mean that song is just so freaking cheesy. i love the line, "in the middle of making love we notice the time..." i don't know if music videos had been invented when this song was out, because i certainly don't remember ever seeing a video for this, but if there was one, i can imagine what this particular scene would look like: candles, white billowing curtains, a man with a jheri curl and a woman with huge hair, tumbling in red satin sheets, they look up and *gasp* !!! the clock! such drama! the woman flees quickly putting on her shiny purple dress with the huge shoulder pads, her blue eye liner smearing across her face. jheri curl man runs to the window to watch as his sweetheart drives off...as they sing...to each other. hil-freakin-arious!

ahem. ok. moving on.

so since a slower paced song helped to calm me down, i tuned into my military cadence playlist. i turned the speed way down, like the slowest possible speed that can still be considered running (4.5 mph. yes i was actually still running at this speed). the rhythm of the chants and the footsteps in the background helped clear my mind so that i wasn't wasting energy on thinking. about anything. seriously. my mind has never been so blank. all i did was repeat the chants as they said them. that is the beauty of cadences.

so i got through to mile 16 this way. for a brief second i just wanted to roll off the treadmill and fall into a heap and sleep on the floor. in the middle of the gym.

2 more miles. just 2 more miles. i stopped and walked for a quarter mile. to just muster the strength to run. and then i ran. at mile 17, with only one mile left i knew i would make it. i even gave myself permission to walk the entire thing if i had to. again, i walked another quarter mile. then i clicked over to the rocky theme, and busted out the final three quarters.

18 miles, people. 18 miles.

i am way too tired to get together an ice bath for myself. so i might just soak my legs in cold water before switching to warm. the scary thing is i work tomorrow at 7 am.

if this marathon is about endurance, i think i've got what it takes.

splits:
1: 13:57
2: 12:57
3: 12:11
4: 12:13
5: 12:02
6: 11:57
7: 11:44
8: 12:24
9: 11:52
10: 12:20
11: 12:08
12: 14:57 (the mile of suckage)
13: 13:23
14: 14:00
15: 13:45
16: 13:17
17: 15:53
18: 14:34

T: 3:55:42
AVE PACE: 13:00 (slower than molasses, but what can i do?)

being productive

i was so productive this week with other things: met with a new client, got my invoicing paperwork and tax research done, put together 2 bookcases from ikea, organized all the crap to put on those bookcases, did 3 loads of laundry, reorganized my closet, babysat the nephew.

so let's just say that between all that and work, no running got done. i planned on getting my long run in friday morning, but i got some news thursday night that knocked me on my ass and i was in no frame of mind to sleep. i won't go into the details, but having had the whole day to let the information sit, i'm no longer feeling so discombobulated about it.

so today, must be more productive, in terms of running. i'm doing 18 tonight, after work, on the treadmill.

i know i'm insane. i can't quite believe i'm actually planning to do this, but i've read that musicians and other people who travel a lot, who also happen to train for marathons, do this too. so yeah, wish me luck.

anyone got some prozac?

i hate that i turn into a bitchy monster once a month, but i can't help it. my hormones are a force stronger than anything on earth. even drugs. even alcohol. but that doesn't mean i won't try to calm my inner beast with a few glasses of wine.

after my 16 miles on saturday, i had to work 9 hours at a wedding, and another 8 hours the next morning. monday after work i was pooped and it's taken me until today to feel half normal. i'm counting my overtime at the hotel as cross training and getting a recovery run in tomorrow.

but right now, i'm self medicating with chocolate and wine.

rollin' with the homies

at long last, a triumphant long run report!

last night i was able to find my watch, but my nike plus receiver was still at large. so i made a plan to run a 3.25 mile loop from my house, continue on to run the 10.25 mile loop to the golf course, and then finish up with the 3.25 mile loop i started with. when i charted it out on gmaps pedometer, it would total roughly 16.75 miles.

before my run, i drove to the entrance of the golf course to stash 2 bottles of water. i also stashed one on my porch. i had 4 full bottles on my fuel belt but i always get nervous that i don't have enough water and there was only one place along my route to buy water and that was at safeway. and we all know how i feel about safeway! i packed 4 gus with the idea to stop and walk every 45 minutes to take one. i also planned to take 10 second walk breaks somewhere between each gu. (thanks wendy for your tip)

so off i started in the semi-darkness. the first mile kinda sucked as it included a hill, but once i found the other side, i was running pretty smoothly. i did my 3.25 loop, got back to my house and peed. while it was annoying to have to stop i felt confident that i was properly hydrated.

so off i went again. there was another small uphill portion but for the most part, the next 2.5 miles would be nice and flat. which would be good because the first half of the golf course was a long, slow climb. by the time i got there, i was not even halfway through my bottles, so i didn't have to refill. onward i trudged. up, up, up. before i knew it the worst of the hills were behind me and i could cruise the slow, descent down.

somewhere along the way i reached the halfway mark and i assessed my situation. i wasn't spent, but it also didn't feel like a walk in the park. my spirits were high, but i knew i wasn't going to just fly through the second half. but i pressed on.

i made it to the entrance of the golf course, and found my water bottles totally unfucked around with! while i'd heard of people doing this all the time, i'd never done it myself because i was always afraid someone would find my bottles and put drugs in them or something. stupid, i know. but you have those thoughts when you are raised by a paranoid, overprotective mother.

anyway, at this point, i was relieved to run a nice flat stretch of road. during this time a couple thoughts ran through my head. i tried to do the math of how far i'd run and how much longer i had and what time it was now and what time i wanted to finish , but my brain started to get really confused. then for some strange reason, i thought of where i was on 9/11. . i remember that day very, very vividly. i remember the second i heard the news and everything that happened afterward. i don't know why i started thinking about it, but i did. then my mind started to prepare for the uphill climb back up to my house, where i would reach
13.5 miles.

the idea of stopping then didn't even occur to me. i was tired, sure, but i knew i only had 3.25 miles left to go. even if i had to walk half of it, i'd still try. so up another hill i climbed and down again i went. when i got to the turn around point i was fucking spent. at that point i'd cleared about 15 miles, a valiant effort indeed. i took my final gu and a took a long walk break to figure out how i was gonna finish the last 1.6 miles. i was just sooo tired. and my legs were really starting to not like me.

but then wendy's voice said to me, "your mind is stronger than your body". she appeared out of nowhere, hovering in the air, with her arms crossed looking really stoic, looking kind of like a genie. then i heard anne's motherly voice, whispering in my ear "you can do it". she was sitting on my shoulder like one of those good angels. then i saw jen and maritza on the race course, with a big sign cheering and yelling like they were on crack. then i heard marcy, swearing and cursing at me to finish. i saw neese on the sidelines, meditating and calm, sending me good vibes. and i saw jess and bcg at the finish line with huge pitchers of cold, frosty beer in each hand. i was mentally high-fiving people left and right, amy, teacherwoman, josie, gina. what a coincidence that bobby brown's "every little step i take" came on my ipod. i felt sooo invigorated!

and it was very appropo that rihanna's "umbrella" came on as i rounded the corner to finish the last quarter mile home! i felt so much more energized at mile 16.5 than i did at 15! mind over matter, people. mind over matter.

while i couldn't take splits at every mile, i took splits at distances i knew.

split: (total distance): split time: (total time)
1.625: (1.625) 20.53 (20.52)
1.625 (3.25): 19.08 (40:01)
2.5 (5.75): 27:54 (1:07:56)
5.25: (11): 1:02: 26 (2:09:23)
2.5: (13.5): 31:47 (2:41:10)
1.625: (15.125) 20:08 (3:01:18)
1.625: (16.75) 21:21 (3:22:44)

ave pace: roughly 12:00

so finally, one grrrreat long run in the books. the plan is to run an 18 miler next week, then a 20. the last week in september i'll be in carmel, so i'll probably cut back to a 10 miler. then do another 20 miler the week after that. and officially my taper will begin.

shuffling things around

the long run today? didn't happen. but let me explain:

1. i got home really late last night. totally unintentionally. i had dinner with a friend that just ran late.

2. this morning, i had some last minute changes to a freelance project i thought was finalized earlier this week.

3. i helped my mom with an errand on her lunch hour.

even after all of that, i thought i could still drive to sf to take advantage of the cooler temps, but by the time i got done with catching up, i realized it would just be a big hassle. so i waited for it to get cool here and ran an easy 5. no watch or nike plus. all i know is that it was breezy, cool, and FAB-U-LOUS!

i tackled a few hills using the new visualization technique i learned about earlier this week. and it worked!! i felt like there was a team of people helping me up the hill rather than the burden being solely on me! i imagined i was a car on a roller coaster ride and a chain was tied to my belly button. and as i ran, i imagined the chain getting shorter and shorter as i got closer and closer to the top. and in my head i heard the "click, click, click, click" sound rollercoasters make. i couldn't WAIT to get to the top to throw my hands up in the air and go "wheeeeeeeee" down the other side. maybe it sounds cheesy, but it TOTALLY worked!

and my long run isn't totally canceled for the week . i have friday night off and saturday morning until 3 off, so for the first time in months, i can do my long run on saturday morning like most of the world!! yippee!! it also gives me time to find my watch and nike plus receiver. how i keep misplacing those two things i'll never know.

long run eve

if you missed my new list of mantras, check out yesterday's post. you're bound to find one you can use. also feel free to add to the list!

in true comeback style, i logged an energetic 6 miler last night after work, and an hour of crosstraining this morning. i meant to get to spin class at 6 am this morning but after MH's moroccan birthday feast last night, 6 am was so not possible. (can you believe he's NEVER had moroccan food!? or seen real, live belly dancers? the hookah, though, he was very familiar with. and we got to try a new flavor: orange blossom) i managed to get out on the stationary bike at 10 am to eke out 10 miles on the alpine setting. then i went another mile on the tread climber. i'm hoping i can squeeze in yoga class between my errands tonight.

i've got a TON of errands that need to be done in the next two days PLUS my long run (of an undetermined length. i'm shooting for anywhere between 12-16 miles.) long run preparation can take so long sometimes, especially since i have to do laundry (can't run without the fave gear) and if i do drive into the city (either tonight or tomorrow am) i've got to pack all my nutrition essentials, dry clothes etc. etc. etc. plus i've got stock up on more gels. i've also decided to give shot blox another try. i'll have to compare sodium and caffeine contents closely at the store.

so enough blogging, got to get moving! happy hump day, peeps! oh and here are a few pics from last night. i wanted a shot of the belly dancer but i felt skeevy about taking pictures of her while she was dancing. there already was this nasty man totally entranced and drooling throwing his money at her. besides him, there was a family of about 6 and a whole group of what i assume were college students, holed up in a large corner booth, enjoying about 3 hookahs. but the food was a-mazing. and any meal ending with baklava and mint tea is alright by me!

f*ck you marathon! you're my bitch, now!

lately, i've been feeling pretty unmotivated about a lot of things in my life. and that who-the fuck-cares attitude has trickled into my running.

i've decided that enough is enough.

if i'm gonna turn things around, i'm gonna start with the one thing i've always had control over; my running and my attitude. because dammit, no matter what i've said in the past, or how i've acted, i really do fucking want this marathon. i just didn't want to be that jackass newbie who after a month of not really training thought they could just waltz in at the 11th hour and pull it out of her ass.

but even so, i decided that i am not going down without a fight. even if by some freak force of nature the marathon isn't mine come race day, it won't be because i quit. my legs will have to physically fall off. my heart will have to beat out of my chest. and my lungs will have to collapse. but it won't be because i quit! if i can stand, i can run. and i will. i have 46 days to fucking prove myself. and i will.

i didn't come THIS far to quit now. i didn't run my mouth to everyone and their mother about it to just quit. i don't feel shame a lot in my life, but man would i feel it if i quit. especially if i didn't even give myself the chance to try!!!!!!

i scoured the internet for running mantras. here are some good ones that i think will help me:

• it’s worth it.

• aren’t we runners the lucky and the blessed!?

• it’s harder when you think, so just run!

• i am never down. i am either up, or getting up.

• FUCK YOU, stupid hill! You’re my bitch, now! ( i really like this one!)

• The night is dark
The night is long
Be with me God
And make me strong.

• it does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop. - Confucius

• screw it, run through it.

• it feels good to show some courage. - Joe Namath

• every mile is the marathon.

• keep running you’ll feel better after, trust me

• tough times don’t last, tough people do.

• failure is not an option.

• SMILE!

• i am a warrior!

• it hurts up to a point and then it doesn’t get any worse. - Ann Trason

• if oprah can, i can,

There’s now way out but up.

• I read a trick for hills. They said to imagine that there is a rope dangling down the hill which your can hook onto, and “they” will tow you up the hill. Now when I get to a hill, I think “Thank heavens it’s a hill. I can rest while they haul my buns up.”

• this is not a dress rehearsal. this is IT.”

• some people run to get in shape......we get in shape to run!

• don’t fear moving slowly forward...fear standing still.” - Kathleen Harris

• pain is nothing compared to what it feels like to quit.

• losers look what they are going through. winners look where they are going to.

• action cures fear.

• at some point it doesn’t get any worse.

• it’s supposed to be hard. this feels good!

• heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads – David Thoreau

• the only way to be who you want to be is by being what you haven’t yet been.
- Sally Edwards

• i am my own hero.

back among the living

and running...

i was feeling like utter crap up until yesterday, with saturday night being the worst. my fever had returned and my head felt like it was going to explode. after an evening with ice packs on my head and neck, i decided to finally call in sick at work and spend sunday recooperating. best. decision. ever.

i now feel like a practically normal person. FINALLY, after friggin 2 weeks.

so before the butt crack of dawn (4:15!) i woke up to get my arse to the gym. i managed to eke out a mere 2.5 miles before i had to pack it in to go to work. the plans are to run 5-6 tomorrow am, spin wed am, and attempt a long run on thursday. i'm banking on 10, hoping for 12, working for 14. friday it's yoga and saturday calls for an easy 5.

i'm quite scared as to whether my body is ready for this marathon, considering that the month of august has been almost a total wash. the schedule is supposed to go:
this week: cutback
next week: 18 miler
next week: cutback
last week of september: 20 miler
then begin 3 week and 2 day taper

god, i'm royally fucked, aren't i? shit!

any advice or suggestions? i know i can't "cram" in the miles at the last minute, but it still is possible, isn't it?!

glad my credit card is tucked safely away

this comes as a poster as large as 16" x 20".

there must be a better way to cure my insomnia other than googling eric bana.

i ask myself why?

yesterday, when i was trying to motivate myself to run, i asked myself the question: why are you running this marathon?

and i kinda came up blank.

i mean i have plenty of reasons why i RUN, but why i want to run a marathon? hmmmm...

i'm not running for charity. i'm not running with anyone or for anyone. i didn't just overcome some huge hardship, and i didn't just reach a new decade in my life.

the only thing i got was, i just do. it's just something i've always wanted to do. maybe just for the bragging rights. maybe just because it's hard and i just want to conquer it. and that all sounded kinda juvenile! like my life isn't hard enough that i have to add this "diversion" to make it interesting. and when i thought of it like that, it sounded kinda frivolous. petty. selfish, even.

i mean i guess we all kinda know running is a selfish endeavor. and for normal people, with families and lots of responsibilities i can see how the outlet for "me" time is warranted. but for the most part, i'm pretty much a spoiled brat. so why do i need the "excuse" to run?

i'm not quite sure where this is all coming from all of a sudden. all i know is i came up blank when i asked myself why i'm running this thing. except for that i just want to. which makes it sound like i want this like i want ice cream. or new shoes. i thought for sure training for this marathon would enlighten me about myself and life more. and i guess i'm feeling just as clueless about things now as i did in the beginning.

oy! it sounds as if i need to get out of my head and into reality! i guess i'll hit publish now, and reread it later to see if i really should just take it down. i sound totally mental.

i tried, really i did.

i got up at 4:30 to start getting ready for my 6 am, 16 miler. i certainly wasn't in the mood, but damnit i haven't missed a long run yet and i wasn't about to start now when it counted the most.

but once i got out there, i just blech, didn't have it. i've run through a sinus infection before (my first half marathon to be exact) but i remember it being pretty miserable. and after 2 miles, i wasn't feeling so hot and i figured it would just be best to pack it up and go home.

i've been feeling pretty crappy the past 10 days, minus the day of my 5k, and don't know whether it's because i'm sick or because my head is in the crapper. probably a combo of both. so on the drive home i resolved to not let this get me down and do whatever it took today to make me feel good.

which so far has included taking a long, hot shower and shaving! i've made up a pretty face and donned a dress i bought a month ago but haven't yet worn because i haven't had the occasion. the plans also include a pedicure, a waxing, a haircut, a nice healthy lunch alone with a long way down by nick hornby. by then, i should be ready for a nap. or a movie.

happy thursday, peeps!

feeling better and feeling bad

feeling better: thanks to everyone's comments to my last post! i knew that once i posted my fears, not only would i feel better just getting them off my chest, but that everyone with much more wisdom and experience than me would help me put things into perspective. i'm taking everyone's advice: have fun and just enjoy the experience. i mean i will never again have a FIRST marathon!!! yippeeeeee!

feeling bad: my mucous issues have turned into a full fledged sinus infection. blech. i hate those goddamned things. i'm currently on antibiotics. i haven't run since my 5k on friday (where i PRed, thank you very much) but i can't bear to bag my 16 miler tomorrow. the plan is to start it and if i feel like utter poop, i'll stop.

feeling bad: i finally, officially broke things off with MH last night. (and you're probably thinking, wait, what was all that talk before about not getting involved with him? yeah, well i'm human and in my whole course of dating i've not been one to fend off the advances of a latin lover very well) so breaking things off a few months later definitely made it harder than if i had stopped things cold to begin with. and i think i was a little too honest with my reasons for why i don't think he's the one for me. when i got home i was like fuck, why am i so stupidly honest? i think i could have spared him hurt feelings. i wasn't trying to be cruel, just honest, but sometimes i have to remember it might be better to just be kind.

my irrational fears

ok so it's almost september! and after that it's october! which is the month i'm running my first marathon ever! i mean i like signed up for it many many many months ago. i've been dreaming about doing this for years now. and the closer the day comes i get a little more anxious. it's weird. it's almost like i don't want it to happen because there's something exciting about just having the dream. i'm sorta kinda afraid of what the reality of it will do to the fantasy of it. and i kind of like saying i'm gonna do a marathon. the idea of actually really doing it, still scares the crap out of me.

i still have my 16, 18 and 20 mile training runs to get through, so without having done those i can't really fear whether or not i will finish. my confidence come race day will depend heavily on how those training runs go. but part of me also wonders how in the world is doing one 20 mile training run enough to prepare me for 26.2!!! that's a whole 10k longer than my longest training run?! and isn't 20 miles where people hit "the wall"?! who the hell thought up my stupid training schedule and thought it was gonna be enough!?

so far in all of my long runs, i've never had to use the bathroom. #1 or #2. but i'm afraid my bowels will decide to go into overdrive come race day. or i'll be all hopped up on hormones from my period that i'll be bloated, cranky, and tired. during training i usually give myself a break during that time of the month but what if marathon day just happens to fall during that time of the month!?! ugh. i'm no longer on birth control so messing around with my cycle is out of the question, but the guilty catholic in me fears god's wrath for having used it in the past. not so much for the pre-marital sex mind you, but the use of artificial birth control. and if that whole paragraph was t.m.i., sorry.

another fear i have is that i'll run out of bodyglide. that my legs will chafe down to the bone. i mean really, can bodyglide really last an entire 5 plus hour marathon?? and not only run out of body glide but can my body really handle running on gu for 5 plus hours?! i've run for 3 hours on gu and done fine, but can i last for nearly double that time on just gu alone?

i really want to enjoy this experience, but part of me just wishes this was over with already. i'd like to resume a normal life where i don't have to worry about stuff like this!

race report: surprise! surprise!

ever since my last 5k time of 31:10, a PR, i might add, i've been itching to see if i have what it takes to run it in 30. but ever since i started working at the hotel, races were pretty much out of the question because i work in the mornings on the weekends. so i was stoaked to find one on a friday night in sacramento!

but with temps in the high 80s and tons of sun, the weather was much more suited for the beach than a race. nonetheless, i was still excited to be among my brethren runners. i wish i could bottle the adrenaline and excitement of race day! being surrounded by so many runners just makes me swell with pride. like i'm part of this great big "something". cheesy, i know, but it's the truth.

my goals for the race were to #1. not die in the heat (i'm so not accustomed to it) #2 definitely pull it off in 33 and #3. aim for 31, with wild hopes of doing it in 30. i sat in the my air conditioned car for as long as i could. i decided to pin my number on my belly instead of over my chest. and i tied my timing chip to my left sneaker, rather than my right. it's odd because i'm very superstitious but something told me to do it this way, instead of my normal way.

i made sure to hydrate like a mo'fo' all day yesterday and today. so i peed like 3 times in the hour and a half before the race. but once i started i swear to bob, my throat felt sooooo dry! i chalked it up to mucous issues, as i'm not fully well yet. i tried to not let it distract me. i knew there was a water stop somewhere along the course, so i just kept imagining i was in an ice castle with pools of ice cold water everywhere.

the first mile was tough. i made sure not to line myself too far back with the walkers like i did last time. but maybe i was too far up because i ran the first mile in 9:24!! what is it with me running sub 10:00 miles lately?! i was definitely feeling it, so i told myself to back off just a bit. my mouth was still parched and i had no idea where this blissful waterstop would be. at the halfway point, i finally spotted it and slowed to a walk to gulp down some agua. i was breathing hard and very very hot. i imagined i must be red at this point, which for someone as brown as me, means it's hot! but i just told myself, "it's supposed to feel uncomfortable. it's supposed to feel this way. this feels good!"

i chugged along to mile 2: 10:00. at this point, i'm doin 'the math and i know i have to run the next 1.12 miles in a little over 10 min. i'm seriously doubting i can. i'm hot! i'm breathing really hard! and did i mention i'm hot!!? but i pressed on. whenever i felt like stopping to walk, i said, "just keep running, pull back if you have to, but just run" and whenever i felt hot, i'd just repeat my mantra, "this feels good!" i probably repeated those three words like 100 times in the last mile, while i wondered just how much further i had!! my brain was racing just as fast as my feet were! finally i saw the 3 mile marker! i glanced at my watch: 9:59, overall time: 29:24:37.

HOLY SHIT! i just might fucking finish this 5k in 30 minutes! all thoughts flew out of my head and i just gunned it finishing in 30:12:28!!!!

ok so technically it's not a SUB-30, but i'll still take it! especially on a hot day like today. especially when i haven't even been training specifically for speed. i crossed that finish line and felt like a total bad ass!!!! i totally surprised myself. and that's what i love about running. it reveals to me just how much i underestimate myself and just how much i really am capable of. today wasn't so much a physical victory as it was a mental one. with the power of positive thoughts, i was able to trick my hot, uncomfortable, body into crossing that finish line faster than i ever have.

this feeling right now is one i'll definitely carry with me on marathon race day!

back in the saddle

by bedtime last night i was feeling muuuuuuuuch better. i can breathe freely and the icky feeling is gone. all that's left is one final ball of mucus that keeps bouncing between my sinuses and throat. i really, really, really wish i had loogie-hawking abilities.

so this morning, feeling much more like myself, i mounted the spin bike and got to work. the instructor uttered the word "intense" and i braced myself. his technique was different than my usual spin instructor: less talking, less cuing, but more reminders about form, and better music. he also kept saying things like "push it! push it real good" and "aloha!" and "up your resistance, please. thank you, thank you very much". it was like spinning with elvis.

he also turned off the lights, so at 6 am it was pretty dark. but by the end of class, light started streaming in through the windows and i caught a glimpse of myself. and was actually kind of pleased. glistening sweat on any body looks pretty good in the semi-darkness.

i might get a run in with MH this morning, if he gets his butt up at a decent hour. as of late, he's been my slacking off partner, instead of workout partner, but damnit if i'm not gonna try to get us both back on track again.